By Kelly Denithorne
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The podcast currently has 14 episodes available.
Hello, welcome to Episode 6 of Season 2. I am so sorry that there was a terrible delay in releasing this episode. As it turns out Jodie and I went to Maui to get married and I was ill prepared to run this final episode of Season 2. Wait, final episode? Yup, you heard. This is the final episode of our second season here. And we want to thank you so much for listening to us at all! Woo-Hoo! Thank you!
Our question today is: How can you tell if someone is being genuine? I found this question easier to approach if I divided it into two separate categories. The first one being if you are talking about someone you know fairly well, like friends, family, loved-ones, or coworkers, basically people that someone might have an actual relationship with. The second group would be strangers or people that someone is simply observing out in the world.
I think it is important to separate the situations into these two groups because of what is implied. With the first group, wanting to know if someone is being genuine is important because we are often wanting to help the other people in that group. We care about them and what is best for that other person normally. However when it comes to strangers we are concerned more with the idea of suspicion and stranger danger. We want to know if the other person is telling the truth because that will help keep us safe.
So if we are talking about someone you care about, how can you tell that they are being genuine? Generally speaking people are not going to lie about being transgender. There really isn’t anything to gain. Some may think that one gains attention, but it certainly isn’t good attention! Normally the lives of transgender people are fraught with peril and it is not a path the people take on just a whim. For myself, before I started telling anyone, I was aware of my gender variance for several decades. I was well aware of my transgender status, even if nobody else did.
In the early days of my transition I had many kind and caring people in my life who were trying to assess my sincerity and when I questioned them about it they generally told me that they were concerned on my behalf on whether or not I would want to eventually detransition. And I think there is something in that implying how important people think that decisions regarding gender are.
We have kind of been conditioned as a society to think that transition related regret is a huge deal. However out of all people who have ever transitioned only 3% have de-transitioned. Meaning they decided to go back to presenting as their birth gender. But within even that very small group, only 5% of that group state that they are de-transitioning because they no longer consider themselves transgender. Generally people de-transition because of a lack of support.
Okay but what if you are trying to assess the genuine-ness of somebody that you don’t even know? Sadly there isn’t really any way to tell if someone is telling the truth to you or not. That is a difficult thing about interacting with other human beings on this planet. My opinion is to try and assume people are telling me the truth, as they see it, until that person proves otherwise. What else can we really do?
Our next topic is one that seems to be getting lots of press lately, which is how schools are not telling parents if their child is exhibiting any sort of transgender expression. Sadly this is getting translated to schools and educators being accused of grooming students.
Lawsuits are being filed around the country accusing schools of withholding information about their children. The real truth is that schools are withholding information from parents, but it is because schools are trying to protect children from their parents.
Many parents are not very supportive when their children...
Hello and welcome to episode 5 of season 2. Our question today is Has anyone fetishized you? (Is that a thing in the LGBT community?) How should someone respond/interact with people like that?
This is a surprisingly difficult set of questions to provide a good answer to. It’s difficult sometimes to really understand what somebody really means by their questions. There often becomes a surprising amount of assumptions that begin to need to be made to be able to answer some questions sometimes. This set of questions caused Jodie and I to veer off course right from the start!
Eventually I was able to form a semi-coherent answer, that yes many people have fetishized me. Sadly as a transgender woman many people have seen me as someone who they are interested in sexually simply because I am a transgender woman. That isn’t something that I have any control over.
Now the next part of the question becomes much more difficult to answer well. Is that a thing in the LGBT community? The challenging part of this question is if this is something that happens to the LGBT community or if this is something that happens within the LGBT community. Which is ultimately what I think is problematic with fetishes in general. Is it something that you personally are wanting to show people or is it something that someone is forcing upon someone or something else?
There is nothing in particular that is a fetish about anybody within the LGBT community. Transgender people especially so, as being transgender really says nothing about who someone likes to have sex with.
I think a confusing part for many people is that some people see things that may happen in various public pride events sometimes as being a super sexualized presentation. So some people may think that is a large part of the LGBT community as a whole. And what I would say is that things like that are a part of humanity, not simply the LGBT community. It can be a part of any community.
