FARRO!

Good sire!

My liege!

Come quickly,

We've not much to tell you;

But even less time,,

to do so.

…why?

Because!

Here they come!

It's lost–

Now, it's gone

Now, you run.

Don't run off

On your mark

(marker)

Get set

I'm gonna need a clapboard for this.

What brought you up

It was under the table

What woke you up?

It was aprt of a song or something–

The line was

Notch in your bedpost

Line in a song

Notch in a bedpost

Line in a song

Red rover,

Come lover

come

Incubus/

succubus

Yup.

Run.

Incubus/

Succubus

“The Incubus, Succubus Song”

THIS IS ALL OF THE SONGS.

Suxks balls.

DAAAAAMN

What woke YOU up

Hot lava.

NOPE.

Interdisciplinary aleegience to the illuminati.

yup .

damn , you suck.

What was I gonna do?

Work at Walmart, like the rest of us.

NOPE.

KILL YOURSELF

KILL YOURSELF AGAIN

Uh uh

JUST JUMP.

…rope.

HANG—---------------------------------------------------------------GLIDER.

Slow down, would you.

NOPE.

Great, gotta go find that guy now…

TOM HANSON

WHAT FOR?!

CHANCE THE RAPPER

AH.

great . nw i dropped my hat.

GOD

That's another$15,000

DO the hat dance.

Which one

the – one with the sobreros

OOh.

Somber Hoes.

We like those.

MEANWHILE

Nope. its really stuck in there.

It's never gonna come out

Will this suffice.

yeah . i'm up.

yeah ,i guess this is what method looks like

When you're anchored to an island

that basically functions as a

giant

A GIANT

A giant fucking antenna.

W0AH.

JUST DO IT ALREADY.

LET GO.

NOOO.

Ok. i'm gonna throw up

Don't throw up, cause if i let go

*lets go*

OH LOOK. A RAINBOW.

NOOOOOOOO nOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This is getting difficult

NO it isn't.

I'm going to be candid for just a moment…

GOD

WHAT

I need you to answer my question–

which QUESTIOn.

The–i mean like

Pretty much all the questions.

I'm just now only to

S

Shh. don't say it.

It might come back.

COELACANTH!

COELACANTH!

spectacular .

It really was.

Hmmm.

….

MAXWELL

,....Cola cans.

Ok.

Now i'm trippin balls.

COELACANTH

…erm…

Come on, man–

This is ridiculous.

RIDICULUS!

Riddikulus

Wtf kind of cloud is THIS.

A cumulus

Gazuntite.

COELACANTH

…bananas.

WHAT?!

IT SPEAKS.

IT WANTS BANANAS!

GIVE IT BANANAS.

Oh shit! It's–

THE NANNY NAMED FRAN

Way back then.

EVEN THEN.

ILLUMINATI

OPEN MY EYE

CHILD

NO

ILLUMINATI

FINE.

I'LL DO IT.

AAAAA

–bless you.

Oh, it's you again.

Zoboomafoo

Hey boss.

Hey what.

Can you send me another one?

MORE FRY SAUCE.

Fuck, dillon.

Why are you so fucking fat right now?

WHY GOD.

I like ur boobs tho.

They are nice.

–What!

I gave you Keisha!

Yeah, i like her and all, it's just

EXT. ONE NIGHT. SOMEWHERE.

…when?

WHENEVER

Look, i'm gonna be like,

the highlight of your whole life, alright.

…alright!

but first things first

what.

Gotta get that–

Revisions.

HOW MANY REVISIONS OF COMPLICATIONS IS THIS

TEN

I WANT THAT PLUG.

denied .

GIVE ME THAT

fuck .

what .

I got a show tnight. I gotta get…

gone .

Did she go?

no .

Why not?

There it is?

What, Elle?

That–that color.

Why on earth would you ever want to be that blonde?

DO IT AGAIin.

Ok.

CUT TO:

[THE COSMIC AVENGER has turned Ū (for literally ALL intensive purposes) into a

PINECONE.

That's it?
That's the trup.

That's it.

That's the trip?

I guess.

AHAHA

I HAVE TURNED YOU NOW AND FOREVER

INTO A TROLL DOLL.

NO.

(amen)

YOU DONE DONE IT AGAIN.

MESSAGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE

Hi, I'm Seven.

