FURRY FELONS & FEATHERED FUGITIVES: A WILD JUSTICE LEAGUE

From a Nigerian goat with a penchant for grand theft auto to a French rooster in a legal cockfight, we're unleashing the unbelievable true crime stories of history's most notorious animal offenders! 🐾⚖️🚨 Get ready to have your reality TV addiction and your love for all things bizarre collide in the most epic top 10 countdown this side of Noah's Ark! 🚢 This week on GO FACT YOURSELF, we’re not kitten around as we delve into the shocking, the hilarious, and the utterly unbelievable tales of creatures great and small who found themselves on the wrong side of the law! 🐒🐷🐕 You thought humans had a monopoly on mayhem? Think again! From medieval madness to Cold War conspiracies, we’re unearthing the historical headlines and courtroom chaos surrounding these scandalous critters. Buckle up buttercup, because this ain’t your typical trip to the zoo! 🍌🌳🏛️ #AnimalCrimes #TrueCrimePodcast #WildlifeGoneWild #HistoryIsWeird #GoFactYourself #Top10List #Podcast #Comedy #FactBased #MindBlown 🤯

Here’s the jaw-dropping lineup of history's most scandalous furred and feathered felons:

* #10: The Goat Accused of Armed Robbery in Nigeria 🐐🔫: In 2009, Nigerian police arrested a goat on suspicion of armed robbery because witnesses swore they saw two armed robbers fleeing a car theft, but when cornered, one "mysteriously transformed" into a goat in Ilorin, Kwara State, Nigeria. Local law enforcement took shapeshifting and black magic seriously, even handcuffing the animal. Despite global coverage from CNN, BBC, and Reuters, no charges were ever officially filed.

* #9: The Italian Dog Sentenced to Death for Barking Too Loud 🐕⚖️: Pepe, an Italian Maremma Sheepdog, was condemned to death for "unbearable noise pollution" after his neighbors complained of "psychological distress" and "sleep deprivation" due to his barking. The case dragged through four courts over six years and even reached the Italian Supreme Court. Ultimately, in 2014, the Supreme Court spared Pepe’s life, citing insufficient proof he was solely responsible for the noise.

* #8: The Parrot Witness in a Murder Trial 🦜🗣️: Bud, an African grey parrot in Michigan, became an unlikely witness in a murder case by eerily repeating the victim’s final words: “Don’t f**ing shoot!”. While animal behaviorists debated the reliability of this testimony, prosecutors considered introducing it as evidence. Despite the media frenzy on CNN, NBC, and “Dateline,” Bud's testimony was not admissible, but the wife, Glenna Duram, was convicted without it.

* #7: The Medieval French Pig Executed for Murder 🐖🗡️: In 1386 in Falaise, France, a pig was tried in a full court of law for killing a child by allegedly biting off a baby’s face. The pig was even appointed a lawyer and dressed in human clothes for the public trial before being sentenced to death by public hanging. Legal historians still cite this case regarding anthropomorphic legal systems.

* #6: The Monkey Arrested for Disturbing the Peace in India 🐒🚨: A monkey in Patna, India, was arrested for a series of rooftop raids, thefts, and general hooliganism, with locals claiming it once broke into a police station. Authorities set a trap with bananas to nab the simian suspect, who was later relocated to a sanctuary after some locals rallied for its release.

* #5: The Donkey Jailed for Kicking a Man in Mexico 🫏👊: In 2008 in Chiapas, Mexico, a donkey was arrested and jailed for three days after kicking and biting two men, sending them to the hospital. Held in the local jail with human inmates, the donkey’s owner eventually paid the victims’ medical bills to secure its release, and it became a local legend.

* #4: The French Rooster Sued for Crowing Too Loud 🐓📣: Maurice the rooster from Saint-Pierre-d'Oléron, France, faced legal action for noise pollution due to his dawn crowing, symbolizing the clash between rural traditions and urban annoyances. His legal team argued that his crowing was part of France’s cultural heritage, and the judge ruled in his favor, making Maurice an international icon of rural pride.

* #3: The Locusts of Egypt — Tried in Absentia 🦗⚖️: In medieval Egypt, swarms of locusts causing catastrophic crop destruction were formally excommunicated in a public trial by religious and legal authorities who issued a legal writ of expulsion, though the locusts ignored it.

* #2: The British Cat Accused of Spying for Russia 🐈‍⬛🕵️‍♂️: During the Cold War panic of the 1960s, a cat near British intelligence HQ was suspected of being a Soviet spy, leading MI5 to seriously investigate it for hidden surveillance equipment before clearing it of all charges. Declassified files even contained memos titled: “Cat, Possible Surveillance Risk”.

* #1: The Medieval Mice of Autun — Sued for Property Damage 🐭🏰: In 1519, the French townspeople of Autun sued a colony of mice for eating their grain supplies, and the mice were given an official defense attorney. The lawyer argued they couldn’t appear in court due to the danger of cats, and the case was ultimately dismissed due to non-appearance. This case is cited in legal history as a bizarre example of animal litigation.

💥 BONUS FACT BLAST ZONE!

* A drunken moose detained in Sweden for eating fermented apples and getting stuck in a tree.

* A lobster fined in London for “disorderly conduct” at a seafood market protest.

* A chicken arrested at a political rally in Pakistan for “disturbing public order.”

* A pigeon charged with espionage in India for allegedly carrying coded messages.

* A swarm of bees “detained” by NYPD for swarming a hot dog stand.

Don't miss this wild ride into the annals of animal law! Subscribe now and prepare to say, "GO FACT YOURSELF!"

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CAPITALISM'S CARNIVAL OF CURIOUS CHOICES

This week on GO FACT YOURSELF, we're diving headfirst into the celebrity endorsement hall of shame (and occasional genius), proving that fame can buy you anything... even the inexplicable. —

Podcast Title: GO FACT YOURSELF Tagline: Top 10 Lists. Zero Apologies. Description: 🚨 Welcome to a special edition of GO FACT YOURSELF—where sanity takes a back seat and the bizarre takes the wheel! 🤯 This week, we're unleashing a celebrity endorsement extravaganza so wild, so "did-they-actually-do-that?!", it'll leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. Get ready for a deep dive into the Top 10 Bizarre Celebrity Endorsements That Actually Happened (And Yes, We Have Receipts)! We’re not just listing them; we’re dissecting the delicious, delusional details that prove Hollywood runs on hype and occasionally, utter madness.

Buckle up buttercups, because at #10, we're cracking open Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, a beverage that allegedly boasted “Tibetan goji berries,” “Asian Cordyceps mushrooms,” and wait for it... wolf extract! Released in 2005, this "first energy drink of its kind" promised ancient warrior magic in a can, with Seagal himself describing the flavor as "a symphony of health" during a press tour where he posed with life-size cutouts. Despite the "chi power in a can" branding, it was mostly found in truck stops and quietly vanished after consumers complained about its smell and side effects. Imagine seeing your ancestors after one sip!

