Trinity Evangel Church

Why did Nehemiah care for us to care about this chapter? As we always should do, we want to know what this text of Scripture meant to the author and what he wanted his readers to understand, and then we can figure out any principles that apply in our own context.

Even though Nehemiah 3 is in the third person, Nehemiah included this record of rebuilding in his memoir. It's right above genealogies on the scale of interesting-to-us, but Ezra—who complied both Ezra and Nehemiah—also had no reason to remove it from the post-Babylon documents. This part of the story summarizes a lot of action, but it's more like a scorecard: who played what position, or what group worked on what part of the wall. We can observe a lot from the text, but most of the names of persons and places only corroborate the history, because after/outside of Nehemiah they don't do much. Modern day Jerusalem makes excavation to trace the Persian-day remains impractical.

I'd also like to read it, and point out some of Nehemiah's emphasis, and spend a little more time that I usually do on some ideas for our coordinated effort.

Nehemiah 3:1-32

These are after-the-finish facts. Installing hardware on the gates is one of the final todos on the work order. The next chapters provide more of the challenges, this is sort of like the general contractor naming all the subs.

There are 45 or so sections compiled, ten different gates (from the Sheep Gate in verse 1 counter-clockwise back to the Sheep Gate in verse 32), and 40 groups (some worked on two sections). The city perimeter ends up being smaller than in previous days, not only because some new sections couldn't be built on top of existing rubble, but also because the remnant who returned were not yet again as large/populous/strong as in Solomon's heyday.

Different types worked on the wall. It started with the high priest (Eliashib, grandson of the high priest who returned with Zerubbabel) and other priests building at the Sheep Gate, located in the north near the temple. The Sheep Gate is where sheep for sacrifices were brought in. The priests consecrated their section, probably representative of the entire effort.

There were goldsmiths and perfumers (verse 8) and other merchants (verse 31). Some of these guilds may have lived and worked in their own districts. That bakers and butchers and wine-makers aren't mentioned could be because they kept at their work feeding the wall-builders. Goldsmiths and perfumers in particular may have had more money, and would have had less business anyway during this intense season.

Even one guy is said to have brought his daughters to work (verse 12). If you don't have sons, why not? It doesn't mean Shallum was the only father with tomboys.

A thousand cubits is around 500 yards (verse 13), quite a long stretch, and maybe less repair was needed here.

Only one verse describes a refusal to join, the nobles in verse 5; they would not stoop to serve their lords. Though the ESV has a capital “L” Lord, the lord is plural and probably includes Nehemiah (just as Ezra is called in Ezra 10:3). They were nobles from Tekoa, Tekoa was ten miles to the south of Jerusalem near to the area Geshem ruled. It's speculation, but reasonable, that Gesham had great influence on these guys. The enthusiasm was not unanimous.

In general, you worked on the part of the wall nearest your own home, so not only efficient for your commute, but including personal interest. Nothing wrong with that.

Lots of details but no drama, external or internal. Sanballat and the boys will be back to badmouth and berate, but here, people are working together. You know that not all of them had the same process, or the same quality standards. They had to join up their work at numerous points, and it all got done. The whole thing got buttoned-up surprisingly fast, more to come on that.

It's become a poignant joke to pick at, "What does this verse mean to you?" We pick on the verbal equivocation, playing off the double possibilities for "mean": interpretation or relevance. We should all work to interpret the author’s intent; what did he mean? Then we build on that with many, personal, different reader responses; how is this relevant?

Historically, biologically, geographically, and covenantally, we are not Israel. There is a Jerusalem, and you're not him, if you know what I mean. It may feel like Western WA is captive to Democrats trained at Babylon University, but still, we don't have any verse that demands walls and gates. Building a physical wall around our town(s) would be a waste of our time.

But while we don't have a temple, we do worship the God of heaven and Him alone. We even know His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, who died and rose again for our sins. We are His disciples, learning to obey all that He commanded. We seek His blessing, we make our boast in Him. Jesus is Lord of all.

And while we don't have city walls, we do have identity as God's people, and that includes living for Him in our finite callings, elected by God to live certain years in a specific location with different skills and resources for sake of generations and neighbors and giving a good answer when our Master returns to see what we made with what He gave us. This is also known as the Jealousable Project, The Blessed Option, Making Marysville a Destination. You could call it the Great Commission.

We have labored to establish the foundations of proper worship. Our assembled worship on the Lord's Day is the fat kid, the faith food, the kick in the image-bearer pants. That is a church responsibility. Elders oversee the preaching of the Word and the observance of the ordinances of baptism and the Lord’s Supper and exercise church discipline. The assembly’s worship is the foundation of community building. We are consecrated to the Lord, and as the consecrated we live and move and have our being.

Pastors are not Nehemiah. And, actually, building a physical wall around the city would be easy compared to the consecrated effort of cultural reformation. But the walls are a relevant illustration of unique identity and lifestyle. We do not think it is RIGHT for the church to RUN a bunch of things. But this is big: it is CRUCIAL for the church to equip CHRISTIANS to run for the prize in Jesus’ name and run as many things as they can.

It takes all kinds, and, again, a physical wall has convenient scope and sequence. You can see it and you can know when it's done. Our rebuilding isn’t the same kind of concrete.

I believe it is possible for Christians (not one pastor, not one church) to take over Marysville. At this stage, a lot of work is going into just getting Christians to agree that this is even a good thing. Some are ready to consider their part. But it'll require Take-Them-a-Meal plus more.

A brewery for fellowship and meetings would be awesome. Check. Still looking for a great coffee place (that isn't Starbucks) to do the same. A medical clinic that refuses to perform abortions and loves life and health that can avoid as much of the medical/insurance foolish practices is great. On its way. A construction/remodeling/design company with beautiful space on the main street. Check. A K-12 school not just with a commitment to binary bathrooms, but that loves the Bible and aims to raise the virtues and vision of jovial warriors. Check. An increasing number of farm/homestead/garden cross-pollinating ideas and eggs. Check.

And we can excel still more. Fathers who have the hearts of their children, who give their kids a vision for their place not just in the family but in the community. Men who can employ other (young) men. Those who see the complete lack of any competition for Christian legal services, so also for Christian news/media. Those who are encouraged to aspire to politics, local and local representatives at the state or even for the state. Where are the traffic engineers developing the theology of traffic circles? What about bookmakers/sellers?

More Christian schools. More Christian spaces and stores. More Christian landlords, website designers. Crisis pregnancy center. Participation at the Cold Weather Shelter.

Could we get property, take over a public school campus and let it shine? Not at the moment. We are still working on some basics back at Bible reading, some basics on wanting more than more and better family vacations. But, Christians, if Christ cares about it, you can too. And these big ideas are free, though they may cost you some comfort for sake of coordinated efforts for your grandkids.

The work on the wall was impressive in Nehemiah 3. Even as H.G.M. Williamson points out in his commentary, there is unity of intention, diversity of interest, and variety of involvement.

Who were the wall-builders building for? For themselves, for their people, for their future, for their God.

Church is not the boss, but church should bless believers and encourage them to coordinate efforts, to take root downward and bear fruit upward. Community building has to be more than private piety; more then enjoyment of the good, but effort to contribute. By God’s grace we can have an outsized influence in Jesus’ name. Not everyone will like it, and we’ll see more about that in Nehemiah 4.

Christians believe the Author of our story is sovereign. God elected our salvation, He elected every difference in creation, He elected every difficulty in His providence. So you don't get to decide what days you get. He has you here for His reasons, and you are right on time.

[May you be] strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. (Colossians 1:11–12 ESV)

Nehemiah has made two big asks, gotten a yes answer to both, and is only at the beginning. He still has to rally workers and he was already facing resistance. He had fasted and prayed for God's blessing for four months. He took a strategic risk at a party in front of Artaxerxes. And not one stone has been set in the wall. He didn’t even know himself how bad conditions were, and hadn’t begun to persuade any of the Jews to join him. Plus, the first news he received after a three month trip to town is that some of the local leaders were already irritated, and they didn’t even know the reason he’d come.

Building is tough.

There are, no doubt, historical lessons in Nehemiah, namely the return of the Israelites and rebuilding after 70 years of captivity in Babylon. There are theological lessons, including God’s non-saving but still heart-stirring grace in the hearts of pagan Persian kings to permit and promote Jewish repatriation. There is also the covenantal lesson that, as good as it was to get back into the land, the glory of the Lord in the temple did not return, not yet, and so they are still looking/longing for the promised Messiah. And there are practical lessons. Even when you’ve prayed repeatedly and planned in detail, building is tough.

These guys are about to build and battle, the well-known working with one hand and a weapon in the other (Nehemiah 4:17), and they shared a mind to work (Nehemiah 4:8). While Nehemiah trusted God, he still had a lot to do, and the particular outcome was not secure. But when God wants something built, He will get all hands on deck.

In Nehemiah 2:1-10 Nehemiah put on his sad face and made the request to Artaxerxes: Let us build. In Nehemiah 2:11-20, Nehemiah does some recon and then seeks to rally the people: Let us build. It is a good work, a lot of work, and they were going to need strong hands.

Nehemiah doesn’t start without getting a lay of the land for himself, or, more accurately, seeing how much of the walls lay on the land. He also doesn’t tell anyone what he’s doing, waiting to see who he could trust. While gathering intelligence and maintaining the element of surprise are good principles of war, the main lesson here is that Jerusalem is in no safe space and no one has shown courage to change it.

Like Ezra, Nehemiah arrived and the rested three days. He probably got some current updates, but he wanted to see it for himself. I arose in the night, I and a few men with me. I’ve heard this called MBWA: Management By Walking Around. But it was a need-to-know clearance. How had Sanballat and Tobiah heard (verses 9-10)? There were informants, insiders who were more loyal to outsiders. And we see that Nehemiah didn’t start by blurting out, And I told no one what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem. Had no one asked? And what about the “my God” part? I don’t think I’ve met anyone who can pull off that kind of religious pronoun without pretension, but it does have some Scriptural support, so there’s that.