Ok. This is

CUT BACK TO:

it was good.

It was “ok”

It was GREAT

It's just–

It's just what, dickface.

JUST DO IT.

JOSH PECK

I AM. JUST. DOING IT.

AND DOIN iT

AND DOIN IT

AND DOIN IT

RUN

INDIGENEUSES

AYAYAYAYA

EYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYE

[ILLUMINATI, UNLOCKED]

I gotta get out of this game, yo.

This is unreal.

*passes the torch*

Oh NO

Yur an OLyMpIAn

NO NO

RUN

Uh.

What shall I do with this?

(no = response whatsoever)

I know.

I shall give this to

Uh

THE POPE

THE POPE.

[looking down at garb]

What am I, THE POPE?

Hey look. A rope.

This had better not be for hanging yourself with.

Ok.

This isn't political.

HEY LOOK, A NOOSE.

that's … there.

HEY LOOK, ANOTHER NOOSE

Ok. i have to get out of the deep south now.

Wtf year is this.

like right NOW.

DAMN.

JUMP.

NO.

Let go.

NO.

Look at this

WTF IN THE FUCK

INT. WHENEVER. IN THE FUCK.

wait , bring this guy back real quick

ANDY SANDWHICH

sure , why not

Hold on, let me try

ANDY SANDBOUROUGH

Huh

ANDY

Look. ok. I lied.

Lied about what.

I NEVER LIE.

I see yur face at night,

I learn to dream.

What the fuck is this.

Hold on, i'm breaking into song.

THAT'S SO RAVEN

look . if my visions ever get THI vivid.

Oh. i get it.

I am the Illuminati.

just

TURN IT OFF.

TURN IT OFF.

TURN IT OFF.

ok . this is awful.

Get more stoned

*deep inhale*

Yur right. It rocks.

see .

CUT BACK, like WAY WAY BACK

Get in the way, way back

why

Cause you're like, small enough

SAUL.

WHat

I NEED–

wait . is that guy a lawyer

There was a spinoff.

How'd that show go again?

SHUT THE LIGHTS OFF.

WAT.

NOW TURN THEM BACK ON

I'm gonna get killed.

*sniffs*

nope . still not high enough.

CHRIST,

HOW MANY DRUGS IS THAT GUY ON.

ok , lets just be honest.

I can't write that.

Why.

DOCTOR

…is this the right dimension.

MICHAEL HACKSON

No. no it is not.

Put me back under, Doc.

DOCTOR

Are you sure?

Maybe you need like, a white doctor

MICHAEL

NO,

You're the right one.

Lets go.

Lets stop now, this is awful.

Hold on, my wings are comin in.

If you're not gonna let go,

Then i will

DON'T.

GOD

BALLS

See look. This is my show now.

okay , it's my turn.

ROCK

How ya doin, Jared

JARED

bad . i'm bad.

THE WHOLE ISLAND

w0w

So that's how much that costs.

ah , the rock sauce

DWANE JOHNSON

I'M A GOD

NO, NO,

NOOOOO

Turn this off.

I like.

Srsly cant.

PAPARAZI

THERE S/HE is!

[RU PAUL IS GOD]

RU

Ok. that wa savage

KU//KA

So wait, ALL these bitches like to copy me?

All of them.

I'M A GOD

Fuck that.

I wanna be a rockstar now!

What.

ROCKSTAR

ok , i gotta like

Get like, diagonal, or something

Holy shit, broh.

I've been flying this meaphrical kite out of my

[BACKEND]

For like

wait , how long's it been

STORY LORD

GET IN THE HOLE

NO.

RICK

I told you, there was a twist

JUSTIN

Put me back in

RICK

NO. YOU DIE NOW.

AHA. OUT OF THE GAME.

I QUIT.

I WIN.

IN REAL TIME:

Uh oh !

You're out of coffee.

Uh oh.

I DO NOT want to go to trader joes.

For some reason,

These two weirdos, at one point

Before we were famous, maybe

way , way before that

Why

because , i just MET her.

She's not my friend.

She's my

MY BESTFRIEND.

BEST FRIENd

who is this

Tell her is skrillex.

She'll get it.

WAKE UP, IT'S SKRILLEX

I AM NOT GOING TO

You have to go.

You showed us.