Sliding into #9, we find the queen of selfies herself, Kim Kardashian, endorsing Charmin’s Deluxe Public Restroom Experience. In 2010, Charmin opened a luxurious pop-up bathroom in Times Square, complete with marble flooring and attendants, and Kim K. was there to cut the ribbon and declare, “Everyone deserves a first-class bathroom experience” while holding TP rolls like trophies. From reality TV royalty to the throne of sanitation, who knew public toilets could be aspirational?

At #8, prepare for the Prince of Darkness to get surprisingly domestic with Ozzy Osbourne’s I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Campaign (UK Only!)! In 2006, the bat-biting icon confusedly wandered through UK supermarkets in ads, muttering things like, “What the bloody ‘ell is this?” while enjoying the butter substitute. With lines like “It’s not real butter?! Bloody hell!”, the campaign was a surreal sensation, dividing the British public while Ozzy claimed he "genuinely liked the taste". Imagine your morning toast headbanging!

Cruising to #7, we’ve got the legendary Beatle, Ringo Starr, starring in a Japanese ad for a Sanyo vacuum cleaner... with an anti-smoking twist! In 1986, Ringo nonchalantly vacuumed up cigarette butts while a voiceover boomed “No smoke! Clean home! RINGO STRONG!”. This ad, a hit in Japan where the Beatles are revered, was Ringo’s way of promoting "clean living" (and cashing a check). So, while Paul might sell soup, and George sold sitars, Ringo was on a mission to vacuum your ashtray!

Popping into the top half at #6, it’s the epitome of pampered pooches with Paris Hilton’s Canned Champagne for Dogs! In 2011, Paris launched “Doggy Bubbles,” a non-alcoholic bubbly marketed as a "glamorous hydration option" for your furry friends. Picture a Beverly Hills dog party with celebrity pets sipping this questionable concoction from Swarovski bowls while Paris declared, “Every dog deserves to live the Hilton lifestyle”. Veterinarians weren't convinced, dogs weren't interested, and one PETA rep called it “luxury confusion”. Cheers to that, darling!

Holding strong at #5, prepare to get motivated by the one and only Mr. T’s “Be Somebody… or Be Somebody’s Fool” Self-Help VHS! Released in 1984, this wasn’t an endorsement, but a full-blown motivational experience featuring disco dancing, rapping about peanut butter, and Mr. T serenading his own mother. With gems like, “I CRY INSIDE WHEN FOOLS ACT A FOOL!” followed by breakdancing with a mime, this VHS is a surreal '80s time capsule. What if Mr. Rogers and Hulk Hogan had a baby on acid? You get the picture!

Making us question our lunch choices at #4, it’s Snoop Dogg’s Swedish Hot Dog Endorsement — Featuring a Meat Grinder Close-Up! In a 2016 Swedish PSA aimed at reducing hot dog consumption, Snoop was shown the horrifying reality of mechanically separated meat. His live reaction, including the unforgettable line, “Yo… that looks like doo-doo,” went viral. The irony? A year later, Snoop partnered with Beyond Meat to launch Snoop’s Veggie Dawgs. Forget D.A.R.E., just show kids this!

Breathing down our necks at #3, we have the undeniably bizarre Beyoncé’s Breath-Activated Japanese Video Game Ad! In the early 2000s, Queen B filmed a commercial in Japan for "Kiss Controller," a game controlled by… blowing on it. The tagline? “Use your breath to feel her power”. With Beyoncé dressed as a futuristic empress and the words “Breathe. Harder. Harder.” flashing on screen, the ad was pulled after one month due to being “confusing, erotic, and vaguely threatening”. Your brain just short-circuited, didn't it?

Whispering sweet (and slightly unsettling) nothings at #2, it’s the one and only Bob Dylan’s Victoria’s Secret Lingerie Commercial! In 2004, the gravel-voiced Nobel laureate inexplicably appeared in a lace-filled Victoria’s Secret commercial, with models writhing around him while his song “Love Sick” played. No singing, no smiling, just… lurking. Fans were horrified, comparing it to “watching your dad flirt with your prom date,” while Dylan simply stated, “Victoria’s Secret makes beautiful things”. From protest songs to push-up bras, folks!

And finally, snatching the #1 spot for sheer "wait, WHAT?!" audacity, it’s Colonel Sanders Impersonated By Reba McEntire (Yes, That Reba)! In 2018, KFC rebranded their iconic founder with the country music superstar in a mustache and white suit. Debuting during the Grammy Awards, Reba’s Colonel crooned about crispy chicken, winking and declaring, “I'm Colonel Sanders now!”. This wasn’t a one-time gag; Reba’s Colonel starred in multiple ads and even got action figures. Chaotic neutral advertising at its finest!

We told you it was wild! Join us next time on GO FACT YOURSELF for more top 10 lists that will make you question everything. Don't forget to subscribe and tell your friends – because shared disbelief is the best kind! 🤪🔥🎙️

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

Psychedelic synapses, accidental epiphanies, and the sweet, sweet smell of scientific serendipity... with a side of cheeba.

Welcome to GO FACT YOURSELF—the podcast that hits harder than your uncle's trivia night and cuts deeper than your ex’s last text. Each episode is a no-holds-barred countdown of the Top 10 Most Jaw-Dropping, Mind-Melting, Table-Flipping Facts in the universe. From the weirdest laws ever passed to history’s most savage comebacks, we rank it all—boldly, brilliantly, and with a twist of “did-they-just-say-that?!” This isn’t just a facts show. It’s a truth grenade. Press play. Regret nothing. In this week's extra-special, ganja-infused, and Nobel-adjacent adventure, we're diving deep into “Top 10 Times Scientists Got High and Accidentally Changed the World” 🧠🚀🤯. Get ready for a historical haze of accidental genius and chemically-induced creation! We're counting down the ten most delightfully deranged moments when scientists weren't exactly peer-reviewed, but definitely peer-stoned, into making world-altering discoveries! Buckle up buttercups, because the truth is stranger (and higher) than fiction!

Here’s the top 10 list that’ll have you questioning everything you thought you knew:

* #10: The Guy Who Discovered Acid... Then Rode His Bike Through a Psychedelic Apocalypse 🧪🚲😵. In 1943, Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann accidentally dosed himself with LSD through his fingertips before intentionally upping the ante and embarking on a legendary bicycle ride through what he called a "kaleidoscopic circus from hell". This accidental trip birthed the modern acid trip, revolutionized psychiatric research, and arguably kickstarted the ‘60s a couple of decades early. Turns out, trying to synthesize a respiratory stimulant (LSD-25) led to neural atomic bombs and conversations with furniture. His "very good experience" fascinated the CIA (hello, MKUltra!), and now Bicycle Day is a celebrated holiday for those who think gravity is optional.

