Marriage, A Unique Opportunity
Automated transcript of the sermon audio, generated with OpenAI Whisper (small.en). It has not been checked against the recording and may contain errors, especially in names and Scripture references.
And then I do want to just remind us all and encourage us to make sure that we take advantage of our opportunity to vote this coming Tuesday. That is a civic duty. It's a privilege, something that we should all take seriously and prayerfully and make sure we fulfill that. Well, thinking of the vote, in a few days we are going to find out who our next president is going to be for the next four years. And if you've been watching the TV, there's a lot of political angst on both sides of the spectrum as to who that person's gonna be. As Christians living in America, we are certainly interested in the outcome of the election and we should fulfill our civic duty to go out and vote.
But thankfully, we don't have to share in all the political angst because no matter who wins the election, we know that our help is the name of the Lord. May heaven and earth and a few please stand. It is good to give thanks to the Lord to sing praises to your name almost high, to declare your steadfast love in the morning and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, oh Lord, have made me glad by your work at the works of your hands I sing for joy.
And Lord, it is good to give thanks for you have blessed us exceedingly beyond what we deserve.
From the rising of the sun to the setting and even while we sleep your steadfast love endures and your faithfulness knows no bounds Your word tells us that even when we are faithless you remain faithful because you cannot deny who you are We have gathered this morning to corporately worship you Help us to worship you in spirit and in truth and to make this time not about us, but rather about you draws by your spirit into the fellowship of the Trinity and changes more into your image as a result of our time spent this morning. We pray this in your son's name. Amen. We don't have any lutes or harps this morning but we do have other instruments including our voices. Let's use them now to loudly and gladly worship our God. Regardless of how sin manifests itself, one effect is always the same, not separation. From Adam and Eve to the present, sin has been doing its job of severing relationships with God and with each other. It does this by convincing us that hiding is better than seeking, thus making us wary of
relationship. Relationships can be threatening, they can be painful, they do take a lot of effort. But hiding from relationship is ungodly because all of us have been created in the image of a triune God who is at his essential core relational. So to be anti-relational is to live the antithesis of who God is. To be anti-relational is to be anti-gospel. When we prefer to be alone and not bothered with relationships we are going against our image-bearing responsibility. Things have gotten so bad that even in our homes, the place where human relationships should reach its pinnacle, relationships are often weak or close to non-existent. Husbands and wives who would never think of a literal divorce live out a practical divorce every day in their home. Parents and children live estranged from one another and chalk it up to the age-old battle of just the older and younger generation just don't understand each other. Even in cases where the relational dynamics are not so dire, sin still often
messes things up. The temptation in any case is not to do the hard work of confessing and repenting. We settle for letting things be tense for a while until the situation cools down and everything gets back to normal. We settle for a pseudo piece that does not call for repentance rather than a true piece that mortifies our sin. The problem is that each occasion of unconfessed sin in our relationships establishes a new normal, a little more distance, a little less relationship. If we are to grow in our image-varying responsibility then we need to engage in the battle for relationships that are growing and increasing. To do this will require us to embrace confessing and repenting when we sin in our relationships. If you find yourself this morning with unconfessed sin in your relationships or any other sin, we invite you to take a moment now to confess that sin before we continue in our time of worship. You are invited if you're able and willing to kneel during this time. So let's do that now
and I'll pray for us in a moment. Father, we confess that we are far more inclined to hide in our sin rather than seek forgiveness through confession repentance. We know that hiding in the garden did not keep Adam and Eve from being exposed in their sin and yet somehow we think that strategy will work for us.
Thank you that by your very nature you did not wait for us to come to you but you sought us out even while we were yet sinners. You set the example of what we should be like. Teach us to be seekers and not haters. Humble us and make us far more aware of our own sin rather than our neighbor's sin. Thank you for your tender mercies that welcome us back into fellowship when we confess even as the prodigal son's father received his wayward son when he confessed and repented. May we likewise be quick to receive back into fellowship those who have sinned against us in our seeking restoration. Soften our hearts and teach us to love even as you love us. Make us a people who are easily identified as Christians by our love for you and our love for each other. We ask this in the name of Jesus who loved us and died for us so that we might enter into the fellowship of the Trinity. Amen. Go ahead and stand. Second Corinthians chapter 5 17 through 19 says these words to us, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away.
Behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. I trust that it never grows old to hear the words, you have been reconciled with God. This reality should thrill us every time we hear it. It should make us eager to share the message of reconciliation with the world. And let me encourage us once again now to sing like those who are once condemned sinners who have been reconciled with God in Christ. This morning's scripture reading is Ephesians 5, 15 through 21. Ephesians 5, 15 through 21. Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Let's pray.
Father, we come to you in this time in our country when the election is just around the corner and we think of the commands in your word to pray for our leaders and yet you have given us a country where we actually can choose our leaders. Each one of us has a responsibility in that. Help us to be wise in those choices. Help us to choose people that honor you. Help us to honor you with your choice. Help us to be those citizens under people that maybe don't agree with us, help us to be conscientious and to be everything you would have us be in those situations where we can speak out and help us to obey when we can and to disobey when we should.
We also thank you that we live in a country where we are protected by the men who we know, even in our congregation, our two Brian's. We thank you that Brian can be back with us in the country now, Brian Young, and we thank you that Brian Ronk is here studying further and will be deployed in a couple of years to wherever you would have him be. Help those men find those people that can come alongside them and build them up when they're stationed abroad or when they're stationed here. And I thank you for the friend that you provided, Brian Young, in the last days when he was in Afghanistan. We do think of the Vanderbeckens this week.
They've had quite the week with little Evelyn coming through her surgery well, and so far things are going along as they expect. We do pray for little Evelyn. She's kind of being isolated, so no germs. And the dad, we pray that he would recover. He's sore, but seemingly doing fine. And that they can talk with Evelyn, I guess, through a telephone and through looking at her. And then on top of that having Jen's dad have this bicycle wreck where he really face planted and we thank you that he wasn't knocked unconscious or didn't suffer any permanent damage other than really messing up his face. So we pray that he would recover and during these times would really understand your protection of him and those things.
I thank you for the way that our congregation has risen up to help them in this time, and we just thank you for that. We thank Phil and Judy Reeves as they're still in Florida, and Phil's recovering from his stroke and Judy's recovering from all the operations she had. We thank Tim Frey and his continuing recovery from his surgery on his mouth from the cancer situation. And we do think of all the people that are sick in our congregation. Many families have dads that are in bed this morning and other people, it's wiped out their whole family, that they would really remember you even in these times of sickness. And last but not least, we do think of Sean's teaching and what he brought to Wisconsin to their marriage conference and then this morning in the two services, the whole subject of how we need to worship you as a triune God and not segregate you as we have so terribly in the past, but that we worship you totally.
Help them to understand that, help them to be another church that sees that clearly and to be able to do that. And most of all, we thank you for your son, for without him we couldn't even come to you. He is the trailblazer, so to speak, so that we can pray to you. And it's in his name, Jesus Christ, we pray, amen. And Father, it is Christ the solid rock upon which we stand. All other is sinking sand. All other is sinking sand. Thank you for the incarnate Word who walked among us and showed us what true obedience looks like. We ask this morning that your spirit take hold of our hearts and minds now as we look into the written Word of God. May it likewise teach us true obedience so that we would live our lives holy and pleasing in your sight.
quiet our minds and set us free from outside distractions. We ask this now in the name of your Son our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen. The topic of marriage has been in the news a lot lately unless you've been living in a cave or something. In a few days Washingtonians will go to the polls to decide if marriage, as we have known it for millennium, should be redefined and go beyond the traditional one-man, one-woman definition. That raises some questions. Who has the right to define marriage? Is it open to interpretation? Can it be redefined as is proposed without negative consequences to society? The The current popular assumption is that marriage is a human created institution, a social contract, and therefore it should be okay for us humans to change it whenever we want.
I was curious what the secularists had to say about the origin of marriage, so I did a little research. Turns out they really don't know very much. They have to speculate. I actually looked it up and they said, well, we basically have to speculate and rely on legends because in their words marriage precedes all quote-unquote reliable recorded history. When marriage is supposed, whatever marriage is supposed to be, it is a very old institution. Of course we biblicalists know exactly how old it is. Marriage is as old as creation itself. In Genesis chapter 1, God performs the first marriage on day six of creation. Marriage gets its definition and its legitimacy from God himself, not from man-initiated contracts.
In all of the debate raging now about what marriage ought to be, I personally find at the heart of the matter, besides sin, an underlying arrogance. I call it arrogance because a relatively small group of people called judges and governors presumes to be wiser than all the generations that came before them as to what is best. Without regard for any historical context, some want to radically change an institution that is thousands of years old without any broad-based support. Do they believe that somehow the thousands of generations before us were ignorant or unwise? From a biblical point of view, such a shift is sinful.