Now you have to go.

LIZ LEMon

LEM

Aww, come ON.

*kaBOOM*

You have to have watched this show to even get that.

Can't.

Why not.

Can't watch that show.

Can't watch this.

Can't listen to that.

What happened.

NOTHIN.

KITE ATTACK

LIZ LEMON

(drunkenly)

I–DO–NOT WANT–

TO GO TO THERE.

It shouldn't be that staggered.

It should not be that hard to kidnap

that chick.

It could be.

If she was THIS FAT

GET.

IN

NO

THEVAN

I donT WANNA GO TO FAT CAMP

Too bad.

Cause that's attractive

GODDAMN.

yeah dawg, she's like 4'10

really?!

YAS.

wtf.

EXT. BEDROCK. DAY.

…Pebbles?

………..BAMBAM?

DAMN!

DAM

We should definitely build this

yeah . put this here.

WHY ARE WE BEAVERSSSSSSS.

cause .

Fuck dude. I gotta get back to 2025

This whole place is gone now.

why .

Tell me why

oh god almighty

GOD ALMIGHTY

EVAN

Oh no. it's a story hole

STORY LORD

K bye

Fuck it,

we're

Gone now.

THE TIME MACHINE.

OH. IT”S BACK.

GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE GOT

I don't get it.

Whats up.

It's like….

It's like, raining bananas,but they

‘Re going

“UP”

neeeeeee000oooooww

BOOM<<<<<<<

*PLANE CRASH!*

AIRPLANE!

fuck , i hate that movie.

DO YOU NOW?

No. i love it.

Maybe it's just

IT's the

THIS IS THE ALBUM ART.

This is so uncomfortable.

DUH.

here .

What's this.

It's a jar of peanut butter.

Why do i need this.

Time's up.

MR. MACY

*sir

Right.

Are you aware that there's to be–

Are you serious

–A parade in your namesake?

ARE YOU CRAZY

PUT ME IN THE GAME.

PUT ME IN THE GAAAAAAAME.

NO NIGGA, NO.

STOP SAYING THAT

I SAY WHAT I WANT

I DO WHAT I WANT

I'M GAY NOW.

SUNNI.

WHAT.

your lips ar crusty.

Cause i'm NIggAz

COVER UP.

WHY.

Cause you have a contract with smuckers

COMMERCIAL

SUCK MY

[YUM!]

{SMUCCKERS]

mmm . gross.

what

That is gross.

that due

Lil bitzzzzzzzz

I watchin ol commercials from my childhood

That shit was nutz.

I watched this commercial for one of those TV dinners,

it was incredible

I could still taste the BOX.

The funnest thin about the commercial was,

It was set up like one of those basketball halftime shows

You know with the lights,

Like an all-star game type thing

and I couldn't help thinking to myself

Help.

Oh look. There he is.

Yo, if you grew up actually EATING those things,

And then grew up to be a professional athlete

You are blessed with INCREDIBLE GENETICS.

It's been like 20 years and I can still TASTE THE BOX

Yes, the whole thing

wait . pause.

The whole THING is the BOX.

The whole thing is the box.

DAMN.

fuck dude, i'm in like 8 movies right now.

This is not RIGHT.

Fuck it,

where's 1988 Tom Hanks at

FUCK THAT MOVIE

NAH, FUCK THAT DAY.

FUCK THAT DAY.

That's the day I got lost in there!

THAT

is a very good ending to

BOTH of those movis, if I could ever

Just wrote this dumb fucking monologue and get it lver with already

why.

DO'T FORGET

YOU'RE ON THE CLOCK

thanks , doc.

AND REMEMBER

this again

shit

NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU ARE FROM YOUR MARK

What's the line

nothing

THUNDERCLAP!

oh shit. i forgot about that alaas.

ILLUMINATI

HEY. HET BACK HERE

NETWORK

No, i gotta

Lil biiiiiiiiiiitzzz

[continued]

No, like,

i'm serious:

If you grew up eating this shit

like

On the regular

THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL

i i hate thi i ss s

YOU'RE TELLING ME

WTF ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ALL THAT CAKE

ima eat it

WHAT in the FUCK, WAlTER, are you gonna DO with all these BANANAS

WALTER WHITE

I'm gonna make the best goddamned banana bread there EVER WAS

CARA'S DEAD NOW.

