In this episode, Nick speaks with Jeff Wickersham, who has become a master at mindset. Mindset is what helps guide our lives and achieve our desires.

About Jeff Wickersham

Jeff is recognized by FOX, MarketWatch, and bestselling author Jeff Wickersham is a peak-performance mindset coach, sought-after speaker, and creator of The Morning Fire.

The secret of his success is his own harrowing and humbling experience with rock bottom just a few years ago.

He was battling substance abuse, his marriage was on the brink of divorce, and his business was crumbling but he was committed to getting back up and working. In just 18 months, he elevated every single area of his life to a level of success greater than he’d ever known in the past.

It turns out, the ‘quick fixes that are so glaringly missing from the wellness industry are consistency and accountability.

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Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”

00:00:08:08 – 00:00:27:17

Nick McGowan

Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. So let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.

00:00:32:02 – 00:00:34:03

Nick McGowan

Hey, Jeff, welcome to the show. Man How are you doing?

00:00:34:13 – 00:00:36:22

Jeff Wickersham

Nick I’m doing fantastic. Thanks for having me.

00:00:37:09 – 00:00:56:03

Nick McGowan

Absolutely. Well, look, I’m excited that you’re on. Looking through your LinkedIn, look at your website and just kind of going through and getting prepped for the show. One thing that really skipped my mind was that you literally live in basically my old stomping grounds. So right off the bat, we start shooting the shit about the Phillies, how they just lost to the Marlins.

00:00:56:04 – 00:01:10:23

Nick McGowan

Now I know this thing will probably come out in the fall, but they shouldn’t have lost that game. I digress, man, I appreciate you being on. Why don’t you kick things off? Tell us what you do for a living. And one thing that most people don’t know about you, that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre.

00:01:11:13 – 00:01:30:05

Jeff Wickersham

Absolutely. So I am an accountability mindset and performance coach. One thing that is odd or people aren’t completely aware about me is in 2021, I actually acted in a movie as a security guard that is coming out in the near future. So that was kind of a neat, neat event.

00:01:30:22 – 00:01:32:13

Nick McGowan

That’s pretty cool. How did that come about?

00:01:33:15 – 00:01:49:06

Jeff Wickersham

I knew the director and he said, you know, I’d love to have you in the movie. It was actually a speaking part, too. So it’s just so interesting to go behind the scenes and get shot from different angles. Of course, I was nervous as shit. Never being in that element, but it was. It was a pretty cool experience.

00:01:49:18 – 00:02:05:22

Nick McGowan

Oh, I bet, man. That’s cool. Right off the bat, I think it’s all about it’s all about the connections. If you didn’t know the director and you weren’t friendly with them, we didn’t know who you were. He wouldn’t be like, Yeah, my buddy Jeff, he could probably do this spot. But then for you to be kind of nervous through it makes total sense.

00:02:05:23 – 00:02:17:14

Nick McGowan

Like anybody that would say, Now I’d be good, I’d get in, I’d crush it. Bullshit. Totally different when you’re in that spot. So how did you manage your mindset? Not only knowing like, Hey, I got the part, but fuck, now we need to do it.

00:02:18:17 – 00:02:38:10

Jeff Wickersham

Practice, practice, practice. Right. My lines. And that’s. And then then allowing myself to be humble enough and have humility to be coached right in the process. You know, the director would say, all right, do this a little bit differently. And I didn’t know. And I think that’s such a misconception that we have, is we’re going to start something.

00:02:38:10 – 00:03:05:20

Jeff Wickersham

We’re going to be amazing at it. No. Newsflash, you’re going to suck when you start and that’s okay. Give yourself grace. That’s where everybody starts at. We always see these finished products and we think like they’re innately given these gifts and talents. Now, are they talented? Most likely, but they’ve practiced so many times. So that’s just the biggest lesson, is being humble enough to take coaching when you’re doing something new and then understand you’re going to suck and just do it over and over again, then you’ll get better at it.

00:03:06:07 – 00:03:31:08

Nick McGowan

Yeah, that’s a good point. I want to kind of write on that a little bit because I think that’s a thing that a lot of us, we know it. You know, we know that, yeah, you’re probably going to suck at this thing pretty bad when you first start, but it still stops people. And I found that just continuously moving along and doing the next thing works for me because there are certain times where I look and go, Alright, well I’m going to do this thing and I’m like, Holy shit, this is fucking Mount Everest that I have to climb.

00:03:31:18 – 00:03:50:23

Nick McGowan

And looking at that you’re like, How am I going to do all of that? But if you go off, I just stand the hell up from the sofa. That’s at least step number one. If I put my right foot in front of the other, then that’s the next couple of steps. So working through stuff like that and I know you do this with your clients, what sort of stuff you break down with people just right off the bat when you kind of get into that.