Verses 13-15 give an overview of his route: Valley Gate to Dragon Spring to Dung Gate, at the south of Jerusalem, for dumping into the valley. Then Fountain Gate to King’s Pool, back to the Valley Gate. We’ll see more of these in chapter 3. The walls were broken down and the gates had been destroyed by fire just as Hanani reported (Nehemiah 1:3). This was done by aggressive enemies under Artaxerxes’ degree a decade earlier (Ezra 4:23). It’s not obvious that Nehemiah made it as far around as he wanted because of the damage.

Verse 16 confirms the so-far, so-secret mission. Why does Nehemiah repeat and add specifics of whom he was not told? Perhaps to point out how passive they’d been up to this point. They had the same assessment, why hadn’t they taken action?

This is a recap, not a manuscript. Had Nehemiah’s speech been recorded in full, it might be too tempting as a rhetorical template based on how successful the speech turned out to be.

One framework for persuasion is to point out the pain: You see the trouble we are in…that we may no longer suffer derision. They lacked both protection and respect. They were vulnerable and laughable. Also: no one so far cared enough to do anything about the danger or disgrace. So he offers the solution: Let us build.

Then he gave some credentials, but not starting with the authorization of the king or his access to lumber. He leads with praise: the hand of my God that had been upon me, which included the words that the king had spoken to me. Obvious providences, including the providence of political favor, which gave his message gravity and good hope.

The people bought in. And they said, “Let us rise up and build.” Which itself was another sign of God’s good hand. If there was fear or doubt or reluctance in the group, Nehemiah didn’t care to notice it or record it.

So they strengthened their hands for the good work. It’s mostly a figure of speech. Maybe we could say that they cracked their knuckles, they got out their work gloves, they rolled up their sleeves. They did not put their hands in their pockets, or sit on their hands, or fold their hands, or keep their hands to themselves. The strength also seems to come from the resolve; the words rallied the hands to readiness.

Just as in verses 9-10, Sanballat and Tobiah, now along with a third, Geshem, the critics come out to play. They jeered and despised us and said, "What is the thing that you are doing? Are you rebelling against the king?”

We’d say it a little quicker: “What are you doing?” And it was the old Conspiracy to Overthrow the Government charge that provoked Artaxerxes to order a work stoppage earlier (see Ezra 4:12). This time the accusation was false, a manipulative misrepresentation, emotional sabotage. Nehemiah had letters from the king. But lies have power, if not to get Artaxerxes to question Nehemiah’s motive, it could trigger anxiety in the people.

Why are they so irritated? Their political power, and their pocketbooks, were sure to be cut off. The gates were about to close on their hands. Of course they’d try to intimidate, it’d been working great for them so far.

Nehemiah replied, ”The God of heaven will make us prosper.” Nehemiah, at least in what’s recorded, doesn’t give a self-defense, or a legal or political defense. His hope is a higher authority. He’d been looking to God, and didn’t stop when saboteurs started heckling. He stood firm by faith.

They had no portion—a past inheritance, or right—a present privilege, or claim—a future entitlement. It wasn’t their business no matter how much control over the area they previously had. Nehemiah’s reply was as much for the builders to hear as for the opposition. This is part of leadership, absorbing and rebutting the critics.

Those who did have a portion were on the same page with Nehemiah. Getting agreement is no small part of building. Agreement takes an act of God.

Nehemiah was prayed up, he showed up, then he spoke up, and they all got up. Maybe that doesn’t move you. But it should. And, of course, it is easier to be a critic, even from the inside.

But when God moves a group, watch out.

Do you believe that building for the Lord is good? Then let us not sit on our hands, but strengthen them that the God of heaven would make us prosper.

Rather than complaining about what others are doing, why don't you try to build something. That'll keep you busy. And if you are building for the Lord, don't let the resistance and reviling of others make you stop. The Lord Jesus Himself will strengthen your hands for the work.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word. (2 Thessalonians 2:16–17 ESV)

Are we responsible for the result, or are we responsible merely for the effort?

This is a sensitive question, and one that I'm aware needs to be answered carefully. The answer demands wisdom. But it's also a serious question, and one that needs to be answered clearly. The answer demands integrity.

We must answer this question with careful clarity because eternity reverberates with our answer. Whether or not we think we're responsible for the results of our work affects the level of blessing we receive here, and in the Resurrection.

My previous talk in the Build and Battle series was about business ownership - the End of Enterprise. I said that business owners are to care about excelling in their service to their customers. Business ownership does make it helpfully more clear when you're not doing a good job. You're unignorably confronted with the lack of results.

In other contexts, it's easier to ignore poor results, or maybe it takes longer to be affected by them. Business owners do have the advantage of being ambushed frequently by their own poor performance. But not everybody has that luxury. A lot of our work doesn't show its fruit until its much more difficult to do something about it. Unlike business, a lot of other fields don't have such instant feedback loops. They're not as kind to us.

So, let me step outside of just a business context, and enter into the context of all work. We're talking about building and battling across all fields. Whether we're building or battling, we are working. So, as we pursue this project, how are we to consider the results? Are we responsible for the results of our work?

The answer is yes. We are responsible for more than our effort. We are responsible for the results of our work.

Faithfulness is a topic we talk a lot about. What is faithfulness? In order to be considered faithful, we must go beyond 3 things.

In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty. (Proverbs 14:23)

It's good to have big ideas and aspirations. It's also not that hard. Faithfulness and ambition is not judged by our words and desires.

And the king of Israel answered, “Tell him, ‘Let not him who straps on his armor boast himself as he who takes it off.’” (1 Kings 20:11)

Our faithfulness must go beyond our desires.

Faithfulness, they say, is putting in the effort and showing up. But does it really?

Faithfulness must go beyond simply showing up and putting in the effort.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. (Hebrews 12:3-4)

The author of Hebrews gives us a standard for our faithfulness that goes beyond mere effort.

"As long as you do your best." But what does that even mean?

Is it enough for a husband to "do his best" in resisting adultery? Is it enough for a wife to "do her best" in resisting rebellion? Is it enough for a dad to "do his best" to not drive his kids away from the Lord? Is it enough for an employee to do his best to come to work on time?

No. There's an actual standard. If our best doesn't meet the standard, we don't get to wash our hands of the responsibility. We must get better than our best.

Before I read C.S. Lewis' Perelandra for the first time 8 years ago, this was somewhat of my definition of faithfulness. Faithfulness means doing my best. The results are up to God.

This was also what Ransom believed when he was confronting the Un-man - the demon-possessed Weston. In the book, Ransom is summoned to go to the planet Venus, in order to keep the planet from falling into sin. A big portion of the book is Ransom going back and forth with the Un-man, presenting reason and argument, trying to keep the Lady from believing the Un-man's lies.

After going at this for days on end, Ransom realized that it can't keep going like this. If Ransom was Maleldil's representative why then was he not successful? Ransom thinks:

Very well then. He had been brought here miraculously. He was in God's hands. As long as he did his best - and he had done his best - God would see to the final issue. He had not succeeded. But he had done his best. no one could do more. "'Tis not in mortals to command success." He must not be worried about the final result. Maleldil would see to that.

On my first reading, I underlined this section because I agreed with it. I underlined too soon.

...It was in God's hands. One must be content to leave it there. One must have Faith. ...

It snapped like a violin string. Not one rag of all this evasion was left. ...this picture of the situation was utterly false. His journey to Perelandra was not a moral exercise, not a sham fight. If the issue lay in Maleldil's hands, Ransom and the Lady were those hands. The fate of a world really depended on how they behaved in the next few hours.

Ransom also, was unsure. He continues to argue with himself, trying to convince himself that he only needs to worry about effort, not results. But his mind ultimately couldn't deny the truth.

Thus, and not otherwise, the world was made. Either something or nothing must depend on individual choices. And if something, who could set bounds to it? A stone may determine the course of a river. He was that stone at this horrible moment which had become the centre of the whole universe. The eldila of all worlds...were silent in Deep Heaven to see what Elwin Ransom of Cambridge would do.

Lewis, through the voice of Ransom, is saying that what we choose to do makes a difference in the course of history.

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Mordecai told Esther.

Faithfulness must go beyond doing our best.

As good Calvinists, this sounds absurd. We believe in God's sovereignty over the outcome.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15)

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. (Psalm 20:7)

If the results are up to God, doesn't that mean that our faithfulness is limited to our effort?

Calvinism is not Fatalism. Fatalism tries to keep the characters out of the story, putting them on the same plane as the playwright. Fatalism limits the playwright’s omnipotence to the outcomes and not the means. As if the characters are part of the audience watching the story unfold on them, instead of being written into the story. But the author doesn’t just determine what happens, he decide how it happens. And a good author keeps it interesting.

A certain kind of pietism hides behind God's sovereignty, and refuses to work.

God's sovereignty does not negate man's responsibility in any area. God is always sovereign. Man is always responsible. God created us with agency.

Faithfulness brings results.

In order to be deemed faithful, we must go beyond desire, effort, and "our best." This "going beyond" is what work is. A worker is faithful when he does more than desire, try, or max out his capability. He's faithful when he gets the job done. Faithfulness is evaluated by the result.

The Master in the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25 says to his servant who doubled his talents, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little." He makes this assessment because the servant had something to show for his work. He did not come empty handed.

So, how can we to work in a way that brings results? What does faithful work look like?

Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men. (Proverbs 22:29)

Results demand our competence. A complacent attitude is a faithless attitude. If it's worth doing, it's worth getting good at.

In order to be competent, we must care about what we're doing.

A phrase like "the devil's in the details" is supposed to scare us. If we miss the details, there's danger looming. This is true. To be effective, we must care for the details.