What.

YOU KILLED CARA, OF EVERLAND

I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS

Vs.

QUEEN OF HEARTS

OH GOD

OH GOD

OHHHHHHHH

You're wrong for this, you really are

“O Nigga, Where Art Thou”

A Point.

TO Gryffendor

(s)

YES.

I SAID A POINT.

NOT A PINT.

SITCHUR LITTLE ASS DOWN.

What's this for

Don't worry. it rubs off.

GOD.

PLZ HELP ME

SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE.

GOD

No, keep dancing.

YO. SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT

WHY

C mon. keep writing this joke

WHERE'S THE PUNCHLINE.

WHERE'S THE PUNCHLINE

ONE PUNCH MAN

*PUNCH*

OH.

YIKES.

he YEETED the baby.

This is not the guy you want to be taking english classes from.

DUH.

wait .

Wtf, man.

what .

How do you write something like that.

I pretty much just

SIKE.

SHE'S A PSYCHOPATH, THAT LADY.

yeah , that's why i like her.

SHE JUST PUTS–

ADOBO ON EVERYTHING.

SARGEANT ADOBO

what , captain.

you're drun.

k

I know, officer

THat's CAPTAIN to YOU

…lol

Fukt.

…where is BLOWFISH.

SAL BANDUCHI

honestly , cap, i've been dead for years:

Why! What happend.

that guy literally had too many kids

IT's TRUE.

I DID THIS.

And just ended

FINISH THE JOKE

Lil BIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTZZZZZZZZZZ

(but less whispered, cause it's getting

stuppid

no , it's still funny, just

SERIOUS.

lil bitz

THIS IS NOT A JOKE

If you grew up eating ANY OF THOSE THINGS,

And then grew up to play ball,

you have the BLESSED genetics of the CHOSEN PEOPLE

Cause this

[bullsh*t]

is weaponized nigga food.

what .

ASSASAINATE THEM.

Are you sure.

YES. ELIMINATE TO EXTINCTION.

…are…are you like certain about this.

lol . i nuked the foodz.

Goonez.

goonex

HEY LOOK, IT'S UHHH.

UH WHAT

THE–

THE GOONIES

I don't know anything about this.

WHy.

OH yes you do.

TO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE.

NO, GODDAMMIT, I'M TRYING TO MAKE A

SHHHH

A SOFFLEE

W

A what

A su**

NOpe, still can't do it.

Get us in the bus

Waht.

GEt up.

You know this scene goes in with

“The Hard Stuff”

right ?

This IS the hard stuff.

she gets starstruck.

no , but like

ONE PUNCH MAN

oh shu

BUT FIVE TIMES

At least five

GOD

6-7-8…9

damn . when are you gonna realize you already killed your wife?

NEVER.

dead .

anyway ..

oh , this is bad. Get up.

SPATULA!

SPATULA!

Goddamn it, bitch

pLEASE SHUT UP.

rap .

what .

They want you to rap.

that six

Wait a second

INT./EXT. IN THE Six. WITH MY WOES.

lol

Had to get that out the way rea quick

why

if you're reading this

666

It's too late

you're wrong for this.

OH.

I'm WRONG.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY ROCK.

BY NOW, i”M SUPRISED IT'S NOT UP YOUR NOSE.

oh ver funny.

YA. I WRITE JOKES.

OH GOOD.

I got it.

I got one

What the FUCK.

OK, we'RE DONE.

WHO SET THIS UP.

*snifs*

I prepared tofu over the sautéed spinach and Brussels sprout kale medley I had made just the night before; I hadn't yet been to the gym, however, I would not go, until my Amazon package, containing the nutritional supplements and workout equipment I had ordered —falling just under a dollar short from being able to afford a new lifting pad—not evening having put together that the awful pain in my neck and shoulders might have come from my thinking that squat lifting two 45s with no protection, as I had seen some others do would do no harm—and although it had been days since I had had a ‘rest' day, it wasn't enough. According to Kylie Jenner, models often worked out 4-8 hours a day, like other athletes, and required to be 90 to 110 lbs—though I was far above age to even imagine a career as a model—I still at least wanted to become as small as possible.

