Trauma Unbound

Healing the Masculine Wound: Breaking the Shame Cycle Through Vulnerability & Connection

A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're ready for deeper support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available — https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

What if the thing you were taught made you weak — vulnerability, asking for help, being truly known — is actually the only thing that heals you?

In this powerful conversation, Jesse Deal sits down with Tyler Patrick, licensed marriage and family therapist and co-host of the Therapy Brothers podcast, to explore one of the most unspoken wounds in men's lives: shame.

Not the everyday embarrassment kind. The deep, identity-level kind. The kind that gets wired in during a single childhood moment and then quietly runs your life for decades — through overachievement, anger, withdrawal, pornography, people-pleasing, and every other way men learn to hide.

Both Jesse and Tyler bring their own stories to this conversation. And that vulnerability itself becomes the medicine.

What you'll discover in this episode:

The Masculine Wound & How Shame Gets Wired In
Jesse opens with a raw childhood memory of humiliation with his father — a moment that shaped a freeze response, then anger, then years of shame spiral. Tyler reflects on his own childhood root memory that formed a core belief of failure — and how that belief quietly drove everything that followed.

The Cycle of Shame
Tyler breaks down exactly how shame operates — starting with core beliefs like "I am a failure" or "I am unworthy,"moving through fear of rejection, and expressing itself through what he calls shame screens: people-pleasing, anger, withdrawal, and mood-altering behaviors. Understanding this cycle is the first step to breaking it.

The Trauma Tree Framework
Tyler introduces a powerful model for understanding how trauma works — fruits, branches, trunk, and roots. The behaviors you see on the surface (the fruits) are never the real problem. Healing requires going all the way down to the root beliefs formed in childhood.

Rewriting the Story with EMDR
Tyler shares how EMDR helped him revisit and reprocess his childhood root memory — and how that work began to loosen the grip of the failure belief that had shaped decades of his life.

The Risk of Being Known
Both Jesse and Tyler explore what it actually means to let yourself be seen — fully, honestly, without the armor. Why it's terrifying for men. Why it's also the only path forward. And what happens when you finally risk it.

Crisis as a Doorway
Tyler shares vulnerably about how his own life crisis — driven by overachievement and pornography addiction — became the moment that forced him into vulnerability and opened the door to emotionally corrective experiences through spirituality, confession, and genuine connection.

Shame Is Healed in Relationship
The antidote to shame isn't insight, willpower, or self-improvement. Jesse and Tyler both land on the same truth: shame is healed by being witnessed with compassion — especially by other men. Brotherhood isn't a luxury. It's medicine.

Men's Wilderness Intensives & Brotherhood
Tyler shares the powerful work happening through wilderness-based men's intensives — embodied, movement-based experiences that build trust and create the kind of corrective emotional experiences that talking alone can't always reach.

Resources mentioned:

• 🌐 Therapy Brothers Podcast:  https://www.therapybrothers.org/
• 🌐 Rising Sun: https://risingson.org

⏱️ Episode Chapters:
00:00 Welcome and Safety Note
00:59 Meet Tyler Patrick
02:06 A Shame Story Begins
05:53 Cycle of Shame Explained
09:07 Shame Screens and Protectors
11:51 Trauma Tree Framework
13:23 Tyler's Childhood Root Memory
16:43 Rewriting the Story with EMDR
20:24 Risking Being Known
22:15 Crisis and Corrective Love
27:47 Vulnerability Builds Connection
29:44 Healing Through Witnessing
31:31 Vulnerability Beats Shame
33:44 Corrective Experiences
34:38 Three Connections Antidote
35:53 Protectors And Gray Areas
39:16 Men's Shame And Weakness
40:02 Wilderness Initiation Work
45:07 Movement Builds Trust
49:53 Brotherhood And Mastermind
53:36 How To Connect And Next Steps

🎙️ Host: Jesse Deal — Trauma Coach & IFS-informed guide
🎙️ Guest: Tyler Patrick — Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Co-host of Therapy Brothers
🌐 Website & Coaching: https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with a man in your life who needed to hear it. It helps more people find this work.

Keywords: masculine wound, men's shame, men's mental health, vulnerability, shame cycle, trauma recovery, CPTSD, IFS parts work, shame screens, trauma tree, EMDR, pornography addiction, overachievement, men's healing, brotherhood, wilderness therapy, corrective emotional experience, Therapy Brothers, Tyler Patrick, men's groups, men's intensives, breaking generational trauma, trauma coaching

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Shame as a Story: Healing the Freeze Response & Finding Your Way Back to Connection

A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're ready for deeper support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available — https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

You didn't choose shame. Shame chose you — in a moment when you were small, trapped, and had nowhere to go.

