Captain Bruno Guimarães has officially completed his £75m move to Arsenal. Helen and Dave talk through the fallout, before shifting focus to the pitch where new manager Matthias Jaissle kicked off his tenure with a spirited 2-1 pre-season victory over Valencia in Spain.

Dave and Helen then lower the tone to run through their top three personal pet hates in modern football.

In this episode:

Processing the Bruno Exit: The heartbreak of losing our Brazilian maestro to Arsenal. We unpack the £75m transfer, what it means for our squad's leadership, and how Newcastle rebuilds a depleted midfield.

The Matthias Jaissle Era Begins: A look at Jaissle’s first game at the helm! We break down the 2-1 comeback win against Valencia and Helen does a complete 180 on her opinion of the new coach.

Pre-Season Progress Check: Standout individual performances, tactical tweaks under the new German head coach, and what we need to see before the Premier League opener.

The Pet Hates Pod: We trade the tactical analysis for pure cathartic venting as Helen and Dave count down their top three biggest annoyances in modern football from money to social media to on pitch behaviour - it's like therapy !

#ToonedIn #NUFC #NewcastleUnited #BrunoGuimaraes #MatthiasJaissle #Arsenal #Valencia #PreSeason #PremierLeague #FootballPetHates #Geordies #FootballPodcast

Just when we thought pre-season was going to be a smooth ride, Eddie Howe shocks the city by resigning, making way for the arrival of Matthias Jaissle. Helen and Dave break down the fallout of Howe’s departure, what Jaissle’s high pressing tactical philosophy means for the Magpies, and the stomach churning rumours linking captain Bruno Guimarães with a shock move to Arsenal.

Plus, Helen reports back from the terraces after taking in Newcastle’s second pre-season friendly down at Gateshead Stadium, before we wrap things up with a high-stakes, ruthless game of Keep, Loan or Sell across the entire Newcastle squad.

In this episode:

Eddie Howe Resigns & The Jaissle Era Begins: Reactions to Eddie calling it quits, evaluating Matthias Jaissle’s managerial credentials, and how the squad will adapt to a completely new tactical system.

The Bruno to Arsenal Rumours: Is there any truth to the Gunners sniffing around our midfield maestro, or is it pure summer transfer clickbait?

Gateshead Friendly Review: Helen breaks down the action from the International Stadium; standout youngsters, tactical tweaks under the new setup, pre season fitness levels, and what she overheard them calling each other on the pitch

Keep, Loan, or Sell: We go through the entire NUFC squad player by player and make the tough calls on who stays, who goes out on loan, and who needs to be shipped out before the deadline!

#ToonedIn #NUFC #NewcastleUnited #EddieHowe #MatthiasJaissle #BrunoGuimaraes #PreSeason #GatesheadFC #PremierLeague #FootballPodcast #Geordies

​We are back for Part Two of our summer Q&A, and this time, we are stripping away the heavy tactics and transfer stress for some proper light hearted banter

in this episode:

​The New Stadium Prospect: Leaving St. James' Park or expanding the Cathedral on the Hill? We break down the latest whispers about 68,000 capacity mega-stadiums, 

NUFC Fans toxic?: We address the myth versus reality of Geordie Twitter, knee jerk matchday meltdowns, and whether our passionate fan standards ever cross the line into unreasonable expectations.

​The Punditry Pitch Off: Who would actually be the better TV football pundit; Helen or Dave? We debate who brings the true tactical analysis versus who just brings pure unhinged passion, and who'd get us taken off air first. 

​The Jacob Murphy Buzzcut Incident: Helen’s absolute favorite player shaved his head, and opinions are strictly divided! We give our definitive fashion verdict on Jacob Murphy's new aerodynamic look and what it means for his wing play next season. 

​#ToonedIn #NUFC #NewcastleUnited #QandA #JacobMurphy #StJamesPark #Geordies #PremierLeague #FootballDebate #PodcastBanter 

The curtain has finally fallen on a chaotic, sleep-deprived summer of tournament football, and we are back in the studio for Part 2 of our World Cup Special to break it all down!

Before we dive into the football, Helen and Dave open the show with a heartfelt tribute to the legendary Kevin Keegan, following the heartbreaking news of his passing. We reflect on King Kev's unmatched legacy, what he gave to Newcastle United, and why his memory will live forever on Tyneside.