First Saint James,

And now St Patrick's

It's a shame,

To play to the candid camera

I was framed, like Roger rabbit

I was blamed by bad, bad habits

It's a sister act, I tip my hat to the fans

And have none

My numbers dropped

As I scrambled at best to blame

For half of what I had yet

An internet presence

Past or present tense

The algorithm corrects

My Arcadian rhythm hasn't yet

I forget as I listen

To what always plays in the back of my head, anyway

A repetitive silence

He's got a good taste in girls,

Fascination with words,

and immortal preference for dismemberment

Embellishments

…

Interest in cryptocurrency

Where were you when I was a punk?

Either cuddled up to my mother;

Or curled up in a ball,

Trying to learn how to walk,

Just to run from her—

Or under something

Forgotten,

Had I not the lungs to call for someone to watch me

Or even a party,

A theology of sorts,

As I lost all the world's appeal

By the age of four,

When school started,

Probably

Maybe, even

The start of a fart,

Or the swirl of a thought,

Sail away,

I'm an unwelcome failure

I left [Redacted] alone,

On moral obligations, by admissions

A standard set for respect, besides my own transgressions

Expressions of love of man and animal,

Influx of output and perfectly capable of nonchalance, but not

Were the works and words of artform,

Demolished by cause of a hazard,

Wreaking havoc on lost God's

Prepare for the apocaplse,

Either by train, a fall, or by gun

Under all of the money

In The Galley

The housekeeper dremt of playing piano

But could not overcome the rotten body

The tree stump of a mother

Left to become nothing of Pocahontas

Or Pocatello

Either one, assumed of such

A potato

The moral of the story,

A new understudy

And Marlon Brando

Curiosity killed Johnny Depp

And what have you got to know

Other than to Zoom

Or assume that the hat is atop

Something or someone you want

But these star studded ones

Covered in lovers from dawn until dusk

Nothing wanted at all, besides love

Which could not be done by a man

To such a body

Summer Allfruit Jam

(Trfruit)

Come on, Jack, we don't have time for this!

I can't! I don't have any blocking for this scene!

UGH.

Fine, whatever—

[Jack Black Follows]

WHO! WHO DOES HE FOLLOW?

I don't know. Hold on.

Dammit.

You can tell by this dude's music he just knows how to fuck.

Fuck it. I'm in a weird mood anyway, should I I watch mau5's super cringey CNN interview?

Probably.

It's either that, or Fallon.

I'm not watching Fallon,

Like fucking ever.

Alright, cringey CNN it is.

I'm totally okay with feeding this obsession.

Tom Hanson

What does

Because it feeds me back.

What if the left and the right got along?

What if I showed up at my show,

In nothing but a thong?

What if I went bright

I once thought my aspirations

Were delusions of grandeur—

Once thought psychic visions as vivid hallucinations

Once thought auditory transformations as mutations,

Instead of and rather than

Musical endeavors

Once thought my proclivities

As sexual deviance

—the defiance of order,

as defined by The Order.

Worth an incognito

Who I've got to know, even

The televangelist's anthem has it—

What, like a nurse and a psychologist daughter

Thought this guy was hot

Theory of Genetic Attraction

By

Doctor CS Monroe

Quick, where did I study for my doctorate

At Harvard Law

I got a doctorate at Harvard Law School?!

Doctorate of Law

This exists, somehow, I believe

Synethetics and Multidimentional Reality:

The Algoithm Simulation Theory,

Evolved

Why!

Please don't let my dreams come true.

Really, even the dreams about Deadmau5

Well, except those—

Except that last one.

What was the last one?

He was scary.

Irish, German, and norweigien, really?

Really.

Are you sure—not even like hint of

Fuck it, it's not your face

You're so old

It's your soul.

Which, notably, might be even older, except.

GET OVER HERE, you DUMB MOTHERFUCKER.

MOOOOOOORRRRTTTRYYYYYYYYYYY.

There he is!

Like, Pacific Islander?

Nope.

Mm. Really. Not indigenous, at all?

Not that I know of.

BEFORE:

COLONIZERS:

die.

INDIGINOUS:

Ok.

COLONIZERS:

Except you.

[insert beautiful Native American woman here].

CONT

…you can stay.

ok.

*dies in childbirth*

History successfully erased.

WAIT.

…Hello.

Oh FUCK,

What did you do?!

I hit “erase”

Do me next!

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.