* #9: The Physicist Who Solved Nuclear Equations in a Nicotine-Caffeine Frenzy 🧠🚬☕. Meet Richard Feynman: Nobel laureate, bongo enthusiast, safecracker, and the man who chain-smoked and coffee-fueled his way through the Manhattan Project. Wired on Lucky Strikes and endless java, Feynman claimed he could feel the math "dancing" in his head, scribbling critical nuclear fission formulas on napkins and even in a strip club. This caffeinated trance-state genius helped win the war and led to a side hustle of nerd trolling via safe-cracking. Later, sleep-deprived and mainlining Diet Coke, he even helped figure out the Challenger disaster. Give this man the stimulants, and he'll unlock the universe (and your filing cabinet).

* #8: The NASA Intern Who Got So High He Put a Spider on Drugs 🕸️🕷️🚀. In 1995, some adventurous (and possibly blazed) NASA researchers, including a legendary intern, fed spiders caffeine, marijuana, LSD, and benzedrine to see how it affected their web-weaving skills. The results were pure arachnid pandemonium: LSD spiders became meticulous engineers, caffeine spiders built chaotic messes, marijuana webs started strong then petered out, and benzedrine webs were huge but sloppy. This real, taxpayer-funded research published in The Journal of Arachnology aimed to test drugs’ effects on neurocognitive performance. Unconfirmed whispers even suggest the intern wanted to name a spider "Web Marley". Turns out, stoners make terrible architects but excellent chaos theorists, according to NASA.

* #7: The Doctor Who Invented Heroin... and Thought It Was a Cough Suppressant 💉👶🤦‍♂️. In 1898, German chemist Heinrich Dreser, working for Bayer, created heroin as a supposedly non-addictive alternative to morphine and then gave it to children for coughs. He named it "Heroin" because it made users feel heroisch (heroic). Bayer marketed this "miracle cure" for everything from tuberculosis to teething pain, even showing blissful babies next to the bottle in ads. Oops! Turns out, it was more addictive than morphine, leading to a century-long drug war. Dreser pioneered the "Oops, All Addicts!" approach to pharmaceutical R&D.

* #6: The Biologist Who Got High on Shrooms... and Talked to Plants 🍄👽🗣️🌿. Biologist Terence McKenna didn’t just study psychoactive mushrooms; he consulted them, claiming they spoke in alien tongues and revealed the universe's secrets. Surprisingly, some of his hallucinatory insights were eerily accurate. In 1971, McKenna went to the Amazon, ate a "heroic dose" of Psilocybe cubensis, and spent three days communing with an "alien intelligence embedded in fungal DNA". The mushrooms allegedly told him all life is a simulation, language is a virus, and time is a spiral, even showing him "machine elves" and visions of the future that mirrored discoveries about fungal communication networks (mycorrhizal systems). His book Food of the Gods became a psychedelic bible, and even modern mycologists admit he was onto something about fungi's intelligent underground networks. McKenna: the only man who took shrooms, talked to plants, and accidentally described real science 20 years early.

(Stay tuned for the mind-meltdown to continue with #5 to #1 in our next transmission!)

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

🤯 Prepare your popcorn (or maybe some spite-flavored chips?) for the most deliciously devious episode of GO FACT YOURSELF yet! 🤯 This week, we're diving headfirst into the TOP 10 INVENTIONS MADE OUT OF PURE SPITE (BECAUSE F YOU, THAT’S WHY)! Forget innovation born from noble necessity; we're talking about the glorious, petty brainchildren of tech titans throwing billion-dollar tantrums and scorned geniuses dropping world-changing mic drops out of sheer vindictiveness. This isn’t your grandma’s listicle; it’s a historical smackdown where saltiness is the secret ingredient to progress. Get ready for shocking origin stories and commentary so spicy, it’ll make your monocle pop off! We’re ranking the pettiest patents and most vindictive ventures in history, all served with a side of “I hope this ruins your whole decade”. Buckle up, buttercups, because this ride is powered by pure, unadulterated rage! 🔥

Here’s the scorching hot Top 10 we’re dissecting:

* #10: The Thermos That Burned an Empire 🌡️ Imagine inventing something revolutionary, only to have a rival swoop in and make millions while you refuse to even SAY THEIR BRAND NAME! That's the epic tale of Sir James Dewar, inventor of the vacuum flask, who got financially ghosted and spent the rest of his days calling the wildly successful "Thermos" "that cursed mug of betrayal". Peak British pettiness? Inventing something world-changing and then stubbornly refusing to benefit out of principle? You betcha!

* #9: The Chainsaw — Invented by a Surgeon Who Was Done With Screaming Women 🪚 Yes, you read that right! Two Scottish doctors in the 18th century got so fed up with the protracted process of childbirth that they invented the OG chainsaw to hack through cartilage during episiotomies. Talk about a gynecological grudge going full Texas Chainsaw Massacre! 😱 From cutting babies out to... well, you know.

* #8: The Potato Chip — Invented Because a Chef Hated a Customer’s Attitude 🥔 Saratoga Springs got salty! Chef George Crum, annoyed by a picky customer (possibly Cornelius Vanderbilt!), sliced potatoes paper-thin out of spite because the dude wanted "thicker" fries. He made them too thin to even stab with a fork! The twist? The customer LOVED them. Sometimes, revenge is best served fried and salted! 🍟

* #7: The Middle Finger Emoji — A Tech Designer's Silent Protest 🖕 In 2014, Unicode 7.0 unleashed a digital weapon of passive aggression! Apple and Google hesitated, but Microsoft said YOLO, all thanks to one mid-level developer tired of bureaucratic censorship. Submitted as the deceptively formal “Reversed Hand With Extended Digit,” it was unanimously approved on April Fool’s Day. The world’s most-used digital insult? Born from a coder who couldn’t flip off his boss IRL!

* #6: Monopoly — The Game Invented to Expose Greedy Capitalists (And Then Got Stolen by One) 💰 Elizabeth Magie created “The Landlord’s Game” in 1904 to show the evils of monopolies. Fast forward, Charles Darrow steals it, renames it “Monopoly,” and makes bank! Parker Brothers paid Magie a measly $500 with no royalties. The ultimate irony: a game meant to fight capitalism becoming a capitalist tool! You could mortgage that irony for fake money!

* #5: The Typewriter Keyboard Layout (QWERTY) — Designed to Slow You Down ⌨️ Ever wonder why your fingers feel like they're in a tangled mess? Blame Christopher Sholes! Tired of typebars jamming due to fast typing, he scrambled the keys to intentionally reduce speed. The Dvorak keyboard, designed to fix this inefficiency, got buried by stubbornness and corporate spite. Billions of fingers slowed down for over a century because of ink smudges!

* #4: The Eiffel Tower — Hated So Hard, It Became Immortal 🗼 Parisian elites called it a "metal asparagus" and mocked Gustave Eiffel's work. His response? Make it taller. Out of pure spite! Eiffel secretly funded radio antennas to keep it from being torn down, making it too useful to destroy. Supposed to be temporary? Now it's the most visited paid monument on Earth. Spite wins!

* #3: The AK-47 — A Gun Made to Shame the Nazis 🔫 Mikhail Kalashnikov built this iconic rifle to avenge his injuries at the hands of Nazi soldiers. His goal: a weapon so simple and deadly, even peasants could use it. Jaw-dropper alert: Kalashnikov later felt guilty, saying, “I created a weapon of war, not of terrorists”. A personal vendetta that shaped global conflict!

* #2: Frankenstein — Mary Shelley’s Revenge on Science Bros 🧟‍♀️ Shelley lost a child, then attended a party full of mansplaining men writing ghost stories. Her response? Invent modern science fiction with "Frankenstein," a direct middle finger to arrogant male scientists and the God complex of 19th-century medicine. This "ghost story" became an eternal critique of hubris! She didn’t just write a novel; she birthed a monster that haunts white coats to this day!

* #1: The Eiffel Tower Apartment — Gustave Eiffel’s Petty Power Move 🏢 Yes, Eiffel is back for an encore of spite! He built a secret apartment at the top of the tower JUST to flex on his haters. Critics weren't invited, but Thomas Edison got the VIP treatment, rubbed in local papers for maximum effect. Eiffel didn’t just build the tallest tower; he made it his penthouse because petty is Parisian!

Tune in to hear all the glorious details, the snarky commentary, and maybe even a dramatic theremin solo! This is GO FACT YOURSELF, where the truth is stranger (and pettier) than fiction! 🎧 Don't forget to tell your friends your keyboard was designed to slow you down... and then GO FACT YOURSELF!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

Welcome back to GO FACT YOURSELF—the podcast that's more classified than your search history after midnight and more explosive than a shaken soda can! 💥 This week, we're counting down the TOP 10 TIMES THE GOVERNMENT SAID ‘OOPS’ (AND ACCIDENTALLY CREATED NIGHTMARES), proving that sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions… and a whole lot of taxpayer money gone sideways! 💸 Get ready to have your mind blown as we expose the epic fails, the jaw-drop moments, and the sheer "WTF just happened?" of governmental goof-ups that accidentally unleashed chaos on an unsuspecting world.

Here’s the intel you need for this top-secret episode:

#10: Operation Acoustic Kitty 🐈➡️🕵️‍♂️ Did someone say purr-anoia? In the swinging sixties, the CIA thought the key to Cold War secrets was a microphone-equipped kitty cat. Spoiler alert: D.C. traffic had other plans. 🚕💨 Witness the tragic tale of Agent Whiskers in this furry espionage fiasco! Jaw-Drop Moment: This top-secret agent's first and last mission ended under the wheels of a taxi. RIP, Agent Whiskers.

#9: The Great Emu War 🇦🇺 vs. 🐦🐦🐦 Australia went to war… with emus. Yes, you read that right. And guess who won? Feathery fiends outsmarted the military in an epic battle of birds versus bullets. 🔫➡️😂 Prepare for the ultimate underdog story! Jaw-Drop Moment: The emus outmaneuvered soldiers like a feathery SEAL Team 6.

#8: Project Starfish Prime 🚀💥🌌 Hold on to your helmets, space cadets! In 1962, the U.S. decided to nuke space. Just to see what would happen. The result? Artificial auroras and a sky full of satellite shrapnel. 🌠🛰️ Who knew breaking the magnetosphere was so easy? Jaw-Drop Moment: A 1.4 megaton hydrogen bomb in space created artificial auroras visible from Hawaii and fried satellites.

#7: MK-ULTRA 😵‍💫🧠➡️🤯 Get ready for a trip down a very dark rabbit hole. The CIA's LSD experiments in the name of mind control led to a horrifying mess of accidental psychosis and seriously bad trips. 💊➡️😱 This is your brain on government experiments. Any questions? Jaw-Drop Moment: A CIA employee unknowingly dosed with LSD had a mental breakdown and “fell” out of a hotel window.

#6: Chicago’s 1959 “Fog Event” 🌫️🚗💥 Imagine a fog so thick it caused chaos and fatalities. Now imagine the government secretly caused it as a chemical warfare test. Welcome to Chicago in 1959! 🧪➡️😬 Conspiracy theorists, your moment has arrived! Jaw-Drop Moment: An artificial fog caused multiple pileups and deaths, and the government kept it secret for decades.

(Continued from previous episode...)

#5: The “Philadelphia Experiment” 🚢💨❓ Did the U.S. Navy accidentally invent teleportation… or just a really bizarre urban legend? Tales of disappearing ships and time-bending crew members abound in this mystery that refuses to sink. ⚓➡️👻 Was it science or science fiction gone wild? Jaw-Drop Moment: The crew allegedly experienced time travel, teleportation, and possibly disintegration.

#4: The Great Kentucky Meat Shower 🥩🌧️🤢 Forget April showers—try raining beef! In 1876, Kentucky got a meaty meteorological surprise, and the scientific explanation is truly stomach-churning. 🐄➡️🤮 We're not sure what's more terrifying: falling meat or the theories behind it! Jaw-Drop Moment: Chunks of beef rained down on a small town from an unknown source.

#3: The “Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment” 💔🧪💀 Prepare for a heartbreaking and infuriating chapter in history. For 40 years, the U.S. government knowingly let Black men suffer from untreated syphilis in the name of “research.” This isn't just an oops—it's a stain on humanity. 💔➡️😡 Jaw-Drop Moment: This experiment lasted for 40 years, and the men were never told they were being denied treatment.

#2: Operation Paperclip 🇩🇪➡️🇺🇸🚀 From Nazi labs to NASA rockets! The U.S. secretly recruited Nazi scientists after WWII to win the Cold War space race. Some of these guys had seriously shady pasts. 🚀➡️😳 Talk about a morally grey area the size of the moon! Jaw-Drop Moment: Nazi scientists, some with histories of human experimentation, helped build NASA's space program.

#1: The Manhattan Project 💣🤫💥 The ultimate "oops" with global consequences! The U.S. secretly developed the atomic bomb and then… well, you know the rest. This one changed everything. ☢️➡️🌍🤯 Jaw-Drop Moment: The world's most destructive weapon was developed in secret and unleashed on Japan with no warning.

Don't forget to check out the 💥 FACT BLAST ZONE for even wilder government mishaps that almost made the list, like pigeon spies and Soviet attempts to create human-chimp hybrids! And stick around for our 🎙️ PODCAST READY NOTES for some hilarious intro rants and running joke ideas to keep you laughing through the apocalypse… or at least until next week’s episode!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

They stared down death, high-fived fate, and said, "Nah, I'm good." Get ready for the unbelievable saga of history's most stubbornly alive humans! 🤯🕰️💀

—

GO FACT YOURSELF presents: TOP 10 HISTORICAL FIGURES WHO ABSOLUTELY SHOULD’VE DIED… BUT DIDN’T! Buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's dusty history lesson! We're diving deep into the bonkers backstories of ten legendary figures who redefined the meaning of "against all odds" and left us screaming "HOW?!" at our speakers. From near-fatal mishaps to defying the laws of physics, medicine, and possibly karma itself, these historical heavyweights should've RSVP'd to the afterlife… but clearly, their invitations got lost in the mail! 😉📜💥

Join us as we count down the ten most unbelievable survival stories that prove sometimes, just sometimes, fate has a seriously twisted sense of humour:

#10: The Priest Who Fell From the Sky and Just… Walked It Off ⛪✈️🌲 In 1944, Father Francesco Zamboni plummeted over 20,000 feet from a shot-down bomber without a parachute over Nazi territory... and lived to tell the tale with just a broken leg and cracked ribs! Talk about divine intervention or maybe just really soft snow and dense pine forests. We're calling it: priests get extra lives! 🙏

#9: The Man Who Beat a Guillotine With His Neck Muscles 💪🔪🇫🇷 Meet Joseph Samuel, a French convict in 1803 Australia whose date with destiny (a guillotine) went hilariously wrong not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES! The rope snapped, the machine malfunctioned, and then the blade bounced off his neck. The crowd lost it, saw a sign, and bam! Sentence commuted. Forget leg day; neck day might actually save your life! 🏋️‍♂️

#8: The Spy Who Survived Cyanide, Gunshots, Poison Cake, AND Drowning 🍰🔫🌊 This is Dusko Popov, the real-life James Bond who made dodging death his actual job as a triple agent during WWII. Survived poison cake (threw it up!), got shot and swam half a mile in icy water with a bullet in his leg, and played dead in a corpse pile for two days. Rasputin wishes he had this guy's survival skills! 🍸

#7: The Man Who Took a Train to the Face and Lived 🚂🤕🤯 Phineas Gage, a railroad worker in 1848, had a 3.5-foot iron rod blasted clean through his skull... and then he stood up and told everyone about it! Brain surgery? Nah, just a slight headache. He went on to inspire the entire field of neuroscience and then drove stagecoaches in Chile. Head trauma? Never heard of her! 🧠

#6: The Queen Who Died. Then Didn’t. Then Did. Then Didn’t. 👑🧟‍♀️ Byzantium's Empress Zoe in the 11th century was declared dead multiple times due to poison, exile, alleged drowning, and being mummified alive! But like a medieval phoenix (or a glitch in the matrix), she kept popping back up, much to the annoyance of everyone and the delight of riotous crowds. Talk about a reign of terror... over death itself! 🏰

(Part 2 - The Unkillable Uprising Continues!) 🔥

#5: The Man Who Survived TWO Atomic Bombs ☢️💥🤯 Tsutomu Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on August 6, 1945, survived the atomic bomb, went home to Nagasaki, and then SURVIVED THAT ONE TOO on August 9th! Less than 2 miles from the epicenter twice. He lived to 93 and gave anti-nuclear lectures. Commute goals? More like cosmic middle finger goals! 🖕

#4: The Woman Who Fell 33,000 Feet and Lived (With a Smile) 🛩️⬇️😁 Vesna Vulović, a flight attendant, holds the Guinness World Record for surviving the highest fall without a parachute – over 33,000 feet – after her plane exploded! Landed in the snow, coma for 27 days, then back to work and political activism! "Never learning how to die" seems like a solid life strategy! 🤷‍♀️

#3: The Assassin Who Died 6 Times in One Day (And Still Lived) 💀😵‍💫🔫 Blagoje Jovović, who tried to assassinate Tito, allegedly survived being poisoned, stabbed, shot twice, drowned, hanged (rope broke!), and clubbed by Soviet agents all in one day! Then he shot back and disappeared into the mountains. Move over, John Wick, there's a new unkillable legend in town! 🧥

#2: The Politician Who Took a Bullet, Gave a Speech Anyway 🎤🤕🇺🇸 In 1912, Theodore Roosevelt got SHOT in the chest before a campaign rally. What did he do? Gave a 90-minute speech with the bullet still lodged in his ribs! Opened with "Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot". Bulletproof? More like legend-proof! 🗣️

#1: The Man Who Dug His Own Grave… Then Climbed Out of It 🪦⬆️😨 Soviet soldier Lev Zasetsky was shot in the head by Nazis, made to dig his own grave, buried alive, and then he clawed his way out! Blind and partially paralyzed, he survived in the woods for two years and lived to write his life story letter by letter. Talk about a grave mistake... for the Nazis! 💀➡️🚶‍♂️

So, who needs superheroes when history is this wildly unbelievable? Tune in to GO FACT YOURSELF and prepare to have your perception of mortality completely shattered! Don't forget to subscribe for more mind-blowing Top 10 lists that'll make you the life of every (socially distanced) party! 🎉🎧💯

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From arsenic-laced literature to weaponized marine life, this ain't your grandma's antique collection.

Dare to peek behind the curtain of the bizarrely banned? Join us for a wild ride through the Top 10 items so illegal, owning them is like starring in your own real-life spy thriller – minus the cool gadgets and plus a hefty prison sentence! 🕵️‍♂️💣

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Welcome back to GO FACT YOURSELF—the podcast that hits harder than your uncle's trivia night and cuts deeper than your ex’s last text! This week, we're strapping on our hazmat suits and diving headfirst into the murky underworld of illicit acquisitions with “Top 10 Things So Illegal to Own, You Might Vanish for Googling Them!” 🚨 Get ready for a no-holds-barred countdown of the most shockingly prohibited possessions, from the historical horrors lurking in rare books to the aquatic assassins you definitely can't keep as pets. Each episode is a no-holds-barred countdown of the Top 10 Most Jaw-Dropping, Mind-Melting, Table-Flipping Facts in the universe. From the weirdest laws ever passed to history’s most savage comebacks, we rank it all—boldly, brilliantly, and with a twist of “did-they-just-say-that?!” This isn’t just a facts show. It’s a truth grenade. Press play. Regret nothing. This time, we're not just fact-checking; we're checking your attic for potential felonies!

Buckle up, fact fanatics, because this list is wilder than a Florida man’s garage sale:

* #10: “The Deadliest Book Ever Written (That Literally Kills You to Read It)”: Forget BookTok drama – “Shadows from the Walls of Death,” a 19th-century medical text printed with arsenic-laced ink, can literally kill you just by reading it. With only four surviving copies, libraries require gloves, masks, and liability waivers for the brave (or foolish) few who dare to open its pages. Honestly, the plot twist that a book could kill you before BookTok does is too good.

* #9: “The Soup Can That Might Start WWIII”: Owning any part of an active nuclear weapon is a major no-no, but that hasn’t stopped people from trying to snag depleted uranium shells and Soviet nuke casing “souvenirs” on eBay. In a jaw-dropping moment, a Texas man was arrested in 2006 for buying uranium ore from someone he met near a desert taco stand. If you’re buying tacos and uranium in the same trip, congrats — you’re either building a bomb or just in Nevada.

* #8: “Dolphin Death Squads: Not Just a Flipper Episode”: The U.S. Navy trains dolphins for military purposes, making it super illegal to “possess, harbor, or purchase” these trained “aquatic assassins”. Adding to the intrigue, a dolphin trained to plant mines in enemy submarines “escaped” during a Gulf exercise in 2000 and is still missing. The Geneva Convention says no dolphins in war. But the dolphins? They didn’t sign.

* #7: “Mummified Heads: When Your Souvenir Is a Felony”: While you can technically buy bones, actual human remains like shrunken heads or mummified corpses are highly illegal under a complex web of laws. A Canadian couple learned this the hard way when they were fined $5,000 for attempting to FedEx a Peruvian mummy as a “gift”. "What's in the box?" isn't just a Seven quote anymore. It's a customs interrogation.

* #6: “Fugu — The Fish That Can Legally Kill You”: This Japanese delicacy (pufferfish) is a staggering 1,200 times more poisonous than cyanide, and only licensed chefs with nerves of steel are allowed to serve it. In a truly alarming incident, an emergency broadcast was triggered in 2018 after a grocery store mistakenly sold unlicensed fugu liver – the deadliest part. When your dinner needs its own liability clause, maybe stick to sushi.

* #5: “The CIA’s Acid Guns, and Other Spy Toys You Shouldn’t Have”: The CIA once developed an “assassination gun” that fired frozen poison darts, undetectable at autopsy, and attempting to own or replicate this violates numerous international laws. In a truly unbelievable moment, the CIA even demonstrated this live at a 1975 Senate hearing. James Bond makes it sexy. The Geneva Convention makes it a war crime.

* #4: “Kinder Surprise Eggs: The Chocolate Treat That’s Too Hardcore for America”: Believe it or not, it's illegal to sell Kinder Surprise eggs in the U.S. due to a 1938 ban on “non-nutritive objects embedded in food”. U.S. customs seizes thousands of these each year, and one man was even fined $2,500 for smuggling in two from Canada. America: guns are fine, but God forbid a child finds a tiny toy dinosaur in a chocolate egg.

* #3: “Live Tiger Cubs, Because Joe Exotic Wasn’t a Fluke”: Despite being highly illegal in many places, a surprising number of people try to privately own big cats. In a scene straight out of a bizarre movie, Houston police in 2021 discovered a live tiger in a suburban backyard… alongside a pile of cocaine and a monkey. If you have cocaine, a monkey, and a tiger, your life is either a Netflix documentary or a Florida man’s Tuesday.

* #2: “Hitler’s Microphone and Other Nazi Memorabilia You Cannot (and Should Not) Own”: Many countries, especially Germany, Austria, and France, have laws criminalizing the ownership or display of Nazi paraphernalia, particularly propaganda tools like microphones used by Hitler. In a disturbing auction attempt, a Swiss auction house was raided in 2017 for trying to sell Goebbels’ personal microphone to an American billionaire “collector of evil”. Imagine spending $400K to talk into the world’s worst karaoke mic.

* #1: “The Moon: Yes, It’s Illegal to Privately Own Parts of the Actual Moon”: According to the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, no person or country can legally own any part of the Moon. This hasn't stopped shady online companies from selling “Moon plots,” and in a truly out-there case, a man even tried to sue NASA in 2003 for “stealing his lunar property” (he lost, big time). Sorry, lunatics. The Moon belongs to no one. Except probably Elon Musk in 2029.

💥 FACT BLAST ZONE: Did you know that owning bear spray in Norway can land you in prison? They even call it “military-grade hot sauce”. And in the UK, owning a GPS jammer can get you two years, even if you just wanted your boss's tracking software to “accidentally” lose you. While silencers are legal in Finland, they're illegal in NYC, making James Bond more welcome in Helsinki than Manhattan. Whale meat is banned in most countries, but you can still buy it from vending machines in Japan. Finally, owning a sloth in California is a felony – yes, the most threatening of all sleepy tree beasts.

So, dear listeners, double-check those attic treasures and maybe lay off the late-night eBay scrolls. You never know what bizarrely banned item might be lurking in the shadows… or what kind of watchlist your curiosity might land you on! Stay fact-checked, and stay (legally) curious!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

Get ready to batten down the hatches and dive headfirst into the abyss of the bizarre with a brand-new episode of GO FACT YOURSELF! 🤯 This week, we’re plunging into the murky depths of maritime history to unearth the Top 10 Shipwrecks So Weird, Even Poseidon’s Like ‘Bro What?’. Forget your grandpa’s dusty tales of the seven seas; we’re talking logic-defying disasters that left experts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists reaching for their tin foil hats. Ghost crews? ✅ Spontaneous combustion? ✅ A potential Soviet submarine self-nuking incident? ☢️ Oh, hell yes!

Prepare your popcorn (sea salt flavour, naturally) as we count down the top ten maritime mysteries that prove the ocean is basically the universe’s chaotic roommate. From vanishing crews to exploding vessels, this isn't just a list; it's a WTF whirlpool of nautical nightmares!

Here’s the deep-sea docket of doom we're diving into:

#10: The Yacht That Sailed Itself — “The Mary Celeste of the Pacific”: In 2007, the Kaz II, a 12-meter catamaran, was found adrift off the Great Barrier Reef, perfectly intact with the engine running and lunch set. But the three-man crew? Gone. Vanished mid-Gmail check, with one guy’s laptop still open and the WiFi on. Was it Aussie maritime Darwinism gone wrong, or something spookier?. This is like if the Scooby-Doo gang bailed on the Mystery Machine and left their Scooby Snacks.

#9: The Disappearing Crew of the Carroll A. Deering — "Ghost Ship, But Make It Prohibition Era": A massive schooner runs aground off Cape Hatteras in 1921, perfectly fine but with its entire crew missing in action. The logbook, navigational tools, and all the lifeboats were gone. Did the crew who reportedly hated the captain finally stage the world's least helpful escape?. The FBI got involved in this peacetime maritime mystery. Imagine Below Deck where everyone just rage-quits.

#8: The Joyita — “Shipwreck Sponsored by the Twilight Zone”: This fishing and charter vessel was found drifting 600 miles off course in the Pacific in 1955 with no crew, missing cargo, and scattered medical supplies. The radio was tuned to the international distress frequency, but no call was ever sent! It was half-submerged with damage suggesting panic, but the unsinkable vessel was still afloat. Piracy? Soviets? Sea monsters?. This is what happens when your boat tries to LARP as a Lovecraft novel.

#7: The Batavia Mutiny — “Hell Cruise: 1629 Edition”: A Dutch merchant ship wrecks on a coral reef, leading to murder, a cult leader, and some serious "Florida Man" energy on the high seas. One dude took over the survivors and started executing people for "bad vibes". Shipwrecked and your coworker becomes a murder-king?. HR orientation is important.

#6: The Explosion of the SS Kiangya — “Shanghai's Floating Fireball”: In 1948, a Chinese steamer packed with refugees exploded near Shanghai, killing an estimated 3,900 people – more than the Titanic – and nobody knows why! Mine? Sabotage? Internal explosion?. The Chinese government wasn't exactly keen on investigating. A steamer carrying thousands explodes and no one knows how?.

(Hold your breath, the deep dive continues!)

#5: The MV Derbyshire — “The Titanic of Bulk Carriers That Vanished Like a Ghost”: The largest British ship ever lost at sea disappears during a typhoon in 1980 – 44 lives gone, no distress call, no debris for weeks. Not found for 20 years, it had snapped in pieces due to a design flaw. Considered "unsinkable" (sound familiar?), design flaws made it vulnerable. Big Boat Go Boom – science edition.

#4: The Ourang Medan — “The Ship That Died Screaming”: In 1947, a distress call from a Dutch freighter claimed the entire crew was dead, and rescuers found them with frozen expressions of terror. Then the ship exploded and was never found again! "All officers including captain dead… whole crew dead… I die". Alien experiment? Deadly gases?. You die. That’s a cursed text message.

#3: The HMS Eurydice — “The Warship That Sank in Perfect Weather (Then Became a Ghost)”: A Royal Navy training ship mysteriously sank off the Isle of Wight in calm seas in 1878, and then its ghost started showing up for 100 years. Winston Churchill and a Royal Navy sub crew swore they saw it. Sank in calm seas?. More "long-term haunting with a nautical theme" than shipwreck.

#2: The Explosion of the Mont-Blanc — “When a Shipwreck Nuked an Entire City”: In 1917, a French cargo ship full of explosives collided in Halifax Harbor, resulting in the largest man-made explosion before Hiroshima! It leveled 2.5 square kilometers of Halifax. A 2.9-kiloton explosion because nobody flagged the floating bomb. If Michael Bay directed a WWI movie….

#1: The Vanishing of Flight 19 — “The Bermuda Triangle’s Favorite Snack”: In 1945, five US Navy bombers vanished mid-training flight, and the rescue plane sent after them also vanished. Over 27 people gone with no trace in the Bermuda Triangle. "We can’t tell where we are… everything is wrong… it looks like we are entering white water”. The Bermuda Triangle is a diva, and Flight 19 was its first A-list disappearance.

So, are you ready to have your sea legs shaken and your mind officially blown? Tune in to this week's GO FACT YOURSELF and prepare to say, “...nah, I’m good” to any future boat trips! ⚓️🌊🤯

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

🚨 YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! 🚨 Welcome back to GO FACT YOURSELF, the podcast that tackles the top 10 with zero apologies and a whole lotta truth serum! This week, we're diving headfirst into the historical hall of shame, exposing the Top 10 Historical Lies We Still Believe – the fibs so deeply ingrained, they're practically vintage! Forget what you learned in class; we’re about to drop some knowledge nukes that will leave you questioning everything from Napoleon's height to the dietary habits of French royalty! Get ready for a rollercoaster of revelation, where we uncover the hilarious, the scandalous, and the downright ridiculous historical whoppers that have somehow survived through the ages. This isn't just history; it's history: unchained! 🏰🔥 Get ready to GO FACT YOURSELF!

Here's the truth they didn't want you to know:

* #10: Napoleon Was Short… He Wasn’t. At All. 📏 The original "short king" slander! Turns out, at 5'7", Napoleon was average height for his time. This myth was British propaganda designed to boost morale during the Napoleonic Wars. Those tiny teapot cartoons? Pure shade! Even Professor Michael Broers from Oxford is calling BS. #AverageHeightDaddy #NapoleonComplexActuallyBritish

* #9: Vikings Wore Horned Helmets… Nope. 🛡️ Your Halloween costume is a historical hate crime! That iconic horned Viking helmet? Totally made up by 19th-century costume designers for Wagner's opera. Real Viking helmets were sleek and horn-free because, you know, practicality in battle. Dr. Jan Bill from Oslo’s Viking Ship Museum agrees – it’s "pure fantasy". #HornedHelmetHoax #WagnerDidIt

* #8: Columbus Discovered America… LOL NO. 🌍 He was literally centuries late to the party! Indigenous peoples were here for millennia, and Leif Erikson and the Norse beat him to Newfoundland around 1000 CE. Columbus mostly hung out in the Caribbean. Archaeologists even found Norse settlement remains in Canada. It’s Leif Erikson Day, y'all! (October 9th, mark it!). #ColumbusWasLate #LeifEriksonFirst #IndigenousPeoplesAlwaysWere

* #7: Marie Antoinette Said “Let Them Eat Cake.” 🍰 The queen of getting framed! There's zero proof she ever said this snobby line. The phrase predates her by at least 50 years, appearing in Rousseau’s Confessions. Anti-royalist revolutionaries just pinned it on her for maximum scandal. Historian Antonia Fraser says, "She never said it. She never would have said it". #FakeNewsOfThe1700s #NoCakeForYou

* #6: Medieval People Believed the Earth Was Flat. 🗺️ Spoiler alert: they had globes! Educated medieval Europeans knew the Earth was round, building on knowledge from ancient Greeks like Pythagoras. The Columbus voyage wasn't about proving the Earth's shape. This flat-Earth myth is basically 19th-century fan fiction. Historian Jeffrey Burton Russell calls it "the most widespread historical error in the teaching of science". #RoundEarthFacts #MedievalSmarties

* #5: The Great Wall of China Is Visible from Space. 🚀 Fake space news since 1938! NASA says it's practically invisible without serious zoom. The myth started in Ripley’s Believe It or Not! before we even went to space. Astronauts say highways are more visible. #SpaceLie #GreatWallOfNotReallyVisible

* #4: Chameleons Change Color to Camouflage. 🦎 Lizard PR spin job of the century! They actually change color to communicate mood, regulate body temperature, and show off. Bright colors mean "I'm angry or sexy," darker tones mean "I'm cold or hiding". Camouflage is just a minor side effect. #MoodRingLizards #ColorCommunication

* #3: Medieval People Never Bathed. 🛁 Dirty Middle Ages? More like deceptively clean! Medieval folks loved a good bath, with public bathhouses being common. Even monks had bathing schedules. The "stinky Middle Ages" myth came later. Soap was a thing!. #MedievalHygiene #BathingIsGood

* #2: Einstein Failed Math. 🧮 The nerd glow-up that was never necessary! Einstein mastered calculus by age 15. The myth came from a mistranslation of his German grades. A "6" was the highest grade!. He literally said, "I never failed in mathematics". #EinsteinWasAMathWhiz #MistranslationMyths

* #1: Goldfish Have a 3-Second Memory. 🐠 This factoid is dead in the water! Goldfish have memory spans of weeks to months and can even be trained. Studies show they can remember how to press a lever for food after a month. They recognize their owners!. That "3-second memory" thing? Probably just an excuse for sad fishbowls. #LongLiveGoldfishMemory #SmarterThanYouThink

Tune in next week for more myth-busting madness on GO FACT YOURSELF! Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and tell your history teacher we said "you're welcome... for the correction!" 😉

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com

From rogue livestock to diplomatic facepalms, witness history's most chaotic oops moments in glorious technicolor! 💣💥🤯 GET READY TO HAVE YOUR HISTORY BOOKS EXPLODE! 🤯💥💣 Welcome to GO FACT YOURSELF, the podcast that’s more unpredictable than a drunk soldier in a demilitarized zone! This week, we're diving headfirst into the chaotic hall of fame of accidental warmongers with "Top 10 People Who Accidentally Started a War (Oops!)"! Forget your textbook snooze-fests, because we're counting down the most unbelievably absurd incidents that triggered literal warfare – featuring ego trips, colossal miscommunications, and a monkey with serious hatitude! You won't BELIEVE the sheer level of historical facepalmery we've uncovered! Buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's history lesson – it's a truth grenade wrapped in internet slang and seasoned with "did-they-really-do-that?!" energy! #AccidentalWars #HistoryOops #WTFHistory #MindBlown #Podcast #Top10 #GoFactYourself #FunnyHistory #WarStories #AbsurdHistory

Here's the catastrophic countdown that will make you double-check your next text:

#10: The Pig That Nearly Caused WWIII! 🐷💣🇬🇧🇺🇸 In 1859, all it took was one cranky American settler, Lyman Cutlar, a British pig munching on potatoes belonging to Irishman Charles Griffin on the disputed San Juan Island, and BAM! Accusations flew, troops mobilized (500 U.S. soldiers!), and British warships (FIVE of them!) showed up, all over a porker! It was the "Pig War of 1859," and it nearly pitted the U.S. against the U.K.. How British is it to almost declare war over potatoes?!

#9: PFC Boozy McTriggerfinger: One Man, One Border, Zero Chill! 🍺🚶‍♂️🇰🇵🇺🇸 In 1976, a still-debated American soldier took a drunken stroll into North Korea's DMZ. The result? Operation Paul Bunyan, a massive U.S. military flex involving chainsaws, aircraft carriers, and 12,000 troops – all because North Korean soldiers axed two U.S. officers over a visibility-blocking tree in the Joint Security Area. America: bringing an entire navy to a gardening job! #AxeMurderIncident #DMZ #OperationPaulBunyan

#8: The Diplomat Who Forgot To Translate (and Killed 15,000)! 🗣️➡️💀🇫🇷🇩🇪🇧🇪 In 1914, a French ambassador (allegedly Jules Cambon) may have flubbed a crucial German communication. "We're not invading Belgium" somehow translated into "We are ABSOLUTELY invading Belgium" thanks to a misplaced subjunctive clause. France instantly mobilized, and just like that, WWI got a linguistic plot twist. 20 million dead because someone skipped Duolingo? Oof. #WW1 #DiplomaticFails #LanguageBarrier

#7: The Soccer Game That Started a War (Red Card to Humanity)! ⚽️⚔️🇭🇳🇸🇻 Forget friendly competition! In 1969, a World Cup qualifier between El Salvador and Honduras went from the pitch to a full-blown military conflict – the Football War!. Pre-existing tensions over immigration and land boiled over after riots, sparked by (allegedly) a Honduran fan torching a Salvadoran immigrant's house after a loss. El Salvador invaded, leading to a 4-day war with 3,000+ casualties. When sports bring people together...in mass graves! #FootballWar #ElSalvador #Honduras #WorldCup

#6: The Monkey That Sparked the Franco-Prussian War (Seriously, a Monkey?)! 🐒🎩🇫🇷🇩🇪 July 1870: Enter Viscount Delacroix, a drunk French nobleman with a penchant for animal-themed parties. His prank? Dressing a monkey in a French soldier’s hat at a Prussian parade. Prussian newspapers ran the photo as "proof" of French mockery. While the Ems Dispatch was the real trigger, this monkey business added a layer of peak France vs. Germany absurdity. War caused by a monkey in a hat? You can't make this stuff up! #FrancoPrussianWar #MonkeyBusiness #EmsDispatch

#5: The Colonel Who Declared War on the Sky (Weather Balloons Are the Enemy?)! 🎈🔫🇵🇪🇨🇱 1982: Peruvian Colonel Pedro Valdivia, a known paranoid fella, spotted mysterious balloons. Thinking Chile was launching an aerial attack, he unleashed anti-aircraft fire. Turns out, they were UN weather balloons tracking jet streams ("WMO-PACIFICJET" program). Locals described it as the "sky was bleeding plastic angels". Border clashes ensued, villages were evacuated, and one goat paid the ultimate price (for reasons unknown). Imagine starting an international incident because science looked too suspicious! #EmuWarAmericanCousin #WeatherBalloons #Peru #Chile

#4: The Guy Who Invaded Canada By Accident (Lost on the Way to Upstate New York)! 🗺️🤦‍♂️🇺🇸🇨🇦 War of 1812: U.S. General William Hull, bless his overthinking heart and terrible map-reading skills, marched 800 troops into British-held Canada, thinking it was still upstate New York. He even built a fort and claimed it for "New York" before the British politely pointed out his geographical blunder. Skirmishes broke out, the U.S. lost their accidental fort, and Hull became the only U.S. general court-martialed for involuntary colonization. America: bold moves, terrible sense of direction! #Warof1812 #Canada #GeographyIsHard

#3: The Goat Sacrifice That Got WAY Out of Hand (RIP, Diplomatic Goat)! 🐐🔪🇮🇳 1784, Northern India: A tribal chieftain sacrificed a goat to bless a trade treaty between the Bhil and Meena factions. East-facing goat = good omen; west-facing = bad news. Rain came early, the goat slipped, faced west, and all hell broke loose. Within 24 hours: all-out tribal warfare!. The ritual specialist was even stoned for goat negligence. 7-day war, 600+ dead, treaty in flames – all thanks to a poorly oriented goat. Never trust a goat with diplomatic responsibilities! #GoatDiplomacy #TribalWarfare #BadOmens

#2: The Spy Who Farted (Literally) – Operation Stink Bomb! 💨💣🇭🇷🇷🇸 1992, Balkan Crisis: A Serbian agent tried to disrupt a Croatian political meeting with a homemade stink bomb (sulfur compounds and pig feces – classy!). It exploded prematurely, causing mass panic and accusations of chemical warfare. Cue 2-day riots, a national emergency, and NATO getting involved. The agent? Known only as "Fantom Smrda" (Phantom of the Stink). When your foreign policy smells like hot garbage…maybe it is! #BalkanCrisis #StinkBomb #FantomSmrda #AccidentalTerrorism

#1: The Time Cleopatra’s Sister Started a Civil War With a Tantrum (Teenage Drama Goes Nuclear)! 👑😭🇪🇬🏛️ Arsinoe IV, Cleopatra's little sis, threw an epic 15-year-old fit over not being queen. She ditched the palace, raised her own army, and laid siege to Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, triggering the Siege of Alexandria. She ALMOST beat Caesar!. Eventually, Caesar crushed her rebellion, but Cleopatra finished the job later with an assassination. If Cleopatra was Taylor Swift, Arsinoe was the little sister who dropped a diss track and hired mercenaries! #Cleopatra #Arsinoe #SiblingRivalry #AncientEgypt #DramaQueen

🤯 YOU. ARE. WELCOME. 🤯 Don't forget to subscribe to GO FACT YOURSELF for more mind-blowing lists that prove history is way weirder than fiction!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gofactyourself.substack.com