TonioTimeDaily

1. Your kisses are addictive, and your partner keeps wanting more. You end up kissing hours at a time without complaint.

2. Your kisses put your partner at ease. All the anxiety goes away. You feel like the two of you talk better after a long make-out session.

3. You have people crawling back to you months or even years later for your kisses.

4. You are comfortable changing it up. You kiss based on how your partner kisses you back. You don't just go rogue. You listen to your partner's body language.

5. Kissing is you and your partner's favorite pass time.

6. When you kiss, people don't doubt your love. They feel supported. They feel safe.

7. You are a very comforting kisser. You know how to bring things back when there's an awkward moment—like running into each others' teeth.

8. Your kisses goodbye are long. The two of you linger.

9. When you kiss, you can tell your partner is happier.

10. Kissing feels natural. Everything seems to flow together. You don't feel awkward adjusting yourselves. You could kiss for hours.

11. You always pick a comfortable spot to kiss. You don't spring a make-out session in a place that would make your partner uncomfortable.

12. You're not only looking to do French kisses.

13. When kissing, you also use your hands. You don't just lay there.

14. When you kiss, you feel more like yourself. You feel more at ease. You feel like your partner is also more at ease.

15. You make sure you have clean breath and clean teeth before you start the smooching.

16. Your partner flat-out tells you she likes the way you kiss and wants more.

17. It feels like second nature to you . . . and it is still exciting.

18. You kiss sincerely, rather than whatever floats your boat.

19. Your kisses give your partner goosebumps or shivers. You probably can't tell, but they might tell you their lips are tingling.

20. When you kiss, you don't just kiss the mouth. You go for the neck, the ears, and whatever graces you.

21. You're so good at kissing that if you fell asleep in someone's arms, you might kiss them in your sleep, making them laugh a little.

22. You can have a good make-out session without requiring it to lead to more. You're here for the kisses, and you like the kisses.

23. You feel closer to your partner after a good make-out.

24. Your kisses lead to your partner bringing your body closer or playing with your hair.

25. You keep your tongue swift, but not like a roller coaster. You would not be described as a lizard.

26. You ask for consent. You make sure the kisses are wanted.

27. When you stop kissing, your partner wants more.

28. If you were to take your time before a kiss, your partner might get anxious and ask why you are teasing them. You have them begging from the palm of your hand.

29. Your partner makes proclamations of love during kissing, including: "I love you." "You are so beautiful." "I've wanted you for so long." "I'm falling for you."

30. There are rumors about how well you kiss. Somehow those lips have caught outsiders' attention.

31. You're not a sloppy kisser. You don't leave your partner slobbery. You use the right amount of moisture.

32. You don't leave hickeys all over their body. Maybe one or two . . . but you're careful, precise, and mesmerizing.

33. No one has ever broken up with you because of the way you kiss.

34. No one has ever complained about your kisses.

35. You make kissing fun and relaxing. You don't put too much pressure on anyone. You have good self-control."

"The Don’ts…

If you’re having one night stands to…

– Put a bandage on the cancer of your loneliness and insecurities.

– Emotionally cut in the name of reaffirming a self-fulfilling prophecy that you aren’t worth a real relationship.

– Carry out an experiment to see if you’re so good that you can hook the other person into wanting more (whether that’s more sex, a relationship, whatever it may be).

– Seek validation, attention, love, or approval.

– Fill a void because you don’t know how to be alone. You are desperate for true love but are always in a limerent state. You crave intimacy but feel like you don’t have the social skills or confidence for anything more than physical intimacy.

– Feed an addiction. For some people, one night stands are a full-blown addiction. Because you feel so worthless and unloved, you become addicted to feeling wanted, special, and loved for a night.

"Mylong-distance partner (my only declared partnership right now) and I met for a beautiful vacation. We both aren’t talk-every-single day people, so one of the things I enjoy the most are the few times we can meet in real life and chat about things. He asked me the following question:

“Amanda, I know you have used the terms ‘self-partnered’ and ‘solo polyamorous’ to describe your relationship status. So both of those terms describe you. Can you explain how their meanings are different? And how is being self-partnered different than being single?”

It was an excellent question, and I speculated that maybe the rest of Medium might appreciate some clarification too. And for the record, being self-partnered does not mean I’m a modern Narcissus. I don’t disdain everyone who loves me, and I only torture people if they consent to be tortured.