The third part of the question is about how to interact with people that fetishize another. We think that can best be determined by how the fetishizing happens. Is it because of wanted attention or simply by existing? If you want the attention and want to be fetishized, then getting that attention must be awesome, but if you aren’t wanting it then leave that situation or seek help with others.
Our second segment is about coping well with various insecurities and anxieties. Often people will see Jodie or I and think that we are super confident people and we couldn’t possibly have any self doubts, but that is far from the truth. We were both raised in very competitive environments where we were told to basically be perfect in every possible way. Okay, well maybe not perfect, but we were expected to rise up to our potential and we were never good enough. This left us with a huge amount of self doubt.
A large part of my transition has been learning how to deal well with those insecurities and Jodie has been figuring out her anxieties as well. Throughout this time we have come up with a variety of ways to help us to cope. We cover four of our most effective strategies, positive self talk, facing your problems head on, speak to others about it, and long term regular therapy with a licensed therapist.
Our final segment of Jodie’s What The Hell, we review the latest list of banned words from two different sources. Our first one comes from Lake Superior State University. Apparently they put out a list every year for quite awhile and this year’s list includes the following:
The second group...
Hello and welcome to episode 4 of season 2. Today our student question is What were some major issues or struggles that you went through during your transition? This is actually a very large question. It can be looked at from several different angles and all of the views are large and could take several hours to answer fully and completely. I decided to focus on just a few different areas.
The first big struggle I went through in undertaking my transition is simply accepting that I needed to transition. For most of my life I avoided transition or even simply acknowledging that I am actually transgender. I just kind of just felt as though I was never trans enough that I had to transition. Which is a common refrain from many who have transitioned, don’t do it unless you absolutely have to. These days I don’t really think that as that is actually a very transphobic idea. There is nothing wrong with being transgender or transitioning.
The second really big struggle in my transition was and is in finding appropriate health care providers locally. This is really not just a transgender issue, this is an issue for all human beings living in rural areas. Instead of being able to stay local, and keep my money spent local, I have to drive at least several hours to either Southern California or Northern California so that I can get to the larger cities like Los Anglees or San Francisco.
The third area that I have found very difficult during my transition is being discriminated against by my employer. When I first began my transition, within hours of receiving my prescription for estrogen I was promptly informed that my employer does not pay for that sort of thing. They were fine for paying for my wife’s estrogen as she had an F for female on her driver’s license. And that is the traditionally accepted portion of our populace that operates on estrogen.
Prior to this I seriously thought that discrimination wasn’t legal, which actually is not true. Discrimination is alive and well, and actually not illegal. It just sort of depends on the discrimination that one is facing, some of it is illegal, but really most of it is totally legal.
The final area that I struggled with was staying with my employer and trying to figure out how to be a good employee but also how to change the organization that I worked with. Sometimes in order to effect change, one has to be a part of the group and we need to work from within it to get change to occur. That is what I chose to do with our employer and I actually got them to finally change their policy.
Our second big topic today has to do with high school biology. Many people try to rely on the minimal understanding of science to support their discriminatory stances. One of the things people are looking for is a definitive way to define what is male or female. Traditionally people said let’s look at a human being's genitals to determine who is male or female. But what bothers some is that some people have surgically altered their genitals and so it is no longer a definitive way to determine gender.
Many people have thus begun to look towards DNA and state that DNA can tell with 100% accuracy if someone is male or female. While this appears to be a certain way to know someone’s gender as it turns out that is not true. Some people can actually have both male and female indicating DNA within their body.
Some of the ways that this can happen are fascinating. One thing that can happen is that people can be born having absorbed their twin. While this phenomenon is widely thought to be a tumor or lump growing in a weird location, it does not always have to be so obvious. There does not actually have to have any visible signs of an absorbed twin. Or the signs can be so small as to be just some skin discoloration or differentiation. And...