But more than the devil, God is in the details. It's not simply a matter of effectiveness. It's a matter of image-bearing.

God cares about details. God crafted the moon and stars with his fingers, Psalm 8 says. He cares about the intricacy of his work. We see this not only in his creation, but also in his Sovereign decree in history. God never rushes to the conclusion. He builds the plot, develops the characters, has a multitude of side-narratives all leading towards the resolution. Details in Creation. Details in History. God cares about details.

Which means if we don't, then we're wrong. Poor is the image-bearer who doesn't have the patience for details. For in those details, he finds the One whose image he's bearing. If only he were to take the time to look.

We're not used to caring like that. But we can learn. We learn to care by doing the thing we would do if we were to care. Care is demonstrated in action, and can be learned through action.

I ought not to sit around waiting to care before doing. I ought to start doing and keep doing, in anticipation that care will follow. Care and actions are a flywheel, one escalating the next. Sometimes care requires a jumpstart.

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. (Matthew 10:16)

The master commended the dishonest manager for his shrewdness. For the sons of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than the sons of light. (Luke 16:8)

Result-oriented work is almost never a straight-shot. Strategic thinking and shrewd timing is required.

In poker, you don't just play the hand you're dealt. You play the hand from the position you are around the table. You'll play the same hand differently depending on where you're sitting.

So, it is in our work. What are our opportunities, resources, abilities?

Yes, risk is real. We're not God. We don't know if we're making the right decision.

Some of us would keep collecting data, and asking questions, and not acting because we're not sure. But if we're after results, at some point, we're going to have to make decisions and commit resources, without being fully sure if we're right.

Yes, there is a sort of foolish wanderlust, a naive ambition. We must be reasoned. But risk is inescapable if we are to produce results.

This was the fear of the unfaithful servant who buried his talent.

The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty. (Proverbs 21:5)

Yes, we can miss the forest for the trees. But we can also miss the trees for the forest.

We don't get the results we want when we rush through our work haphazardly. The Bible tells us to be "patient in well doing." Patience and diligence is required in order for our work to bring results.

I say Draining Diligence to emphasis that results typically come after it seems like we've squeezed out the entire rag and there's no more water there. We get stronger when we fail our lift. Like Jacob wrestling with the angel, we wrestle with the problem until it gives us the answer. We strain to find the right words for our essay. We keep our butt in the seat and drain our effort until we get it figured out.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; (2 Corinthians 9:7-9)

Work is supposed to exhaust our effort.

But how do we sustain this sort of exhausting effort? We do it all by faith.

It's by faith and through faith that we work to win.

We believe God, and then get to work. We believe God for 3 things:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

God is the one who tells us to work. This is God's purpose for our lives. We were created to work. We were saved to work. And we will be glorified to work. If nothing else, we know that it is God's will for us to work.

Align your faith with his purpose.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work...He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. (2 Corinthians 9:8, 10)

God not only purposes for us to work, but he provides all that we need in order for us to work. He's the one who enables our work. He is able to make his grace abound to us, so that we can abound in every good work.

We believe God for his purpose. And we believe God for his promise.

God tells us what the outcome of our faithful work will be.

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. (2 Corinthians 9:6)

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:23-24)

In Luke 19, Jesus tells the parable of the 10 minas. A nobleman gives 10 servants each one 1 mina, and tells them to engage in business. When it was time to give account for the business, the servants came to present their gains. The first servant made a 10X return on his mina.

And he said to him, “Well done, good servant! Because you have been faithful in a very little, you shall have authority over ten cities. (Luke 19:17)

Consider the worth of a mina. 1 mina was about 3 months wage for a laborer. Let's say about $15,000. This servant was entrusted with $15,000 and he brought back $150,000. That's pretty good.

But in terms of investments, $150,000 doesn't get you that far. Does $150,000 really qualify him to rule over 10 cities? I wouldn't think so.

But Jesus does.

God wants to reward his people. God loves being abundantly generous with his people. His grace abounds now, and his reward will abound in the future for those who, by faith, work towards it.

God tells us to work, so believe him for his purpose.

And then, get to work.

A lot of productivity gurus will tell you to plan your life from your funeral. "Write your obituary," they say, "and then live up to it." What do you want to be remembered by? What do you want your legacy to be?

But we do not live and work for the day of our death. We live for eternity. We live for that first day of our life everlasting. We work to hear our Maker say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; (Romans 2:6-7)

We work to win those 10 cities.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Don't work for your legacy. Work for your glory.

When God hands me those crowns, I will lay them down at His feet. I will give him all my trophies, because it was his purpose working in me, his provision enabling me, and his promise sustaining me.

In order for us to lay our crowns and trophies down at Jesus feet, we must first win them. We must first work for that result. And we do so only and always by faith.

It’s this faith that fuels our building and battling work. Because, faith works.

Why are we working our way through Ezra-Nehemiah-Esther? We all could use more Old Testament in our lives; it is Scripture "inspired by God and profitable" (2 Timothy 3:16). Add to that, it is "our" history, not because we are (the new) Israel, but because the history is for us; "these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction on whom the end of the ages has come" (1 Corinthians 10:11). Plus, these stories of cultural rebuilding and reformation give us hope in our work; "whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope" (Romans 15:4).

This is narrative that builds up our knowledge, our affections, our hope. Here is a true story of the interplay of prayer and God's stirring up the heart of political powers, of vision and sacrificial labor and ridicule and resistance, of believing God's Word and seeking to live by it at cultural/city-national scale. We could use some more of this. We could stand to ask a bit bigger. We have not because we’ve asked not, so we’re not ready to risk it when God opens the door.

Nehemiah was a Jew, working in the winter palace of the Persian king, serving in the official role of cupbearer. He heard a report from his brother that the walls back home (though Nehemiah had never been "home" in his life to this point) were broken down. Though he knew that the current state of things was a judgment on Israel's disobedience, he also knew that God covenanted to bless obedience. So Nehemiah began to pray, and he asked a big ask from God.

In chapter 2 he makes his second big ask, directly to Artaxerxes. We'll take it in two parts. You can see in verses 9-10 the names of some local opposition, you can see again in verses 19-20 even more. You can also see Nehemiah's recognition of the "good hand of God" in the first half (verse 8) and the second half (verse 18). Seems reasonable to divide the chapter in the middle, and both parts say Let us build, first in request to the king (verses 1-10), then in rallying the people (verses 11-20).

It's been four months since Chislev (Nehemiah 1:1), now it's the month of Nisan, the springtime. The wine was before (Artaxerxes), which seems likely to indicate a royal banquet or party. Herodotus recorded that Persian kings often held feasts and sometimes the king would make a show of lavish power to reinforce loyalty. It would fit with Nehemiah's timing if so, since he'd been praying and fasting for a while, and certainly had not been out of the king's presence for that whole time.

As cupbearer the wine was his job. I took up the wine and gave it to the king. How much clout Nehemiah had in Artaxerxes’ court is unknown. But in order to hand the cup to the king, Nehemiah had to be close. Now I had not been sad in his presence. Why now? It’s not just because four months of fasting and praying give a man funeral-face; hypocrites look gloomy when they fast for attention (Matthew 6:18). This "look" was a no-no in general in front of the king, let alone at a feast, so a chosen risk now. This is strategic sadness. It didn't go unnoticed.

And the king said to me, "Why is your face sad, seeing you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of the heart." We don't know Artaxerxes' feelings about this yet. Is he mad that Nehemiah is showing his feelings? Does the king actually care? The ESV translation is fine, but it could be taken as a "bad/evil heart." Does the king suspect irritation, maybe disloyalty on Nehemiah's face?

Nehemiah knows this is risky. Then I was very much afraid. I said to the king, "Let the king live forever." Perhaps his reply was typical, perhaps it was making sure the king knew that the king wasn't the problem. Of course, as we see, Nehemiah had been consumed with his concern for months, he couldn't get it out of his mind, and he knew that what he wanted would be a big ask.

He proceeds with diplomacy but onto dangerous ground. "Why should not my face be sad, when the city, the place of my father's graves, lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire?" Nehemiah doesn't use the name "Jerusalem." It's not because Artaxerxes didn't know where Nehemiah was from, but it might have been a name with too much baggage. It was that "rebellious city" (Ezra 4:12). Nehemiah plays on the sympathy strings, for a sacred yet broken place.

Artaxerxes didn't miss that this was a polite way to ask for something. "What are you requesting?"

This was it. We're sort of holding our breath with Nehemiah. He shoots an "arrow prayer" (Kidner) —swiftly released and direct to the point, a flash prayer, between the question and his answer. So I prayed to the God of heaven. He'd been praying, and he saw God open this door. "If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor in your sight, that you send me to Judah, to the city of my father's graves, that I may rebuild it." Nehemiah still doesn't say the words “Jerusalem" or "walls,” but it required reversing Artaxerxes’ decree:

Therefore make a decree that these men be made to cease, and that this city be not rebuilt, until a decree is made by me. And take care not to be slack in this matter. (Ezra 4:21–22a ESV)

A few things suggest that the scene changes between verses 5 and 6. First, the queen is mentioned for the first time. Second, it was apparently not usual for the queen to be at the banquet. Third, the king moves past the "Yes you can go" to a question about trip specifics that assumes the yes was said; where did that time go? Whether or not this is a more private conversation, it is more detailed.

The king asked, "How long will you be gone, and when will you return?" Nehemiah doesn't record his answer to whether or not he could go and rebuild, but the rebuilding, in principle, was approved. The only other return of Nehemiah recorded happened 12 years later (Nehemiah 5:14). It's a reasonable assumption that that wasn't the original plan, and maybe Nehemiah had returned for an earlier check-in that wasn’t included in his narrative.