00:03:51:16 – 00:04:09:02

Jeff Wickersham

I love the mountain Story, right? And looking up to that peak and so many times the mind or say, holy shit, how the heck are you going to get there? And that’s what stopped so many people is because they can’t see the path where if you break it down and I love to break it down with with clients, I do it myself.

00:04:09:02 – 00:04:32:06

Jeff Wickersham

Right? I’m a practitioner. I don’t teach out of fucking book. I do myself first. And then I am able to teach through experience, authenticity. But I love to say just focus on the easiest possible step you can take. And it’s almost laughable. Like I’m going to take this step like that. So but take it and then celebrate it and then take the next one.

00:04:32:07 – 00:04:54:17

Jeff Wickersham

Because then you start to, to your point, build momentum. You start to feel that energy rise. Your confidence builds a little bit as you take a step. Another one and then three, and then all of a sudden you’re moving towards that peak where if you sit there and say, well, how am I going to get there? 99% of the time, the way you start is not how you’re going to get there.

00:04:54:22 – 00:05:16:07

Jeff Wickersham

Right. It’s called optionality. Right. And Navy SEALs have that mindset like just find an option, find another path. If ten doors are shut, just go the 11th and continue down that route. But break it down to the easiest, laughable possible first step. Take it, celebrate and then do another. And then you’ll you’ll start that process of momentum.

00:05:16:17 – 00:05:31:16

Nick McGowan

I dig that, man. I like to play devil’s advocate on the show, and I oftentimes will think about that one dude that’s listening going, Yeah, fuck you guys. I’ve tried this shit before. I’ve done that, I’ve done that. They’re just making excuses. I hope at some point I get an email from whoever that random person is. That’s like you.

00:05:31:16 – 00:05:54:21

Nick McGowan

You fucking done this to me a couple of times. But from Coach’s perspective, I want to give a little bit of a peek behind the curtain, because for that person and other people that think, yeah, fuck it, I’ve heard that before, I get it, and they continuously make excuses. Now you and I both know one client sessions. You can smell that shit from a mile away and start to come up and you’re like, So we have to get through this first before we can actually handle the problem.

00:05:54:21 – 00:06:17:13

Nick McGowan

So how would you suggest and I guess this is kind of a two part piece of it, or how do you work with your clients to be able to go, I hear you on the bullshit, but I want you to look at it and smell it so that we don’t have to look at it again and then go back and work on that stuff and then how you work on it for yourself because of the audience themselves thinking, Yeah, fuck it, I’ve heard this before, I’ve done that before.

00:06:17:19 – 00:06:39:06

Nick McGowan

We want to be able to help them break that down because I get that once you stand up and you start to move, it’s easier. But that initial movement is what typically takes people the longest to do so from that perspective of, Hey, you’re coaching one of your clients and you’re like, I hear you on your bullshit, I want to love you through it, but how you as a person will be able to do that on your own?

00:06:41:05 – 00:07:03:04

Jeff Wickersham

One is having an awareness of how much energy it takes to start right. And it’s just like the space shuttle lifting off, right? It uses so much energy that that first couple seconds to get up and off the platform, it’s the same thing in life. Right. And if you would just think to yourself, okay, I just need to muster energy for like three or 4 seconds to get the heck up.

00:07:03:14 – 00:07:27:10

Jeff Wickersham

And energy is such a powerful thing. And so many people are missing that so many people in life are flat lined where they’re just they’re not great, they’re good, they’re not crappy, they’re just average and they don’t amp up their energy level. So that is one of the fundamental things I bring to the equation when I work with my clients is, you know, passion, energy, speaking to it and you feel it.

00:07:27:10 – 00:07:55:01

Jeff Wickersham

We feel it as in our exchange right here. They inherently can’t sit there and still say the same thing because they’re there. They feel that exchange and they’re like, All right, you know what? I don’t know what you’re on, but you’re right. I’m getting up and I’m down. And it’s just that energy exchange can be so incredibly powerful that the nonverbal language, the the the excitement, the enthusiasm rubs off and they’re like, you know what?

00:07:55:01 – 00:08:11:03

Jeff Wickersham

I’m getting off the couch now. Like, I’m doing it. Let’s go. So that the energy is such a critical component to getting off that couch, getting movement first, as well as having somebody else assist you in that process. It’s it’s incredibly powerful.

00:08:11:12 – 00:08:29:04

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I totally agree with that. That energy is huge happening. It takes a lot sometimes for people to manufacture that themselves because they’re stuck in their own heads where if you have an itch on your leg, you’re not really going to think about it. You’re going to go suffer. There’s an itch and you scratch it and just subconsciously go about that.