Our listener question for this episode is “How has transition affected your relationship?” This is a very large question as for me transition wasn’t ever any one thing, it was something that stretched out over a very large portion of my life. As well, I began dating Jodie when I was fifteen years old but I didn’t actually truly begin my transition until I was about 45.
However, I have always tried to be very open with Jodie with every aspect of myself, even if I haven’t always understood that I would eventually transition. So I was very open with my gender variance as I saw it at that time of my life. Jodie was fine with all of those aspects of me and was very open and accepting.
Transition though wasn’t something that either one of us initially wanted. In fact we both decided that it was something that I never wanted to do, and Jodie also never wanted me to do that.
What changed both of us was the possibility that this was what I truly needed to do. It took a lot of education for both of us to determine that transition was something that might actually help our relationship. We had always struggled even though we have seemingly known each other forever. We fought frequently with vigor and gusto! So before my transition it wasn’t as if we had this beautiful thing that was going to be destroyed by me making this drastic decision.
I eventually took the leap, changed my hormones and this opened our eyes immensely. We both saw how much that changed me and helped me and in turn that helped us to finally start getting along. With great relief we both realized that transitioning was actually going to save our relationship.
Our next topic has to do with photo filters and what their effects have upon society. I personally have never used photo filters, unless a friend is taking a picture of me. But I am of mixed opinions about their use. Having grown up during the 70s and 80s there was lots of discussion about the use of airbrushing and how that gave everyone totally unrealistic perceptions of other people.
We all knew that it was happening, but we were aware of it. These days though we often don’t know if someone is using a filter. We encounter people digitally all the time and super filters like face app can entirely change a person’s entire appearance.
But what does this mean for transgender people? On the one hand we can finally see ourselves how we have always seen ourselves, which is great! But I think there are a couple of issues with it. One being that it can give people an unrealistic expectation of what they might look like if they transition. And secondly it can be discouraging to others if people are not honest about using a filter. Imagine, you transitioned and are struggling with your appearance, meanwhile people all around are posting pictures of themselves and they look amazing, and they do not state they are using filters.
That can be a problem because we are talking about issues that can possibly make people kill themselves. It is for that reason that I think that we need to be able to have realistic expectations for our results of transition and filters can really distort that.
We are still figuring out the name of our final segment, this time we are calling it “Hey what the hell?” And in this session of Hey what the hell we are talking about weird laws around the world.
There are five weird laws that we chose to bring up:
For all of those laws we wandered...
Hello dear listeners, thank you for coming back for a second episode of season two, we are so very thankful to have you here.
Our first discussion topic today is a question from a student who asked, what’s up with neo-pronouns. Jodie and I get into a bit of a grammar discussion about what pronouns are in the first place, as I often get grammar items incorrect. Being as Jodie is a language arts teacher, I thought she would be the absolute best person to ask about this.
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
pro·noun
noun
plural noun: pronouns
Generally the most common pronouns are he/him, she/her, and they/them. However some people have begun to use what are referred to as neo-pronouns.
neopronoun
[ nee-oh-proh-noun ]
noun
a type of gender-neutral pronoun, coined after 1800, and used especially by nonbinary and genderqueer people, as in English ze/hir/hirs,e/em/eirs, or xe/xem/xyrs.
This has led to quite a bit of confusion on how people are supposed to address some other people. Part of the difficulty in understanding how to address people is that many people do not want their pronouns to be based upon their appearance. Oftentimes when we do that we must rely on stereotypes which are not always true. As well, for some people, like myself, I want to be viewed as female and I want people to assume that I use she/her pronouns, based solely on my appearance.
So what is a person supposed to do? How are we supposed to address people? For me, I say, you try to be polite and kindly ask people how they would like to be addressed and then you do so. Period. Yes, even if that makes you uncomfortable. Yes, even if that messes with your grammar police thoughts. Just address people how they would like to be addressed.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/understanding-neopronouns
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guide-to-neopronouns
Our second topic today is about how some celebrities are jumping onto the anti-trans bandwagon. Apparently some people are very upset that you can’t call
Welcome to season two of TranCisTer Radio. This season we have had a change up of one of our co-hosts. Dana will no longer be available to record our lovely podcast as she has moved on to other projects. We sadly thought for quite some time that this podcast might fade away into the vastness of the internet depths, but luckily my lovely wife Jodie has decided to step up and join us as my new co-host!