Single, Self-Partnered, and Solo Polyamorous are terms that seem similar, but in reality, these three terms have distinct differences. A person can be single. A person can be self-partnered. A person can be self-partnered and solo-polyamorous. And a person could be self-partnered and essentially “single.” However, for a person to identify as self-partnered, there are marked differences in personal philosophy and viewpoints. A person could declare they are “self-partnered” for a year while they discover/find/re-invent themselves, but deep down, they hope to transition away from the single life. Some individuals, like myself, enjoy a self-partnership and don’t foresee abandoning that lifestyle any time soon."

"Conclusion In conclusion, abortion law reform is needed to better protect women and girls from unsafe abortion and uphold their rights under the Constitution and international law. In addition, change is needed urgently to address the devastatingly high rate of teenage and unintended pregnancy as a result of covid-19. The TOP Bill proposed by the special Law Commission on the law on abortion, while a significant step towards making abortion safe and more accessible, still contains substantial gaps and restrictions that would make safe abortion unavailable to many women and girls. The researchers recommend that the following changes be made to the TOP Bill: • Allow pregnancy termination on request in the first trimester • Allow certified health service providers to consider all necessary factors in their mental health assessments • Allow abortion in cases of severe foetal impairment, which may include fatal foetal abnormality, and require counselling to include information about financial and social supports for raising such a child • Allow all girl children who suffer the sexual abuse of defilement to access safe and legal abortion • Delete the 16-week time limit for termination based on rape, incest, or defilement • Remove the police reporting requirement for termination based on rape, incest, or defilement • Remove imprisonment as a penalty for violating the law on termination • Clarify that 12 weeks gestation refers to the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy after conception."

 "Why are people and their private stories turned into the gossip column in pulpits? Why are some people having sex in church? Why are some preachers and  some self-described faith-based politicians being indicted for human trafficking?  Why are some people raped in church? Why are some preachers and some self-described faith-based politicians having babies with adult mistresses, teenage girls and pre-teenage girls all over North America and outside of North America? 

 Why is the divorce rate in the Bible Belt states like Alabama, Texas and Tennessee, where family-friendly, evangelical Christianity is the dominant faith, have some of the highest divorce rates in the nation, according to the Center for Disease Control? How can Kim Davis deny LGBTQIA+ couples marriage licenses when she has a pattern of remarriage?  Why are Utah and Alabama buying the most pornographic material in North America even though they tout abstinence-only education? 

Why are the highest rates of child abuse, spousal abuse, abortion, poverty, adultery, premarital sex, illiteracy,  diabetes, venereal diseases, STD rates, tobacco use, teen pregnancy, homicide,  infant mortality, chronic diseases, low life expectancy, obesity, gay porn consumption, homophobia, The War on Iraq support, single parent homes, and the lowest number of high school graduates in America in the Bible Belt? Why does the Bible Belt has the poorest health care systems which makes itself the Poor Health Belt? Why does the Bible Belt have the most incest histories? Why does the Bible Belt especially Texas gives the death penalty the most in America? Why does research suggest that The Bible Belt has the most sinners when it comes to lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, pride and envy? 

Why is Bible Belt Texas number two in sex-seeking  internet enthusiasts? Why is there a book called "Swinging in the Bible Belt" by Pam Trotter? Why is the Bible Belt and other Belts are infamous for their unrepentant racism? 

How come I never heard of a high LGBTQIA+ divorce rate? How come I never heard of a high percentage of LGBTIQA+ deadbeat parenting? 

Are LGBTQIA+ people better at marriage than heterosexual, cisgendered people? Are LGBTQIA+ people better at parenting than heterosexual, cisgendered people? 

Why are sermons, and praise and worship appear to be computerized, ventriliquist dummied, pre-programmed, trained behavior, and human machine-like? Why preach for money and extra money? Why do public life just to exploit people for the purpose of honorariums? 

Was Adolf Hitler born to Holocaust Jewish people? Were many white people born to Holocaust both Native Americans and black people? Were men born to be misogynists? Were adults born to provoke children to wrath? Were neurotypicals born to discriminate against those labeled disabled? Were greedy people born to keep the elderly from retirement in both their later years and final years? Were absent parents born to be deadbeats?