00:08:29:12 – 00:08:41:01

Nick McGowan

So it’s interesting when we when we as people just allow ourselves to stagnate and just sit there and not do anything. Do you find that that really stems from fear or do you find that it stems from something else?

00:08:42:05 – 00:09:01:04

Jeff Wickersham

Fear is a one of the components, I would say. The other one is we’re just so kind of safe and we’re always just playing at middle of the road. I like to say the large portion society is a frog in a boiling pot of water and they just don’t know it right now. They they’re not aware of it.

00:09:01:04 – 00:09:29:10

Jeff Wickersham

Right. And there’s so many things that society tells us. We’ve been taught that take us down that road towards a quiet desperation, anxiety, stress, overwhelm all of these things that we’ve been taught we should chase after or we’ve been taught to consume or do that truly aren’t letting us step into the best version of ourselves, personally or professionally.

00:09:29:10 – 00:09:49:12

Jeff Wickersham

And it’s been eye opening for me. I always say I like I’ve unplugged from The Matrix and now I’m like, I can’t go back in and I don’t ever want to go back in. But there are things that just consistently, day after day were fed. Worse were shown, and people are plugged in there and they can’t get out of their own way.

00:09:50:00 – 00:10:03:04

Nick McGowan

Hmm. Now, I know you’ve had some major changes that have happened and a lot of growth that has happened, let’s say, over the past couple of years. Is that one of those things you’ve unplugged yourself from social media and from the news and things of that sort?

00:10:04:01 – 00:10:24:18

Jeff Wickersham

Absolutely. Like that’s one of the founding methodologies I have personally. And then when I work with my clients is when you wake up in the morning control that first 30 minutes, no mood news? No. I mean, other than turn off the alarm if you’re using an alarm and it’s like a tractor beam from the Death Star, like trying to pull you in, but no distractions.

00:10:24:18 – 00:10:54:08

Jeff Wickersham

Stack these quick wins, water, exercise, meditation, journaling, all these things that make you feel good. Then you’re so much more equipped to being able to take on what the world throws at you. And we know it throws a heck of a lot at you. So stacking those wins, so vital, being away from the news and negative. So those things I like to just put up that forcefield that, hey, I need a working understanding of what’s going on in the world, but I’m not going to watch it for 2 hours at night.

00:10:54:08 – 00:11:15:10

Nick McGowan

Yeah, yeah. And they go, Why? Why can’t I sleep? Because you fucking watch Fox News for 3 hours. That’s why it’s a whole different story. But I know you’re a Tony Robbins guy. I am as well. And I think of priming and I think it was one of the things that stood out to me years ago was one, how he gets up and runs out in the middle of the cold ocean at dumb o’clock in the morning.

00:11:15:15 – 00:11:31:19

Nick McGowan

Now I’m in Florida, maybe 50 miles from the ocean. I’d be one hell of a run each morning, but I think it’s the same way. You know, you got to prime yourself, get to get your shit together. And it’s funny, I was actually talking to a client the other day about putting their phone down in the morning. I have my phone next to me too.

00:11:32:09 – 00:11:52:04

Nick McGowan

I have an alarm that’s set and there are times where I find myself just on Instagram. I’m like, How did I even get here? I literally just turned the thing off and I’ve started to just turn it off just from where it is and leave it. But I find it interesting to be able to discipline yourself with that sort of stuff and not being pulled back in.

00:11:52:04 – 00:12:18:21

Nick McGowan

Now to kind of land this plane. In the sense the conversation I was having the other day, I reminded the client, Look, once you do that, you remind yourself of all the things that you think you are and you have no idea what’s unknown at that point. But when you get up, you start to work through your routine of getting your mind right, getting your body right, even just stretching and doing some squats or something like that, and you’re not inundated with shit.

00:12:18:21 – 00:12:34:16

Nick McGowan

I’ve got these three meetings today. I got to get this thing out. I got to do this with the kids, all that, blah, blah, blah. We’re able to just kind of work through that now. It’s taken me years to get to the point where I have a morning and evening routine and I’m not always 100% on it. But are you in the same boat?

00:12:34:16 – 00:12:38:23

Nick McGowan

Do you do the same thing where you have a morning and evening routine and and coach your clients in the same way?

00:12:39:20 – 00:13:00:02

Jeff Wickersham

That’s the foundation. Why start? Because you can’t control the life that we have, right? You just can’t control it. So but you can control those. But I like to call them the bookends. Right. Last 30 minutes of the day, first 30 minutes in the morning, digital sunset. Prepare for a good night’s sleep. I mean, sleep is where our bodies, our minds repair themselves.

00:13:00:09 – 00:13:21:00

Jeff Wickersham

So many times people are getting crappy night’s sleep, right? I mean, if you get less than 7 hours sleep, you’re like doubling your risk of cancer. I mean, that’s a scary thing. My mom passed away from breast cancer seven and a half years ago, making sure I’d get more than seven now. Right. And those things that set you up for success, celebrate your successes and then get a great night’s sleep and then wake up in the morning.