From a societal viewpoint, the myopic way supporters are pushing for such a shift is arrogant. The reason such a possible change has even made it to the voters ballot is because we have largely become a nation which does not know God. Do you realize that just 25 years ago, I know that's before some of you were born, but just 25 years ago almost no one from any political party, Republican, Democrat, any party would have supported such a thing as referendum 74 which recognizes homosexual marriage. in 25 years, that shift in our society has occurred. Now in 2012, if you are opposed to changing the definition of marriage, you are seen as ignorant and or hateful.
They like to stick the word phobic or phobia on the end of all of these labels they give us. What has happened to cause such a monumental shift in public opinion? Why is there little outrage today in the public square that such a thing is even being considered? The answer simply is sin. The culture we live in today is one in which we are rapidly reaching the point where everyone does that which is right in his own mind. The basis for morality is left up to a popular vote. Our value system is no longer anchored or no longer transcends man and comes from God, but it's left up to the arbitrariness of the voting public.
God has been removed from polite conversation in the public square and now foolish men pool or ignorance of God and imagined independence from God to form new laws and policies. Now to be fair this is largely the sin of unbelievers who have chosen to worship the creation rather than the creator. Romans 1 25 tells us what else should we expect from unbelievers. But there's another sin also I believe at work. It's the sin of us believers who have presented too many marriages that are every bit as empty and joyless as any the world has to offer. How can we Christians effectively protest what the world is doing to the definition of marriage when we have divorce rates that are similar to the world's rates? How can we argue for the sanctity of marriage when we live less than holy unions ourselves? How can we persuade anyone that only one man, one woman in marriages are legit when our marriages are too often fraught with strife and lack genuine love. John MacArthur in a tweet said it this way, I thought I would never say that John
MacArthur in a tweet, but John MacArthur in a tweet said it this way, it is difficult to see how Christianity can have a positive effect in society if it cannot transform its own homes. If Christians are ever to have any influence in society, it will start with us repenting of our sin more than reviling the culture for theirs. Let me repeat that. If Christians are ever to have any influence in society, it will start with us repenting of our sin more than reviling the culture for theirs. A prime area this repentance needs to occur is in our marriages. Jonathan Edwards said, every Christian family ought to be a little church consecrated to Christ and wholly influenced and governed by his laws.
That's quite a description. Does your home look like a little church consecrated to Christ? So how can we improve the picture of marriage in the eyes of the world, or in some cases, repair a poor image that we've left? Step one is to have our marriages reveal the mystery God has placed in them. And so the first point, if you want to bullet head for, let's call this, Christian marriage reveals a profound mystery. Christian marriage reveals a profound mystery.
Every Christian marriage contains within it a mystery placed there by God. This mystery is not supposed to remain a mystery, however. Every Christian marriage reveals something. It communicates something. The question is, what does it reveal? Does it reveal what God intended to reveal or does it reveal something else? To the church's shame, the mystery in some marriages is how on earth did this couple ever get married? Or why is this couple still together? This is not the mystery marriage is supposed to raise. In Ephesians 5 32 Paul calls this mystery in marriage profound. The word Paul used, which the ESV translates as profound, means great in quantity or degree.
In this context, it means great in degree or magnitude. In our common vernacular, Paul would say this mystery is humongous. The implications and impact of this mystery are a big deal. We must not miss it. If it really is so profound that it behooves us to take a look at it and understand how it is supposed to impact our marriages and the culture in which our marriages exist. Paul's comment on this mystery comes in the context of his teaching on husband and wives found in Ephesians 5 22 through 33. Go ahead and turn there as I read Ephesians 5 22 through 33. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in
splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. There are a few quick observations that we can make before we drill down on what this profound mystery is. Any passage in the scripture as you look at you have to always take a step and ask what is the context of what's being said here. It's easy to cherry-pick verses and make a point but you need to look at the context. So we stand back and take a look at the context of this
passage on husbands and wives. What we find? We find that it doesn't stand alone. It comes in a broader context. In chapter 4 Paul has been exhorting believers to put off the old self and put on the new. He says in chapter 4 verses 17 through 18 that we are no longer to walk like the Gentiles do in the futility of mind darkened and understanding alienated from God because of hard hearts. This that kind of thinking he goes on to show it leads to a whole host of ungodly actions that define old self behaviors. Those are the things that we are supposed to be putting off. Then in Ephesians 5, our chapter, verse 1, he tells us to be imitators of God as beloved children. I don't know about you, but it's really easy to sort of just trip past that little phrase, be imitators of God. That's like, okay, that's a pretty big job description. Be imitators of God. Okay, good, good, good. Just, you know, if you, as your life leaders are having trouble, what do we want to talk about? Just take that phrase, be imitators of God.