Nehemiah's ask required Artaxerxes to overturn his policy from 10 years previous. Nehemiah asked big, and got his answer, and then asked for more. "If it pleases the king, let letters be given me to the governors of the province Beyond the River, that they may let me pass through until I come to Judah." Now why would these guys stop Nehemiah? He wasn't carrying gold and silver like Ezra's crew did. In fact, it seems that Nehemiah thinks he’d be going by himself, and still he anticipated resistance.

He's not finished with the big ask: "and a letter to Asaph, the keeper of the king's forest, that he may give me timber to make beams for the gates of the fortress of the temple, and for the wall of the city, and for the house that I shall occupy." The lumber would be for three projects, including now for the first time mention of the wall of the city. His brother Hanani told Nehemiah, and Nehemiah had detailed plan in mind.

He asked and he received. While he had been careful and persuasive, Nehemiah understood that success was because the good hand of my God was upon me.

Verses 9-10 skip over the three-plus months of travel and get right to the important part: the haters. This is a foreshadowing of the second half of the chapter and the next few chapters.

One new piece of info is that the king had sent with me officers of the army and horsemen. Remember that Ezra went out of his way not to request military escort, but Artaxerxes seems to have initiated this part. Nehemiah has a royal entourage and arrived in style (Kidner).

But when Sanballat...and Tobiah..heard this they threw a fit. It displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel. These guys had their own schemes for regional control, and weren’t impressed with anyone messing with their system.

Sometimes you've just got to do something by faith. Like what? This is where any sermon call to action is always a challenge. The people who feel the weight are already tired from trying to fit ten days of work into seven. The people who are distracted expect two or three bullets of simple action without putting any effort into their own thinking.

The Nehemiah narrative shows us what kind of praying, preparing, and risk-taking come from those who believe that God will do what He said. This story rebuilds our hope while we rebuild. And hope in what? That God's good hand would be on us and give us success.

God has chosen you to glorify Jesus in your calling. Which means, God has chosen to give you faith in Jesus as well as ideas for Jesus. The blessing you're about to get is for God to fulfill "every resolve for good." So, Christian, what have you resolved/committed to for Him to fulfill?

[M]ay God make you worthy of his calling and fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Thessalonians 1:11–12, ESV)

Those who believe God is sovereign ask bigger requests. Those who believe God will work according to His covenants ask expectant requests. We believe the Lord of heaven is sovereign, we believe the Lord of earth is loyal to His promises. We ought to be the biggest askers and actors in the world, and even more, knowing that He can do beyond what we ask or imagine.

Nehemiah did big things. The main project in the first half of the book Nehemiah is the rebuilding of the entire wall around Jerusalem, a project that got finished in 52 days to the dread of the enemies. This is the sort of story we enjoy, because it has clear bad guys and a clear aim and the conclusion comes quickly. The second half of the book is a bigger project, reforming the society. But all of it begins with two huge asks.

The second ask comes in chapter 2. We get a little tease at the end of chapter 1, when Nehemiah identifies himself as the cupbearer to Artaxerxes. What he wants from the Persian king requires an explicit reversal of Artaxerxes own policy from about 10 years previous.

The first ask comes in chapter 1. We get the situation and the supplication. The point is that we should ask God to do the big things He’s promised.

The opening is a good division. The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. Remember that in the LXX, what we have as Ezra and Nehemiah are one book. The reason for this is because Ezra is believed to be the one who compiled it all together, even though the Hebrew text does have the story in two parts.

Ezra himself didn't come into the story until Ezra 7. Before that, Sheshbazzar and Zerubabbel led the first and largest return of exiles from Babylon to Judah in Ezra 1-6, then the entire book of Esther happened, then we meet Ezra in Ezra 7. Nehemiah and Ezra were contemporaries, though Nehemiah and his return take place some 13 years after Ezra's return.

The opening lines make clear that we're going to hear directly from Nehemiah. There were parts of Ezra in first person, much of Nehemiah is in first person, including halfway through verse 1, and make up what are sometimes called the Nehemiah Memoirs (NM).

Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel. We just heard about Chislev in Ezra 10, though Ezra refers to it as the “ninth month”; it overlaps with our November-December. The twentieth year of what is a good question, but there are no better arguments than that it's the 20th year of Artaxerxes' reign, so around 445 BC. Susa was the typical winter palace of the Persian kings. All of the book of Esther took place in Susa (Esther 1:2).

Then Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. Hanani might just be a Jewish kinsman, but he could be an actual sibling, since the "certain men" would also be kinsmen brothers. Why did they return? Were they tasked with bringing back a report? Was it to visit family? The text doesn’t say.

It sounds like Nehemiah initiates the questions, but the situation is bad. "The remnant there...is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire." What and when is this all about?

The best arguments point to the trouble in Ezra 4:23. Ezra 4 describes a history of resistance against the Jews trying to rebuild. Ezra includes examples from Cyrus to Darius (Ezra 4:5), then in the reign of Ahasuerus (verse 6), and then into the days of Artaxerxes (verse 7). Some of the haters wrote a letter complaining about the "rebuilding (of) that rebellious and wicked city. They are finishing the walls and repairing the foundations" (verse 12). This was probably an exaggeration. But Artaxerxes already had enough rebellions happening in parts of his empire, so he ordered the work to cease, and Israel’s enemies ”went in haste to the Jews at Jerusalem and by force and power made them cease" (Ezra 4:23).

City walls are a big deal.

That's different than the resistance from Sanballat to come in Nehemiah, though that will be a second challenge over wall-building. But still under Artaxerxes, so he'd already made a decision. We're being set up for a big ask.

Before Nehemiah supplicates the king, he supplicates the God of heaven.

Verse 4 covers a few months (until Nisan, which was in our March/April, Nehemiah 2:1). As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven.

Verses 5-11 are Nehemiah's prayer. There are at least six prayers in Nehemiah, this is the second longest. One in chapter 2:4 is sometimes called an "arrow prayer" (Kidner) because he shoots it straight to the point. This prayer in chapter 1 is foundational to the entire project, and is a big ask.

LORD, Yahweh, the proper name of the covenant making Lord, and God of heaven, not a local-only deity. He is the great and awesome God, the "terrible" God (Darby’s translation) in terms of provoking humbling fear. He is the God of faithfulness, He keeps covenant in steadfast love, hesed, a keyword about loyalty not just in this prayer but throughout the Scripture written in Hebrew.

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, (Deuteronomy 7:9 ESV)

While asking for God to turn His ears and open His eyes, asking for attention, Nehemiah keeps on praying and confessing the sins of the people. Like Ezra, Nehemiah owns the sin. Corruption, disobedience to all the parts of the law: the commandments, the statutes, and the rules.

These are specific references to the Mosaic Law. This is significant, because Nehemiah is about to appeal to the covenant, and it is the Mosaic Covenant, which is a conditional covenant.

Of course the Lord knows what He said. Nehemiah doesn't exactly quote, but he pulls from a number of phrases in Deuteronomy. The either/or, judgment/blessing could have come from Deuteronomy 30, but this is a key feature of the (conditional) Mosaic Covenant.

We don't forget Exodus (see the idea of redeemed or “brought out” of slavery in Deuteronomy 9:29), the original exodus, or the 90+ years since the second exodus out of Babylon had started.

O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man. (Nehemiah 1:11a)

Here is a second direct appeal for the Lord's attention, and Nehemiah seeks a positive answer.

The this man isn't named for a couple more verses. It's probably not belittling, but it's also recognizing that the king doesn't really compare with the one who stirs the hearts of kings. To get mercy would require a policy reversal (Ezra 4:21), a big ask.

Now I was cupbearer to the king. (Nehemiah 1:11b)

The cupbearer may not have started out as important to a king, since his primary job was to drink poison first. There could be high turnover if the king was unpopular. But after a while, the cupbearer might have gotten fairly close, in the king’s confidence. And in some cases, the cupbearer may have even started as a high official, in charge of more than the king’s daily cup. Herodotus (iii.34) wrote about Cambyses appointing one of the sons of his friends cupbearer. It could be a great job.

With the report out of Jerusalem Nehemiah not only got that it was bad, but he got that he needed to do something about it.

Beginning this study of Nehemiah reminded me of William Carey, a well-known English missionary to India, who preached a sermon in 1792 in which he said, “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.” Our expectations are ambitions of faith, and our faith is in God's steadfast love for His own glory above all. We pray for Him to do what He promised He will do.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. It is the steadfast love of the Lord that spurs our requests, our readiness, and our risk-taking.

You have acknowledged the great and awesome God. You have confessed your sins. You have heard again of His steadfast love toward those who love Him and keep His commandments. So don’t depart in word or talk alone, but in deed and truth. Believe big and attempt big for His name.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20–21 ESV)

Automated transcript of the sermon audio, generated with OpenAI Whisper (small.en). It has not been checked against the recording and may contain errors, especially in names and Scripture references.

I get the much coveted right after lunch session, where I'm tasked with having a point and keeping you awake. So why don't we begin with a word of prayer, and we'll ask God for his help together. Heavenly Father, thank you for your word and how it informs, really should inform all of what we do, but how it informs how we go about marriage. And we pray that even as we do engage in this tune up, Today, it would, no doubt for some land is more of an overhaul, but still that we would be able to keep it in perspective as to what it is.

That is, like so many oil changes and topping off the fluid levels, we are just checking in and making tweaks and adjustments and touching base in such a way as to allow the vehicle, in this case our marriage, our marriage is to operate well. It is clearly your design that we have vibrant, thriving, fruitful marriages because how else could we accurately portray to the cosmos the relationship between Christ and his bride? That is not one that is marked by infighting or strife or selfishness and so we know that you want for us to do well. So we ask for your help. We know we don't deserve it but we ask for it anyway and we trust that from you, from your gracious character flows all kinds of helps. Those helps come in various forms in people and in your word and please help us to be teachable and to submit accordingly. We pray this now in Christ's name. Amen. So my talk is entitled, The Magic of Mundane Matrimonial Maintenance and it is not accidentally alliterative and the idea is that maintenance is rarely flashy.