00:13:21:00 – 00:13:41:09

Jeff Wickersham

To your point, it is the greatest gift you can give yourself, but you can also give the loved ones around you. Right? I’ve got two sons, wife. When I get up and take care of myself, stack all these wins. I’m in control. I’m excited. I’m in a sense of purpose and focus and power. How do you think I act to them when they’re up?

00:13:41:09 – 00:14:07:01

Jeff Wickersham

I’m smiling. I’m like, That’s such a different way than how so many people. They lose control of their day before their feet even hit the carpet or the floor out of bed because they’re checking their phone, they’re checking emails, they’re getting this negativity maybe from social channels, maybe the news they’re stepping on the floor and they’re already down the path of despair, anxiousness, stress, overwhelm.

00:14:07:12 – 00:14:24:16

Jeff Wickersham

And they wonder why their day doesn’t turn out well. Well, you didn’t you didn’t give yourself. The greatest gift you can give yourself is taken time in the morning and everybody says, Well, I need to help other people. Bullshit. You need to take care of yourself first, then you show up. So much better for all those around you.

00:14:25:04 – 00:14:39:22

Nick McGowan

Oh, my God. Yeah. Somebody I forget if it was my show or if I was on somebody else’s show. But somebody said, it’s like when you’re on an airplane, they tell you you got to put your mask on before somebody else’s. And I remember thinking the first time I heard that I was I don’t know, a teenager flying somewhere.

00:14:39:22 – 00:15:12:05

Nick McGowan

And I was like, well, that’s fucked up. I would imagine going down and my mom be like, Wait a minute, I put my shit on. But it makes total sense where you got to be. Okay, so you can take care of the people around you. And, and it’s once people actually go through and start to do some of that, they realize that, oh, I’m not a shitty person, but I have been in the mornings because you just get so aggravated and upset or whatever or you get just lost in, Oh, I have to do this thing and and you’re not able to actually look at the stuff that’s around you.

00:15:12:13 – 00:15:27:12

Nick McGowan

Now, I’m sure this wasn’t something you’ve done for years and years and years and years and years, because I know you’ve had a little bit of a story, so let’s take a little bit of a back step. Why don’t you tell us what that story looks like and how you became who you are now?

00:15:27:12 – 00:15:43:10

Jeff Wickersham

I always love that this question because people again see a finished product. And I was a shy, introverted kid when I was growing up. I mean, my late mother used to tell me a story when I was six, wanted to go play at the buddy’s house. She had to come with me because I was so shy I wouldn’t go over right.

00:15:43:10 – 00:16:00:12

Jeff Wickersham

And then it transferred to high school and I broke out of a little bit due to sports. But my senior class on the male side, I was voted biggest complainer. So like you think about where I’m at now, totally different. I had that life event as I shared. I lost my mom to breast cancer seven and a half years ago.

00:16:00:12 – 00:16:19:13

Jeff Wickersham

And when you watch the woman that brought you into this world leave this world, it fundamentally changes you at your core. Right. And I had some other iterations. I remember when I was a gym owner, I left corporate America and and one morning I woke up after doing kind of the things I did my twenties and thirties and hanging out late with the buddies drinking.

00:16:20:05 – 00:16:36:17

Jeff Wickersham

And I was coaching an 8 a.m. fitness class and my wife’s like, How are you going to coach that class when you stink of alcohol? I was like, Huh, that’s a pretty, pretty good truth bar, but but love it. And then right. Good question. And then I started to think about, okay, what am I doing on a daily basis?

00:16:36:17 – 00:16:56:06

Jeff Wickersham

And now it’s just a constant game of how do I get better every day? Sometimes I’m going to have dips, I’m going to have valleys. And that’s all right. Give myself grace, but continue to do things that set me up for success and are good for my mind and body. That’s why this year, 2022, I decided no alcohol at all.

00:16:56:11 – 00:17:00:23

Jeff Wickersham

And that’s the first break I’m going to take for a year since I was 17, 18 years old.

00:17:01:04 – 00:17:21:05

Nick McGowan

Hmm. Wow. I love when people do those things because they want to look there. Some people I talked to, they’re like, no alcohol, no drugs, no this. And it’s like, well, why? Because no. Like, it doesn’t fucking make any sense. Like, give me an actual reason why you’re doing it, you know, almost like when we were when we were little.

00:17:21:06 – 00:17:40:04

Nick McGowan

And I say that because we both kind of grew up in the same area where there were a lot of people that were straight edge because they thought it was the cool thing to do. And there were people that did lots of drugs because they thought it was the cool thing to do. So all in all, people thought it was the cool thing to do on either side, and I think some people don’t realize why they’re doing it.