In this first episode of the second season we begin by discussing student questions that I receive when I give speeches at various local colleges. This episode’s question is How do you address transgender humans? My first thought was that you address humans the way that they ask to be addressed. However that doesn’t cover all of the times that one might just encounter people in our complex world.
So just how exactly do you address people when you aren’t really sure what gender they are? Maybe the bigger question here is why does it matter what gender someone is in order to address a human properly? Is our society too focused on gender as an attribute?
Our second segment in this episode is about the surgery that I had this past June. Which at the time of this episode write up was actually almost a year ago at this point. Initially these episodes were intended to be published at an earlier time but life got in the way. So we’re just going to go with it as best we can.
Anywho, last June I had gender confirmation surgery. I’m not sure if I think that is the best way to name the surgery I had, but I know it is far better than sex reassignment surgery. Ugh, that name gives me the absolute creeps!
I am typically relatively open with most aspects of my transition however I have chosen to be a bit more private about this surgery. In many ways this was a deeply personal decision and I felt protective over the experience. I have tried to overcome my personal emotions about my reservations and have tried to share a bit about the experience of having your genitals operated on to completely transform their appearance and function.
Our final segment is What the heck science?! Today we discuss various ways of disposing of a human body after someone has passed away. That sounds rather nefarious however these ideas are legal alternatives to the traditional forms of body disposal like burial or cremation. Apparently there are a large variety of other ways that human remains can be legally disposed of. It can be a touchy subject, but the reality is that sooner or later we are all going to have something done with our bodies once we are no longer operating them.
That is about it for this episode. Thank you for being here. We super appreciate you listening to us and we hope you are intrigued enough to keep tuned in for our coming episodes.
Please reach out and contact us at [email protected]
Season 1 was produced as a pilot project of The Source in Visalia CA.
TransCisTer Radio is no longer produced in anyway by The Source. It is independently owned by Kelly Denithorne and Dana Galante.
On this episode of TransCisTer Radio, Dana and Kelly speak with Anthony Galante, Dana’s husband, on what life can be like for parents of transgender children. Dana and Anthony have two children, one of whom happens to be transgender. He came out to them when he was 14 years old. This threw them for a loop, but they both rebounded beautifully and began to learn how to care for someone who they both deeply loved. Throughout their journey they faced many new struggles, from coming out to their extended family, to finding appropriate health care, and becoming leaders in creating a safe space for all transgender humans in our local Central California community of Visalia. Dana and Anthony truly are great parents and lovingly found the strength to not just stand up for their own child, but for all transgender humans. It was a pleasure being able to speak to them and gain insight and tips into what it means to be a loving parent.
Some of the topics in this episode are:
- What to do when your child reveals that they are transgender.
- What are the first steps to help yourself and your family.
- Some of the misconceptions of being transgender.
- Facing the realities of raising a child who is their own independent human being.
- How to deal with parental ego.
- Where a child is at when they reveal themselves as transgender compared to where parents are often at when that reveal happens.
- How to not panic when your child comes out.
- How important names and pronouns are to your transgender children.
- The high rates of attempted suicide within the transgender youth community.
- How important it is to support your transgender child.
- That transgender children attempt to help protect their parents.
Episode Reference:
- Carol Montgomery Brosnac – transgender therapist
https://www.carolmontgomerybrosnaclmft.com/
- Gender Spectrum
https://www.genderspectrum.org/
- Help The Source LGBT+ Center
https://www.thesourcelgbt.org/donate
Season 1 was produced as a pilot project of The Source in Visalia CA.
TransCisTer Radio is no longer produced in anyway by The Source. It is independently owned by Kelly Denithorne and Dana Galante.
We got our first email! Dana and Kelly received an email from a woman in the Midwest, asking our advice to help her friend, who is not currently out to the world as a woman, be comfortable standing as a bridesmaid in her wedding. Needless to say, we have lots of thoughts on this matter!