There's a joke you've probably heard about a husband who never tells his wife that he loves her. When asked why this was the case he says, well when we got married I told her I loved her and if something changes I'll let her know. On his wedding day, this buffoon probably said something like, I, Jonathan, take you, Sonia. And telling his wife that he loves her now and again would serve as a reiteration of that vow. And it is a joke, of course, but it is too near the mark for many in our culture today, and his behavior will have exactly the sort of effect that you'd imagine when he misses that opportunity to reiterate that vow.

Not surprisingly, if that guy treated his car the same way that he treated his wife, he'd be replacing the engine rather than replacing the oil. And conveniently, cars have warning lights. Your job to know what the warning lights mean. A warning light on your dashboard is an indicator that something requires attention. And of course, some are more dire than others. your car's computer is giving you a heads up that an oil change will be in order soon, or that perhaps you should find a gas station in the next 50 miles if you wish to make it 60. But if, for instance, you wait for the oil light to come on to put oil in your car, you've already waited too long.

So sometimes the warning light is an indication that something has really been neglected. Warning lights like these alert us that while we are distracted with other no doubt important things, parts of the car are in neglect. And of course, it's important to know your spouse well enough to be able to discern the warning lights, one from another. The check engine light could mean 100 different things. So you could take it down to the auto parts store and have them scan the code, right? The gas warning light is a different thing altogether, as is the tire pressure warning light and so on. And while such warning lights are helpful, yes, of course, far better is attentive maintenance as you are going such that the warning lights are rendered unnecessary.

Periodically checking fluid levels, brake life, tire wear, checking air, cabin, oil filters, are all a formula for better longevity. And if it's done well, nobody even notices. The lion's share of maintenance that you do is not visible from the exterior. Nobody can tell if you put gas in the car this morning on your way to church just by looking at it, but they can safely assume by virtue of the fact that your car is running, that there is oil, sorry, that there is gas in it. Likewise, what I want to suggest today is really not flashy, but I assure you it is effective. We know it's effective because the gospel is effectual.

The gospel has its intended effect every time by God's good grace. God uses death to bring life, not just in our salvation, but also in our sanctification. He does so in our relationships. But it takes faith to walk this out. Just like you trust that changing the, you take it down to the Valvoline place, you don't know what they did under there. So you know you gave them the money and they might have changed the oil filter, they might not have. They might have replaced it with water rather than motor oil, but you take it on faith that because the car continues to operate well, it is operating well because of that maintenance.

So when we make small investments, when we do small acts of maintenance, they don't have a a dramatic effect immediately almost ever. But they do have an effect. And it takes faith to walk that out. Sometimes we at least act like we'd prefer to have control over the results. That our spouses were always predictable. A husband empties the dryer and his wife just melts into his embrace. She makes him a sandwich and he responds by rubbing her feet for an hour. This, of course, is silly. A moment's honesty reminds us that that's a terrible idea. Because if my wife gave me as much love as I've earned or I deserve, we'd have a pathetic marriage and a miserable life.

As it turns out, there are significant moments, of course, along the way, when you're standing at the altar or when your children are born. There's these milestones. But the more frequent and the more significant are the mundane marriages, marriage moments. Those are what make us or break us. Marriages then are like cars and lawns and kitchen knives and diapers. They require regular attention as a normal feature of stewardship, let alone of peak performance. If you want the diaper to perform at its peak, don't wait until you smell something. And so, there are multiple ways to maintain a marriage, but for our purposes I'm going to just focus on two today.

Namely, the pursuit of personal holiness and the rehearsing of marriage vows. So we'll get right to it. The pursuit of personal holiness. In order to have a vibrant, healthy, thriving marriage, you need to be the right kind of person. And holy people make better spouses. Some of you are like, oh good, because I'm holy. Well holiness doesn't happen overnight. I mean positionally it means set apart, right? So in one sense, like sanctification does positionally happen overnight when you are redeemed, progressive sanctification, practical sanctification takes a lifetime to work out. Holiness, likewise, takes a lifetime to work out.

It doesn't happen in a moment, no matter how hard you try. No matter how awesome your quiet time is, you're not wammo, instantly holy. And to be a good husband, you just can't be a jerk. Sorry, guys. Unloving or jerk husbands cannot expect their wives to thrive no matter how godly those wives are. Because their wives are being starved. They're being starved of the food, of the love that their husbands are intended to provide. Holy people make better spouses. To be a good husband you can't be a jerk. And also to be a good wife you just can't be a controlling nag. See I told you this wasn't going to be novel. Nagging or disrespectful wives cannot expect for their husbands to thrive if those men are perpetually needing to triage marital conflict which is going to happen if you're a controlling nag, no matter how godly the husband is.

It is true that our identity is first in Christ and not in our spouses. But by God's design, the primary human influence in your sanctification is your spouse. You are supposed to make your spouse stronger and holier in your living together. That is the plan of God. We've heard a good deal from Ephesians chapter five today, but bear with me as I read 22 to 28 in its entirety. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. There is a mutual responsibility and a mutual benefit to the husband-wife relationship. And it is the sanctification. And I've always taken great courage in knowing that as part of the church, I comprise part of, however small it may be, the bride of Christ, in which Christ is personally invested in presenting her to himself, pure and spotless.

So Christ is personally invested in my sanctification, and that is a good thing. Likewise, I ought to regard my wife's sanctification as a personal matter. I should take that personally and take that responsibility to help sanctify her with seriousness. As it turns out, a wife's godly submission to her husband brings about tremendous influence on her part to help him grow as a leader in godliness. A godly wife who is submissive to her husband has tremendous influence to help him grow in godliness. who submit well to their husbands drive them to lead. But her love must be an outflow of her love for Christ or it won't be sustainable.

Her own personal holiness affects her godly submission. The wife who pursues her own personal holiness will be better equipped to trust Christ and to submit to her husband. A wife who actually trusts God doesn't need to take matters into her own hand to try to control her husband. She is not compelled to try to rule over him. But understandably, the greater emphasis in this passage is given to the men. Just as Christ is the sanctifier of his bride, so men are to work to sanctify their wives. must abandon a dammit dereliction and adopt then Christ-like responsibility for their wives. So, don't be like the first Adam, be like the second Adam in your husbanding.

And a husband who practices service and sacrifice will find for his wife that she is flourishing. That is the deep magic of marriage. The more you give, the more you receive. If you sacrifice, you are blessed. If you insist on being served, you'll never receive enough. These things have their substance in the Gospel, and we know that the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1, 18. Men didn't come up with this principle that death brings life, and neither can they understand it apart from the Spirit. So just as only the godly wife will be able to rightly submit to her husband, only the godly husband will be able to rightly serve and die for his wife.

There are a host of passages which help us in this. Ephesians 5, 25, husbands, love your wives. We just read this. As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that is the consummate standard that husbands are to strive for. First Peter 3, 7, here's another high one. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are errors with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." Colossians 3, 19, husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. These are pretty direct words. This is pretty straightforward.

And the man who can apply these verses well must be certain kinds of men. They are holy men. Hebrews 12, 14 says to strive for this.

for peace with everyone and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. And of course where is that more applicable than in our homes? So peace should be an aim. Like you should be shooting for peace, but you can't be shooting primarily for peace. You should be looking at that but can't be the ultimate aim. It must be an ancillary aim. Peace must be a byproduct of the holiness. If you're looking to keep peace in your household of sinners, that's going to bite you in the end. If you are looking just to keep the peace in your home, you're not looking for a home of thriving. As the context suggests, peacemakers must themselves be holy or they have missed the entire point. The thriving marriage presupposes personal holiness. And only the humble person can be holy. And a humble person practices his holiness and service to his spouse. Holiness and humility are inseparable. So a mark of holiness is humility. Washing your spouse's feet is the sort of spirit of this holiness that we are talking about. So if your marriage is not thriving, start with

repentance for your own personal role in that, your own personal sins, and then men take responsibility for the situation, realize that it won't be fixed overnight, pray for faith, and get to work being the sort of guy who has an awesome marriage. If you do want to have a good marriage, pursue personal holiness and keep doing it. Keep going day by day, every day in undramatic, non-glamorous fashion. Read your Bible, pray, confess your sins, repent from them. Pray for your spouse and do it every day. This is a necessary kind of marriage maintenance. And largely the point that I'm trying to make is that the magic is in the mundane.

What mundane, a definition for it of, is boring. And there are some ways in which boring is great. The dramatic might be exciting, but the wrong kind of excitement in marriage is bad. So next, I'm suggesting that the rehearsal of marriage vows is a fantastic form of matrimonial maintenance. And by the rehearsal of marriage vows, I'm referring to bringing to your own mind your promises to your spouse through your actions, like on the regular. So that kind of rehearsal, the same kind of rehearsal that the bitter person does, like rehearsing it over and over in his mind. That's why his memory is so good.

Likewise, you need to keep before your own consciousness the promises that you have made to your spouse and that can be good and orienting and helpful. I, Jonathan, take you, Sonia, to be my wedded wife to have it to hold from this day forward for better for worse for richer for poorer and sickness and in health to love and to cherish till death do us part. Even in my reviewing of my notes for this, I didn't say that out loud because I wanted to say with a clear conscience that I'm pretty sure that I haven't said that out loud since July 10th of 1999, which would happen to be the first time I said it. And that was my vow back in the summer of 99 and I meant it then and I mean it now. However, though I haven't said it, I've rehearsed it hundreds and hundreds of times in the context of what I'm calling maintenance, marriage maintenance. Of course it's work and it takes work but it's good work. I take you, Sonia, is an act of volition. It is on purpose. It is intentional. It is deliberate. Now it

doesn't rule out the idea of God being the agent and bringing of the two of you together because, I mean, Jesus assumed that what God has brought together let no man separate, Matthew 19.6. But it does signify the agency of the spouse in marriage. I have responsibility and I choose you. Each chooses the other. To have it to hold is actually, it's an old legal term that is referring to property ownership. It's a matter of possession, and not as a master owns a slave, but rather as a steward owns his responsibilities. A husband with affection for his wife knows well this sentiment. He is jealous for her in all the good ways.