00:17:40:14 – 00:18:01:19

Nick McGowan

So for you, I can understand you have certain reasons and if you want to get into those, you totally can. But I think this is just another piece of who you are and who you’ve become and who you’re working on. So let’s talk about let’s talk about that tough time that you went through with your mom. I like to ask, what were some of the key moments or episodes that happened throughout life that were pivotal moments for you?

00:18:01:19 – 00:18:22:15

Nick McGowan

And I can tell right off the bat that that would be I. I love my mom, the death. We had a terrible growing up relationship, but I wouldn’t want to see her go. So I couldn’t imagine the pain that you’d gone through. But now that it’s been a bit from that, talk to us about how how you manage your mindset and still loving and all of that throughout that whole process.

00:18:22:15 – 00:18:27:07

Nick McGowan

And what you look at now kind of looking back at it.

00:18:27:07 – 00:18:50:11

Jeff Wickersham

Perspective and reflection is a powerful thing when you’re years out from it. I’ll give you two stories really that stand out in before she passed and after she passed. And one is before she passed, we had a conversation. I took her to the University of Penn four for a treatment, and it was about her legacy and how terrified she was she would be forgotten.

00:18:51:02 – 00:19:16:03

Jeff Wickersham

And, you know, that’s a that’s a powerful she was going to go on hospice care at this point. And when you hear your mother talk about that boy, that that shocks you. And I assured her at that point that I would carry on her legacy, her message of hope, of positivity, and said it will live on through me to live on through my children.

00:19:16:03 – 00:19:43:07

Jeff Wickersham

So you talk about a spark. I honor her every day by bringing that attitude to it. I’ll help her legacy live on because of that. So I didn’t know in that time and that conversation. But definitely looking back, I just I feel that power from that conversation. And then the second story is the night she passed, it was, you know, as a Sunday, the Eagles were playing the Giants.

00:19:43:07 – 00:20:00:14

Jeff Wickersham

And I got a call from my dad saying, hey, come to the house. Your mom has woken up and she passed later in a Sunday afternoon. And we got the second unit of the funeral staff. It was two older gentlemen. I’m the oldest of three kids, so I was up there after she passed, helping any way I could.

00:20:00:14 – 00:20:20:22

Jeff Wickersham

And I saw this concern on their faces. And it was in the second floor of our house and they said, I don’t know if we’re going to be able to carry her down the steps. And I said in a moment, I said, I’ll do it. I said, Let me get my younger brother. And that night we carried my mom out, out, down the steps in that dreaded black bag.

00:20:20:22 – 00:20:47:17

Jeff Wickersham

And you think about opportunities to lead in an instant, and I get goose bumps from telling you that story. It just immediately snapping into action, saying, I got it. And, you know, I can pull strength from that moment, even though it’s incredibly painful. But it those two those two stories just are kind of my base and foundation to make sure every day’s a gift.

00:20:47:17 – 00:20:50:01

Jeff Wickersham

And I use it to its to its fullest.

00:20:50:11 – 00:21:18:17

Nick McGowan

And that’s too wild thing to think about being in that spot. And it’s inspiring to hear you just without even really thinking about it going, Fuck, I got this. Yeah, let’s do it. You know, it’s I mean, you often hear parents shouldn’t shouldn’t put their kids in the ground. They shouldn’t have to deal with that. But at the same time, you know, the kids need to deal with their parents.

00:21:18:17 – 00:21:34:19

Nick McGowan

And that’s that’s got to be super tough now. But there are things that you can look at now, again, years later, where you go before that moment. This is how I looked at things. And after that moment, it drastically changed. But in certain aspects.

00:21:34:19 – 00:21:53:19

Jeff Wickersham

Yeah, I mean, positivity, the mindset and every single day I wake up and people like, how are you excited at five in the morning I might because I get another day, I get another opportunity. Like we were just at the at the beach as a bigger family. And my nieces and nephews, sons and my brother and brother in law were throwing the football around the ocean.

00:21:53:19 – 00:22:25:11

Jeff Wickersham

And I was brought to tears. And my wife looked at me and said, what’s wrong? I said, my mom would give anything to be here and I am just soaking up this moment because I know how precious it is. So, you know, kind of kind of going through life through 40 years and not having that perspective of man, just take some time, soak, soak up the moments and smile and laugh and not take life so seriously and and bring energy to other people that that’s just such a gift that we can give.

00:22:25:11 – 00:22:36:14

Jeff Wickersham

And too often, we we discount the impact that we can make on others by acting a certain way, leading a certain way, bringing energy in a certain way. And that’s that’s incredibly powerful.