In this deeply personal episode, Jesse Deal shares a memory from childhood that has stayed with him for decades. Riding in a truck with his father at 10 or 11 years old, a single word — "suck" — triggered his father's explosive rage. Trapped in the cab with nowhere to escape, Jesse's nervous system did the only thing it could: it froze. And in that freeze, a story was written deep inside him.

You are a terrible person. You are unlovable. You are a failure.

That's how shame works. It doesn't just hurt — it narrates. And once that story takes hold, it colors everything.

What you'll discover in this episode:

The Freeze Response & How Shame Gets Wired In
When a child is trapped in a moment of humiliation with no escape, the nervous system freezes. Jesse walks through exactly what happened in that truck — and why repeated experiences like it don't just create pain, they create an entire internal architecture of shame.

Dissociation & The Walls Between Parts
Chronic humiliation leads to dissociation — the mind's way of surviving the unbearable. Jesse describes the internal walls that form between parts of the self, and offers a reframe that changes everything: those walls aren't just barriers. With light, grace, and curiosity, they become doorways.

Shame as a Story — The Kurt Thompson Framework
Drawing on The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson, Jesse unpacks shame not as a feeling but as a narrative — a story your brain tells about who you are. Once shame becomes the lens, everything gets filtered through it. A partner's silence becomes proof you're unlovable. A moment of conflict becomes confirmation you're too much. Jesse shows how to recognize when the shame story is running the show.

The Shame Cycle & How It Keeps You Stuck
Shame drives hiding. Hiding drives isolation. Isolation drives more shame. Jesse maps this cycle clearly — and more importantly, shows exactly where and how to interrupt it.

Breaking Shame Through Connection
The antidote to shame isn't self-improvement or positive thinking. It's being known. Jesse explores how safe relationships and honest disclosure — letting yourself be truly seen — are the only things that actually break the shame cycle and foster genuine integration.

Shame in Your Adult Relationships
That shame story you absorbed as a child doesn't stay in the past. Jesse shows how it shows up in relationship conflict, withdrawal, reactivity, and the ways we protect ourselves from being seen — and offers a compassionate lens for understanding when a partner or family member may be doing the same.

Unblending Shame From Your Core Self
You are not your shame. Jesse walks through the IFS process of unblending — creating separation between the shame story and who you actually are at your core — so you can begin to witness it with curiosity instead of being consumed by it.

Going Slowly in Parts Work
Healing deep-rooted shame takes time and trust. Jesse emphasizes the importance of moving slowly with protector parts, building safety gradually, and approaching the work with the patience and grace that the wounded younger parts inside you always deserved.

⏱️ Episode Chapters:
00:00 Welcome and Safety Note
00:53 Childhood Trigger in Truck
02:42 Freeze Response and Shame
04:24 Dissociation and Inner Walls
06:27 Shame as a Story
07:56 The Shame Cycle Loop
11:49 Grace and Reframing the Past
14:27 Breaking Shame Through Connection
16:39 How Shame Shapes Adult Relationships
22:55 Unblending Shame From Self
24:54 Going Slow With Parts Work
27:01 Compassion and Closing Thoughts

If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with someone who needed to hear it today. It helps more people find this work.

Keywords: shame, toxic shame, freeze response, childhood trauma, CPTSD, IFS parts work, Internal Family Systems, dissociation, shame cycle, Curt Thompson Soul of Shame, unblending, self-leadership, inner child healing, trauma recovery, nervous system, emotional neglect, reparenting, trauma coaching, breaking generational trauma, connection and belonging

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

When Healing Gets Hard: Self-Energy, Relationship Conflict & Letting Go of the Redo

A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. Trauma coaching with Jesse is available if you're ready for deeper support. 

Have you ever done the work — the therapy, the journaling, the inner healing — only to find that your relationships feel harder, not easier?

You're not doing it wrong. That tension is part of the process.

In this raw and honest episode, Jesse Deal gets personal — sharing the story of a detailed letter he wrote to his parents about his childhood wounds, and the moment his therapist advised him not to send it. Not because his truth wasn't valid. But because the people on the receiving end simply didn't have the capacity to hear it without denial, avoidance, or gaslighting.

That moment cracked open one of the most important — and most painful — lessons in trauma recovery: you cannot get your redo from someone who couldn't show up for you then, and still can't now.