And then... we have another email! That makes 2 in total! This second email comes from Dana's friend Michael who has lots of advice on getting our podcast together, so we are giving producer credits to Michael Roberts-Short today! He also asks us questions about Magic the Gathering and it's somewhat new relation to the trans world. (Thanks Mike!)
Trans in the News brings us to Dana's hidden talent - rapping. Rapping a Taylor Swift song, no less! (There's a reason for it, really!) All performance requests for Dana the rapper can be sent to [email protected] :)
We discuss artist Jordan Eagle and his transgender art show in the Keith Herring bathroom at the LGBT Community Center. This led us to say - WHAT? Keith Herring has a whole bathroom in NYC??? That's gotta be an expensive bathroom!
Surgeries! Who wants them? Do you need them? Does it make you more trans? If you don't have any surgeries, are you LESS trans?
This slides us into a brief discussion on how parents can best support their trans kids.
Be sure to tune into our next podcast about Parenting Trans Kids, with our special guest Anthony, Dana's husband. Sorry boys, you can't see him on a podcast...
We love you!!! Dana & Kelly
Transcister Radio is made in conjunction with the Source LGBT+ Center. If you'd like to help out the LGBT+ population of rural CA, visit www.thesourcelgbt.org/donate
email: [email protected]
voicemail: 559.343.6646
Season 1 was produced as a pilot project of The Source in Visalia CA.
TransCisTer Radio is no longer produced in anyway by The Source. It is independently owned by Kelly Denithorne and Dana Galante.
TransCisTer Radio has another special episode. This interview is with the amazing Bri Guerrero. They are a genderqueer human making their way in California’s Central Valley. Bri identifies as genderqueer and eloquently answers all of Dana and Kelly’s question about what that means to them and what it is like to live life as a genderqueer human. One of the first difficult topics discussed in this episode is whether or not genderqueer people are a part of the larger transgender community and how the transgender experience and genderqueer experience are alike and different. Whereas many transgender people are firmly rooted within a perceived binary gender system, genderqueer humans advocate for a reimagining of that view. Imagine a world where human beings interact based on their qualities and not on what gender they are perceived to be. Bri is wonderfully articulate and well-educated and provides a fascinating view of gender. We super appreciate them taking the time to help educate us.
Some of the topics in this episode are:
- The struggle for those who exist between in between the cisgender and transgender communities
- Is being genderqueer a choice?
- Changing one's appearance to appear in the middle
- What does someone in the middle need to look like?
- The public clocking you as male or female
- Would it be Bri’s preference if in society we don’t automatically gender people?
- Can you explain the difference between genderqueer and non-binary?
- How can you explain the terms to the general public?
- Letting go of the concept of gender
- Does Bri try to not gender people when they speak with them?
- How is Bri’s family in regards to their gender?
- How long has it been since they came out to family and friends?
- Did Bri have a transition day?
- Dealing with ungendered speech/pronouns
- What is Bri’s definition of transgender and is genderqueer a part of that?
- Is transition a horribly awful event?
- Is crossdressing a gate-way “Drug” to being transgender?
Episode Reference:
- Help The Source LGBT+ Center
Season 1 was produced as a pilot project of The Source in Visalia CA.
TransCisTer Radio is no longer produced in anyway by The Source. It is independently owned by Kelly Denithorne and Dana Galante.
On this special one topic show, Dana interviews Kelly regarding her recent orchiectomy procedure. If you have ever wanted a first-hand account of what a small gender-confirming surgery is like, then this is the episode for you. While having one’s testicles removed is a small procedure, it can be a greatly affirming one in being able to take control over one’s endocrine system.
In this episode Kelly and Dana discuss:
· What is an orchiectomy?
· Does Kelly have mystery testicle syndrome?
· How does an orchiectomy impact future gender confirmation surgery? And much more!
Resources:
TransCisTer Radio email address: [email protected]
Voice mail line: 559-343-6646
The podcast currently has 14 episodes available.