CAPITALISM'S CARNIVAL OF CURIOUS CHOICES

This week on GO FACT YOURSELF, we're diving headfirst into the celebrity endorsement hall of shame (and occasional genius), proving that fame can buy you anything... even the inexplicable. —

Podcast Title: GO FACT YOURSELF Tagline: Top 10 Lists. Zero Apologies. Description: 🚨 Welcome to a special edition of GO FACT YOURSELF—where sanity takes a back seat and the bizarre takes the wheel! 🤯 This week, we're unleashing a celebrity endorsement extravaganza so wild, so "did-they-actually-do-that?!", it'll leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. Get ready for a deep dive into the Top 10 Bizarre Celebrity Endorsements That Actually Happened (And Yes, We Have Receipts)! We’re not just listing them; we’re dissecting the delicious, delusional details that prove Hollywood runs on hype and occasionally, utter madness.

Buckle up buttercups, because at #10, we're cracking open Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, a beverage that allegedly boasted “Tibetan goji berries,” “Asian Cordyceps mushrooms,” and wait for it... wolf extract! Released in 2005, this "first energy drink of its kind" promised ancient warrior magic in a can, with Seagal himself describing the flavor as "a symphony of health" during a press tour where he posed with life-size cutouts. Despite the "chi power in a can" branding, it was mostly found in truck stops and quietly vanished after consumers complained about its smell and side effects. Imagine seeing your ancestors after one sip!

Sliding into #9, we find the queen of selfies herself, Kim Kardashian, endorsing Charmin’s Deluxe Public Restroom Experience. In 2010, Charmin opened a luxurious pop-up bathroom in Times Square, complete with marble flooring and attendants, and Kim K. was there to cut the ribbon and declare, “Everyone deserves a first-class bathroom experience” while holding TP rolls like trophies. From reality TV royalty to the throne of sanitation, who knew public toilets could be aspirational?

At #8, prepare for the Prince of Darkness to get surprisingly domestic with Ozzy Osbourne’s I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Campaign (UK Only!)! In 2006, the bat-biting icon confusedly wandered through UK supermarkets in ads, muttering things like, “What the bloody ‘ell is this?” while enjoying the butter substitute. With lines like “It’s not real butter?! Bloody hell!”, the campaign was a surreal sensation, dividing the British public while Ozzy claimed he "genuinely liked the taste". Imagine your morning toast headbanging!

Cruising to #7, we’ve got the legendary Beatle, Ringo Starr, starring in a Japanese ad for a Sanyo vacuum cleaner... with an anti-smoking twist! In 1986, Ringo nonchalantly vacuumed up cigarette butts while a voiceover boomed “No smoke! Clean home! RINGO STRONG!”. This ad, a hit in Japan where the Beatles are revered, was Ringo’s way of promoting "clean living" (and cashing a check). So, while Paul might sell soup, and George sold sitars, Ringo was on a mission to vacuum your ashtray!

Popping into the top half at #6, it’s the epitome of pampered pooches with Paris Hilton’s Canned Champagne for Dogs! In 2011, Paris launched “Doggy Bubbles,” a non-alcoholic bubbly marketed as a "glamorous hydration option" for your furry friends. Picture a Beverly Hills dog party with celebrity pets sipping this questionable concoction from Swarovski bowls while Paris declared, “Every dog deserves to live the Hilton lifestyle”. Veterinarians weren't convinced, dogs weren't interested, and one PETA rep called it “luxury confusion”. Cheers to that, darling!

Holding strong at #5, prepare to get motivated by the one and only Mr. T’s “Be Somebody… or Be Somebody’s Fool” Self-Help VHS! Released in 1984, this wasn’t an endorsement, but a full-blown motivational experience featuring disco dancing, rapping about peanut butter, and Mr. T serenading his own mother. With gems like, “I CRY INSIDE WHEN FOOLS ACT A FOOL!” followed by breakdancing with a mime, this VHS is a surreal '80s time capsule. What if Mr. Rogers and Hulk Hogan had a baby on acid? You get the picture!

Making us question our lunch choices at #4, it’s Snoop Dogg’s Swedish Hot Dog Endorsement — Featuring a Meat Grinder Close-Up! In a 2016 Swedish PSA aimed at reducing hot dog consumption, Snoop was shown the horrifying reality of mechanically separated meat. His live reaction, including the unforgettable line, “Yo… that looks like doo-doo,” went viral. The irony? A year later, Snoop partnered with Beyond Meat to launch Snoop’s Veggie Dawgs. Forget D.A.R.E., just show kids this!

Breathing down our necks at #3, we have the undeniably bizarre Beyoncé’s Breath-Activated Japanese Video Game Ad! In the early 2000s, Queen B filmed a commercial in Japan for "Kiss Controller," a game controlled by… blowing on it. The tagline? “Use your breath to feel her power”. With Beyoncé dressed as a futuristic empress and the words “Breathe. Harder. Harder.” flashing on screen, the ad was pulled after one month due to being “confusing, erotic, and vaguely threatening”. Your brain just short-circuited, didn't it?

Whispering sweet (and slightly unsettling) nothings at #2, it’s the one and only Bob Dylan’s Victoria’s Secret Lingerie Commercial! In 2004, the gravel-voiced Nobel laureate inexplicably appeared in a lace-filled Victoria’s Secret commercial, with models writhing around him while his song “Love Sick” played. No singing, no smiling, just… lurking. Fans were horrified, comparing it to “watching your dad flirt with your prom date,” while Dylan simply stated, “Victoria’s Secret makes beautiful things”. From protest songs to push-up bras, folks!

And finally, snatching the #1 spot for sheer "wait, WHAT?!" audacity, it’s Colonel Sanders Impersonated By Reba McEntire (Yes, That Reba)! In 2018, KFC rebranded their iconic founder with the country music superstar in a mustache and white suit. Debuting during the Grammy Awards, Reba’s Colonel crooned about crispy chicken, winking and declaring, “I'm Colonel Sanders now!”. This wasn’t a one-time gag; Reba’s Colonel starred in multiple ads and even got action figures. Chaotic neutral advertising at its finest!

We told you it was wild! Join us next time on GO FACT YOURSELF for more top 10 lists that will make you question everything. Don't forget to subscribe and tell your friends – because shared disbelief is the best kind! 🤪🔥🎙️

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com