What you'll discover in this episode:

Why Healing Can Feel Like It's Making Things Worse
As you develop self-energy, agency, and the courage to speak your truth, the people around you may respond with defensiveness or withdrawal. Jesse explains why this happens — and why it doesn't mean you're wrong.

The "Redo" Your Parts Are Longing For
Deep inside, wounded parts of us seek justice, acknowledgment, and the loving response we never got. Jesse explores this through an IFS lens — why parts chase the redo, and what it costs us when we keep seeking it from people who lack the capacity to give it.

The Unsent Letter
Jesse shares vulnerably about writing a letter to his parents laying out his childhood wounds in full — and being guided by his therapist to keep it unsent. This story cuts to the heart of what it means to honor your own truth without needing external validation to make it real.

Surrendering Control Without Losing Yourself
Letting go of the outcome doesn't mean giving up. Jesse walks through what it actually looks like to stop trying to fix, change, or reach people who aren't ready — and how to find groundedness and presence when you do.

Finding the Real Redo — From the Inside Out
The redo your parts are seeking is available to you — just not from the source you're looking for. Jesse guides listeners toward inner work, self-led unburdening, and the profound shift that comes when you stop waiting for someone else to validate what you already know is true.

Holding On When It's Hard
Jesse closes with an invitation to hold onto moments of clarity, practice patience and grace with yourself, and trust that you are exactly where you need to be — even when it doesn't feel that way.

⏱️ Episode Chapters:
00:00 Welcome and Safety Note
00:50 Why Healing Feels Harder
01:28 The Unsent Letter
03:09 Denial and Retraumatization
04:30 Parts Want a Redo
06:30 When You Change, Relationships Change
08:51 Stop Trying to Fix Others
11:20 Power in Presence
12:06 Surrender the Outcome
12:58 Worth and Validating Perception
15:01 Creating a Real Redo
16:29 Healing Comes From Within
18:26 Hold Onto Self Energy
21:36 Grace and Closing Thanks

If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share it with someone who needed to hear it today.

Keywords: trauma recovery, IFS parts work, Internal Family Systems, self-energy, self-leadership, childhood emotional neglect, CPTSD, relationship conflict, family estrangement, reparenting, inner child healing, letting go, emotional healing, trauma coaching, nervous system regulation

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

When No One Asked How You Felt: Childhood Emotional Neglect & Adult Relationships

A note before you listen: This episode may bring up activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're looking for deeper, personalized support, trauma coaching with Jesse is available.

If you grew up in a home where your feelings were ignored, dismissed, or simply never acknowledged — you didn't walk away unscathed. That invisible wound has a name: childhood emotional neglect (CEN). And chances are, it's quietly running your relationships right now.

In this episode, Jesse explores the often-overlooked connection between family estrangement, emotional neglect, and the painful patterns that show up in your closest adult relationships — and offers a compassionate, practical path forward.

What we cover in this episode:

Understanding Estrangement
Estrangement isn't always a dramatic cutoff. Sometimes it looks like staying in contact with a parent or caregiver while feeling completely unseen and emotionally alone. Jesse breaks down both forms and why the subtler version can be just as wounding.

Childhood Emotional Neglect & Its Long Shadow
When children don't receive emotional mirroring — when no one reflects back that their feelings matter — they develop protective adaptations just to survive. Shutting down. Rage. Catastrophizing. Flight. These aren't character flaws. They're survival strategies that made sense then, and are now showing up in your adult relationships.

How CEN Replays in Love
Your nervous system learned its relational patterns early. Jesse explores how fear of abandonment, not feeling seen, conflict avoidance, and emotional shutdown can get triggered by a partner — even when the partner isn't your parent. Understanding this connection is the first step to breaking the cycle.

Recognizing Protective Parts
Drawing on Internal Family Systems (IFS), Jesse invites you to notice the "parts" that activate during relational stress — and to extend the same compassion to your partner's protective parts. Everyone in a relationship is carrying wounds. Seeing that changes everything.

Self-Leadership & Reparenting Practices
Jesse walks through practical, titrated steps you can take right now:

• Journaling or voice memos before difficult conversations to identify what's activated
• Unblending from triggered parts so you can respond rather than react
• Listening to each part's story with curiosity instead of judgment
• Bringing calm self-energy into hard conversations — being the parent you never had

When Space Is the Most Loving Choice
If a relationship consistently re-traumatizes you and your needs remain chronically unmet, taking space isn't giving up — it's an act of self-leadership. Jesse addresses this with honesty and care.

