TonioTimeDaily

TonioTimeDaily

By Antonio MyersSociety & Culture
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TonioTimeDaily episodes

  • Sexual inhumanity
    "You should be able to feel comfortable and safe in public spaces without the fear of being harassed. Like other forms of sexual harassment and assault, street harassment is about power and intimidation.

    What is street harassment?

    Street harassment includes unwanted comments, gestures, or acts directed at someone in a public space without their consent.

    Street harassment includes some of the following unwanted behaviors:

    • Comments, requests, and demands
    • Commenting on physical appearance, such as someone’s body or the clothing they’re wearing
    • Continuing to talk to someone after they have asked to be left alone
    • Flashing
    • Following or stalking
    • Groping
    • Intentionally invading personal space or blocking the way
    • Persistent requests for someone’s name, number, or other information
    • Public masturbation or touching
    • Sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic slurs, or any comments insulting or demeaning an aspect of someone’s identity
    • Showing pornagraphic images without someone’s consent
    • Staring
    • Taking a photo of someone without their consent
    • Telling someone to smile
    • Up-skirting, which is taking a photo up a skirt or dress without that person’s permission
    • Using a mirror to look up someone’s skirt or dress without their permission
    • Whistling
    • Who does street harassment affect?

      Though street harassment can happen to anyone—regardless of gender, age, or any other aspect of your identity—it is often directed at individuals because of their actual or perceived gender expression, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, or disability. No form of harassment is OK; and it is never a compliment. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect and to feel safe in public spaces.

      What are some of the effects of street harassment?

      Street harassment has negative effects both on those who experience it and for communities as a whole. Being harassed in a public space can make you worried about your physical safety and creates an environment of fear and intimidation.

      It rarely happens just once. For those who experience street harassment, it is often not an isolated incident, but something that happens over and over again. The cumulative effect of these types of comments and behaviors can cause the person being harassed to feel a heightened sense of anxiety, or to be “on edge” at all times.

      It hurts communities. People are less likely to engage with strangers and participate in their communities if they fear being harassed.

      It is a human rights’ issue. It limits individuals’ ability to be in public. Someone may avoid leaving their home, work, or school for fear of being harassed, limiting their access to opportunities and community.

      It has financial effects. Many people who have experienced street harassment may feel unsafe walking home, going out after dark, or taking public transportation alone. Because of this fear, many people are forced to spend money on private transportation, such as ride apps, when they would otherwise take public transportation or walk. For those who cannot afford these options, fear of street harassment can severely limit when and where they can go out in public, which also limits access to employment and education."

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      1 hr 38 min
    • Rape Trauma Syndrome

      "RAINN[8] identifies five main coping strategies during the outward adjustment phase:

      • minimization (pretending 'everything is fine')
      • dramatization (cannot stop talking about the assault)
      • suppression (refuses to discuss the rape)
      • explanation (analyzes what happened)
      • flight (moves to a new home or city, alters appearance)
      • Other coping mechanisms that may appear during the outward adjustment phase include:

        • poor health in general.[4]
        • continuing anxiety
        • sense of helplessness
        • Carelessness of themselves or others around them (they could not protect themselves against the attack so they lose self care)
        • hypervigilance
        • inability to maintain previously close relationships
        • experiencing a general response of nervousness known as the "startle response"
        • persistent fear and or depression at much higher rates than the general population[11]
        • mood swings from relatively happy to depression or anger
        • extreme anger and hostility (they are very hateful towards the ones that are closest to them [12]). Some survivors may even say "I HATE PEOPLE" or "I HATE THE WORLD".
        • sleep disturbances such as vivid dreams and recurring nightmares
        • insomnia, wakefulness, night terrors[13]
        • flashbacks
        • dissociation (feeling like one is not attached to one's body)
        • panic attacks
        • reliance on coping mechanisms, some of which may be beneficial (e.g., philosophy and family support), and others that may ultimately be counterproductive (e.g., self harm, drug, or alcohol abuse[14][15])."
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          51 min
        • Whorephobia part 3 (final part)

          "Sex work has long been criticized and stigmatized in our society. While many members of society view sex work as immoral and degrading to women, I argue that sex work is essentially just work, and that it is not necessarily harmful to women. Under circumstances in which sex work is accepted and regulated in society, in which the sex worker is protected and granted the same rights as any other laborer, sex work has the possibility to be beneficial to women.

