part of transformania which is creating new language for people who experience manic consciousness is just creating new meaning and new memes that can replicate through us if they resonate I'm just having fun playing with words and I don't know if any of it resonates so also with what I was saying about how I feel like I just have to say this stuff and get it out of my system these memes are sort of within me or on bits of paper and I feel like I want to share and this is a form of I'm not sure if it's epi mimetics or endo mimetics but just like there's epigenetics control above the genes there's I feel there's there's mimetics there's memes and we usually recycle memes from our past as well as what we see in the media and learn from other people so it's all sort of passed and old and secondhand and I feel going into the state of media gives us access to new memes we're actually the makers of new memes and doesn't mean they're all correct it just means they're new and we can either spread them or we can talk about them or not talk about them and I feel like in the state of mania we talk about them and we can't not talk about them but we're just sort of bouncing around talking to random people or whatever so they don't necessarily take hold per se and it's not a state where you're talking about the state it's a state where you're just talking about whatever is in the moment so now part of my harvesting process is harvesting the state by sort of unfolding and making context about the state so I have pages of all of the things I wrote down the very first time I was in that state of consciousness and I don't know how much of it is actually coherent they but they might have been some nice thoughts and ideas but what I'm saying is those weren't memes about the state so now i'm creating memes which are a language to understand the state so actually I'm seeing now that I feel like mania is epi mimetics it's memes coming from somewhere else than our own personal pool of memes or the memes that are well-known in society and they're sort of perceptual mimetics and that we perceive something and memes get created within us which we can speak so if i was in manic consciousness i could speak them and blah blah blah they'd sort of spread out a little bit or say i was a manic consciousness i just decided to talk to my cell phone video for 20 hours and then post that now those memes can spread more but if i'm in mad at consciousness not all of it would be coherent per se i might be saying i'm captain of the universe which would be kind of entertaining as well but what I'm saying is I feel like harvesting one's mania after the fact is a form of endo mimetics so it's going back in retrospect and thinking about the EPI mimetic process and creating endo memes related to the EPI memes so I could share epi memes and I can share endo memes which are making meaning out of that meaning making process itself the state itself is very meaningful it's felt as very meaningful and there's no need to make meaning out of that meaningful state it's just living and being alive and celebrating and being playful and that's the meaning itself and so this is sort of making meaning in retrospect witches endo mimetics which is related to the epi mimetics I have an epi meme which is say the one I shared before about we're all killing each other with our thoughts feelings and actions and that's to do with sort of the butterfly effect or the ripple effect how what we do here affects somebody across the world and in sits in subtle ways that we can't necessarily perceive if we can actually perceive it we wouldn't do it but that's what makes it an interesting game is we have no idea what we're doing and what's going to happen we're going to be surprised the moment we find that life isn't going to surprise us anymore we're pretty much in the state of suicide so so I feel that that's the way it is is harvesting one's manias and doma mattox it's making meaning out of the EPI memes and not that all of them were meaningful maybe the endo mimetics process is sort of our own personal pruning so i could take that whole big long document i wrote with my first epi mimetic experience and that all felt meaningful in the time i was writing it but now if i was to look back on it I would be using sort of an endo mimetic process my own knowledge from in retrospect of how the process works in order to process some of those memes and so I could sit here and say oh I experienced this and I experienced that and that means this and that means that and I do a little bit of that but I'm more interested in the end o mimetics the meaning that I can harvest from the experience itself because I'm not necessarily interested in going back into an epi mimetic state maybe I don't need that anymore but I'm interested in making meaning out of the whole process itself so the whole process is seen as pathology right now and i'm creating endo memes which is making meaning and making context and sort of processing all the memes and meaning that which is again not craving that state again per se but it's recontextualizing how I was told to interpret that state I never interpreted that way in the first place but I find it very fascinating it was sort of like experiencing an anomaly but within myself and from then people might be interested in outerspace while I'm interested in my own inner space it's something that more directly affects my life and so I'm going through this harvesting my mania process which is endo mimetics and it's also endo mimetics in that I'm bringing these memes from inside and me out I just sit here or not say anything or I could do this endo mimetic process and bring them out into something else it's like that energy is there which is almost like electrons which is light and and that light that energy within unfolds into sounds through me because I can I can see the pattern of what I'm trying to illustrate and then that allows the sounds to just come out because I'm speaking based on what I'm perceiving