Tools for Marriage

E20 - Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti with Bill & Pam Farrel

What does it take to build a marriage that stays strong, fun, connected, and centered on God for nearly five decades?In this episode of the Tools for Marriage Podcast, Trevor and Laura sit down with Bill and Pam Farrel, relationship experts, international speakers, and authors of more than 60 books—including the bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti.Bill and Pam have been married and serving couples together for 47 years, and their story is filled with wisdom, humor, honesty, and practical tools you can put to work in your own relationship.They share how they met and knew they were meant to marry, what they brought into their marriage from difficult family backgrounds, and some of the challenges they faced as newlyweds. We also hear the surprising story behind Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti—including the counseling session that inspired the spaghetti analogy and a box of toaster waffles that helped complete the idea.Along the way, we talk about accepting rather than fighting our differences, staying curious about your spouse, how men and women may process stress differently, why technology can both help and hurt connection, and the marriage skills every couple should develop.Whether you're dating, engaged, newly married, or have been together for decades, Bill and Pam offer a wonderful reminder: a great marriage isn't automatic - it takes intentionality, wisdom, faith, and a few good tools in the toolbox.CHAPTERS0:00 – Welcome: Meet Bill & Pam Farrel3:05 – How Bill & Pam Met and Fell in Love8:49 – Dating With Intention: “Are We God’s Person for Each Other?”10:16 – Bill’s Argument With God About Marrying Pam12:34 – From Dating to Marriage in One Year15:00 – Early Marriage Struggles, Drama & Learning to Laugh18:30 – Communication Differences and Learning Each Other21:41 – How Bill & Pam Became Authors23:03 – The Power of Mentorship25:15 – Following Where God Leads30:00 – Learning to Write—and Work—Together34:08 – The Story Behind Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti36:48 – Why Women Are Like Spaghetti37:33 – Why Men Are Like Waffles41:35 – Accepting the Person You Married43:23 – Acceptance vs. Curiosity: Keep Discovering Your Spouse45:58 – How Men and Women Process Stress Differently47:11 – Red Hot Monogamy and Talking About Sex in Marriage49:22 – Have Marriage Problems Changed Over the Years?51:34 – Why You Can’t “AI” a Relationship54:00 – Technology, Face-to-Face Connection & Reading Your Spouse56:59 – Advice for Engaged and Newly Married Couples57:13 – Your Family of Origin: What Are You Bringing Into Marriage?60:00 – What to Keep—and What to Replace—from Your Childhood61:59 – Forgiveness and Building a Healthy Home62:42 – The Most Important Communication Skill in Marriage63:06 – Listen to Discover, Not Just to Solve65:05 – Caring for Aging Parents and Finding Joy in Hard Seasons66:49 – The “Path to Greatness”67:20 – A Great Marriage Takes the Right Tools68:55 – ClosingBill and Pam Farrel are the founders of Love-Wise and have spent decades helping couples strengthen their most important relationships through books, conferences, counseling, and practical biblical teaching.If this conversation encouraged you, subscribe to Tools for Marriage, share this episode with another couple, and let us know in the comments:What is one difference between you and your spouse that you've learned to appreciate instead of trying to change?Show notes:Love-Wise: https://www.love-wise.com/Men are Like Waffles Women are Like Spaghetti#ToolsForMarriage #MarriagePodcast #ChristianMarriage #MarriageAdvice #Relationships #BillFarrel #PamFarrel #MenAreLikeWafflesWomenAreLikeSpaghetti #MarriageTips #ChristianRelationships

