TOURING HISTORY BY LANE & DAVE:  MAY 15TH EDITION INTRO

[Intro music plays] LANE: Well, hello there, history enthusiasts and people who accidentally clicked on this podcast thinking it was something else. Welcome to Touring History, where we pretend to be experts on things that happened before we were born. I'm Lane...

DAVE: And I'm Dave. Today is May 15th, 2025, and we're back with our signature blend of historical facts that we definitely didn't just look up five minutes ago.

LANE: That's right, folks. History - it's like reality TV, but everyone's dead now. But first, let's talk birthdays because celebrating people we've never met is apparently what we do here.

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS

DAVE: Speaking of birthdays, L. Frank Baum would be turning 169 today if he wasn't, you know, extremely dead. He wrote "The Wizard of Oz," which taught us all that if you want to go home, just click your heels together instead of buying an expensive plane ticket.

LANE: Madeleine Albright would have been 88 today. First female Secretary of State. You know what they say about female Secretaries of State, Dave?

DAVE: What's that?

LANE: They... um... they're Secretaries of State... who are female. [pause] I really thought I had something there.

DAVE: Tennis star Andy Murray turns 38 today. Known for winning Wimbledon and having the emotional range of a wet tennis ball during interviews.

LANE: We've also got some social media people, because apparently that's what counts as famous these days. Inanna Sarkis turns 31 today. She's an actress and content creator who makes videos that my niece watches instead of developing social skills.

DAVE: Alexandria ASMR turns 30 today. She whispers into expensive microphones and makes people feel tingles. When I whisper to people, they just call security.

LANE: Chase Hudson, also known as Lil Huddy, turns 22 today. He's a musician and one of the original TikTok stars. When I was 22, I was eating ramen noodles and trying to figure out how to work the laundry machine.

DAVE: Meg DeAngelis turns 29 today. She does lifestyle and DIY content. I tried DIY once. Now I have what my landlord calls "structural damage."

LANE: Jazzys WorldTV turns 14 today. She does interviews and skits, and at 14, she's already more successful than both of us combined. That's... that's actually kind of depressing when you think about it.

DAVE: Blushi turns 24 today. She's a variety streamer on Twitch. I asked my son what a "variety streamer" is, and apparently it means "playing video games while people watch you and give you money." Where was this career option when I was choosing my major?

LANE: And Mira Riad turns 29 today. She does gaming and IRL streams. IRL means "in real life," which is apparently something we need to specify now. "Hey, I'm living... in real life." As opposed to... not real life?

DAVE: You know what all these influencers have in common, Lane?

LANE: They all make more money than we do?

DAVE: Exactly! Let's move on to history before I need to update my résumé.

HISTORICAL EVENTS - PART 1

LANE: On this day in 1536, Anne Boleyn was tried and convicted of adultery and treason. Turns out, dating Henry VIII was like being on a reality show where getting voted off meant literal death.

DAVE: In 1940, McDonald's opened its first restaurant in San Bernardino, California. And the world's arteries have never been the same since.

LANE: You know, I went to that original McDonald's site once.

DAVE: Really?

LANE: No, I didn't. I don't know why I keep making these things up. I've never been to California. I've barely been outside my apartment this week.

DAVE: In 1941, the first British jet aircraft, the Gloster E.28, took flight. The British were like, "You know what would make this world war better? Faster planes."

LANE: In 1972, Alabama Governor George Wallace was shot during his presidential campaign. He survived but was paralyzed from the waist down. Politics in the '70s was like Twitter arguments but with actual bullets.

DAVE: On May 15th, 1988, the Soviets began their withdrawal from Afghanistan. After nine years, they were like, "You know what? This place is unconquerable. Good luck to whoever tries next!"

LANE: Spoiler alert: it was us. We did. And guess what happened?

DAVE: [sighs] Moving on! In 2006, Google launched the beta of Google Trends, a marketing analytics platform that revolutionized how advertisers track public interest. It's like a stalker, but for everyone, and somehow it's legal.

LANE: And in 2010, Instagram crossed 1 million users, a major milestone in the influencer and brand marketing trajectory. Now teenagers can make millions by pointing at text that appears on screen. What a time to be alive!

DAVE: [chuckles] Now that we've established that everyone is more successful than us, let's take a break to hear from our sponsors.

SPONSOR BREAK

[Transition music]

LANE: Today's show is brought to you by the Ball Mason Jar Facebook Group!

DAVE: That's right! The online community for people who believe everything is better when trapped in glass with a metal lid.

LANE: You know, Dave, I visited the group this week, and I gotta say, these people take preserved foods very seriously. One lady got into a three-day argument about proper headspace for pickled beets. THREE DAYS! That's longer than most of my relationships.

DAVE: I saw that! And did you see the guy who built a shrine to his great-grandmother's canning recipes? He lit candles around a 100-year-old jar of preserved peaches. Pretty sure that's how horror movies start.

LANE: The trend now is "aesthetic canning." It's not enough to preserve food anymore – it has to look like an Instagram post. People are adding flowers and herbs that serve no purpose except to make the jars prettier.

DAVE: My favorite post was from the woman who tried to pickle her wedding bouquet. Turns out, flowers don't pickle well. Who knew? Her anniversary dinner included what she described as "swamp water with floating petals."

LANE: Join the Ball Mason Jar Facebook Group today! Where their new motto is: "If it exists, someone in this group has tried to put it in a jar!"

DAVE: Are we still not getting paid for this?

LANE: Nope. Let's get back to history.

HISTORICAL EVENTS - PART 2

[Transition music]

DAVE: And we're back! In 1987, a U.S. Navy pilot survived 6 days lost at sea in the Pacific. His name was Lieutenant John Hulvey, and he basically lived the plot of "Cast Away" but without the volleyball for emotional support.

LANE: I can barely survive 6 hours without Wi-Fi, so that's pretty impressive.

DAVE: In 1991, Edith Cresson became France's first female Prime Minister. Breaking glass ceilings and taking names... in French.

LANE: In 2013, Angelina Jolie revealed she had undergone a preventive double mastectomy after learning she carried a gene that significantly increased her risk of breast cancer. That took incredible courage to go public with something so personal.

DAVE: It really did. And it led to what doctors called the "Angelina Effect," with more women getting genetic testing and preventive care.

LANE: In 1957, Britain tested its first hydrogen bomb. The Cold War was basically countries saying, "My bomb is bigger than your bomb," and somehow we all survived that.

DAVE: And in 2020, the COVID-19 death toll surpassed 300,000 worldwide. Remember COVID, folks? Remember when we all became experts in epidemiology overnight?

LANE: I still have about 47 bottles of hand sanitizer in my closet. And masks. So many masks. I could open a mask museum.

DAVE: You know what they say about pandemics?

LANE: What's that?

DAVE: Actually, nobody says anything about pandemics because we're all trying to forget they happen. [awkward pause] Too soon?

LANE: Probably. But when has that ever stopped us?

OUTRO

DAVE: And that's our show for today! Join us tomorrow when we'll pretend to know more things about different dates.

LANE: This has been Touring History with Lane and Dave. Remember, those who don't study history are doomed to hear about it from people like us who barely understand it ourselves.

[Outro music plays]

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