from the inside which isn't related to my ego as much as sometimes it is because I can see how the ego works in in context to and in contrast to this other process which I feel mania is a process of getting one in touch with one's true way of processing and that we are a processor of the universe and we're processing things as much and through processing we're also creating I can just go about processing my ego over and over again or I can process something else and the ego process is very meaningless it's a mistaken is very meaningful and so this other process is almost a meaning making process and I'm making meaning out of that state out of that experience but I'm also making meaning out of my journey since that experience and what it could mean moving forward so that's endo mimetics and epi mimetics and I feel like that is related to what David Bohm said dr. David Bohm said we need a new source of ideas and information and I feel there is a different source a lot of people talk about being in touch with source or their intuition and things it's just related to that and some people are just maybe naturally in touch with that never seemed manic and maybe other people they go into that consciousness and to me I feel it's sort of like ego surgery it's like trans consciousness surgery so maybe some people are transgender and some people are trans consciousness and maybe bipolars just trans consciousness sometimes a person is identified with their persona and sometimes they lose that identification and they behave more like an adult child and they're not behaving like themselves because they're not identified with that so what is it that keeps us identified with that and it could actually be fear because in the state of mania we lose all fear all shame all of those sort of lower faculties that keep us clinging to our ego which is the thing that is trying to keep us avoiding those experiences and once we lose that fear we lose our ego perhaps the ego is fear and I feel like aw is everything but the ego so uh is the entire universe and the ego is it not all is everything but all is just chattering on and got chattering blocks that just complete losing one's breath in awe of the beauty of the universe and I think maybe this conscious transformation or this trans consciousness is I feel like the ego is the personality and this other conscious experience is the place analogy so we become our playful selves when we're decoupled from that thing that prevents us from being playful and we can be somewhat artificially playful with it but the true playfulness when we've detached from those words we're actually now in touch with gestures spontaneity perception pattern recognition and all of those things so that's another word transformation and transfer mania as you go from in transfer mania in mania you become trans consciousness and you go from the ego consciousness to your adult child playful consciousness trans for mania and I think that's one of the ways we could stir it up is just with our body language and our gestures and all of our non verbal communication so people that have been pathologized like myself have a tendency to lose their connection with their posture and their strength and their voice and it'd be interesting to to help assist people to put themselves back together so they appear more well than the are and it's possible because they've on all this medication not necessarily from their mental this supposed mental illness and just by going out and being sort of happy clowns in different postures with no words at all we'd be able to change the social fabric instead of waiting for somebody to come along and help us with their pathologizing language that they try to put on to us and that's what we need to be immune to doesn't mean don't accept help it just means don't take that in it's like yeah you believe that and that's how you're going to help me thank you it's the only way you know how but I don't believe that about myself and that's part of this transfer mania language is to create different language for us at least to think about ourselves and to see ourselves in in the meantime and just like all these autistic children they're pathologized yet if they were able to tell us what it's really like if they were able to describe it in great detail for a hundred hours I don't think they would say what we think that it is based on our observations they would probably be saying you were thinking about something mean and that's why I had a tantrum like it would be something so far beyond our own beliefs and perceptions about things like like with temple grandin for example she designed slaughterhouses for cows based on how she could see where they would get spooked and freaked out and then they'd need so much more prodding to go through so she designed one that would be humane well in the same way if you look around your apartment or your house and imagine being a super sensitive child crawling around or something how many little things would spook you or creeped you out because they can see in a different way she would say she thinks in pictures and and that makes sense because they have less words and pictures would probably be the patterns of things that one is recognizing so so they can recognize patterns and they're super sensitive and they're super intelligent but they're intelligent in a different way just like I feel people that go through this trans consciousness experience maybe we're intelligent in one way before an intelligent in that way plus other ways after maybe they lose certain elements they're not able to be functional because society is kind of traumatizing in the same way that a slaughterhouse not designed by a temple grandin is traumatizing so a person that goes through this trans consciousness oftentimes they've experienced some kind of trauma or something and then they go through and then everything outside and reality look scary so they become non-functional everything makes them anxious so it's almost like