          Sex work can be very profitable for women, and many women may enjoy work that allows them to creatively express their sexuality. Sex work can allow human beings a way to safely explore their sexual desires in ways they cannot through the current social norm of heterosexual, monogamous relationships. The sex work industry and its workers need not be chastised by a society that clings to puritan ideals of what is “moral”. I argue prostitution should be legal.

          Every human being has the right to make informed decisions about his or her own body, and laws that govern sex work are laws that govern an individual’s right to make decisions about her own body. Sex work is illegal because it is largely viewed as immoral and degrading, but morality is objective and society’s opinion on what is “right” and “wrong” is constantly shifting. Morality provides no sound basis for law, as people governed by laws can not possibly all share the same moral beliefs.

          My argument is that prostitution should be made legal, sex workers offered the same rights and respect as workers in any other field, and that by doing this sex work can become something that benefits women and humanity in general.

          In Carole Pateman’s essay, “What is Wrong With Prostitution?”, she argues that prostitution is an embodiment of patriarchy (2006). She relates to historical societies in which men had ownership over their wives, and says that while men no longer have complete ownership of women in our society, prostitution provides a way for men to exercise ownership over women’s bodies temporarily.

          I disagree with this conclusion on prostitution. Men do not own a prostitute when they are paying her for sex any more than a business man owns his factory workers. If prostitutes are given the right to choose their clients and to stop sex at any point in which they feel unsafe or uncomfortable, prostitution is not a question of temporary ownership.

          Another point Pateman makes in her essay distinguishes prostitution from other forms of work based on the product being paid for. Pateman argues that in other forms of labor work, the employer is paying for the product of the labor, and not the labor itself. In prostitution, the physical labor itself is the commodity (Pateman, 2006).

          This argument does not hold up. Workers in any entertainment field, such as stage actors, dancers, or comedians, are paid for their actual labor, not any product which is produced by their labor. In this way, one can view the prostitute as an entertainer; the root of each type of work is essentially the same: to provide a pleasurable experience for a customer.

          Finally, Pateman argues that because sexuality is so intertwined with ones personality and identity, to sell sex is to sell oneself (2006). Again, this argument is unconvincing. It is true that prostitutes are paid for exerting one aspect of their personality (their sexuality). However, prostitution is not unique in this sense.

          Many workers earn a living by exerting a strong aspect of their personality. Managers are paid for their leadership abilities, teachers for their patience, and waiters for their extroversion. Why, then, is it wrong for a prostitute to profit from her sexuality?"

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          56 min
        • Whorephobia part 2

          "The sex industry has existed in various forms from the dawn of recorded human history. Sex workers have always been a part of societies, economies, and civilizations. Despite countless attempts at banning, regulating, shaming, and controlling the sex industry, it continues, relatively unfazed.

          So why does society treat sex workers as criminals, when they have been such an integral part of civilization for so long? Aren’t sex workers themselves often the ones who are the victims of crimes? Paradoxically, it is not the existence of the sex industry itself which causes this victimization to occur, but rather the way that we view sex workers as a culture. Further, the way that we view sex workers is a reflection of the way that we view all women.

          When a person experiences violence or abuse in any other line of work, she has both social and legal recourse to seek support and justice. Sex workers, be they full-service, strippers, porn stars, webcam models, or otherwise involved in the industry, do not have this same recourse. While this creates a dangerous situation for sex workers, it also creates a dangerous situation for all women.

          Our respect for women as a culture is often related to how we perceive their sexuality, and this is demonstrated by rampant violence against women of both a physical and epistemic nature. The way society treats a woman employed in the sex industry speaks volumes about the way it treats women in general. Sex workers are the canaries in a very deep and dark coal mine.

          In his 1997 book, The Racial Contract, Charles Mills introduced the concept of “epistemologies of ignorance.” These epistemologies are systems of obtaining knowledge which benefit people in privileged positions of power and allow them to maintain their power (Mills).

          The systematic silencing of sex workers who try to share their experience is a prime example of how these kinds of violent epistemologies are born. Gaps in public knowledge about the perspectives of marginalized groups are not always accidental, but often intentional, with the goal of justifying the inhumane treatment of these marginalized groups (Tuana).

          “Territorial imperatives structure and limit the kinds of utterances that can be voiced within them with a reasonable expectation of uptake and “choral support”: an expectation of being heard, understood, taken seriously,” writes Lorriane Code in Rhetorical Space, Essays on Gendered Locations.

          Sex workers do not and have never had this expectation of being heard, understood, and taken seriously."

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          1 hr 15 min
        • Sexual justice part 3 (final part)

          "One way you can determine if you are about to engage in healthy sex is by asking yourself if your current situation meets all the requirements of the C.E.R.T.S. healthy sex model.

          1. CONSENT: Can I freely and comfortably choose whether or not to engage in sexual activity? Am I able to stop the activity at any time during the sexual contact?

          2. EQUALITY:Is my feeling of personal power on an equal level with my partner? Does neither of us dominate the other?

          3. RESPECT: Do I have a positive regard for myself and for my partner? Do I feel respected by my partner? Do I feel supportive of my partner and supported by my partner?

          4. TRUST: Do I trust my partner on both a physical and emotional level? Do we have a mutual acceptance of vulnerability and an ability to respond to each other with sensitivity?

          5. SAFETY: Do I feel secure and safe within the sexual setting? Am I comfortable with and assertive about where, when and how the sexual activity takes place? Do I feel safe from the possibility of unwanted pregnancy and/or STDs?"

          "The Healthy Sex Trust Contract4

          • It's okay to say no to sex at ANY TIME.
          • It's okay to ask for what we want sexually, without being teased or shamed for it.
          • We don't ever have to do anything we don't want to do sexually.
          • We will take a break or stop sexual activity whenever either of us requests it.
          • It's okay to say how we are feeling or what we are needing at ANY TIME.
          • We agree to be responsive to each other's needs for improving physical comfort.
          • What we do sexually is private and not to be discussed with others outside our relationship unless we give permission to discuss it.
          • We are ultimately responsible for our own sexual fulfillment and orgasm.
          • Our sexual thoughts and fantasies are our own and we don't have to share them with each other unless we want to reveal them.
          • We don't have to disclose the details of a previous sexual relationship unless that information is important to our present partner's physical health or safety.
          • We can initiate or decline sex without incurring a negative reaction from our partner.
          • We each agree to be sexually faithful unless we have a clear, prior understanding that it's okay to have sex outside the relationship (this includes virtual sex, such as phone or internet sex).
          • We will support each other in minimizing risk and using protection to decrease the possibility of disease and/or unwanted pregnancy.
          • We will notify each other immediately if we have or suspect we have a sexually transmitted infection.
          • We will support each other in handling any negative consequences that may result from our sexual interactions."
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            1 hr 4 min
          • Sexual justice part 2

            "Personal story of being raped, the impact, and how to heal from the trauma of rape.

            I will not deny that rape is a horrible thing. It is an invasion of your senses, it can leave you scarred for life. I know, my first sexual experience was rape, and I was gang-raped two years after that. I will never forget what happened to me, or how it made me feel. What I did choose to do, is not let it ruin the rest of my life, although it almost did. Maybe telling my story will help some of you stop from making the same mistakes I did.