You could probably have discussions for about the next 50 years at least in your groups on what that entails Jumping down to 521 just before our passage Paul writes giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ Rework all of that Preamble if you will into our passage into a few sentences and Paul is saying do not act like the world but instead be imitators of God. Give thanks for all things, all the time, and remember to have a submissive attitude towards each other out of reverence for Christ. That's sort of the foundation of what he's saying as he leads us into this discussion of husbands and wives. That's some pretty serious general instructions as we head into the specifics. I suspect if we did just that much in our marriages, we would not need so much counseling and the world would not have occasion to mock us or to call us hypocrites when we challenge their definition of marriage. So what is this mystery of marriage Paul speaks of?
The mystery is this. When a man and a woman become one flesh in a marriage union, that relationship is a picture of the relationship between Christ and his church. Most people understand marriages other purposes. They understand that marriages for procreation. We are commanded in the garden to be fruitful and multiply. Marriage is also for companionship. God looking down upon his creation before Eve and he says it's not good for man to be alone. He creates Eve. He gives them to Adam to be a help meet. We understand the purpose of relationship or companionship. We get those purposes. What is not often mentioned or is overlooked is this third and vital aspect of the marital bond, that our marriages are supposed to look like the relationship between Christ and His Church.
That leads me into our next point, which is how the mystery makes marriage unique. How the mystery makes marriage unique. The Christ to Church revealing aspect of marriage makes the marriage relationship special and unlike any other human relationship anywhere. In fact, there is no other human-to-human relationship that so closely mimics Trinitarian oneness as marriage. What a tragedy it is for a Christian couple to allow sin to drive a wedge into a relationship that is uniquely capable of producing the closest human-to-human oneness possible this side of heaven. No other social construct allowing two people to couple can ever achieve this one flesh unity, all they can do at best is ape certain marriage-like traits.
No other social construct that we have in society that allows two people to couple up can achieve this one flesh unity. As I said, all they can do at best is ape what marriage is. They can call it marriage, it's not marriage, it's aping marriage. is unique among all human to human relationships. So what are the implications of this ministry? There are several implications that come out of this mystery that we want to consider. The first implication is that married couples have a responsibility to faithfully live out this mystery before the world. It's not an option. He didn't say if you feel like being a picture, try it. It says you are a picture. That was God's design, God's intent. And It's not an option. It's not an option like choosing what color of paint to use in the bedroom.
The only choice that you have is to be a clear picture or a distorted picture. The second implication is that marriage is not just about the husband and wife. We kind of get, you know, into all of the emotions of the wedding day and the marriage, and it's all about the bride, and it's all about the wedding, and what a cute couple, and all those emotions, and those are all fine and dandy sentiments. sentiments, but that carries on into the marriage and it's all about us and then pretty soon it's all about me and then there we go we get into trouble. Marriage is not supposed to be just about the husband and wife. It is about being good image bearers.
When we make marriage about us and not the picture it's supposed to portray, sin creeps in and pretty soon the picture isn't so clear.
When a husband or a wife finds themselves asking in their minds what am I getting out of this, they are headed for trouble in the marriage. A godly marriage is a very rewarding experience unlike any other kind of relationship when the mystery is lived out. It can become a living hell when it degenerates into two selfish people with competing wants and desires. So how then does the mystery shape our marriage? How does the mystery shape our marriage? We've already seen that the mystery in marriage is the calling to portray the relationship between Christ and his church. But why? What's the bottom line? Why did God want this to be this way? What's at stake here? I believe the answer is pretty simple. The glory of God is what's at stake. That's a pretty heavy responsibility. Your marriage, my marriage, we are responsible for contributing to the glory of God. So how does this work in marriage? It works the same way that it works between Christ and his church.
The Father bestows his glory to the Son. The Son reflects glory back to the Father. The Son bestows his glory on his bride, the Church. The Church reflects that glory back to the Son. We see the pattern of glory being bestowed, received, and reflected. Sin keeps the Church from receiving and reflecting Christ's glory as it should. Sin keeps husbands from bestowing glory on their wives and wives from receiving and reflecting that glory back to their husband. Now, be careful here. What we're not saying is that the husband is not a type of Christ. He is not his wife's savior. So in the comparison of husband, wife, to Christ and church, you've got to be careful there. Husband's responsibility isn't to save his wife, but in a very mystical sense, a very real sense, he does bestow glory, or he should, upon his wife, and she should receive that and be a reflection of that, mirroring what we see going on in the Christ-church relationship.