Why allow societal corruption? Why allow governmental decay? Why is is bad to not experience absolute certainty with God? Why is there a history of dismissing compassionate questions? Why not embrace empathetic inquiries as sensible concerns?"

"Myth #1:  Transgender people live crazy lives.

This is probably the most common misconception about trans people.

Many people incorrectly associate being transgender with automatically living an “crazy lifestyle” based on tv and in the movies. This may involve drag performance, hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine behavior, drugs, or prostitution.

Some trans people (and some non-trans people too!) engage in the above behaviors. But all transgender people do the everyday things that are a part of life. They go to work, buy groceries, see movies, kiss their kids good night.

They are people. They do people things like everyone else.

Just because a person is different, doesn’t mean they don’t know who they are.

Trans people have a sex.  They are females, males, and intersex.

Trans people have a gender.  They are men, women, queer, and other genders.

They know their sex and they know their gender.

This can be confusing to us who inhabit more traditional gender roles, but to the transgender person, it is not confusing.  It is just who they are.

That said, coming to the realization that you are trans, and coming out publically as trans, in a society that doesn’t accept or understand you can be very confusing and hurtful.   Many transgender people have experiences of feeling “defective” or “wrong.”

This is a social problem, not a gender identity problem.

It’s true that many transgender people suffer from mental illness.  But it’s not because of their gender identity alone!

It’s because in a patriarchal society, being gender variant causes a lot of distress.  So much distress, in fact, that it can be described by the diagnosis of a mental disorder.  This diagnosis is helpful because it tells us that this person is hurting and something needs to be done to help.

Transgender people have the same brains we do.  They are just faced with a lot more mental and emotional stress."

"What is a late term abortion?

Late term abortions tend to refer to those performed at or after 24 weeks, although increasingly it has been used to refer to earlier procedures – those performed after just 20 weeks.

Despite public misconception, abortions performed after 20 weeks only make up about 1% of total abortions (the vast majority are within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, also called the first trimester).

Late term abortions are usually much more expensive than earlier terminations. With the prices often going up into the tens of thousands, and the lack of health insurance coverage, the cost of this procedure is a major barrier to access, particularly for low-income women.

Due to state regulations around late term abortions and the resulting cross-state and cross-country traveling that is required to access them, obtaining a late term abortion is made even more difficult financially, physically, and emotionally."

"Close your eyes and think about the word abortion.

What are some of the first things that come to mind?

Pregnancy? Unborn fetuses? Policy makers? Crying? Grief?

I’m guessing at least one of these probably popped into your head.

Our society is filled with all kinds of mixed messages and myths about abortion. We often frame the conversations around abortion as being defined by grief and pain, instead of a personal decision that is filled with a plethora of emotions and experiences.

Although abortion can involve grief and sorrow, not all people who get abortions do experience these emotions, and that’s perfectly okay.

There is no right or wrong way to navigate having an abortion.

Because of the amount of emphasis the larger cultural conversations have in these myths, it’s important that we talk about them. These myths have real consequences and real effects on policy, which limits people’s right to choose.

Let’s bust some of these myths.

This is something you’ve probably heard a lot.

The fact is that a fetus is not a baby. A fetus is a developing mammal; in humans, a fetus develops at the end of the second month of gestation.

A baby, on the other hand, is a human offspring who has already been born.

It’s important to understand that there is a difference: development.

A zygote (a fertilized egg) that has implanted in the uterus just two days ago is not the same thing as a human life that has already come into being.

In terms of the person housing the pregnancy, this difference is important: a fetus cannot survive without its parent during gestation—there is no separation. A baby, on the other hand, is an autonomous being.

Therefore, a fetus is a part of the person housing the pregnancy. For a mother, that makes its existence a part of her, making it her choice to terminate; hers, and hers only.

And the talk about fetal pain? That’s just phony science.

This logically leads to the conclusion that a baby and a fetus are not the same things. A baby can survive without using its mother as a life-source; a fetus cannot.

When you have an abortion, you aren’t taking the life of an autonomous being, like in cases of infanticide. Rather, you are removing a part of your own body."

"Why do you always engage them? If you didn’t engage them, they wouldn’t keep talking to you.”