Additionally, you get to have and hold your spouse in ways that are unique to you. The sexual relationship is about intimate knowledge, and a vow to have and to hold your wife is a vow to have and hold no others. spirit as well as in letter. For better or worse, anticipates the obstacles to this commitment that will inevitably come. Paul does promise that those who marry are gonna have trouble. They will have worldly troubles according to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 28. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

One of you has a layoff. One of you gets really sick. One of you has a parent who passes away. So it is wise to expect them and then to enter into your covenant anticipating them and then be resolved beforehand that you won't quit when things get hard. When you encounter the troubles, the sorts of troubles that the Bible promises are going to happen. How many tragic stories do you hear about families that don't survive the death of a child? It drives them apart. They're just not the same afterwards. Or when those that couple are empty nesters, they don't have the kids around keeping them together anymore. Worldly troubles are certain, but they're also not unique to married couples. They are a promise to humanity. And for my part, I would much rather endure the worldly troubles of the Bible promises with Sonia's help than without it. Sadly, not everybody feels this way in doing a little bit of research for this talk. I came across a Pew Research study conducted in 2019 and they would not publish this part but

where I found the study, that author had talked to the authors of the study directly and they said that according to their research in 2019, 58% of evangelicals between the ages of 18 and 44 thought that cohabitation was fine, so long as you intended to get married. Now in the article they were asking the question rhetorically, is cohabiting sin? To their credit they at least said yes, but the fact that a question like that would even be found as novel is telling about where we are today. So again, to review, if this study is remotely accurate, the findings are terrifying, but that 58% of evangelicals from ages 18 to 44 would think that fornication is just fine, as long as you're going to get married, as long as that is your plan. Well, the reasons are just not surprising. Our culture has an absolute allergy to commitment, an aversion to any sort of binding commitments that are going to cost them anything. The Bible has a lot to say about vows.

Leviticus chapter 27 is all about vows, They are weighty, binding commitments that ought not to be taken lightly. Solomon said in Ecclesiastes chapter 5, "...when you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It's better that you should not vow than you vow and not pay."

And if you're going to call on God as a witness when you make this vow, that also is something you should not enter into lightly because he's not going to forget what you committed to do. So the response on the part of many is then why not just enjoy all the privileges of the vow without any of the responsibility associated with it. And of course that's not just sin, it's a shame and it doesn't work. You don't actually get the benefits without the responsibility. You don't get the binding nature of a promise without receiving it from the other person as well. And it does have its benefits. Living in covenant promise adds tremendous security and perspective. Unsurprisingly, Sonia and I have had plenty of arguments. And I've never once had to question her commitment to me or mine to hers. I've never once had to wonder if this is going to be the thing that drove us apart.

Like it's just never entered my consciousness. And divorce has never been a consideration or a temptation because we love each other, but even more than that, because we made a commitment to each other. And that is the kind of the constant program that is running in the background of every date night of every argument.

And why wouldn't you want that? So then, if this is also magical and mystical, and if the magic is really in the mundane, what is happening on date night? This is gonna be G-rated just so you know, in case you were concerned. So we'll consider an on the ground example of matrimonial maintenance, and that is date night. the prioritizing of time together. So what's really happening on date night? Well, date night presents an opportunity to rehearse the vow to have and to hold. It introduces other opportunities as well, and even other vows, but the thriving marriage is marked by deep association, by co-inherence, togetherness amid distinction.

It is marked by companionship. That is having and holding. When I go on a date with Sonja, I am reminding myself and her of my unique commitment to her. She is mine and she wants to be and I am hers and I want to be. The only other women I go on dates with are my daughters and that's totally different. My covenant commitment is to my wife and only to my wife. And date night reminds us both of this reality as we rehearse that vow, to have and to hold. When you go on a date, you're also rehearsing the, for better or worse part, because dates are not always convenient. It is funny how you can tell a couple that's been married for a while when their dates are things like trips to the grocery store.

And I mean, they're excited. I get excited to, all right, we have to go to Fred Meyer. But I'm with Sonia. Like, she will walk the aisles with me at Home Depot, not because she's excited, but because we're together. Yeah. So for better or worse, as in your time together, you're reminding one another that you are in it for the long haul. For our part, for years, Sonia and I have alternated family night and date night on Fridays. And there have been plenty of times where we've carved out time to connect when the week was crazy, or when we didn't particularly feel like doing it in the moment, but we had never regretted it because it's good.

And just as C.S. Lewis has reminded us that favorable conditions never come, convenient times to connect with your spouse rarely drop in your lap. So you need to prioritize and schedule them. With that said, there are lots of in-between opportunities to connect with your spouse. Sure, of course. As you pass in the kitchen, as you drive home at night from church, the kids are in the back seat. You can talk. You can connect. But it's also worth making sure that it happens enough to schedule it. Talk, ask questions. Listen, lather, rinse, repeat. This serves as a ballast for your marriage. It might be a sail on all sides with the waves of trouble and trial, but that weight at the bottom of the ship keeps it upright in the midst of those waves, in the midst of all the chaos.

It's that regular personal connection that does this. When we prioritize then our association proactively with our spouses, the blessings flow. Those blessings are by no means guaranteed, but we do know that God does bless and he does so in consistent patterns. Blessings follow faithfulness, and faithfulness is almost never glamorous. There's more to all of this than is evident on the surface, and that's why I'm calling it magic, because it's not naturally explainable. When a couple prays together, their hearts are knit together. Bitterness dies, God hears, and you can't see that happening. When a couple makes love, they get opportunity to prefer one another ahead of themselves.

They express oneness of flesh. They renew their covenant. And I'll hit this later, but I could say here, and they speak to the cosmos. You are going to communicate to the watching angels what Christ's relationship with the church is like. Whether you're doing it well or you're doing it badly is the question. But we are saying something to our kids and to the universe about the nature of Christ in his church by our union with one another. When a couple prioritizes time together, they make marriage jealousable before their children. Do you want your kids to want what you have? If you don't, that's a problem with you.

You need to have an awesome marriage that you want for your kids to want. So they need to see it being blessed and thriving and flourishing so that it looks good. And not just so you can have grandkids to bounce on your knee, but because you want them to be blessed and happy. They express their importance to one another and they put feet to that good old fashioned have and hold part of the vow. But marriage is itself magical. It's the context in which the fruit of love is itself further, more image bearers. Of course there are perversions and distortions of this throughout our culture, but marriage is the proper context for the exhibition of this magic.

It is in marriage that we see the chief expression blessing others as a means of receiving blessing. Bless others you will be received. In the marriage bed, the greatest way to receive satisfaction is to serve your spouse. It is the picture to the cosmos of Christ and his bride, the church. Seeing all this, of course, takes eyes of maturity and eyes of faith, which God alone can give, but make a mistake. It's real. So as you practice this sort of routine, marital maintenance, we renew these practices and remember these realities. So I'll wrap up here in the interest of time. I've tried to argue that the mundane, non-glamorous routine maintenance is critical for a thriving and a fruitful marriage.

And that routine maintenance means frequent connection, communication, association. When it comes to our marriages, three of my very favorite principles have clear application. First, consistency trumps intensity. I love this one. It applies to saving money, working out, eating vegetables, mowing your lawn, raising kids. It also applies to matrimonial maintenance. If a couple's relationship is on the rocks, it is rarely the case that going on a cruise is going to be some sort of panacea. It is not going to fix everything. I'm not saying don't go on a cruise, just don't expect it to fix everything. Connecting with your spouse once a week for three hours is a poor substitute for 10 minutes three times a day.

Is it better than nothing? Of course it is, but communication today is so simple. It is so streamlined. We have little excuse for not making our spouses a part of every aspect of our lives, day by day. Second, maintenance is better than repair. If you spend five minutes a day tidying your bedroom, you will enjoy a regularly tidy bedroom. And you'll accomplish more in those 35 minutes a week than you will in one 60-minute session every Saturday. And you don't have to live in filth between Sunday and Saturday. Ironically, we cite time as the reason that we don't tidy our rooms. If I mow my lawn twice a week, it takes me about 45 minutes a session.

If I mow it once a week, it takes me only a little bit longer except it's ugly because there's clusters of grass all over the place and then takes me about another hour to pick up those bundles of grass. So which is better? If I spend $30 every 5,000 miles to change my car's oil, it ensures that I won't need to spend $5,000 to replace the engine when it burns out in a year. If I control my portions when eating dinner, that yields a better quality of life. And a longer one than if I indulge to my heart's content every night. It also saved me a lot of money on medical bills. If I invest in my relationship with Sonya, little by little, every day, regularly, like clockwork, in non-dramatic fashion, if I work hard to maintain it well, I will not need to do as much repair and repentance owing to relational damage that I have inflicted.

Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, this is not flashy. But third, have faith. And this is the principle of faithfulness. God uses the acts of obedience of fallen people, messed up people like you and me, to do amazing things.

Many of you have just finished reading Bed and Board by Robert Capon, and in the postscript entitled dinner at our house. There's a little vignette of mealtime around the Cape and family dinner table. There was nothing romantic about it. While I wish you would have painted a more appetizing picture of the mundane, to do so probably would have weakened his point, namely this, that the mundane is glorious. And that, I suppose, is what prompted me to want to share this with you all today. Yes, the silver bullets are attractive. The panaceas are attractive, but they're elusive. Really hard to find. Cathedrals, however, are built one brick after the last non-glamorous brick until the whole structure is put together and it is built to last. Children learn more by observation than my hearing. What will they observe. Your marriage did not happen as it is for good or ill simply overnight.