            I was raped on the 21st of September 1977; two days after my sixteenth birthday. I consider myself fortunate that my boyfriend at the time did not want to be convicted for 'jail-baiting' and waited until I was 16. We had been dating a month.

            I did not even know what was happening, it was over quickly. I remember that, and the fact that I don't think I was there (in my body). I just floated off to get away from the shock of it all.

            Unlike many girls my age, I did not have a clue what sex involved, and my only impression of it for a long time afterward was numbness and pain. I did not have a close relationship with my family, although I still lived at home. I remember getting to a girlfriend's place after it happened and ringing my mom to ask permission to stay there the night. I told my girlfriend what had happened, but nobody else. I never saw my boyfriend again - obviously, he got what he wanted. He did make a point of spreading around talk about "how lousy I was in bed." At the time, I did not think this had affected me in any way, except it started an anger against my parents for not being there for me, which only now at almost 40, I am learning to deal with.

            At 17, I moved away from home and went to a city about two hours drive away. I could only be termed as 'loose' in those days. I had no respect for my sexuality and it never crossed my mind I could say 'no' to sex. I never actively pursued sex, I just never said no to anyone who asked.

            I was also drinking every single day, yet as I still held down a full time job, I just assumed this was how every other teenager lived.

            Just after my 18th birthday, I found myself in a situation in a van with three men in their 20's. The woman that I was boarding with was going out with one of them, on the sly. When her husband came home, she sent me out to the van, down the road, to get rid of them. I was so stupid to do this, but have always been willing to help anyone out."

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            43 min
          • Sexual justice part 1

            "Chances are, many of you reading this have experienced sexual violence or know someone who has. Unfortunately, intense shame around sex confuses the path to healing for many people who have experienced trauma.

            I want to clearly define the difference between sex and sexual abuse. My goal is to help everyone review their past and present encounters more accurately, and move towards self-compassion, healing, and meaningful relationships. You are entitled to a healthy sex life which you want and enjoy.

            Many sexual abuse survivors feel shame, guilt or fault about themselves for what happened. They may feel this way for years after the abuse has stopped. Survivors may even become unsure whether a past experience was actually abuse or assault—believing they must have done something to “cause” the event to happen.

            Sexual abuse can leave a person feeling mixed up about his or her own sexual feelings. Confusion blurs a person’s sense of healthy sexual desire and trauma-related fantasy. Self-doubt can persist especially if the abuse happened in childhood. Survivors may struggle to understand their own impulses, and question what is normal:

            • Did something about me bring this on?
            • Did part of me want it?
            • Is this how I get love?
            • I wanted attention – did I ask for this?
            • Am I too dirty for real love?
            • I don’t want anyone to experience this kind of shame, guilt or doubt around sexual violence. Rape, sexual violence, sexual assault, sexual abuse of any kind is never your fault! It was not your fault; you didn’t “ask” for it, and it wasn’t sex. It was abuse. The two are not the same."

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              1 hr 4 min
            • Victory over sexual shame
              "6 signs of sexual shame, according to sex experts
              1. Insecurity with the self

              Sexual shame often manifests as a disconnection from the self, says Megwyn White, sexologist, licensed sex coach, and director of education at sexual-wellness product brand Satisfyer. “One of the key components to sexual shame is a break in the natural flow of personal expression and experience of the body,” she says. According to research, people who identify as women and who are not comfortable with the appearance of their genitals may experience a flood of intense self-judgment after sex or self-consciousness or body insecurity during sex.


              2. A certain physical stature or diminished voice

              Sexual shame can also present in how we carry ourselves. For example, maybe you frequently cross your arms, hunch your shoulders, slouch, or struggle to make or hold eye contact with partners. “The voice may also be affected in that there is a general inhibition to make sound during sexual exploration,” says White, who adds feeling uncomfortable expressing desires and needs during sex is a sign of shame as well.

              3. Sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction

              Sexual response typically reflects sexual energy (or arousal) that flows freely. “When shame is present, it constitutes a closed state in which sexual energy cannot flow to produce arousal, excitement, or orgasm,” says Aaron. Correlation is not causation, though, which is to say that lack of arousal does not mean shame is definitely present. Smith adds that shame can make communicating with sexual partners difficult, which can, in turn, make sex less pleasureful.

              4. Trouble with intimacy and relationships

              “Shame is expressed through avoidance or being shut down and inhibited. Each of these responses is a form of distancing from the action or activity,” says Aaron. In this way, shame can lead you to forms walls, limits, and boundaries that may make relationships feel less secure and intimate. “I've worked with folks who avoided dating for years because they were terrified of what would happen if they got close enough to someone to become sexually intimate,” says Smith.

              5. Viewing sex as “bad” or something that you “shouldn’t do”

              “Some experience deep feelings of regret and shame immediately after any sexual encounter,” says Smith, who notes she has worked with women who bought vibrators in an attempt to masturbate, then threw them away after being overcome with shame.

              “The shaming of masturbation is damaging because as children, masturbation is our first method to connect with our genitals and sexual pleasure,” says Aaron. “When masturbation is forbidden, the training from young is to view our genitals, sexuality, and sexual pleasure as shameful.” Yes, sexual shame starts that young.

              6. You’re uncomfortable talking about sex

              Some people feel nervous, or a deep burning embarrassment, when the topic of sex comes up, which Smith says is a sign of sexual shame. The typical response to shame is hiding it, but that’s the same way shame grows. “It’s also why being able to admit to what you’re ashamed of is the first step in overcoming it,” says White. “Once sexual shame is in the light, it can dissolve more easily.”

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              50 min
            • Whorephobia part 1

              "Dr. Kate Lister invited five contributors to share their diverse, profound and often heartbreaking personal experiences of sex work, with each reflecting upon how the stigma of sex work can have a significant impact on sex workers’ mental health, on their place in society and on their physical safety. The result is a series of unique perspectives that question the political and societal reluctance to legitimize sex work and how it might better protect those who are the most vulnerable."

              Dr. Adrienne Macartney says: "I came out as gay before coming out as trans. It felt easier, more socially comprehensible, despite being a misnomer. Trans was too much, too indigestible, too terrifying.

              However, I soon realized I needed to fully come out as trans, to give honest air to a painful need to stop living a burdensome mask of masculinity – one that was tearing me apart ever more destructively. At the time I was a mountain guide, and climbing increasingly big peaks alone, simply willing death to excuse me from addressing who I was.

              The common perception that people who gender transition do so because of a sexual kink is a damaging and usually inaccurate narrative. I get no ‘thrill’ from wearing female attire. My personal sexual tastes are positively mundane compared to many.

              To this day I cannot describe with precision the boundary between man and woman, yet socially and practically most of us recognize the difference in our day-to-day interactions. I felt I was in the wrong camp and would simply perish if I stayed there."

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              50 min
            • I am buckwild in moderation, safety, law-honorableness, and the doing no harm principle

              "Egalitarianism (from French égal 'equal'), or equalitarianism, is a school of thought within political philosophy that builds from the concept of social equality, prioritizing it for all people. Egalitarian doctrines are generally characterized by the idea that all humans are equal in fundamental worth or moral status. Egalitarianism is the doctrine that all citizens of a state should be accorded exactly equal rights.

              The term egalitarianism has two distinct definitions in modern English, either as a political doctrine that all people should be treated as equals and have the same political, economic, social and civil rights, or as a social philosophy advocating the removal of economic inequalities among people, economic egalitarianism, or the decentralization of power. Sources define egalitarianism as equality reflecting the natural state of humanity."

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              46 min

            About TonioTimeDaily

            From the publisher's feed

            Autism is my super blessing! I'm a high-school valedictorian, college graduate, world traveler, disability advocate. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I'm a Progressive Liberal. I'm about equal rights, human rights, civil & political rights, & economic, social, &cultural rights.