Greetings…Welcome to the Way of the emotional warrior podcast. My name is Kai Ehnes.

Top 5 Strategies to Enhance How You Listen

1. Do you listen to people? Really listen when they are speaking or are you busy with your own inner dialogue waiting to speak? Ready to pounce in with a reponse.

a. Picture that you are sitting at a café and you are meeting up with a friend. Your conversation is casual and a few minutes in the other person starts to open up and talks about something vulnerable.

b. Do you notice the shift? Are you aware of their needs at that moment? Are you able to quiet down and truly listen?

c. Are you able to shut down your own inner dialogue, you know the judge, jury, executioner voice, so that you can really hear what the other person is saying or do you make all about you?

d. The other person may not even be aware of their own shift. It simply came out.

e. How do you respond? Do you instantly want to “fix” them? Do you want to tell them how it should be solved?

f. Can you shut down any of your own ulterior motives?

2. Conscious listening supports genuine transformation and honors the intelligence of the head, heart and gut in both you and the other person.

3. How do we actually communicate?

a. The original research by Albert Mehrabian created the notion of the 7% rule, meaning that only 7% of what we say in words makes it to the other person

b. According to research in psychology today, 7% is actual spoken words, 38% tone of voice and 55% body language

c. So, tone of voice and body language have a tremendous role in what is communicated

4. What does this mean for conscious listening?

a. It means that emotions play a powerful role in communication

b. If how we say something and how we express it, make up 90% of what we take in as information then we are responsible for what we say and what we hear

c. Example of café

i. If I roll my eyes when the other person is vulnerable that could be devastating.

ii. If I constantly look at my phone, my disinterest becomes pretty obvious

iii. If I make it about me it stops their process. Simply share that you too have had such an experience and therefore can understand.

5. So what are some ways to listen attentively and genuinely?

a. Mirroring – when the other person has a break in their story repeat the meaning of what was said back to them using your own words

i. Ex: in café- they are telling their distress happening at their work due to a verbally abusive coworker.

1. It is obviously a difficult experience for them.

2. When they break to take a breath, say back to them: can I take a moment to share back with you what I heard you say? Then say what they meant back using your own words.

3. This technique has been used in therapy very successfully. It validates what the person said and is experiencing.

b. Empathy – much deeper than sympathy, shows an emotional connection by standing in their shoes.

1. Café ex – you can easily show empathy for the workplace distress. Think of a time where someone has shut down one of your ideas. We have all been there.

2. Now, you and the other person are moving along together and they are not alone in the conversation. Whenever 2 or more people are gathered for healing – that’s when the magic happens.

c. Listen with heart-mind balance

i. While the person is telling their story and you make the shift to listener, simply slow down your own breath by breathing slowly in and out while they talk.

ii. No one knows this is happening but you. However, your emotional state and what you...