Closing Encouragement
Healing doesn't happen in one conversation or one breakthrough moment. It happens slowly, compassionately, moment by moment. Jesse closes with a reminder that you are worthy of that patience — especially from yourself.

⏱️ Episode Chapters:
00:00 Welcome and Safety Note
00:53 Estrangement Defined
01:56 Childhood Emotional Neglect
05:20 How It Shows Up in Love
07:39 Protective Parts and Triggers
11:24 Self Leadership and Reparenting
13:08 Journaling Before Hard Talks
16:27 Bringing Calm to Conflict
18:32 Boundaries and Next Steps
21:25 Closing Compassion

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

IFS Insight: Who Is Your Inner Critic Really Talking To?

Before listening: This episode may touch on activating material. Please practice self-care as you engage. If you're looking for deeper support, visit Jesse's website or explore one-on-one trauma coaching.

Have you ever noticed a harsh inner voice tearing you down — but wondered who it's actually talking to?

In this solo episode, Jesse Deal unpacks one of the most overlooked insights in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: your inner critic isn't just criticizing you — it's usually in conversation with another part entirely.

Using his own experience, Jesse walks through a real-life example involving three parts working simultaneously:

• A distractor part that avoids tasks and responsibilities
• An inner critic that shames and pressures
• A deeper layer of sadness and grief underneath it all

Once you see how these parts interact, everything changes.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Why multiple IFS parts are almost always active at the same time
• How to notice, sense, and validate your inner critic as a protector (not an enemy)
• The powerful question to ask yourself: "Who are you talking to?"
• How to mediate between protector parts to create space for healing
• A practical way to negotiate short windows of creative action — and check back in with your parts afterward
• How to cultivate self-energy, self-leadership, and patience in your healing journey

Whether you're new to parts work or deep in your trauma recovery, this episode offers a gentle, grounded framework for working with your inner world rather than against it.

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Making Decisions After Trauma: From Hypervigilance to Discernment

Why do the same painful patterns keep repeating, even after you've done "the work"? In this episode of Trauma Unbound, host Jesse Deal shares his own story of getting stuck in indecision and repeating patterns — and what actually changed it: slowing down, sorting out what he could and couldn't control, and choosing healthier environments and relationships.

Using an internal "parts" framework, Jesse breaks down the difference between fear-driven hypervigilance and people-pleasing versus calm, grounded discernment — and how chaotic or gaslighting environments can throw off your inner compass. He walks through practical shifts like learning to speak for your parts instead of from them, staying present instead of anxious about the future, and using pendulation (moving between calm and activation) to build your capacity before hard conversations.

If you've ever felt like your gut instinct went quiet, or like you can't tell the difference between intuition and fear anymore, this episode offers a way back.

00:00 Welcome and Safety Note

00:55 Why Decisions Feel Hard

02:03 Control What You Can

03:20 No Bad Parts

05:18 Hypervigilance vs Discernment

07:43 Choosing Authentic Self

08:55 Hope Without Attachment

10:10 Unblending Before Game Time

11:25 Pendulation Practice

14:59 Decision Clues From Fear

16:38 Wilderness Not Isolation

18:16 Reps and Remembering Calm

21:40 Closing Thanks

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Conflict often triggers something deeper than the disagreement itself—fear, shame, rumination, or an old wound around abandonment. In this episode of Trauma Unbound, host Jesse Deal explores why conflict feels so unsafe for so many of us, and what it actually takes to repair a relationship instead of avoiding the discomfort. 

Jesse shares how structured space—like agreeing to reconnect within 8 to 24 hours during a disagreement—can reduce rumination and help both people stay regulated. He then walks through a short parts work exercise rooted in early-life mirroring: externalizing inner parts like anger or the inner critic using chairs, stuffed animals, or note cards, then approaching that part with calm, curiosity, and no judgment to understand what it's protecting. 

Using a real example, Jesse shows how anger often isn't the root issue—it's a protector, guarding against a deeper fear of abandonment. He offers a simple, repeatable practice for building this skill in daily life, and talks about why doing this work with support—through community or coaching—tends to go further than doing it alone. 

This episode touches on childhood and relational trauma. If you find yourself activated while listening, it's okay to pause and take care of yourself first. 

Topics covered: 

- Why conflict triggers fear and abandonment wounds - Using structured space and agreements to reduce rumination 

- A parts work exercise using mirroring and externalization 

- How to dialogue with an activated part like anger - Building a regular practice for nervous system regulation

 - Why support—not isolation—helps this work stick 

Trauma coaching and contact info available in the show notes. If this episode resonates, I'd love to hear from you.

