"TOURING HISTORY" - MAY 11th THROUGHOUT HISTORY INTRO

LANE: Welcome back to "Touring History," the show where we pretend to know what we're talking about while fumbling through the past. I'm Lane...

DAVE: And I'm Dave. We're your guides through the twisted highways of history, where we make wrong turns constantly.

LANE: Today is May 11th, 2025, and as always, we're looking back at all the significant things that happened on this day throughout history. It's like time travel, except we don't go anywhere and nothing happens.

DAVE: That's right, Lane. May 11th has quite the résumé. Birthdays, deaths, inventions, and catastrophes – this day's got it all!

NOTABLE BIRTHDAYS

LANE: Speaking of birthdays, May 11th saw the birth of Salvador Dalí in 1904. You know, the guy with the mustache that looks like he's picking up radio signals from Mars.

DAVE: That mustache wasn't just for show. It actually contained a small civilization of tiny people who painted all his works. Little-known fact.

LANE: Is that true?

DAVE: No. Not at all. But it's exactly the kind of nonsense Dalí would've loved.

LANE: Also born on this day was Irving Berlin in 1888. The man wrote approximately nine million songs, including "White Christmas," which still makes Bing Crosby money from beyond the grave.

DAVE: Now that's what I call job security. Berlin lived to be 101 years old, probably just to collect more royalty checks.

LANE: And we should mention Cory Monteith, born in 1982. Star of "Glee" who left us far too soon in 2013.

DAVE: A talented young man, indeed.

ANCIENT HISTORY

LANE: Now, Dave, what's the oldest thing that happened on May 11th that we know about?

DAVE: Well, in 868 – yes, that's one, two, three... twelve hundred years ago – the Diamond Sutra was printed in China. It's considered the first known printed book.

LANE: You know what I find funny about that? It took us over a thousand years to go from printing books to complaining that no one reads anymore.

DAVE: Right? "Hey, we invented this revolutionary technology to share knowledge across generations!" "Cool, I'll use it to look at pictures of cats."

GEOPOLITICAL MOMENTS

LANE: Speaking of revolutionary, on this day in 1949, Israel was admitted to the United Nations. This was just one year after its founding as a state.

DAVE: I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole. Let's move on.

LANE: Good call. In 1995, more than 170 countries agreed to extend the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

DAVE: Ah yes, the treaty where nations basically said, "We promise not to blow up the entire planet... indefinitely."

LANE: It's like when I tell my doctor I'm cutting back on donuts... indefinitely.

DAVE: And how's that working out?

LANE: I had three this morning. But back to history!

TECHNOLOGY & NUCLEAR DEVELOPMENTS

On May 11, 1997, IBM's chess-playing computer Deep Blue defeated world champion Garry Kasparov, clinching their six-game match.

DAVE: That was a dark day for humanity. The beginning of the end. Now my toaster judges me when I burn the bread.

LANE: One year later, on May 11, 1998, India conducted nuclear tests in Pokhran, known as Operation Shakti, shocking the world.

DAVE: You know what they say - nothing spices up international diplomacy like a surprise nuclear test.

LANE: It's like showing up to a dinner party with a hand grenade instead of a bottle of wine.

DAVE: "Hope you don't mind, I brought dessert AND potential annihilation!"

BUSINESS & CULTURE

LANE: On a lighter note, in 1955, Ray Kroc signed his first franchise agreement with McDonald's, unknowingly creating a future where I would eventually eat 50 chicken nuggets on a dare.

DAVE: Did you win?

LANE: If by "win" you mean "didn't die," then yes, absolutely.

DAVE: In 2006, Apple launched their iconic "Get a Mac" ad campaign. You know, the one with the cool, casual Mac guy and the stuffy PC nerd?

LANE: I always felt bad for the PC guy. He was just trying his best with outdated hardware, like me at the gym.

DAVE: Alright folks, it's time for a quick break. When we return, we'll dig into some truly dark May 11th moments, including a Prime Minister assassination and... Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Cats." One of those is definitely more traumatic than the other.

LANE: Stay with us.

SPONSOR BREAKG

LANE: [ENTHUSIASTIC] Folks, have you heard about the Ball Mason Jar Facebook group? It's where over 100,000 people gather to share delicious recipes and food ideas!

DAVE: [IMPRESSED] You know, Lane, I joined that group last month, and my family hasn't eaten store-bought pickles since. It's the original time travel machine!

LANE: That's right! The Ball Mason Jar lets you drop in some ingredients from gardens of the past, add seasoning, time, and patience, and be rewarded in the future with food the whole family will enjoy!

DAVE: And the best part? You're not paying those crazy costs to supermarkets and giant food processing companies. My grandmother used to say, "Why buy it when you can jar it?"

LANE: She sounds wise. Just last week, I made spicy pickled carrots from a recipe I found in the group. My kids actually ate vegetables... voluntarily!

DAVE: The Ball Mason Jar Facebook group – preserving more than food, they're preserving tradition. Join today!

 

RETURN & POLITICAL HISTORY

LANE: And we're back with more May 11th history. Before the break, we teased something about a Prime Minister assassination.

DAVE: That's right. On May 11, 1812, British Prime Minister Spencer Perceval was assassinated in the House of Commons. He's the only British Prime Minister to be murdered while in office.

LANE: You know, for a country with such proper manners, that's surprisingly restrained.

DAVE: The assassin was a merchant named John Bellingham who had a grudge against the government. After shooting Perceval, he just sat down and waited to be arrested, like he'd finished his business for the day.

LANE: "Well, I've murdered the Prime Minister. Might as well have a seat and wait for the consequences. Perhaps they'll bring tea."

THEATER & ARTS

DAVE: Moving on to May 11, 1981 – Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical "Cats" premiered in London.

LANE: Ah yes, the musical where adults dress up as cats and sing about... being cats. It ran for 21 years in London. That's longer than most actual cats live.

DAVE: You know, I saw "Cats" once. I still wake up in a cold sweat remembering those actors crawling through the audience.

LANE: That's not "Cats," Dave. That's your recurring nightmare about the time you fell asleep at the zoo.

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS

DAVE: You might be right. On May 11, 1973, all charges were dropped in the Pentagon Papers case. This was a big moment for press freedom.

LANE: For those who don't know, the Pentagon Papers were a secret Department of Defense study about U.S. involvement in Vietnam, which the New York Times published. The government tried to stop it, but the Supreme Court said, "Nah, First Amendment, baby!"

DAVE: I believe those were Justice Burger's exact words.

COLD WAR MOMENTS

LANE: And on this day in 1987, preparations for Reagan's famous "Tear Down This Wall" speech were leaked to the press. The speech itself wasn't delivered until June, but the controversy started now.

DAVE: Reagan's advisors kept trying to get him to remove the "tear down this wall" line, thinking it was too provocative.

LANE: Imagine if he'd listened? "Mr. Gorbachev, please consider the possibility of, at your convenience, perhaps removing this barrier, if it's not too much trouble."

DAVE: Doesn't have the same ring to it.

NATURAL DISASTERS

LANE: And finally, on May 11, 2015, Nepal was hit by a second deadly earthquake, just weeks after the devastating one in April. The country suffered immensely that year.

DAVE: A sobering reminder of the power of nature. The international community did rally to help with aid and reconstruction.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

LANE: And that brings us to today, May 11th, 2025. Another day when things will happen that future history nerds will talk about while making questionable jokes.

DAVE: If there are future history nerds. At the rate we're going, they might just be studying memes and TikTok dances.

LANE: That's all the time we have for today's tour through history. I'm Lane...

DAVE: And I'm Dave, reminding you that the past is just the present, but moldier.

LANE: Join us next time on "Touring History," where we'll pretend to understand another day in human civilization!

BOTH: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] Goodbye, history lovers!

[THEME MUSIC FADES]

 

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