In Ephesians chapter 1, 20 through 23, we are given more insight into the relationship between Christ and the church, which remember, is a picture of our marriage. So the better we can understand Christ and his church relationship and how they interact, the better we can get a handle on what marriage is supposed to be like. So let me read that section for you, Ephesians 1, 20 through 23. And what is the immeasurable greatness of his power towards us who believe? And we're speaking of God here. According to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age, but also in the one to come.
And here's the part I want to emphasize. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things of the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all." What on earth does that all mean? Christ is the head of the church, and he fills all in all. Sound good? Everybody buy that? Christ is the head of the church, no problem. And he fills all in all that. Whatever that means, that sounds pretty good. Then believers make up the body, and they are the fullness of Christ, who fills all in all. So Christ fills us and we are His fullness. Got it? It's kind of like a Penrose staircase, optical illusion.
You ever see those staircases where you think you're going down and all of a sudden the way you're going back up and then also, oh, you're going back down and you're going around in a circle and you can't quite ever figure out if you're going up or down? It's almost like that kind of a dilemma. But don't take that illustration too far either. In no way am I saying that we bring our own glory to the relationship. We don't. We have no glory apart from Christ. But this passage does teach that in some way, we make up the fullness of Christ. This happens as we receive the glory he bestows upon us and then reflect that glory back to him by gladly receiving from him and giving back to him our deepest affections.
He bestows the glory. We receive it. We let it satisfy us. We reflect it back to him and our affections for him. and the whole thing serves to bring more glory and honor back to God. It's a beautiful picture and it gives us an idea of what the marriage relationship should be like. The scripture clearly shows that the husband is supposed to take his cues from Christ, and the wife is supposed to take her cues from the body of Christ, the church, as they seek to model the Christ-church relationship. So if anybody would ever come to me and say, Jim, I need a job description for husbands, go study Christ. There's your job description.
Wives, they want a job description, go study the church and its relationship to Christ. There's your job description. The better a couple models the Christ-Church relationship in our marriage, the more satisfying the marriage will be. Are you less than happy in your marriage? Ponder that sentence. the more your relationship models the Christ-Church relationship, the more satisfying your marriage will be. This is really important. There are two views of marriage at war, even inside the church today. Those two views are called egalitarianism and complementarianism. Egalitarianism holds to the idea that the differences between men and women, hence husband and wife, comes down simply to biological differences.
The only difference is the plumbing is what they say. It disputes that there is or should be any other differentiation made in regards to giftedness, calling, or roles. It sees men and women created as equal in essence and function. Complementarianism, on the other hand, does distinguish differences between the sexes beyond the plumbing. It sees men and women as created equal in essence, but different in function. A good resource on this topic, if you want to research it more on your own, is the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Some of the council members that you may recognize are people like Wayne Grudem, Al Mohler, Josh Harris, CJ Mahaney, John Piper.
They have several ladies also on this council. They were not as well known, at least to me, but they have men and women on this council that discuss these topics. At TEC, we strongly hold to the complementarian view. The biblical data forces us to reach this conclusion. The Ephesians' passage that we've just read reveals roles in the marriage. The husband is to pattern his role after Christ, and the wife is to pattern her role after the church. So right there, we already see a difference being made.
For those husbands who function as arrogant heads of their homes because they think they are the boss of their wives or for those wives who chafe at the call to submission because they think doormat when they hear the s-word consider this as you sit there in the pew listening to me right now which is more important your head or your body quick you know if you could only have one yeah you only keep one you can keep your head or you can keep your body which one you want to keep I suppose if you were all a bunch of heads we'd have to remodel a church and instead of having pews have to have benches so you could all see me. Or if you were all just bodies we probably wouldn't need to meet because you wouldn't have eyes to see or ears to hear. Obviously it's a ridiculous question. It is just as ridiculous in a marriage for one person to either exalt themselves or to see themselves as less vital to the relationship. There is no place in marriage for any sort of lording over anyone else. Keep in mind that in a Christian
marriage a husband-wife relationship is superseded by the fact that they are brother and sister in Christ. You're only married, your only husband wife, until one of you dies, your brother and sister forever. Also consider that both have the same Holy Spirit in dwelling them. When Gail and I have a disagreement it's time to say one of us is maybe not paying attention to Holy spirit or both. As a side note, in 32 years of marriage, I have yet to find an occasion where I needed to tell Gail, woman, submit. This isn't because we've never had a disagreement. Trust me, that's not the reason. We have just never found our disagreements centered on essential spiritual issues. I've heard guys, I've heard of guys pulling out the S-word to end discussions about about buying a boat or a truck.