This means that one perfect day is not the silver bullet that's going to fix everything and no one bad moment need to find your marriage or you for the rest of your life. What we do day in and day out as a matter of faith and habit matters. Being present matters. It's not glamorous but it is glorious. We live in a spiritual world which means that there is always more than meets the eye to everything. As Christians we know that God is at work and when we see it, great. When we can't, it's no less real. For most of us, the way things turn out in our parenting and our marriage is way better than it should be. At least based on our faithfulness or our lack thereof, and what is the reason for that? Because there's a huge gap between what should be and what actually is, and that gap is covered by God with grace. And we also know that He uses, as we've said, the faithful actions of fallen sinners to effect really great things. There's tremendous value then in just showing up. Show up. Be there for your spouse.

Prioritize meal times around the table. Have couch time after dinner if that's your thing. Have morning devotions over coffee before the kids are even up. Check in via text messages throughout the day. Talk before bedtime. Make the marriage bed inviting for rest as well as for play for your life companion. And all All these connections, be intentional, do it on purpose. Because you're putting feet to your vows and God is using them to bring about something glorious. It's a kind of matrimonial maintenance that is delightful and makes life enjoyable. And may God give us eyes of faith as we practice such maintenance in our own marriages.

Let's pray. Father, we are grateful that we didn't write this story, but that you did. And we pray that you would give us faith to walk it out. We're not done yet. Give us faith to eat and rest and recharge for the next talk. We pray this in Christ's name. Amen.

Some Q&A with the elders Jim Martin, Philip Kulishov, Jonathan Sarr, and Sean Higgins (Dave Light was not present)

Is there a more necessary, tricky, difficult, and obvious system to check than the Communications System? Jonathan just ran us through what we could call the Eyes checklist, the Perspective System. And now we’re ready to look at the Mouth. Turns out, we can’t avoid the connection between the Heart (which I talked about in the first message) and the Tongue.

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:33–37 ESV)

We love to try the, “I didn’t mean it” defense, and it is possible that we were bad and putting our sentences together, or that we were responding to something other other person wasn’t talking about because we weren’t listening. But in the main, what we say and how it’s said is just fruit on the tree of our loves.

God says a lot about our talking in Scripture. Not much of it is directly about husband-wife words, but there is plenty that applies, and maybe we should say that applies extra, since spouses are more likely to be (and need to be) talking. The capacity for language itself may not make us image-bearers, but it is a gift and it is necessary for both relationship and responsibility, male and female.

what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. (Matthew 15:18 ESV)

Even the idle ones are recorded (Matthew 12:36-37). Words reveal (Matthew 12:34), and so we can’t claim Tourette's syndrome—involuntary offensiveness.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29 ESV)

Flattery is lies, and lies do not edify (hate is disguised by lips, Proverbs 26:24). But truth can be spoken not in love (Ephesians 4:15 shows how it should be), not for the good of the other. Truth can tear down (as Paul acknowledges in 2 Corinthians 13:10), and that’s not what even rebuke in love aims to do, let alone praise.

be filled with the Spirit…giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:20–21 ESV)

Thankful people are a blessing, they are more fun to bless. And thankful people develop an eye for things to be thankful for; you’re not going to use up your bucket of thanks. Can you see what your spouse did/is doing for you? The household? Can you see how God has given him/her gifts and perspective and interests that complement you? Give thanks for them and to them. Use words.

This point has some more points.

In saying that persuasion is worth learning, I don’t mean:

But that said, I do mean:

Consider these words of wisdom:

The wise of heart is called discerning,

The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious

With patience a ruler may be persuaded,

There is power in the right sort of sweet and soft and patient and wise. Wisdom has a backbone but isn’t a blockhead.

Question: Why don’t we seek to be more persuasive…with our spouse? And why are we so difficult to persuade? Because we want power. We feel that we are above the work, above the possibility of being wrong. We don’t want our work/wants examined. That’s insecurity, not love.

Such communication demonstrates that don’t want to be in fellowship. With the least amount of effort we want the other person to automatically do/agree with what we said. Like, get a robot, with high-prediction skills, right? Your spouse isn’t a tool, or a slave. Jesus did the opposite, calling those who obey Him His “friends,” and He tells them what He is doing.

You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:14–15 ESV)

In learning to persuade, iterating on your persuasive abilities, listen. Attend to them. This isn’t unrelated to living in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7); patterns, personality, triggers. It’s not unrelated to the Bible’s euphemism for “knowing” someone. Do you know what turns them on? Off? Do you know how they process? How long it takes them to process? Do you know what times are better?

Talk not just to be right, but to be rightly related. Talk for fellowship. It’s not a motorcycle and sidecar, detached, but running parallel down the road for as long as possible until the lady veers into the ditch and the dude doesn’t know where she went.

Complaining is effective communication (Proverbs 17:1; 21:9. 19). Anger is effective communication (Proverbs 30:33; James 1:19-20; here’s a sermon on being Slow to Anger). Quarreling will make more strife (Proverbs 26:21).

Alternatively, an idea from Fighting for Your Marriage:

You could agree to give one person “the floor” at a time. It could actually be a piece of carpet or hardwood or linoleum; the authors of Fighting for Your Marriage even reference a “floor” magnet kept on the kitchen fridge. The person who has the floor gets to speak, share his/her concerns or hurts, and the one without the floor can only speak to ask clarifying questions and/or repeat back what the other person said until they agree on what was said. Then the floor goes to the other person and the process is repeated. Maybe the first time you do it for 10 minutes total. Try it. Choose a topic that is on the surface but that is bugging you both. - “Sorting Out Your Mess” on resolving conflict

Lightening round:

Men, you are probably not talking to your wife enough; don’t be detached. Women, you are probably not sowing your words strategically with your husband; don’t be difficult. And both, but especially women, you’re a gold ring in a pig’s snout if you don’t have discretion not to badmouth your spouse (Proverbs 11:22), in a group, in a text message, walking with a “friend.”

Work toward shared categories. Worship helps, so does reading the same books. For example, it’s one of the reasons I encourage couples to listen to Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University: not necessarily because I think they should never use a credit card, but so they can have some common vocabulary about money. Too many couples live in Babel, talking different languages.

If you won’t do the work to tune-up your marriage, then your marriage will crash. As Friedman wrote in A Failure of Nerve, “organisms that are unable to self-regulate cannot learn from their experience, which is why the unmotivated are invulnerable to insight.” What you sow (with/without your words), you will reap.

From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;

By God’s grace most of us don’t need to be convinced that marriage is God’s idea and God’s institution. He created it, He defines it, He blesses it. We have folks who are married, who have been married, who want to be married, along with the joys and pains that belong with all those categories. We think healthy marriages are necessary for a healthy church, and for a God-honoring city and nation.

The pastors, who are all married men, also know that it’s always tempting to turn the music up louder to cover the rattling sounds. Even Christians wait until the wheels fall off, some in the name of heavenly-pursuits. We’ve had marriage seminars in the past and various sermons on the subject, but it seemed right to start a pattern of scheduled tune-ups for spouses, and then for parents, every other year. Let’s open up the hood.

As with our cars, a tune-up isn’t supposed to be an overhaul or engine replacement, though it’s possible that a tune-up could reveal an issue about to blow up. A tune-up is regular maintenance to keep things running smoothly, maybe even to prevent a bigger problem down the road.

In this illustration, the spouses—you—are the home mechanics. Your marriage is you, but also, not you; it’s a thing you can work on (and get better at working on). The Bible is the owner’s manual, even if specific service “How-tos” aren’t in an alphabetized index at the back. Pastors aren’t necessarily experts, though a qualified pastor must be a one-woman man and overseeing his own household (1 Timothy 3:2, 4). He also must not shrink back from any part of God’s Word, including the verses that confront quarrelsome wives (Proverbs 27:15). We’ve organized this tune-up day for you to check in on a few crucial systems, for the progress and joy of your faith as husbands and wives.

When the rubber meets the road, every marriage breakdown is a heart problem. This is both the most hopeful and brutal part. We always do what we most want to do, and what we did shows what we desired. So we always love what we most what to love, and that isn’t always what we should love or what is lovely, or even what we say we love.

That’s hopeful because God saves men to be lovers. That’s brutal because there’s no one else to blame but ourselves when we’re lazy or lukewarm lovers.

The primary text for this message isn’t directly about marriage, and yet our marriages can’t get divorced from this text either.

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. (John 13:1–5 ESV)

This is love. Consider the context, even as Jesus knew His context.

Jesus was mere hours from being betrayed to death; He was about “to depart out of this world.” In terms of pressure, His primary work project was in crunch time. His whole life, and we might even say all of eternity (1 Peter 1:19-20), led to this moment. And twelve dudes’ feet were dirty? How did that “need” compare with Jesus’ situation? In terms of appreciation, none of the guys in that room really understood, and one of them was full of devil-driven envy and spite. In terms of status, there wasn’t any question who should have been serving who. Jesus left no doubt.

When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. (John 13:12–17 ESV)

So you’re busy. You don’t like the attitude in the room. You think you shouldn’t have to do the unpleasant thing. That just shows who you really love, right?

The setup, not just for the sacrificial death, but for the humble foot-washing, is Jesus’ love. He had loved His own and He loved them to the end (verse 1). Of all the tools in the cosmos,love picked up a towel.

Should you leave your towel on the floor to provide your spouse an opportunity to be like Jesus? Come on, people.

“If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”

Christians are the worst sometimes. Since love believes all things (1 Corinthians 13:7), I believe that the first preacher who ever said “Love is a verb” really meant well. And love is a verb, but that gets whipped out like a sword against sentimentality and has also cut off warmth. Are feelings the standard of love? No. But love is an affection in action. Love cares, love is feeling in covenant. Love is not heartless service or sacrifice.

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:3 ESV)

You can verb away all your things, you can verb your life to death by fire, and “have not love.”

‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. (Revelation 2:2–4 ESV)

We like our “love is a verb” wall to protect our actual lukewarm loves, if not our love in absentia.

Maybe you are remembering that only husbands are commanded to love their wives (Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19). Do wives need a different message? Ha, no.

Yes, wives have it easier, they are commanded to do whatever their husband says (Ephesians 5:22, 24), just as the church is to obey Jesus (Ephesians 5:23), “in everything” (verse 24). But why does the church submit to her Head? Because she loves Him. So older women should train younger women, first of all, to be known as husband-lovers (Titus 2:4). There is so much love from a wife that it characterizes her.

For that matter, if you are a Christian, then love your neighbor (Matthew 22:39; Galatians 5:14; James 2:8). Love one another (John 13:34; Romans 12:10; 1 John 5:11-12). Love your enemy if you have to (Matthew 5:43-44).

Husbands, love your wife by cherishing her (the key Greek word in Ephesians 5:29 is pronounced thalpo, meaning “I warm up” or “keep warm”), and she will feel the security, and increase in beauty. Wives, love your husband by obeying, and he will feel the respect and increase in substance (known in the gates per Proverbs 31:23).

Failure to love/falling out of love is not a thing that “happens” to you. If your love levels have gotten low, repent. Ask forgiveness from God and from your spouse. Then to get your love running like it should:

Pray. If we ask according to God’s will, He hears and answers (1 John 5:14). Is there anything more His will than our proper loves (Matthew 22:37-40; John 13:34; 1 John 4:7-8)? Jesus will change your heart, actually.

Worship. God is love (1 John 4:8). God reveals, defines, and demonstrates love. The gospel itself shows us affection in sacrifice (Romans 5:8). Love just as Jesus loved (John 13:34). And consider how His love recreates the world. You need broader imaginative coordinates of the power of love, and beholding God transforms us more and more into the glory of His likeness (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Thank. Affections are yolked with appreciation. Most happy couples are out-grateful for the other person. For that matter, thankfulness is an antidote to sexual covetousness/lust which is a true love-wrecker (Ephesians 5:3-5).

Get filled with Word and Spirit. Both Ephesians 5:18 and Colossians 3:16 result in thankfulness, and they both precede the household codes for husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:22-24, 25-31; Colossians 3:18-19), and the Spirit’s fruit tastes most like love (Galatians 5:22).

Beware the world (of screens). Porn will ruin your appetite and expectations. Hollywood is a tease for the “desire of the eyes” (1 John 2:16). Don’t be slaves to your flesh, don’t feed it (Romans 12:2; Romans 13:13-14; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20; 2 Peter 2:17-19).

Spend. Not just money, not necessarily even minutes. But spend attention, and spend your praise.

Please God. Just as Jesus took up a towel while thinking about what the Father had given Him and that He was going to God (John 13:1, 3), seek to please God more and more (1 Thessalonians 4:1).

How is your heart? How is your Loves System operating? Are you trying to push your marriage down the road because the engine is seized?

Love your own husband/wife, and love him/her to the end. If you know these things, jealousable will be your marriages and families and households if you love and do them.

Beloved, there is no instant marriage hack to fix or fill your heart. It is the most divine-among-humans relationship on the planet, so more than anything, you need God’s blessing. But good news! You serve the God of love and blessing. May He BLESS you to LOVE one another.

Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

The purity of a people is worth drastic action. Reformation, when required, requires separation from something sinful, or something that’s a temptation to sin, and that separation is almost always painful.

In Ezra 10, about 110 households were broken up. It was either that, or the Lord would break up the nation, again. It's another longer chapter, but there’s no real benefit in splitting it up over a couple messages, especially since the largest part is a list of names. Ezra 9 introduced the sin: many of the leading men had intermarried with foreign women who had continued their abominable practices in service to false gods. Ezra had been teaching the law for about four months after his return from Babylon, and a recognition of unfaithfulness grew among some of the people until it had to be exposed to all. What would they do? It at least started with Ezra's corporate confession (Ezra 9:6-15).

In this last chapter of what we have as the book of Ezra, a covenant is made to return to keeping the (Mosaic) covenant. We'll see that the people didn't argue against the reform although it was drastic, and we'll see the guilty men named.

Verse 1 brings us back to the context after the content of Ezra's confession (Ezra 9:6-15). A large crowd collected in front of the temple where Ezra was praying. Then a representative spoke in verses 2-4.

Shecaniah is not named in the last part of chapter 10, though it appears the name of his father is (Jehiel, 10:26). If it’s the same man, his dad was one of the guilty, though that would make Shecaniah himself one of the illegitimate offspring, unless Jehiel had two wives, which also isn't unbelievable. Either way, Shecaniah acknowledged the guilt in the group, but unlike what's recorded of Ezra's prayer, he saw at least a little light: but even now there is hope for Israel in spite of this.

The proposal calls for a covenant, a new policy, to put away all these wives and their children. Remember, the sin was not a lack of racism, but of covenant unfaithfulness to the only true God.

Of note, some key words are different than elsewhere in the OT. The word for married in verse 2 is really “cause to dwell (in one’s house)” (Breneman), a word only used here and in Nehemiah 13:23; so these women were brought into the home, but maybe not recognized as “real” wives. And the word for put away is not the typical word for divorce either, though the outcome is the same. So these women are not even considered to be legitimate wives. The put away is perhaps more like what we’d call an annulment (declare that it has no legal existence) than divorce. Whatever the precise legal status, the relationships were real, and the separation—from a woman and their children—would be painful.

The Lord had revealed limited allowances for divorce, and Deuteronomy 24:1-4 has some specifics. But this situation in Ezra 9-10 is different than any other in the Old Testament, and for that matter there is almost the opposite counsel in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). We should seek out the principle more than follow every particular: the purity of the people is worth drastic action.

Shecaniah addressed Ezra as my lord (verse 3), and urged Ezra to lead the way. And, Artaxerxes had commissioned Ezra to teach the Law and establish obedience to the Law. Ezra had authority. It is ironic that Ezra’s authority was given to him out of the religious pluralism of the Persian king(s), while he was about to use his authority to enforce religious exclusivity.

Ezra then took the verbal commitment from the men and then turned in to pray in verses 5-6.

An oath is binding; sort of, “as God as their witness.” Ezra’s fasting and prayers through the night were private. He mourned the faithlessness of the exiles. Even though they had proclaimed their commitment to change, there was much painful work to be done.

Phase One: the call to meet (verses 7-8). The first part the plan required every man in Israel to assemble in Jerusalem.

They had three days to get there. It's not as if Judah's borders covered a huge area, but such an immediate requirement to travel still wasn’t convenient. It was also a threat, not a request. Again, Ezra had been given these powers by Artaxerxes (Ezra 7:25-26), and losing property and/or losing public standing would be a severe sentence.

Phase Two: the assembly (verses 9-11). The ninth month was Kislev, equivalent to our December. It gets cold and rainy in Palestine during the winter. And there was heavy rain; “rains” is plural in Hebrew to emphasize the intensity. They were in the open square, standing outside the temple, and trembling both because of the weather and because of their guilt.

Foreign women is the same as we're more familiar with as used in Proverbs. Malachi had been prophesying during these years as well, and Malachi 2:10-16 talks about how some Israelites had divorced their Jewish wives to take in foreign wives. For money? For connections? Ezra doesn't mention that part here, because the point is the unfaithfulness to God. The call was simple: separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives.

In verse 11, make confession to the LORD is actually “give praise to” the Lord. And this is part of why confession of sin is part of our worship; it acknowledges that God is right (Ezra 9:15; see also Achan in Joshua 7:19).

Their response in verses 12-15 is not dithering or dickering. They have no arguments (almost), but they do appeal for how things proceed.

Again, they don't seem to be hiding anything, or buying time to find loopholes. And yet it was not a task for one day or for two. It was crucial, until the fierce wrath of our God over this matter is turned away, but they also didn't want to count guilty those who had a case.

Verse 15 names four guys who didn't like something about it, though we're not told what they didn't like. Did they disagree with the severity of the divorces? Or did they disagree with giving extra time?

Phase Three: the investigation (verses 16-17). Once the committee was chosen, it took three months, what some commentators calculate to be about 75 working days, to work through each case. Based on the names to follow, there were 110 cases that required separation, so an average of not quite two a day. Of course, we can assume that there were at least some cases of examination that did not result in separation.

We're not told where the foreign women deported to; back home to their families (which presumably were nearby)? We're not told how much time the men were given to separate. We're not told how the interrogations went. Were they looking for any foreign woman, or was it possible that a foreign woman had converted away from the gods of her family? What kind of expenses were involved in this mass deportation?

The only thing better than not being included in this list is being included. What I mean is, it is a list of all the unfaithful, of the men who did what was wrong. Except they are included here as those who then accepted the drastic, painful action of putting away those wives and then offering sacrifice.

Priests come first (18-22), then Levites and singers and gatekeepers (23-24), then the rest of the people (25-44).

Is this the ideal way to make it into Scripture? No, and also, we can thank God for the ongoing reformation that was enabled by their repentance.

The last sentence is partly hard to interpret, and partly surprising as a "last sentence." It suggests that children born of the women were sent away (as does 10:3), and it does tie a bow on the divorces and deportations before moving into the account with Nehemiah's perspective.

Next we’ll head into Nehemiah, same story, some overlap with Ezra, though it’s a different book in our copies of the Bible.

What did we get from Ezra?

You can’t build/re-build a culture of faithfulness and be in bed with unfaithfulness, and the purity of a people is worth drastic action. While not a ongoing prescriptive demand to divorce and deport, it is a call to be zealous and repent.

It is safe to turn from sin. It is wise to follow the ways of the Lord. And it is a glorious opportunity for your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ to be made known for the glory of God in the world. Turn away from sin, serve God!

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. (1 Peter 2:11–12 ESV)