To Keep Open

Two years later, I find myself back here alone in my apartment verbally processing this very real stopping point in my late 20s. Naturally I book an appointment with an astrologer to give me an explanation for this and it turns out the planet Saturn is returning to the sign it was in when I was born. Listen and follow to find out what this means to me, because, as annoyed as I am to feel stuck, I'm very happy to be older.

Everyone comes from very different walks of life and being able to arrive at a common place with our experiences is really what polishes our lens through which we see ourselves. This is how we learn and grow and live— with that being said, I’m so stoked to have my first guest, Allison Kendrix. Allison is truly an influencer in the most fundamental sense. As a creative, an advocate, and a lifelong learner, she has a lot of experience to draw from and in this episode she shares a lot about the process of integrating her identities as a biracial queer woman, a graduate student, a person of faith, and an active member of her community. She’s become one of my closest friends and an actual role model in a lot of ways. I hope this conversation inspires you as much as it did for me.

In this episode, I'm replaying videos/voice memos that I've recorded and reflecting on what I'm trying to communicate to myself at the time. I promote myself as a nurse and a creative - turns out there's been a lot of imbalance between these identities when I decide to talk to myself. More than that, I find that I'm trying to depend on myself more these days for self-soothing. My goal here is to highlight the importance of self-talk and checking in with your own headspace to make sure you are being true to your needs and desires in order to align yourself with your ideal life now. 

In an effort to balance this podcast while validating all the parts of me, I am putting out this episode where I read old journal entries to open a dialogue between my present self and past self. I end up cringing a lot but it's in the spirit of self love and acceptance of every chapter of my life (since I was 18). 

The most underrated moments in life are the ones that are in between defining events- I'd even say that people generally spend more time trying to look to the next big thing (life event, accomplishment, relationship, etc) which leaves their mindset constantly in a different time than in the present. My lovely friend Ruth was giving me advice about not focusing on the definitions of binary or "black-and-white" thinking and really embracing the moments in between these shifts in life. 

How working at Starbucks elevated my sense of self-perception. 

This is a story that pulls me to thoughts of purpose and fulfillment. Time happens to all of us and we are constantly trying to figure out where/when/with whom/how to spend it. It's easy to fall into patterns of routine without a second thought and tell yourself that this is what life is. I'm trying to challenge you on that the way this story did for me.

I hate being new at something. Starting as a new grad RN, I'm bound to feel afraid of making mistakes, but at some point I have to start leaning into the role. It feels a lot like that "fake it 'til you make it" mentality, and I'm finding that it also has something to do with manifesting. 

Your time, energy, and love are your most important forms of currency. How are you spending it and who are you placing bets on?

I have not been proactively exercising self-awareness in the last year. These are stories of romantic relationships and how I learned that self-awareness and being honest with oneself is really crucial to growth. You really don't know what you have to work on until you are being real with yourself.