they've been restored again to this adult child like version of themselves where things seem scary because we have that sort of child perspective of recognizing the patterns of things and we just recoil in fear because it is really terrifying out there if you're not numbed out to that so I feel kids that have that disposition are intelligent in different ways and probably in the ways that humanity needs right now and if they're not actually flowering in that intelligence it's not their fault it's the design of reality if their space was a hundred percent playful even every room of the house they would probably be able to function better and learn because they learn through play and and they learn through patterns and they learn through gesture and they learn through watching people and if they're watching grumpy people they're going to learn grumpiness I was thinking about how trauma hurts the image one has of oneself it doesn't actually hurt the living organism that we are hurts one's image and when that happens it's again something to do with the inconsistency factor and so I feel like to that's when we when we we experience that inconsistency factor we then look for a way to be consistent so we find the consistent story in our reality to match up with that so if I went through manic consciousness I was put into I was being inconsistent and then I was put into the story of mental illness because that's the explanation that goes with that pattern of becoming inconsistent but the benefit of that in a way is that that makes the image construct unstable and when it becomes unstable one has more chance of say going into altered states of consciousness because it's become unstable and we start to see different things out reality instead of seeing through our ego lens because maybe part of us doesn't want to see through that lens anymore because we're not who we think we were this image we built up about ourselves were something else I also think that society damages the hippocampus and I actually feel like moving around in society based on the ego is a subtle form of psychosis it's illusion it's hallucination and then when somebody gets into a full-blown psychosis it's it's kind of more obvious and so it seems like normal people just are really good at faking that they're not psychotic when a lot of their thoughts probably are psychotic they're just not acting on them so they have this mechanism that prevents them from acting on their psychotic thoughts well that can break down in anybody normality is psychotic that's the thing if somebody in full-blown psychosis sees the whole world is psychotic and everyone they interact with practically is playing into that and so it's actually a lot more sane to come upon that I've been psychotic four times and I think that helps me be way more sane that's why I don't believe in saying that I'm a person living with a mental illness because I've seen I've been completely insane and so I've been able to see everything that contributes to that and then when I'm not in that state I'm able to not participate with that I feel like that state actually puts me in that state to see to have those visions to experience all of that terribleness and experience it fully because it's already it's going on in the world and it's showing that we are all one consciousness some of us get in touch with that in psychosis and can't handle it and say in their life and and then they're seen as they were mentally ill when really they were seeing and experiencing the full-blown mental illness of society and I feel like I feel I feel like society is a mental illness and that there's no such thing as mental health anything mental is actually illness that's actually disorder thought is disorder as Krishnamurti would say not thought disorder so it's just varying levels of psychosis and Krishnamurti also said it's no measure of health to adjust oneself to a profoundly sick society so that's why I don't agree necessarily in the long term with medicating people back into functionality because the functionality of society is sick so the people that are so-called sick have actually seen this sickness of society and if they weren't made impotent by chemical ego band-aids than they might actually want to do a little bit of something about it and by turning it into a personal problem and make somebody even more impotent I've been made slightly impotent yet I still have the impetus to change that's why I feel like eventually I don't really want to work in mental health because I don't believe in mental illness I don't believe in mental health and I feel like the people that are labeled with this kind of stuff actually see and they have the best chance at being able to change things because they can see all the subtle things that are happening people that go through this trans consciousness experience are like the Temple Grandin's of reality they can look around and see how it's designed in ways that are are traumatizing and adding to stress where people that are feeling the cumulative effects of this they're feeling it but they don't know they're feeling it people that have gone through trans consciousness experience can see it and feel it after the fact still even if medication blocks it out somewhat but they don't understand that that's one of the things that they can do so it's not a bad thing it's it's something that can help everybody I could walk into a mental health center and be like traumatizing traumatizing traumatizing rude person rude person that person's energy is off that person's scary like it would be quite easy because that's the thing it's even people that haven't had this experience of going through a crisis or even if you want to call it mental illness they're still accumulating stuff over time that is kind of like a ticking time bomb like everybody is a ticking time bomb and a person can get have something happen and with the allostatic load of society and all the stress that we live with it doesn't take much for somebody