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Wounded Angels: Inner Child Work, Codependency, and Healing with David Deane Haskell

Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound Podcast and introduces guest David Deane Haskell, joining from Japan, author of Wounded Angels, who shares his trauma and recovery journey through inner child/parts work despite not being an IFS practitioner. David describes long-term self-hatred, addiction recovery via 12-step, therapy and hospitalizations, and learning to sit quietly with overwhelming feelings, emphasizing self-care and boundaries. He recounts a core childhood trauma: his mother died when he was four and he was told at nine she died by suicide, leading to intense shame; decades later a toxic, codependent relationship and betrayal re-triggered this wound and catalyzed deeper healing and compassion for his “shame-shocked” nine-year-old self. David also discusses his late-2024 divorce, a recent healing moment with his ex-wife and daughter, nomad travel, and a concussion/vertigo episode that led him to stay in Japan, which he links to inner child trust and resistance. He previews a second book, Inner Child Unleashed, and reflects on vulnerability, grief, publishing disappointments, spirituality, and the value of lived experience and connection.

00:00 Podcast Welcome

00:58 Meet David Haskell

01:50 Inner Child Origins

03:59 The Planner Part

05:28 Sitting With Self

06:58 Mindfulness Breakthrough

11:40 Feeling Pain Safely

16:56 Self Care Balance

19:45 Codependency Roots

22:20 Shame Shocked Boy

28:22 Healing Through Reframing

30:40 Trust And Betrayal

33:21 Boundaries Without Blame

34:28 Grace Over Perfection

34:53 Reframing Boundaries

36:39 Fawn Response Patterns

38:18 Divorce And Nomad Life

41:35 Concussion Wake Up Call

45:19 Second Book Update

49:14 Writing As Healing

54:54 Publishing Rejection Grief

59:56 Integrity And Synchronicity

01:00:46 Drumming Comeback Story

01:02:57 Closing Gratitude

David's Website:  https://daviddeanehaskell.com

Wounded Angels Book:  https://daviddeanehaskell.com/books

David's Inner Child Journal Substack:  https://innerchildjournal.substack.com

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Feeling Young Again: Working With Parts, Shame, and Safety

Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound podcast, shares a trigger warning, and describes his trauma-recovery journey and trauma coaching. He explores feeling suddenly “stuck back in time” when younger parts surface, using an example of freezing in a grocery store toy aisle while staring at stuffed animals: a playful eight-year-old part appears, while a protector part shames him to avoid humiliation and danger. Jesse connects this to pendulation and explains why public spaces can feel unsafe for inner work, then shows how he revisits the moment at home to identify sensations, validate the younger part, and negotiate with the protector to try new tactics. He discusses building capacity, meeting parts with compassion, communicating these experiences with trusted people, and how healing happens through connection and practice.

00:00 Welcome and Safety Note

00:50 Feeling Like a Child Again

01:43 Toy Aisle Trigger Story

04:03 Pendulation and Two Places

06:25 Creating Safety at Home

08:17 Meeting the Cowboy Part

09:45 Talking to the Protector

12:08 Keys to Deeper Healing

15:23 Sharing Parts With Others

19:37 Curiosity and Compassion Practice

21:20 You Are Not Alone

22:33 Closing and Support the Show

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound

Working With Hypervigilance Through Parts Work and Presence

Host Jesse Deal welcomes listeners to the Trauma Unbound Podcast, invites self-care if the content feels activating, and shares resources including one-on-one trauma coaching and a Thursday evening intro parts work small group. He describes growing up in a chaotic, emotionally unsafe home that fostered a strong hypervigilant part attuned to shifts in caregivers’ moods, which later interferes with spontaneity and presence. He explains using titration and pendulation to move between activation and safety by practicing daily walks with photography: pausing to take a photo helps him feel grounded and alive, then he notices body sensations and returns to that felt sense when anxiety and scanning reappear. He encourages finding any activity that evokes aliveness, tracking emotions and body cues, and gently practicing without forcing the nervous system.

00:00 Welcome and Safety Note

00:34 Coaching and Parts Group

02:00 Growing Up Hypervigilant

05:08 Photography as Practice

07:56 Pendulation for Safety

10:18 Authentic Connection

11:42 From Survival to Presence

13:51 Try Your Own Joy Anchor

16:02 Gentle Integration Tips

16:43 Closing Thanks

Email me:  [email protected]

Website:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.com

IG:  @traumaunbound

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound