TraumaTies

In part two of our self-narration exploration, Bridgette and Lindsey tackle another challenging component of how we tell ourselves stories: why did something happen to us? While understanding our past experiences can help us process what happened, constantly trying to find the “why” can cause the situation to shape who we are, instead of us shaping the memory. While our brain wants to find meaning and patterns for missing information, finding balance in what we know versus what we may never know is critical.

• When we make meaning out of who we are, what’s happened to us, and how we see others, changes to that perspective can feel like a disruption to our sense of self.
• Beyond our own interpretation of events, being misunderstood or mischaracterized because of our actions can add to the confusion of our role in a situation.
• For survivors of harm, restorative justice philosophy can play a pivotal role in their meaning-making, including meeting with or speaking with the person who caused them harm.
• From another perspective, when we’re supporting someone else who has experienced trauma, our first instinct to help them find meaning can be more for our own comfort.
• As the listener, it is our responsibility to allow someone time, understanding, and support as they decide whether or not to find meaning in the situation, not find it for them or push them toward that decision.

• Brené Brown, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”. New York: Avery, 2007.

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Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Memory recall is not like a videotape; our brains add our emotions, beliefs about ourselves, and more when we remember a moment in time. How do the stories we remember about ourselves shape who we think we are? Research shows that how we remember our past can greatly affect how we react to similar experiences in the future, creating patterns of behavior based on these responses.

• Our brains tend to remember key events or conversations that we then use as reference for future interactions and experiences.
• These beliefs can be both positive and negative, but can change how we see ourselves in specific situations or roles, i.e., being unlucky or lucky, “good” or “bad” at certain things.
• Whether for ourselves or for others, reshaping narratives that entrench us in cycles of self-doubt or harmful cycles can change the pattern of behavior.
• In relation to trauma, a survivor’s recall of events can change over hours, days, and years after the event. This makes trauma-informed education and credibility assessment training vital for understanding memory recall and its variability.
• We can reconstruct memories over time with new perspectives, beliefs, and additional experiences that are always changing.

• Narrative Identity research: Dan McAdams, "Narrative Identity," Handbook of Identity Theory and Research, January 2011.
• Repeat victimization: Deborah Lamm Weisel, Analyzing Repeat Victimization, August 2005.
• Memory reconstruction: "Speaking of Psychology: How memory can be manipulated, with Elizabeth Loftus, PhD." Speaking of Psychology from the American Psychological Association, 2019 (updated August 2023).

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Making a bad decision or causing harm does not make you less of a person. At Prisoner Visitation and Support (PVS), Shazad Carbaidwala and Emily Cashell emphasize that every incarcerated person deserves to build meaningful relationships. In their discussion with Bridgette and Lindsey, they dive into how connection can shape a person’s path after release; the challenges they face when resources are limited or nonexistent; and more.

• Doing visits with incarcerated people builds connections and relationships they may not otherwise have with people outside of the prison.
• Providing incarcerated people with full control over how the conversation flows, what they speak about, and how they feel during the visit reminds them that they have autonomy in their lives, even in a highly-controlled environment.
• Lack of access to community and resources due to distance from family or friends, where the prison is located, and other factors can seriously affect their transition from prison to reentering communities.
• Formerly incarcerated people living in our communities are human beings; they are members of our communities that also need and desire connection with others to succeed.
• For PVS visitors, doing this work means caring for themselves in a variety of ways; being able to show up for others cannot happen without knowing their own boundaries.

• None this week, but please visit Prisoner Visitation and Support’s website for more information on their amazing work!

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Relationships require trust and vulnerability, which can make us feel uncomfortable. This sense of being seen means taking that leap into the unknown. This week, Bridgette and Lindsey explore how we develop patterns of attachment, why building new relationships can feel overwhelming, and what challenging ourselves to grow with vulnerability can create.

• We build attachment styles from early childhood through adulthood, and can change as we age and build relationships.
• Allowing ourselves to get to know someone on a deeper level means being vulnerable, which can bring us back to prior feelings of shame or rejection.
• Creating relationships beyond survival mode can feel like we don’t have to keep emotional distance or put others’ needs before our own.
• Lower-pressure relationships give us opportunities to practice vulnerability.
• Being known takes courage in unlearning patterns of behavior and letting go of survival mode to create deeper connections.

• Mary Ainsworth and the Strange Situation experiment
• Brené Brown, “TED Talk: The Power of Vulnerability,” Youtube, 3 January 2011.

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

From beginning his career working with court-mandated patients to opening his own practice, Scott Stolarick has learned that trauma exists everywhere. However, what matters most is how we define our lives with trauma, instead of it defining us. Scott’s expertise in EMDR therapy, his belief in creating quality access to care for all, and his journey as a licensed clinical professional counselor all contribute to how he acknowledges the courage it takes to seek support.

• Access to care includes care for those who caused harm, as their own trauma and experiences can inform why they engage in dangerous patterns of behavior.
• Scott’s expertise in court-mandated care allowed him to see the change in how people see themselves and their lives in line with trauma instead of being defined by it.
• Later in his career, Scott turned toward EMDR therapy as a way to utilize neural pathway training as another form of redefining trauma.
• People are composed of many smaller pieces, like mosaics, and supporting them through therapy means assessing and learning from them.
• Trauma exists in small to large pieces; all of them contribute to the larger picture that makes up our life stories.

• Francine Shapiro and the foundations of EMDR therapy methods.

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Shame. The feeling of “I’m not enough,” or “I don’t deserve good things.” How does this pattern of thought shape our lives? And how do we intervene in this cycle of behavior? This week, Bridgette and Lindsey share how they’re reshaping harmful words and ideas into moments of significance. Hiding from shame doesn’t change us feeling it, but addressing it and knowing what to do next can greatly impact how we move forward.

• Shame differs from other emotions because it carries a continual weight rather than passing by.
• Continual feelings of shame can make us believe that we as people are failures rather than a single event or experience being unsuccessful.
• Understanding significance and its importance to categorizing experiences allows us to see a difficult situation as something needed despite the pain or as embarrassing.
• Narrative therapy and other therapeutic techniques can provide a means to separate painful experiences from our sense of self.
• As adults, understanding how to navigate confrontation, embarrassment, and challenging situations can aid in how we experience shame.

• Dr. Brené Brown, “TED Talk: Listening to Shame”
• Volare’s Trauma-Informed Training Sessions

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Dependable. Reliable. Accommodating. Do these words describe you? Often seen as positive attributes, our need to embody these traits can sometimes lead to overcommitment and burnout. Bridgette and Lindsey talk through how constant overexertion for others can leave us with nothing for ourselves at the end of the day; how resentment can appear in our lives; and how boundaries can allow relationships to thrive.

• Survival mode looks different for everybody and includes being overproductive or constantly flexible for others’ needs over our own.
• Generational, cultural, and learned behavior contributes to our belief that productivity and dependability overshadow a person’s need for relaxation.
• In professional settings, burnout can feel like a personal failure or shameful, making workplace culture on mental health integral to organizational wellbeing.
• Resentment due to stress looks different for everyone, including annoyance, flattened emotional response, and simply saying “yes” instead of assessing capacity.
• Boundary-setting does not limit a relationship or someone’s commitment; it allows breathing room for everyone to communicate transparently about needs and space.

• “Employers need to focus on workplace burnout: Here's why” by American Psychological Association, 12 May 2023.
• Denise Albieri Jodas Salvagioni et al. “Physical, psychological and occupational consequences of job burnout: A systematic review of prospective studies”, PloS One vol. 12(10), 4 Oct. 2017.

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Could behaviors we see as personality traits actually be rooted in trauma response? What happens when we become accustomed to staying in survival mode? Bridgette and Lindsey explore how our strongest traits can also be longstanding indicators of stress, leading to adaptations in our lives as a result. Most importantly, our response to our behavior can greatly affect our future healing.

• Survival mode is not always short-term; over time, our “safety” behaviors can transform into prolonged adaptations to our personalities.
• For many people, this includes hyperindependence, vigilance, and overproductivity; these behaviors are not inherently harmful, but can indicate continued stress.
• When we see these traits as integral to our lives, pausing or ending the pattern can feel like we lose a part of our identity.
• While the initial trauma may have created the adaptation, it also indicates a measure of resilience in how we integrate healing into our everyday lives.
• Growth, trauma, and resilience coexist together, not in spite of one another.

• No mentions this week!

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ Subscribe to the TraumaTies newsletter

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

Paula Yost joins TraumaTies to discuss her journey as an attorney and court advocate for children. She speaks about her speciality in intersectional legal and social work and how, without effective systems, it takes a community to support children. Paula intertwines her personal experience and the many challenges children face under our current systems with her trauma-informed practices.

• Personal experiences influence how we see the world; for Paula, her family history led to her wanting to support children and future generations.
• Learning about trauma and mental health is critical for attorneys to understand their clients’ needs.
• System failures mean becoming fiercer advocates for children, even if others don’t share the same belief in the child as their communities.
• Legal and social workers have the power to re-align meetings and processes to better support children; disruption can be a powerful tool for creating successful foundations.
• Changing outcomes for a child to heal from trauma should always be the goal in legal and social work.

• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
• Tumbleweeds: How to be an Advocate for Your Children and Yourself in a Failing System by Paula Yost

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.

When do our coping behaviors go from necessary survival needs to reliance on avoidant behavior? In this week’s episode, Bridgette and Lindsey dive into how coping mechanisms of any kind can turn into negative feedback loops or quick-relief systems. While coping mechanisms allow us to process trauma over time, understanding the boundaries between healthy versus reliant makes the healing journey an ever-changing process.

• Coping is necessary for survival and processing trauma over time, but our behaviors can lead to overreliance on immediate satisfaction.
• Behaviors can include what many people see as “healthy” or “productive”, but could still be a way to avoid processing our emotions.
• Research shows that we seek relief when undergoing stress; this need can lead us to build quick-acting behaviors over sitting with and acknowledging our discomfort.
• Avoidant coping behavior may lead to a disconnect from our bodies, communities, and long-term healing journey.
• Finding professional support to understand the difference between coping and processing trauma provides benefits throughout our lives.

• Gabor Maté’s research on coping skills, trauma, and stress.

☑️ Bridgette Stumpf | LinkedIn

☑️ Lindsey Silverberg | LinkedIn

☑️ Volare | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook

☑️ TraumaTies Website | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

☑️ Subscribe Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Brought to you by Volare, TraumaTies: Untangling Societal Harm & Healing After Crime is a podcast that creates space and conversations to dissect the structural and systemic knots that keep us from addressing trauma.

Rooted in a belief that survivors of crime deserve respect for their dignity in the aftermath of victimization, Volare seeks to empower survivors by informing them of all of the options available and working to transform existing response systems to be more inclusive of the diverse needs that survivors often have after crime.

Volare also provides free, holistic, and comprehensive advocacy, therapeutic, and legal services to survivors of all crime types. Visit our website to learn more about how to access our trauma-informed education training and how to partner with us to expand survivor-defined justice.