E19 - Abuse, Healing & Hope with Beauty From Ashes | Tools for MarriageIn this important conversation, we sit down with Debby Mylar, MS, MAC, Co-Founder & Director, and Lori Smithson, Program & Development Director of Beauty From Ashes Ministries to talk about the difficult line between normal marital conflict and abuse. Debby and Lori share their experience walking alongside women impacted by domestic oppression and abuse, helping them recognize unhealthy patterns and find a path toward safety, healing, and hope.We also explore abuse through a Christian lens—including misconceptions around submission, forgiveness, reconciliation, and marriage counseling—and discuss how friends, family members, and churches can respond well. Whether you’re struggling in your own relationship or want to better support someone you love, this conversation offers practical wisdom, compassion, and the reminder that there is hope even in the hardest circumstances.Chapters:0:00:00 - When Marriage Conflict Becomes Abuse0:02:10 - The Story Behind Beauty from Ashes Ministries0:05:35 - From a Local Support Group to a Worldwide Ministry0:08:40 - Walking with Women from Confusion to Healing0:13:00 - How Common Is Domestic Abuse?0:17:45 - Conflict vs. Abuse: Recognizing the Difference0:20:00 - Why Traditional Marriage Counseling Can Make Abuse Worse0:24:00 - Helping Both Survivors and Oppressors Find Healing0:29:30 - Christian Misconceptions About Submission & Forgiveness0:35:30 - How God Brings Healing and Restoration After Abuse0:37:00 - What Family & Friends Can Do When They Suspect Abuse0:39:30 - Spiritual Abuse & the Weaponization of Scripture0:42:00 - Red Flags to Watch for Before Marriage0:44:40 - Hope for Someone Who Feels Trapped0:46:20 - How Beauty from Ashes Helps—and How You Can Get InvolvedShow Notes:When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Churchby Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson - https://www.amazon.com/When-Home-Hurts-Responding-Domestic/dp/1527107221/Phone number is eight oh one three nine six zero zero eight ninewebsite: beautyfromashesministries.org

E18 - Trevor's Parents' Story and Letting the Lord Lead | Tools for MarriageIn this heartfelt episode of Tools for Marriage, Trevor and Laura sit down with Trevor’s parents, Brent and Darene, to hear the stories, lessons, and hard-won wisdom that come from 59 years of marriage. From a honeymoon that cost just $6 to building a life marked by faith, family, perseverance, and love, this conversation is full of humor, honesty, and timeless encouragement.They talk about learning to navigate life as opposites, how to handle money without letting it divide your marriage, why loving your spouse well is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children, and how commitment carries a couple through both joyful and difficult seasons. They also share stories from raising their family, career moves, and the faith that shaped their journey together.Whether you’re newly married, preparing for marriage, or decades in, this episode offers practical wisdom and a beautiful reminder that love is not just a feeling — it’s a decision, lived out over time.Chapters:(0:00) Welcome to Tools for Marriage + Meet Brent & Darene(1:33) Opposites in Marriage: Adventure vs. A Plan(2:59) The $6 Honeymoon Story(6:15) The 25th Anniversary Surprise Recreated(16:13) Marriage Advice: Love Is a Decision(18:03) Handling Money Without Letting It Divide You(22:26) Best Thing for Kids: Love Their Mother(26:22) Raising Three Boys and Family Life Stories(29:09) Brent’s Engineering Career and the Move to Pennsylvania(51:06) Faith Journey, Moving to Salt Lake, Gideons, and LegacyShow notes:The Gideons International: https://gideons.org/

Season 2 Episode 17: Looking Back (Season 1), Looking Forward (Season 2) | Tools for Marriage

Tools for Marriage: https://toolsformarriage.com

Are you looking for practical ways to build a stronger, more resilient marriage? Join Trevor and Laura in this special transition episode of the Tools for Marriage podcast as they celebrate the wrap-up of Season 1 and share an exciting look ahead at Season 2!

In this episode, we reflect on the "master class" of wisdom shared by our incredible Season 1 guests—from first responders and ministry leaders to marriage authors. We dive into the most impactful "tools" we’ve learned so far.

Whether you are on the cusp of marriage or have been together for decades, these tangible, Christ-centered tools are designed to help your relationship flourish. Stick around until the end to hear what’s coming in Season 2 as we continue our mission to provide the skills every couple needs but few are taught.

What you’ll learn in this video:

✅ Why we started the Tools for Marriage podcast.

✅ The concept of "Radical Obedience" in a relationship.

✅ Highlights from our most popular Season 1 interviews.

✅ A sneak peek at the topics and guests coming in Season 2!

Subscribe for more practical marriage tools and hit the notification bell so you never miss an episode of Season 2!

Chapters:

(0:00:00) - Introduction to Season 2

(0:01:04) - The Accidental Podcast: How It All Began

(0:02:25) - The Technical Learning Curve and Home Studio Challenges

(0:04:05) - The Mission: Reaching Beyond One-on-One Counseling

(0:05:27) - Radical Obedience and Choosing Yearly Words

(0:07:23) - The Philosophy Behind "Tools for Marriage"

(0:08:45) - Learning in Reverse: Avoiding Relationship Potholes

(0:09:49) - Communication Trap: The Myth of Mind Reading (Episode 1 - Trevor & Laura Black)

(0:10:47) - Defining Your Terms and Avoiding Assumptions

(0:12:37) - Intentional Connection: Couch Time and Walk-and-Talks

(0:14:11) - Supporting First Responder Marriages (Episode 2 - Mark & Annette Manley)

(0:16:42) - Personality Assessments and Ministry (Episode 5 - Brian & Linda Seitz)

(0:18:39) - The Power of the Tongue & Developing Curiosity (Episode 8 - Trevor & Laura Black)

(0:20:59) - Loving One Another Well & The “F” Word (Feelings), Feelings Wheel (Episode 4 - Kelly DuPée)

(0:24:01) - Fix vs. Listen & The Love Languages (Episode 6 - DC and Cookie Currier)

(0:26:44) - The 1st year of marriage & Premarital Counseling (Episode 7 - Max & McKenzie Walls)

(0:29:01) - Bucket List & Savor and Gratitude & How They Met (Episode 9 - Ron & Nancy Anderson - Part 1)

(0:30:22) - Restoration or Reconciliation from Infidelity (Episode 10 - Ron & Nancy Anderson - Part 2)

(0:32:55) - Meeting comedian Robert G. Lee on set (Episode 11 - Robert G & Anne Lee)

(0:35:06) - Prayer & Following the Holy Spirit (Episode 12 - Keith & Megan Peeler)

(0:36:45) - In Sickness and In Health (Episode 13 - Chris & Sheryl Solberg)

(0:38:10) - Peregrine & Lasagna Love (Episode 14 - Craig & Beryl Glass)

(0:39:40) - Humility and Reconciliation (Episode 15 - Eric Heard)

(0:42:00) - How We Love & Counseling (Episode 16 - Bagwell)

(0:43:26) - Sneak Peek: What to Expect in Season 2

(0:44:43) - Closing Thoughts and Community Connection

#marriageadvice #RelationshipTools #ToolsForMarriage #ChristianMarriage #CommunicationSkills #MarriagePodcast #Season2Launch #strongertogether

Episode 16 - Darren Bagwell Marriage & Family Therapist Shares Insights on a Strong and Healthy Marriage | Tools for Marriage

Join us for an insightful conversation with licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Darren Bagwell, as he shares his personal journey and professional wisdom on healing attachment wounds and moving toward secure connection in marriage. Darren unveils the critical role of your "Attachment Imprint," explaining why the high-achieving "Golden Child" identity often fails in partnership, and how the Anxious Pleaser pattern emerges. You’ll learn tangible, compassionate steps to integrate your Inner Child, utilize the Comfort Circle for safety and attunement, and embrace the 3 R's framework (Recover, Repair, and Reconnect) to transform conflict into deeper intimacy. This episode is a must-listen for any couple ready to stop managing surface-level conflict and start building a marriage defined by lasting security and heartfelt understanding.

Chapters:

(0:00:00) Welcome & Meet Darren Bagwell: Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

(0:01:06) From Sociology to Diamond Sales: The Winding Path to MFT

(0:05:09) The Pivot to Counseling: Grad School, MFT, and the EMDR Approach

(0:07:10) Trauma is What Happens Inside: The Origin of the "Attachment Imprint"

(0:11:10) The Anxious Pleaser & Discovering the How We Love Model

(0:15:35) When the "Golden Child" Breaks: Marital Crisis and the Wounds from Childhood

(0:21:26) The Inner Child: Why Understanding Your Past is Key to Your Present

(0:33:40) The Comfort Circle: A Tool for Safety, Attunement, and Secure Connection

(0:42:00) Humility & Ownership: The Two Keys to Moving Through Marital Crisis

(0:47:00) Advice for Newlyweds: Marriage as a Process of "Becoming"

(0:54:30) The 3 R's Framework: Recover, Repair, and Reconnect

Show Notes:

Darren Bagwell - https://www.darrenbagwell.com/

Reunion Counseling - https://www.reunioncounseling.com/

The Formation Agency - https://theformationagency.com/

How We Love - https://howwelove.com

Tools for Marriage - https://toolsformarriage.com

About Darren Bagwell:

Darren is passionate about helping you navigate through the complexities of life in order to find the best solution available. Darren has clinical experience working with anxiety, depression, divorce complications, co-parenting, adjustment issues, addiction, trauma, and relational conflict. He enjoys working with individuals that feel stuck or struggling to find their path as well as couples, families and young adults.

Darren Bagwell , M.A., LMFT Marriage & Family Counselor

https://www.darrenbagwell.com/

949.274.3816

[email protected]

26131 Marguerite Parkway, Suite A

Mission Viejo, CA 92692

Episode 15 - 1,358 Weddings, 18 Re-Marriages, and Truths to Transform Your Marriage with Pastor Eric Heard | Tools for Marriage

Description:

In this powerful episode of Tools for Marriage, Trevor and Laura sit down with Pastor Eric Heard - a man who has spent over 50 years helping couples prepare, repair, and completely restore their marriages. With more than 1,358 weddings, 18 reconciled remarriages, and decades of working with marriages in crisis, Eric brings wisdom forged through personal pain, biblical truth, and years of pastoral experience.

Eric shares openly about his own story of abuse, separation, repentance, and miraculous restoration - and explains the practical tools every couple must master: conflict resolution, emotional connection, protecting covenant, dealing with bitterness, and understanding the spiritual battle behind relational division.

Whether you're preparing for marriage, fighting for your marriage, or supporting others in theirs, this episode is filled with transformational insight, humor, authenticity, and real hope.

Chapters:

(00:00) – Welcome & Introductions

Trevor and Laura introduce Pastor Eric Heard and set the stage for the conversation.(01:06) – Eric’s Story: Conversion, Calling & 51 Years of Ministry

How Eric came to Christ at 18 and began his journey into pastoral ministry.

(03:56) – 1,358 Weddings & a Lifelong Commitment to Couples

Eric discusses performing weddings, premarital counseling, and why he uses old-school folders.

(05:21) – The Beauty of Reconciliation & 18 Re-Marriages

Stories of couples who divorced and later rebuilt their marriage from scratch.

(15:10) – Growing Up in Abuse & How Trauma Follows You Into Marriage

Eric opens up about childhood abuse, normalized dysfunction, and its impact on early marriage.

(21:24) – The Turning Point: Separation, Confession & God Changing His Heart

The moment Eric realized his anger and abuse were destroying his marriage — and what he did to change.

(37:13) – The Four Cornerstones of Marriage: Permanence, Oneness, Nakedness & Intimacy

Eric breaks down the biblical foundation that shapes every healthy marriage.

(43:02) – Conflict Resolution Tools That Actually Work

The Disneyland Autotopia analogy, mirroring, and why most couples never learned these skills.

(48:06) – Teaching Men to Feel & Women to Use Fewer Words

Eric explains the feeling wheel, gender differences, and how to communicate more effectively.

(56:06) – Protecting the Covenant: Guardrails Against Betrayal

Practical boundaries, transparency, and the importance of safeguarding the marriage relationship.

Show Notes:

Standing Stone Ministry - https://standingstoneministry.org

Mariners Church - https://marinerschurch.org

How We Love - https://howwelove.com

SYMBIS - https://symbis.com

Relationship Lifeline - https://relationshiplifeline.org

Tools for Marriage - https://toolsformarriage.com @ToolsForMarriage ​

In this inspiring episode of Tools for Marriage, Trevor and Laura reconnect with Craig and Beryl Glass — a couple whose marriage has been shaped by faith, courage, and a lifetime of service. From smuggling Bibles behind the Iron Curtain to leading men’s ministries and delivering meals through Lasagna Love, their story is a powerful reminder that marriage is both an adventure and a ministry.

Listen as they share lessons learned from 49 years together, the importance of compassion and courage in godly manhood, and how small acts of love can ripple across generations.

1. (00:00) Introduction and Reconnection
2. (02:05) The Journey of Craig and Beryl Glass
3. (05:09) Early Years of Marriage
4. (08:12) Missionary Adventures in Europe
5. (11:03) The Risks of Bible Smuggling
6. (14:13) Stories from the Field
7. (17:11) The Lasagna Love Initiative
8. (20:04) Peregrine Ministries and Its Mission
9. (23:10) Father-Son Retreats and Their Impact
10. (35:01) The Journey to Manhood
11. (37:58) Creating a Passage to Manhood
12. (40:58) The Blessing Ceremony
13. (43:38) Core Qualities of Masculinity
14. (46:43) The Importance of Fathers
15. (49:37) Advice for Couples
16. (52:32) Navigating Differences in Marriage
17. (56:35) Faith and Ministry Together
18. (59:11) The Impact of Small Acts
19. (01:03:53) You Matter: A Message to Men

Peregrine Ministries - https://peregrineministries.org/
Lasagna Love - https://lasagnalove.org/
Tools for Marriage - https://toolsformarriage.com/

Episode 13: Wit and Wisdom with the Solbergs | Tools for Marriage

Podcast Chapters:

(0:00:00) Introduction to "Tools for Marriage" Podcast

(0:02:07) Chris and Sheryl's Meet-Cute Story

(0:03:57) The Spontaneous Pop-Top Engagement

(0:07:50) The Pros and Cons of Living Together Before Marriage

(0:10:52) Navigating Conflict in the Early Years

(0:13:19) Sex and Expectations

(0:15:22) The Five Love Languages

(0:19:55) The Importance of Communication and Mentorship

(0:22:15) Marriage and Raising Children

(0:26:06) Staying Connected as an Empty Nest Couple

(0:30:26) Advice for Young Couples

(0:40:48) Building a Legacy in Your Marriage

(0:47:03) Navigating Temptations and Guardrails

(0:56:45) Finding Community and a Love for Pickleball

(1:02:00) The Power of Partnership and a Lasting Impact

Show Notes:

SYMBIS - https://www.symbis.com/

5 Love Languages - https://5lovelanguages.com/

Tools for Marriage - https://toolsformarriage.com

Episode 12: Praying Your Way to a Stronger Marriage with Keith and Megan Peeler | Tools for Marriage

Podcast Chapters:

(00:00) Introduction and Overview of Everfree Ministries

(01:54) The Peeler's Marriage Journey

(04:20) First Date and Family Dynamics

(07:05) The Importance of Communication in Relationships

(09:53) Navigating Early Relationship Challenges

(12:44) Advice for Young Couples

(14:59) The Power of Prayer in Marriage

(17:21) Interactive Prayer and Spiritual Connection

(21:54) Building Intimacy Through Shared Experiences

(24:00) The Power of Prayer in Marriage

(25:01) Discovering Deliverance and Inner Healing

(26:04) Experiencing Spiritual Warfare

(29:54) Understanding Deliverance and Healing

(34:04) Navigating Resistance and Pushback

(39:04) The Role of Authority in Prayer

(44:35) Setting Expectations for Prayer Appointments

(47:09) The Power of Spirit-Led Prayer

(50:26) Navigating Life's Challenges and God's Guidance

(53:01) Understanding Authority in Christ

(55:30) The Role of Inner Healing in Physical Health

(59:31) The Healing Ministry and Its Challenges

(01:04:34) Empowering Women Through Healing and Identity

(01:07:10) Multiplying the Impact of Inner Healing Ministry

(01:09:01) Closing and Encouragement

Show Notes:

Everfree 2.0 Launch - November 7, 2025: https://kingdomcreative.mykajabi.com/fund-the-freedom

Everfree Prayer Community: https://kingdomcreative.mykajabi.com/everfree-community

EverfreeHER: https://www.everfreeprayer.org/everfreeher

Everfree Prayer: https://everfreeprayer.org

Episode 11 - A Therapist and a Comedian Walk Into a Marriage | Tools for Marriage

In this episode we feature the incredibly talented duo, Robert G. and Anne Lee . This is not your average couple - Robert is a seasoned comedian, known as Hollywood's top sitcom warm-up comic for over 1,500 episodes of shows like Golden Girls, Becker, Wings, and the last episode of Cheers. He's also a professional stand-up comedian with upcoming shows and was a writer for the beloved children's series, VeggieTales.

Anne, a gifted family and marriage therapist, and Robert, a master of humor, have combined their unique skills to create the "Humor, Healing, and Hope Marriage Retreats" Their upcoming book, “A Therapist and a Comedian Walk Into a Marriage” offers a humorous and wisdom filled take on marriage. Together, they offer practical, tangible tools, like the "25/5" communication method and the Marriage Emergency Toolkit, to help couples build strong, lasting relationships.

Podcast Chapters:

(0:00:23) - Guest Introduction: Anne and Robert G. Lee

(0:01:23) - The Story of How They Met at Ohio University

(0:05:08) - Anne's Journey to Becoming a Therapist

(0:10:18) - Robert's Career as a Sitcom Audience Warm-Up Comedian

(0:18:46) - The Realities of Living with a Comedian

(0:31:40) - The Launch of the Humor, Healing, and Hope Marriage Retreat

(0:34:06) - The "25/5" Tool for Communication

(0:59:58) - The Importance of Partnership in a Marriage

(1:11:44) - How to Connect with Anne and Robert

Show notes:

Tools for Marriage - https://toolsformarriage.comhttps://www.robertglee.com/

https://www.instagram.com/robertgleecomedy/

IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1557883/

https://www.annewlee.com/

Marriage Retreat @ Lighthouse Church (Phoenix, AZ) - Nov 7-8, 2025