00:22:37:03 – 00:22:57:23

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And I know for a lot of people that that really hurt and they kind of hurt other people. It’s because of the hurting that they have and they allow themselves to get through that or look for help to get through it. Now you’re telling me about how you took your mom’s body bag out and the positivity that came from that, where some people would take that and run with it in a different direction.

00:22:58:08 – 00:23:14:12

Nick McGowan

So with your coaching clients, when you feel like they’re on that cusp of they’re about to just hang up the gloves and be like, Look, I fucking can’t anymore. I don’t want to. How do you work in with them? And I get that that’s a case per case basis. But in certain ways there there’s a formula to it.

00:23:16:08 – 00:23:40:09

Jeff Wickersham

So I love correlating that to someone they love or finding out a deeper why. Right. I mean, obviously, my two sons are a huge one in my life, but if you can correlate that to an experience or something you’re going to miss or something that you won’t get to see later in life, all of a sudden it shocks people to say, okay, you’re right.

00:23:40:09 – 00:24:00:10

Jeff Wickersham

Like, What am I worrying about? I need to get up because I want to experience walking down my daughter down the aisle or dancing with my son at his wedding. And if you’re headed down this path, you’re not going to get there. And that gives them a future state of a reality check where they’re like, Holy crap, you’re right.

00:24:00:10 – 00:24:02:06

Jeff Wickersham

Like, I need to shift. How do we do it?

00:24:02:06 – 00:24:09:22

Nick McGowan

Let’s go for the fear of God in their eyes, in a sense. Go. Yeah, you’re right. Let’s do this.

00:24:09:22 – 00:24:27:09

Jeff Wickersham

We run away from pain, right? And when we see pain, I mean, through iterations myself, I wear a pink wristband on my arm. And it’s a reminder of my mom. And it’s a reminder of my mom not to have me wallow in the fucking corner, but to say, You know what? Yeah. All right, Mom, I got you. I’m here.

00:24:27:15 – 00:24:39:07

Jeff Wickersham

Let’s go. Right. And if we can use that, if we can transform that pain into purpose, it it is a fuel that is never ending and it just lights you up.

00:24:39:07 – 00:25:05:06

Nick McGowan

I love that. The transforming pain into purpose. Now let’s get into some of the deep work and how you’re transforming pain into purpose. So talk about what you’re doing throughout the course of, let’s say, this season that you’re working on right now. That’s part of the struggles and be real, be honest. But at the same time, understand that the reason why I asked that question is I want to point out that you’re human and you’re just like the rest of us, because we talked about this earlier.

00:25:05:06 – 00:25:21:18

Nick McGowan

Some people will look and think, oh, well, they’ve got everything together. We fucking don’t. We constantly work on this shit. We just may work on a little bit more than you do. So step up your fucking game. So how do you do it? And what do you go through right now? Like what? What’s the struggle that you’re kind of working through to better yourself with?

00:25:23:00 – 00:25:44:12

Jeff Wickersham

You know, three, three things I took on this year. One is the alcohol, and it’s been amazingly eye opening to see how many times I would gravitate towards it, to numb up a bad day, a tough day. And I got nothing against alcohol. But I just knew it was the brake pedal to the car that I wanted to drive so fast.

00:25:44:12 – 00:26:01:05

Jeff Wickersham

I wanted the clarity. I wanted the focus, I wanted the energy every day. And even just one drink wouldn’t allow me to do that. So in addition, I get to lead from the front. My one son is going to be 14, the other is 12. They can see it and say Dad chose not to. And now I can say, here’s the reason why, right?

00:26:01:13 – 00:26:26:15

Jeff Wickersham

So show them. Example two was, you know, porn. Porn was a huge issue in my life, issue in my marriage. I think it’s got this deep undercurrent. It’s available everywhere. And I know a lot of people suffer from that. And I said it’s it’s impacting my relationship with my wife. I’m doing away with that. So that was a big one this year and then one that’s just constantly ongoing.

00:26:26:15 – 00:26:48:21

Jeff Wickersham

And and you alluded to it is that mental battle like yesterday in the morning? I did not have it. I don’t know why I made I asked myself some questions. My wife asked, hey, what’s going on with you? And I said, I don’t know. And she came in and asked me if I wanted to hug. And the old Jeff, the ego stepped in and said, No, I’m good.

00:26:49:23 – 00:27:13:08

Jeff Wickersham

And she walked into the other room and I took a second and through meditation, through get their mindset reps, I said, Hold a second. She made an attempt to reach me and I let my ego get involved. So I walked out and she looked at me and she said, Did you rethink the hug? And I said, Yes. And I walked over and I gave her a hug because especially as men, I would say many times, no, I’m good, I’m good.

00:27:13:19 – 00:27:32:03

Jeff Wickersham

You’re not. And find somebody that can help you get around other men that are real enough to talk about us. I had my shit together. I struggle in these areas and then you’ll see some growth. So those are the two for the year. And then just mentally, I face it every day and I coach people in this, we all face it.

00:27:32:03 – 00:27:43:06

Jeff Wickersham

It’s a constant. You’re never going to get to a point where you’re just like, I got it. I’m sure Tony Robbins deals with the same stuff, right? It’s everybody does, right? Yeah, everybody has coaches. So it’s crazy.

00:27:43:15 – 00:28:03:00

Nick McGowan

Somebody said to me before that they were told by a coach, you’re like, well, Michael Jordan, as coaches, do you think you’re better than Michael Jordan? And they were like, The fuck. I don’t at all. So no, but then I, I think the porn thing is a big thing that we as men and probably as women. But look, I’m not a woman, so I don’t know.

00:28:03:20 – 00:28:30:00

Nick McGowan

We as men struggle. And there are times where I know there there friends that I have that are very close friends that I can talk to about stuff where I’m like, Hey, man, I’m struggling with this or struggling with that. But I think that’s one of those things that a lot of men are really afraid to open up about, and especially in a relationship now, I’ve had some of some issues like that as well within my past relationship, but I feel some of that actually was part of the downfall because we didn’t really communicate through all of that.

00:28:30:00 – 00:28:52:02

Nick McGowan

But overall sexual problems within marriages or within any sort of relationship that typically comes back from something that happened before. So do you find that that was something that was easy for you to break because you had help within your family or friends, or did you do that on your own? And it’s just a constant thing you’re dealing with.

00:28:52:02 – 00:29:20:15

Jeff Wickersham

I did have help because I made it vocal to my wife and saying, Hey, I know this is impacting our relationship and early on in our marriage it was acceptable. She was like, okay, I’m not in the mood. Go ahead. And you know, I don’t think that was great on both sides of the equation. So I knew that needed to be addressed and listen, I still have the buddies that send like a picture and I’m like, I deleted.

00:29:20:15 – 00:29:45:20

Jeff Wickersham

I don’t want to see it. Like when you’re when you’re in that state, it’s a constant dopamine hit and you’re just like, we talk about alcohol numbing. You’re basically numbing your mind to anything that happens real in the world through that. So and it’s everywhere, right? I mean, it’s everywhere in the world. So it’s a discipline that I need to dial in every day.

00:29:46:00 – 00:30:07:16

Jeff Wickersham

And I said, you know what I’m going to do through the day. And there’s, you know, no porn, no no social scrolling to be able to put up that buffer. Because, you know, you were just talking about in the beginning where all of a sudden your phone, you’re on Instagram forever, right? It’s where our minds are up against the greatest supercomputers and artificial intelligence ever made in the world.

00:30:07:22 – 00:30:32:04

Jeff Wickersham

It is a losing battle we’re facing. So how do you how do you put up those buffers like you have to do it? So, yeah, it’s it’s an ongoing process, but I know it’s enriched my relationship. I know the lack of alcohol has definitely had a positive impact on my family and others. And I just had a guy reach out today that said, Hey, man, you inspired me.

00:30:32:04 – 00:30:49:00

Jeff Wickersham

I’m I’m giving it up for my 41st year on this earth. And I’m excited for for it. I’ve been thinking about it. But you’re doing it. I mean, thanks. And I it that message brought me to tears. Not that I want people to do that, but if you feel that itch. Yeah. Go for it. You can do it.

00:30:49:10 – 00:31:11:18

Nick McGowan

Yeah. It’s that, it’s when you know at that point, like you realize like, oh that was the person, that was the person that needed to hear that. And I love that you are hyper aware of that stuff. Emotion, really hyper aware. It sounds like where think about it, when you were younger, if somebody was like, oh, you’re going to watch this movie and you’re probably going to cry, you be like, Fuck you, I am not going to cry.

00:31:11:22 – 00:31:16:08

Nick McGowan

I totally not. But now you watch the commercial and you’re like, Oh, that was so good.

00:31:17:09 – 00:31:24:05

Jeff Wickersham

Yeah, my wife’s the last. Me when? 28. When the Phillies won the World Series, I was.

00:31:24:05 – 00:31:25:05

Nick McGowan

Oh, that’s the moment to.

00:31:25:05 – 00:31:35:07

Jeff Wickersham

Cry. I was at that game and they showed the replay and tears came instantly and she was like, How the hell are you doing right away? And I’m like, you know, you know.

00:31:35:12 – 00:31:56:15

Nick McGowan

I would do believe me, I mean, you hit on a note with that my mind’s eye. I see the ball fallen off the table from Brad Lidge. And yeah, I want to cry now. Thanks, Jeff, but along this stuff with like not only the porn, the alcohol or anything, you touched on it, it’s dopamine hits because we look at we want a little happiness of things.

00:31:56:15 – 00:32:14:20

Nick McGowan

We don’t want to feel whatever we’re feeling. We just want a little happy with things. But and I think if we take that step back, yeah, porn is a problem or alcohol’s a problem or whatever those things are, those are still kind of symptoms and pieces of it. But if you take a step back and look at the fucking doors that you’re about to open, it’s a different story.

00:32:15:02 – 00:32:31:01

Nick McGowan

And I’ve had a handful of conversation like this recently where it’s been more and more my head. You sometimes get to a point where you have a handful of different doors, but each of those doors could have 40 other doors behind them. And one of the easiest ways to not go through that bullshit is to not go through the fucking door.

00:32:31:09 – 00:32:40:18

Nick McGowan

But you got to be aware enough of that door. And would you agree that being aware comes from the disciplines throughout the day, that you do like your bookends?

00:32:41:18 – 00:33:07:20

Jeff Wickersham

Absolutely. And awareness is such a key piece to being able to consciously make a decision, yes or no. I would also say piggybacking off your dopamine. Right, that that’s that constant dopamine hit. We’re also are in a society that’s go, go, go next, next, next, busy, busy, busy. So any time we do something, we rob ourselves of that natural dopamine hit.

00:33:07:21 – 00:33:24:12

Jeff Wickersham

And I love coaching clients on this. Like you go out for a walk in the morning. Yes. Feel good. I just felt a dopamine hit like in. I just felt good. Why are that celebrated? Then on to the next instead of all right, I got my walk, I got to meditate. I got did this got to do that.

00:33:24:18 – 00:33:41:17

Jeff Wickersham

You’re robbing yourself of wiring what you do that is good for you with that dopamine hit. So if we can do that a little bit more celebrating, it might feel goofy that double handed. Yes, but it feels good. And we should celebrate when we do things that truly help us.

00:33:42:00 – 00:34:00:15

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And those things right there, the over-the-top, almost sometimes celebrating is part of the recipe. That’s how our body will take that and say, Oh, this means this and move it along. It’s be like, Yeah, it’s good morning. It’s cool. Moving fucking along. Let me get some coffee. Oh, shit. No coffee. All right. Fuck. What do we do?

00:34:01:01 – 00:34:20:17

Nick McGowan

I got. It’s a whole different thing, but I love the. The bookend sort of concept of that and the disciplines within it. And then it’s been a pleasure to have you on. I’m sure we could go through a lot of things. One I want to point out is I appreciate you said water earlier instead of water. So thank you to the Delco people or anybody from Philly.

00:34:20:17 – 00:34:32:02

Nick McGowan

It’s listening. They’re probably like fucking this guy now, but man, it’s been so awesome to have you on for the audience. Give us that one piece of advice that you’d give for somebody that’s on their path towards self-mastery.

00:34:33:13 – 00:34:52:12

Jeff Wickersham

Today is a gift you will never get again. So play all out, use it to its fullest. And that’s what I look to do every single day. And if more people live that way, this, this life, the society, this world, it would be on fire. And it’d be an amazing, amazing place.

00:34:52:12 – 00:34:57:09

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I agree, man. I appreciate that. So, hey, where can people find you? Where can they connect with you?

00:34:58:12 – 00:35:17:11

Jeff Wickersham

Yeah, so they can go out to my website. WW The morning for Viacom if they want to grab that blueprint of bookending your days. I’ve got a book on Amazon number one bestseller, Rise Ft Love, Repeat, Ignite Your Morning Fire. I’m out on all major social channels as well as have a podcast Morning Fire for Entrepreneurs.

00:35:18:08 – 00:35:21:15

Nick McGowan

Awesome man. Thank you so much for being on. It’s been a pleasure to chat with you.

00:35:22:10 – 00:35:23:19

Jeff Wickersham

I was awesome. Thanks for having me.

00:35:25:06 – 00:35:47:21

Nick McGowan

Another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. So what did you think of the show today? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Check out the Instagram or Facebook page to join the conversation. If you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review. It helps us be found and helps others be healed.

00:35:48:10 – 00:36:09:02

Nick McGowan

If this episode opened, your eyes made, you think or smile at all, then I’m sure it’ll do the same for your friends. Check out the show notes for more info from today’s episode and check out other episodes on the Mindset and Self-mastery show dot com as well as our YouTube channel. Just go to YouTube and look up the mindset and self-mastery show.

00:36:09:17 – 00:36:28:06

Nick McGowan

Thanks again to our incredible guests for being real, honest and vulnerable with us today. I’d like to thank our sponsors and most importantly, I’d like to thank you, thank you for hanging out with us today. Your support means the world to us. And with that, remember, your mindset matters and so do you.