Then, to help us unpack a wild month of action, we are joined once again by the one and only Cup Final Kid Dave! Having watched practically every single minute of the tournament, Dave brings his usual tactical breakdowns, unvarnished hot takes, and midnight kickoff survival tips to the table.

In this episode:

Remembering King Kev: Paying our respects to a true Newcastle icon who made an entire city believe.

Quarter final & Semi final Chaos: Picking up from the nerve shredding England vs. Norway showdown, through to the high drama semi finals and that brutal World Cup Final climax between Spain and Argentina.

The Highs & The Lows: We review the best games, the most dramatic refereeing meltdowns, and the 2 am kickoffs that pushed our body clocks to the absolute limit.

Standout Stars & Flops of the Tournament: Dave , Dave and Helen reveal their individual picks for Player of the Tournament, the biggest breakout talents, and the high profile heavyweights who completely bombed out.

The toon footprint: How did Magpies past and present fare on the world stage, and what does it mean as we gear up for the return of domestic football?

#ToonedIn #NUFC #NewcastleUnited #KevinKeegan #KingKev #WorldCup2026 #England #ThreeLions #FootballPodcast #Geordies #PremierLeague

With the transfer rumors swirling and the 2026/27 pre-season on the horizon, Helen and Dave are handing the microphone over to you. In Part One of our listeners' Q&A, we are tackle bagging your most burning, unfiltered, and downright difficult questions about the direction of the club. No holding back, no media trained answers, just honest Geordie chat.

In this episode:

The Eddie Howe Post Mortem: Was last year truly a 'nightmare' season for Eddie, or did he do the absolute maximum with a completely broken deck of cards? We address your questions on his tactical stubbornness, the injury crisis, and whether the pressure is firmly on his shoulders to deliver from day one of the new campaign.

The Bruno Flight Risk: It's the question everyone is terrified of asking. With the constant summer transfer rumors circling, how worried are we about a potential Bruno Guimarães departure? We debate his value, his loyalty, and how on earth we would ever replace El Capitan if the unthinkable happens.

Sensing the SJP Atmosphere: Is the Cathedral on the Hill losing its famous roar? We discuss the changing matchday demographics and whether the atmosphere at St. James' Park is starting to feel a bit too corporate, or if the passion is still as loud as ever.

We also answer some brilliant, lighthearted quickfire questions from the community to keep the peace.

#ToonedIn #NUFC #NewcastleUnited #QandA #EddieHowe #BrunoGuimaraes #StJamesPark #Gallowgate #PremierLeague #Geordies

Pour yourself a strong black coffee, set your body clock back to normal, and strap in we are recapping a truly iconic, sleep-deprived night of international football.

The summer tournament schedule is delivering absolute cinema, and on Episode 18, we are dissecting England's breathtaking, nerve shredding 3-2 Round of 16 victory over co hosts Mexico at the legendary Estadio Azteca. Millions of us sacrificed our sleep schedules for a 2am BST kickoff, but my word, did Thomas Tuchel’s 10 man lions make the morning exhaustion worth it.

In this episode:

The 2 am Club: We talk about the shared fan experience of staying awake through weather delays, high altitudes, and sheer anxiety. Was it a text group frenzy in our household, or were we silently turning into jelly on the sofa?

The Black & White Footprint: How did our own boys handle the ultimate pressure cooker? With half a dozen toon lads playing for their respective home teams, who is going to come home with their tail between their legs and who is going to come home with renewed confidence?

Tournament Truths (Surprises & Disappointments): We put the wider tournament under the microscope. We debate the biggest shock packages of the competition so far (hello, Norway stunning Brazil to set up our quarter final tie!) versus the heavy hitters who have completely failed to spark.

Grab a brew, ignore the dark circles under our eyes, and get ready for a massive tournament debrief.

With the summer transfer window heating up, Helen and Dave are locking themselves in the studio for Episode 17 to dig into the players who completely divide the fanbase. We are looking at Newcastle United figures past and present, throwing away the generic stat sheets, and sharing our highly personal, unfiltered picks for the players who have given us total emotional whiplash

In this episode:

The Heartbreak Heroes (Loved Them, Then Didn't): We talk about the players who had us completely under their spell until a sudden transfer, a bad attitude, or a spectacular fall from grace ruined the romance.

