TOURING HISTORY PODCAST - MAY 30TH SCRIPT
Co-hosts: Lane & Dave Sponsor: Legends Athletic Wear (Legends.com)
OPENING
LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, the podcast where we prove that literally every day in history was somehow both completely bonkers and weirdly predictable. I'm Lane.
DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to figure out why we agreed to do this show when we could have just started a true crime podcast like everyone else.
LANE: Because Dave, true crime podcasts don't get to talk about medieval executions AND space exploration in the same episode. Speaking of which, today we're touring May 30th through history, and let me tell you, this date has more drama than a reality TV reunion show.
DAVE: Before we dive into today's historical chaos, we want to thank our sponsor, Legends Athletic Wear. You know what's legendary? Not having to worry about your clothes falling apart during your morning jog, unlike apparently everything else in human civilization.
LANE: Seriously, whether you're running a 5K or running from your responsibilities like I am, Legends has you covered. Check them out at Legends.com - because looking good while sweating is basically the only victory we can guarantee you in this life.
TOPIC: BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS
DAVE: Now, before we get to the part where history gets weird - and trust me, it gets weird - let's celebrate some May 30th birthdays.
LANE: We've got quite the musical lineup today. Idina Menzel was born in 1971, and honestly, "Let It Go" has become my personal anthem every time I look at my credit card statement.
DAVE: CeeLo Green, born 1975, gave us "Crazy," which coincidentally is also how I feel every time I research historical events for this podcast. There's also Wynonna Judd from 1964, because apparently May 30th was designated as "People With Amazing Voices Day."
LANE: And we can't forget Tom Morello, also born in 1964, proving that revolutionary guitar riffs and revolutionary politics can indeed coexist. Plus Steven Gerrard from 1980, who made kicking a ball around look like actual art.
DAVE: Happy birthday to all of them, and may their lives be significantly less dramatic than what we're about to discuss.
TOPIC: THE MARTYRDOM OF JOAN OF ARC (1431)
LANE: Right, let's start our chronological journey through May 30th, and we're beginning in 1431 with what is possibly history's most tragic case of "things escalating quickly."
DAVE: Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, and look, I don't want to be that guy, but maybe - just maybe - the French authorities could have considered that a teenage peasant girl claiming to hear voices from saints was perhaps dealing with something that didn't require, you know, murder by fire?
LANE: But Dave, this was the 15th century. Their conflict resolution strategies were basically "trial by combat" or "trial by fire," and sometimes just "skip the trial, go straight to fire."
DAVE: Joan had literally helped crown the Dauphin as Charles VII, led French forces to several victories against the English, and her reward was being accused of heresy and witchcraft. It's like getting fired for being too good at your job, except with significantly more flames involved.
LANE: The really twisted part? She was later canonized as a saint in 1920, which is basically the Catholic Church's way of saying "whoopsie daisy, our bad" nearly 500 years later.
DAVE: Nothing says "we may have overreacted" quite like posthumous sainthood.
TOPIC: THE FIRST INDIANAPOLIS 500 (1911)
LANE: Jumping forward to 1911, we get to witness the birth of what would become America's obsession with watching people drive in circles really, really fast.
DAVE: The first Indianapolis 500 was held on May 30th, and Ray Harroun won it in his Marmon Wasp, averaging 74.6 miles per hour. Now, I realize that sounds slow by today's standards, but consider that most people in 1911 thought 20 mph would cause your organs to rearrange themselves.
LANE: What's amazing is that this race was conceived as a way to test automotive technology and promote the car industry. It's like if today we decided to advance smartphone technology by making people text while riding roller coasters.
DAVE: Harroun's car had a rear-view mirror, which was revolutionary at the time. Before that, drivers apparently just hoped nothing important was happening behind them, which explains a lot about early 20th-century traffic fatalities.
LANE: The purse was $25,000, which in 1911 money was roughly equivalent to "never having to work again." Not bad for six hours of left turns.
TOPIC: LINCOLN MEMORIAL DEDICATION (1922)
DAVE: Speaking of American institutions, 1922 brought us the dedication of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., and I have to say, for a country that was only 146 years old at the time, America was already pretty good at making dramatic monuments.
LANE: The memorial was designed by Henry Bacon - and yes, that's his real name, apparently destiny was calling - and it took eight years to build. Eight years to build a memorial for a president who governed during a four-year civil war. The irony is not lost on me.
DAVE: The statue of Lincoln inside is 19 feet tall and weighs 175 tons, because apparently "subtle tribute" wasn't in the architectural vocabulary of the 1920s.
LANE: What I love is that this was dedicated on Memorial Day, which feels appropriate since Lincoln basically invented the modern concept of "dying for your country matters," though he probably would have preferred people not having to die at all.
DAVE: The inscription includes the Gettysburg Address, proving that sometimes the best speeches really are the short ones. Take note, modern politicians.
TOPIC: BABE RUTH'S FINAL GAME (1935)
LANE: May 30th, 1935 marked the end of an era that baseball fans are still not over: Babe Ruth played his final Major League game.
DAVE: He was playing for the Boston Braves, which feels like seeing Superman working as a mall security guard. Ruth was 40 years old, which in 1935 baseball years was approximately equivalent to being a Civil War veteran.
LANE: He had joined the Braves thinking he might get a chance to manage, but instead they basically used him as a publicity stunt. It's like hiring Beyoncé to work at your local radio station and then being surprised when she's not thrilled about taking requests for "Wonderwall."
DAVE: Ruth's final season was pretty rough - he hit .181 and looked, by all accounts, like a man who had eaten too many hot dogs and not enough vegetables for the past 20 years.
LANE: But here's the thing about Babe Ruth: even past his prime, he was still Babe Ruth. His career numbers were so ridiculous that baseball statisticians are still trying to figure out if he was actually human or just a really committed performance artist.
TOPIC: MEMORIAL DAY MASSACRE (1937)
DAVE: Things take a darker turn in 1937 with what became known as the Memorial Day Massacre in Chicago, and spoiler alert: it wasn't actually a massacre in the traditional sense, but it was definitely a police brutality situation that makes you wonder if anyone learned anything from history ever.
LANE: Steel workers were on strike, and they organized a peaceful march to the Republic Steel plant. The Chicago police decided that "peaceful march" was apparently code for "imminent threat to society" and opened fire.
DAVE: Ten people were killed, and most of them were shot in the back, which suggests they were either retreating or running away, neither of which typically constitutes a threat requiring lethal force.
LANE: The whole thing was caught on film by Paramount News, but the footage was so graphic that it wasn't shown publicly until months later. Even in 1937, people understood that "police shooting fleeing workers" wasn't great PR.
DAVE: What's particularly infuriating is that this happened during a time when labor rights were supposedly being expanded under FDR's New Deal. Apparently, some people didn't get the memo about workers having actual rights.
LANE: The strike was about basic working conditions and fair wages, you know, those radical concepts like "not dying at work" and "being able to afford food."
ADVERTISING HISTORY SPOTLIGHT: TED BATES (1972)
DAVE: Before we continue our historical tour, let's take a moment for our advertising history segment, because apparently every industry has its own dramatic backstory.
LANE: On May 30th, 1972, Ted Bates passed away, and while that name might not ring a bell, his influence on advertising absolutely shaped how we're sold everything from toothpaste to presidential candidates.
DAVE: Bates founded Ted Bates & Co., and he basically invented the concept of the "Unique Selling Proposition," or USP, which sounds like corporate jargon but is actually pretty brilliant.
LANE: The idea was simple: every product should have one clear, unique benefit that competitors can't claim. It's like dating advice, but for breakfast cereals.
DAVE: His agency gave us some of the most memorable advertising slogans ever: "M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your hand," and "Wonder Bread builds strong bodies 8 ways," which technically isn't true but was certainly catchy.
LANE: Bates understood that people don't buy products, they buy solutions to problems they didn't know they had. Revolutionary stuff, really.
DAVE: Speaking of solutions to problems you didn't know you had, our friends at Legends Athletic Wear understand that your workout clothes shouldn't be an additional source of stress in your life.
LANE: Exactly. Whether you're hitting the gym or just trying to look like someone who hits the gym, Legends has performance wear that actually performs. Check them out at Legends.com, where looking athletic is the first step to being athletic, or so I tell myself.
TOPIC: THE BEATLES BEGIN THE WHITE ALBUM (1968)
DAVE: Moving into the late 1960s, May 30th, 1968 marked the beginning of what would become one of the most influential albums in music history: The Beatles started recording what we now call "The White Album."
LANE: Officially titled "The Beatles," but everyone calls it the White Album because the cover is literally just white, proving that sometimes the most revolutionary thing you can do is absolutely nothing.
DAVE: This was peak Beatles weirdness. They had just come back from India, where they had been studying with the Maharishi, meditating, and apparently writing songs that ranged from "beautiful and profound" to "what were they thinking?"
LANE: The album would eventually include everything from "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" to "Revolution 1" to "Honey Pie" to whatever "Number 9" was supposed to be. It's like they decided to record every possible type of song that could exist.
DAVE: What's fascinating is that they were essentially four different musicians at this point, all pulling in different directions, but somehow it created this beautiful musical chaos that still sounds fresh today.
LANE: Recording would continue for months, during which the band would gradually fall apart, but in May 1968, they were still the Beatles, and the world was still paying attention.
AD BREAK
DAVE: Before we continue with our tour through May 30th history, let's hear from our sponsor.
LANE: You know what's legendary? Not having to think about whether your clothes will survive your workout. That's where Legends Athletic Wear comes in.
DAVE: I've been wearing Legends gear for my morning runs - and by morning runs, I mean my frantic dashes to catch the bus - and this stuff holds up.
LANE: Whether you're training for a marathon or just trying to look presentable while picking up groceries, Legends has you covered with performance wear that actually performs.
DAVE: Plus, their stuff doesn't look like you raided a gym lost-and-found from 1987. Modern designs, quality materials, reasonable prices.
LANE: Head over to Legends.com and use our show code - just kidding, we don't have a show code. But seriously, check them out. Because life's too short for clothes that give up before you do.
DAVE: Now, back to our historical chaos.
TOPIC: MARINER 9 LAUNCHES TO MARS (1971)
LANE: On May 30th, 1971, NASA launched Mariner 9, which would become the first spacecraft to orbit another planet, and honestly, this might be humanity's greatest achievement that nobody talks about enough.
DAVE: Think about this: humans looked at a red dot in the sky and said, "You know what? Let's send a robot there to take pictures." And then they actually did it. Meanwhile, I still can't figure out how to program my coffee maker.
LANE: Mariner 9 arrived at Mars in November 1971 and sent back over 7,000 photos, including the first detailed images of Mars' surface. It discovered massive volcanoes, canyons, and evidence of ancient water flows.
DAVE: The timing was perfect because there was a massive dust storm covering the entire planet when it arrived, which sounds like the kind of thing that would completely ruin a modern space mission, but NASA just waited it out like cosmic meteorologists.
LANE: What gets me is that this was 1971 technology. They built a robot photographer, shot it into space, and successfully got it to orbit Mars using computers less powerful than a modern calculator.
DAVE: And while Mariner 9 was revolutionizing our understanding of Mars, people on Earth were still arguing about whether the moon landing was real. Humans are weird.
TOPIC: LOD AIRPORT MASSACRE (1972)
DAVE: Unfortunately, 1972 also brought us one of the darker chapters of May 30th with the Lod Airport massacre in Tel Aviv, where 26 people were killed and 80 were injured in what was essentially international terrorism coming to aviation.
LANE: Three members of the Japanese Red Army, acting on behalf of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, opened fire in the airport terminal, targeting civilian travelers.
DAVE: What's particularly disturbing about this attack is how it demonstrated the global nature of terrorism - Japanese militants attacking Israeli civilians on behalf of Palestinian organizations. It was like a horrific preview of how interconnected and complicated international violence would become.
LANE: Most of the victims were Christian pilgrims from Puerto Rico, which really drives home how random and senseless this violence was. People traveling for religious purposes becoming casualties in a conflict they had nothing to do with.
DAVE: The attack led to significant changes in airport security worldwide, basically starting the long journey toward the current state of air travel, where taking off your shoes is considered normal.
LANE: It's one of those events that changed everything while most people weren't paying attention, which seems to be a theme in history.
TOPIC: GROUND ZERO CLEANUP ENDS (2002)
DAVE: May 30th, 2002 marked the official end of the cleanup at Ground Zero in New York City, closing a chapter that began on September 11th, 2001, and honestly, I'm not sure we've ever really figured out how to talk about this properly.
LANE: The cleanup took 8 months and 19 days, during which workers removed 1.8 million tons of debris. Those are numbers that don't really convey the emotional weight of what was essentially an archaeological dig through tragedy.
DAVE: What struck me when researching this is how the cleanup became its own form of memorial. Workers treated every piece of debris as potentially containing human remains, which meant treating rubble with the kind of reverence usually reserved for religious artifacts.
LANE: The final piece of steel was ceremonially removed, and it was sent to be turned into a ship called the USS New York. There's something both beautiful and heartbreaking about that transformation - from destruction to protection.
DAVE: The cleanup workers, many of whom developed health problems from exposure to toxic dust, became heroes in their own right, though it took years for that to be officially recognized.
LANE: It's one of those historical moments where the response to tragedy became as significant as the tragedy itself.
TOPIC: CHARLES TAYLOR SENTENCED (2012)
DAVE: In 2012, May 30th saw Charles Taylor, the former president of Liberia, sentenced to 50 years in prison for war crimes, and this was actually a pretty big deal for international justice.
LANE: Taylor was convicted of aiding and abetting war crimes in Sierra Leone's civil war, including murder, rape, and the recruitment of child soldiers. He's the first former head of state to be convicted by an international tribunal since the Nuremberg trials.
DAVE: What made this case particularly significant was that it established precedent for holding world leaders accountable for crimes committed in other countries. Taylor never set foot in Sierra Leone during the war, but he supported the Revolutionary United Front with weapons and training.
LANE: The trial took place at The Hague, because apparently even international justice requires neutral territory, like the world's most serious sporting event.
DAVE: Taylor's defense was basically "I was just trying to bring peace to the region," which is like saying you were just trying to help when you gave a flamethrower to someone having an argument.
LANE: The 50-year sentence was significant because Taylor was 64 at the time, essentially meaning life in prison. Sometimes international justice moves slowly, but when it moves, it moves definitively.
TOPIC: TRUMP'S CONVICTION (2024)
DAVE: Finally, we arrive at May 30th, 2024, when Donald Trump became the first former U.S. president to be convicted of felony crimes, which is the kind of historical first that no one really wanted to see.
LANE: He was convicted on all 34 felony counts of falsifying business records in relation to hush money payments, and look, regardless of your political affiliation, "former president convicted of felonies" is not a sentence anyone expected to write in American history.
DAVE: The trial centered around payments made to adult film actress Stormy Daniels during the 2016 election, which sounds like the setup to a very dark comedy that nobody wants to watch.
LANE: What's remarkable is that this happened during Trump's 2024 presidential campaign, meaning he was simultaneously running for president and being tried for felonies, which is perhaps the most American thing that has ever happened.
DAVE: The conviction came from a Manhattan jury after deliberating for about two days, and somehow this former president and current presidential candidate became the first person in that position to be convicted of crimes.
LANE: Each felony count carries a potential sentence of up to four years in prison, though legal experts suggest that as a first-time offender, Trump would likely receive probation or a shorter sentence if any jail time at all.
DAVE: It's one of those historical moments that feels simultaneously shocking and completely predictable, which might be the perfect summary of 21st-century American politics.
CLOSING
LANE: And that's our tour through May 30th in history, a date that apparently specializes in endings, beginnings, and people making decisions that would confuse their past and future selves.
DAVE: From Joan of Arc to Donald Trump, from the first Indy 500 to the end of Ground Zero cleanup, May 30th proves that history is just humans repeatedly figuring out new ways to be dramatic.
LANE: Before we go, one more shoutout to our sponsor, Legends Athletic Wear. In a world where everything seems to fall apart eventually, it's nice to have clothes that don't.
DAVE: Whether you're running toward your goals or running from your problems, Legends.com has the gear that'll stick with you. Unlike, apparently, most of the institutions we've discussed today.
LANE: Thanks for joining us on Touring History. I'm Lane.
DAVE: And I'm Dave, still processing the fact that we live in a timeline where former presidents get convicted of felonies.
LANE: Until next time, remember: history is just the news that survived long enough to become respectable.
DAVE: And sometimes, not even that respectable.
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