to have a breakdown and so I feel like people that go through trans consciousness experience can can help inform with what needs to change it's almost like children they would be able to tell us if they knew how to communicate but they don't so people that goes to trans consciousness are are connected again with a childlike perception in a way because the ego consciousness isn't in the way oh and I was thinking I was thinking about the ego and how one of the most annoying things to do one of the base first world problems is putting a new screen protector on one's smart phone and try as hard as you may you probably have a piece of dust under there and it's just like ah damn but what can you do so the ego is kind of equivalent to dusting off your table with your screen protector and then putting it on and thinking that you're going to be able to interface with your phone properly I remember once I was an airplane with a friend and it was kind of turbulent upon landing and she said to me it's just clouds so I was a bit of a nervous flyer and when she said it's just clouds I was like okay it's just clouds and I sort of understood and I just sort of let it pass behind it didn't really bother me as much and in the same way the ego was kind of just like dust and it's just like clouds so if something pops up into my mind screen that gets me a little fired up for some reason it's just clouds oh that's nice like it's just cloud please it'll pass and just not identifying with it not thinking i am the clouds and now i'm going to create a storm and great rain and i was thinking to with this mine screen I feel like the mine screen is our real face so we might put on a smiling face but it's the energy of our interface this mine screen that we have where we take impressions and make calculations and most the time people have ego judgments going on whatever is going on in that mind screen that inner image domain of judging and thinking about oneself or thinking about other people that's actually our real face if what's going on on our interface on our mind screen is not something that we would be genuinely smiling about that we're not really smiling and we're not energetically fooling anybody we're not fooling the universe and with that we are changing our center of gravity such that we're not in flow we're accumulating allostatic load which as I think is actually like accumulating gravity and moving away further from our light body which could actually be the light body could actually be our inner mind screen or inner face it's like our light processor version of our self which is like our inner mirror which we can play images on or we can take impressions of the outer world but I think actually that's what makes an impression on the outer world is that inner light body self that we are so we can have anything on our outer face but the interface is actually what determines this and I feel like that is the light body and we're actually more that than anything but whatever has played second by second in our life on our interface is what has accumulated as us so we can accumulate toxic garbage and always have our interface mine screen interface polluted and that's going to change our the look on our face that's going to change our the muscles on our face and everything even for me I since I've been doing these videos i practice sort of using both sides of my mouth because this one is not as active and I think that was from some an event when I was really really young and I actually have like this muscle that's all like congealed together in here and I don't think this side of my face works the same way it's not on this side so something happened where I probably like really clenched up and that just really stuck together and has affected my face ever since but even from my first videos i think my lip was more like this now just with talking over time it's showing my teeth a bit more which i think is is you know better in terms of not being like stiff upper lip like talking like this all the time so just how i'm using my face and expressing this inner light this interface these memes that i've created by interfacing with reality is changing my face and it's speaking from my interface my interface my inner light body and that's like reap a turning my physical structure as I go along so this could be this harvesting process could actually be just talking about these memes in order to harvest myself and and sort of grow regrow myself as a garden in a way and I think we can I think that light is always there and in the trans consciousness experience when we decouple from the ego we go more into that light and that shifts our whole physical structure so that shift is always there and we can shift into it so I could go from say five foot five of five and a half to probably five foot six and a half in like a snap if I was in my light body version but it's almost like I need to unfold all this meaning and share all these memes in order to in order to sort of rejoin with that light body version so I am NOT in daily life versus just talking about it because right now I do realize I'm just talking about that but I'm not that but I feel like I need to talk about it in order to get to that which is getting out of my system in a way and so yeah I can I can sort of see how that works and I don't know if it's true but it's like we have this interface and as we go through reality we collect gravity we eat food but we also sort of collect gravity like a dust filter in a way like our mind screen becomes a dust filter for reality when we pick up these ego hurts and then we have this dusty screen and those bits of dust and trauma on our inner light body self are where maybe accumulated toxins can can collect and sort of poison us in a way so maybe this is a point where it's it accumulated in me or just yeah it became non-functional the energy wasn't flowing and then there's all this sort of tissue around there that's yucky

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