The Apology Form (Didn't Love Them, Then Did): We swallow our pride and hand out some long-overdue apologies. Who are the players we wrote off entirely, only for them to put in a shift, prove us completely wrong, and win our hearts?

The Ultimate Underachievers (Biggest Disappointment): The ones who arrived with massive price tags, world class reputations, or heaps of potential, but ended up leaving us completely cold.

The Shock Packages (Biggest Surprise): The squad players, utility men, or bargain buys who had no right to become as crucial or as loved as they did.

The Present Day Great Divide: We debate the current members of Eddie Howe’s squad who still can't seem to get a unanimous verdict from the Gallowgate end. Why does one good game buy them three months of grace for some fans, while others are ready to sell them every Saturday?

Prepare for some seriously heated household debates and a few confessions. Get Tooned In!

With the summer break giving us time to breathe, Helen and Dave are dedicating Episode 16 to the lifeblood of the club: The NUFC Fandom. We are stripping away the tactics and the transfer rumors to dive deep into what it truly means to wear the black and white stripes, looking at the brilliant, and sometimes baffling, sides of our community, and sharing the personal memories that hooked us for life.

In this episode:

The Geordie Identity: What makes Newcastle fans so unique? We discuss the intense local pride, the community spirit that takes over the city on matchdays, and how the club acts as a global badge of honor for anyone from Tyneside.

Navigating the Rivals: Whether it's living with a house divided, dealing with banter at work, or surviving the sheer pettiness of our 'friends down the road,' we talk about the art of surviving rival fanbases without losing your mind.

Our First Matches: Helen and Dave take a trip down memory lane to share their own origin stories. From that very first walk up the Gallowgate steps to the sights, sounds, and smells that made us realize there was no turning back.

And Finally... The Height Premium: To wrap things up, Helen puts Dave firmly on the spot with a chaotic game of Higher or Lower based entirely on the physical statures of the current NUFC squad. Can he accurately guess who stands taller between Dan Burn and the rest of the lads, or will his spatial awareness let him down?

Since Helen mentions it nearly every episode we are finally putting to bed one of the biggest transfer wounds in recent Newcastle United history 🖤🤍

With the summer break well underway, Helen and Dave are finally locking themselves in the studio to dissect the saga that defined our entire 2025/26 campaign before it even kicked off. We are talking about *that* summer. The summer the financial rules bit hard, the PSR panic set in, and our world-class talisman Alexander Isak was sold to Liverpool.

In this episode:

Anatomy of a Mega-Sale: We revisit the chaotic final weeks of last summer’s transfer window. What actually happened behind closed doors? We trace the timeline from the first terrifying rumors to the absolute gut punch of seeing Alex holding up a red shirt at Anfield.

The Ripple Effect: How did losing a 20 plus goal striker reshape Eddie Howe’s entire tactical blueprint this season? We look at how it thrust William Osula into the spotlight earlier than planned and altered the chemistry of our front three.

Moving On vs. Moving Forward: Isak might have swapped Tyneside for Merseyside, but where did this leave us? We debate whether the astronomical fee was reinvested wisely and what the club must do this summer to ensure we never have to sell a superstar to a rival again.

It’s part group therapy, part tactical autopsy, and 100% unfiltered.

The football might be on summer hiatus, but we are back in the studio for an absolute masterclass in the dark arts.

With the 2025/26 season wrapped up, Helen and Dave are tackling one of the most beautiful, controversial, and fundamentally misunderstood concepts in the entire game: Shithousery. It’s a word we throw around every week on the mics, but today we are putting it under the microscope, tracking its history, and arguing over who wears the ultimate crown on Tyneside.

In this episode:

The Anatomy of a Shithouse: What does the term actually mean to us as fans? We separate lazy, malicious fouls from the psychological, tactical genius that leaves an opposition player completely rattled before a ball is even kicked.

Our Personal Top 5 Countdown: The gloves come off as Helen and Dave count down their favorite Newcastle United shithouse moments of all time.

Crowning the ultimate shithouse: our very own Cup Final Kid is back to discuss Helen and Dave's selections and crown the ultimate NUFC shithouse