It is nighttime and it is bitterly cold and I’m at a bus stop with my then-boyfriend. We’ve just left a performance of some sort and are trying to get home but our evening has been interrupted and it is, apparently, my fault.

An intoxicated man stands about two feet away, swaying like a thin tree in the wind, staring at me with a fixed gaze. He appears to be living in extreme poverty, most likely sleeping outside tonight, and, just moments ago, I was worrying about how he’d stay warm.

I’m still worried, but now I am also annoyed, mostly on behalf of my boyfriend, who is visibly upset by the encounter.

The man’s knuckles are wrapped around a garbage can and his other hand is beckoning me with one finger. He has already spoken to me, too close and smelling like hard liquor, about my body and my appearance. He keeps pinballing from his garbage can to me and back again, prompting me to talk to him. This goes on for at least 10 minutes, during which I am courteous and my boyfriend grows more and more anxious.

The sexual harassment isn’t what irritates me. For me, this isn’t frightening or even that uncomfortable. This is every single day.

I leave the house. Men talk to me. I hold my breath and I am polite and I am unshakable and then I get home. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

What annoys me is the fact that I am being blamed for this moment in time, for this interaction. While this isn’t new to me – this is the price of living my life, of going to things – it is new for him. And he doesn’t enjoy it.

“Just don’t talk to him. He’ll go away,” my boyfriend tells me again. His face is pale and he is clearly nervous and perhaps downright afraid of what the man will do to us  –  to him  –  next.

I’m not afraid, because I’m doing what I have learned to do to keep us both safe. The exact thing that my boyfriend thinks is causing this interaction is the thing that I know will ensure it is over more promptly and without incident.

I remain courteous as we wait.

Sometimes when I get home, I tell my boyfriend about the persistence of interactions like this, the pervasiveness of it. He seems aghast, but I get the feeling that he, like of a lot of men, think I’m exaggerating.

I can’t entirely blame him; most people have a hard time grasping the gravitas of a situation until they, themselves, have experienced it. He’s never seen this happen in public. He’s never had it happen to him.

And, of course, he has told me to just ignore it because that seems like the most logical approach. When you ignore things, they go away, right?

This time, though, he bears witness. His presence at my side does nothing to dissuade the drunk man because, as much as men like to think that just being there is enough to protect women from other men, that is rarely the case."

"Recently, I decided to disclose to a new, cis, straight friend that I’m trans.

This was a strange situation since I’ve always thought of myself as visibly trans, but this friend made cissexist assumptions about my body that suggested otherwise (“You are of the superior gender with your XX chromosomes!”).

Biting my tongue, I contemplated when to tell him that I am a trans woman and came to the decision that I would tell him if he asked me out on a date. Otherwise, a friend doesn’t necessarily need to know unless I feel comfortable and safe disclosing that.

Eventually, we began flirting with each other, and I felt safe enough to disclose my gender, so I did. He was super sweet and kind, and admitted he already knew because our professor had misgendered me in class before.

But then, he asked The Question: “Do you have it?”

I was crushed.

I snapped back with, “Are we having sex? Why would you ask me that?”

He fumbled with his words for a moment, processing and understanding that what he said was incredibly harmful and rude.

We talked for a few hours and worked it out. Once I was home, it was my turn to process what happened, and why my friend’s first concern upon disclosure was my genitalia.

What I found was that I wasn’t surprised by his words. I had heard them so many times before, in many different ways, by so many types of people.

I had become desensitized to these hurtful words because part of me understands, as a trans woman, my body is seen as a spectacle for others to make judgments and assumptions about.

Trans women are exotified by the fascination of our bodies, specifically our genitalia. That part of us makes us “different,” some type of uncharted territory that cis people’s curiosity can’t help but to ask intrusive questions.

In addition to our trans identity, it’s also our race that makes us susceptible to exotifying questions and the cis gaze.

Not only do we get the “Where are you from and what does your name mean?” questions, we also receive “Have you had The Surgery?”

All these questions work to remind us how different we are from cis white people. In addition to being uncomfortable, it’s also isolating us from creating relationships with people we share an affinity with.

The following are four ways that our exotification is played out by many people, from fetishizers to feminists. Hopefully you’ll learn how this is harmful – and how to do better."