As a single, you’ve probably read dozens of articles and books written by people outlining all kinds of methods and systems to find the right one. But, what have you done to become the right one?

The Curious Case of Arranged Marriages in India

In India, even in modern times, many marriages are still arranged by families. With all our emphasis on finding the right one, you would think that this is an awful idea. You would be mistaken. The divorce rate and reported marital satisfaction there are the same for arranged marriages as it is for other marriages.

Meanwhile, here in the United States single people put an emphasis on finding the right one, use multiple dating apps, date for years, and even live together before getting married. We do all these things society tells us we should do to find the one. And yet, our results are worse. Our divorce rate is higher and our marriage satisfaction is lower.

How can this be? Should we start letting our friends and family select our spouses? Actually, as a side note, if you have friends and family who are happily married, you might want to seek their advice on what kind of person you should marry. Their collective wisdom is valuable.

The One

But, what does this tell us about finding the one? Are friends and family better at picking the right one for you or is it actually not a matter of finding the one? Maybe it’s a matter of narrowing the search to a few highly compatible people, then just making a choice and making a commitment.

Related post: My Current Girlfriend | Commitment in the Age of Gamophobia

For all the reasons I outlined in my post “The Myth of THE ONE“, finding the one is, well, a myth. You should go back and read that post. In the meantime, let me give you two quick things to think about.

First, there is no one on planet Earth specifically designed to satisfy all your wants, needs, and desires. And actually, it’s pretty narcissistic of you to think there would be.

Secondly, there are many people to whom you could be happily married. There are over seven billion people on the planet. Approximately half of them are the opposite sex. The odds are in your favor that you can find someone with whom you could, if you both put in the effort, build a happy life.

Related post: The Myth of “THE ONE” | A Mythology of Unicorns, Mermaids, and Special Someones

Become the One

I want to suggest to you that the other part of the equation is the part you should start with – become the one. Turn yourself into the person that attracts the kind of person you want to marry. I like to reference this quote from time to time because it’s right on point.

Are you the person the person you’re looking for is looking for? – Andy Stanley

Questions

I’ve written a lot in the last month or so about asking yourself questions. Why do you want to marry? Why do you want to date? What kind of person do you want to marry? Once you’ve worked through those things, ask yourself this, who do I want to be and who do I need to be to have the kind of relationship I want with the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with?

Birds of a Feather

Remember, in many ways