That's not spiritual leadership. That's spiritual abuse. OK, now let me get off that soapbox and get back to my message. Let's talk about now the idea of not messing up the mystery. With the time remaining, I want to move into discussing the day-to-day application of living out the mystery. Put another way, I want to talk about how not to mess up the mystery. So how can we live out this wonderful and beautiful mystery portraying the love of Christ and His church in marriage without messing it up? First, be thankful. Be thankful. Why does Paul put the command to be thankful always and for all things? And I think your spouse fits in the subset called all things.
Andy, you're the logic guy. Is that true? All things, just two verses before he starts giving instructions to husbands and wives. He does so because thankful is part of the character of God whom we are to be imitators of. Consider doesn't God have the most reason to be grumpy and critical? He created all that there is and he sees how messy it all is and yet somehow he's still glad in it. If you have developed the habit of looking at your spouse and the first thing you notice is what's wrong with them, may I suggest a simple cure for that? Repent. How long could you last under God's critical scrutiny? Aren't you glad when God looks at us, his first thought isn't, oi vei, or needs improvement, or why did I promise not to send another flood?
No, when God looks at us, His first thought is, my beloved. Sure, He knows our flaws, and they are many, but He still sees us first and foremost as His beloved. How can we possibly do anything less when we look at our spouse? For those of you who tend to be critical of your spouse, how has that been working for you to bring about positive change? I have yet to find anybody who has successfully criticized their spouse. spouse into change. I can pretty much guarantee that will only make matters worse. Thankfulness bestows life. Criticalness bestows death. Others have said, do you want your wife to be more lovely? Treat her as lovely. Do you want your husband to be worthy of your respect? Be respectful to him.
give him respect. A second way we can avoid messing up the mystery is to be humble. I want to address husbands first on this point. Well, wise you can sort of listen in, but put your elbows away, okay? Sometimes we husbands think God assigned us the leadership role because we're so awesome.
Sorry to burst that bubble. I've read a lot of authors who have tried to explain why God chose the man for the role as head. The arguments try to make the case that men are bigger or stronger or less emotional or are natural providers or not as easily deceived etc etc. One verse often used to support some of this thinking is 1st Peter 3 17 which says, likewise husbands live with your wives in an understanding way showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. Some take the phrase weaker vessel to mean weaker in strength or resolve or emotional makeup. The problem with those interpretations is that we can find plenty of women who are actually stronger than their husbands in those regards. I believe another possible interpretation is that she is weaker in position of authority in the marital relationship. This makes more sense in the broader context in which Peter is speaking. The verse fits right in the passage starting in 1st Peter 2.8 where
Peter is discussing submission to authority. In 2.13 he says all of you be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution. In 2.18 he tells servants to be subject to their masters. Then in 3-1 he tells wives to likewise be subject to their own husbands and then in 3-7 he tells the husbands to likewise live with your wives in an understanding way. What is the likewise they're referring to? The overall context is clearly talking about authority and the proper submission to it. It seems Peter is telling husbands to recognize that God has placed their wives into a weaker position in the relationship, into a position of submission under their headship, and therefore husbands should live with them in a way that treats them like fellow heirs of the grace of life and not personal servants. He tacks on the warning that the failure to do this will cause their prayers to be hindered. He's basically saying, husbands don't be a jerk. You've been given a headship role. Don't be a jerk and abuse it. To be fair, Paul in 1st Timothy 2.14 does use the deception of
Eve in the garden by Satan as part of his argument why he does not allow women to teach men or exercise authority over them. Some try to use that verse to sort of bolster the idea that the woman again is weaker in some ways and more easily deceived. I'm not sure if that necessarily bolsters the weaker vessel argument that some try to make. You know one thing I try to remember when I read about what Eve did, I remember that it was yeah she bit the apple first but who bit it second? You know Adam took a bite too. So why did God choose the man for the role of head? Because God chose it that way. It is not because of man's supposed advantages over the woman. So men, you have to be old enough to understand this, but here's the $64,000 question or for you young uns I'll raise it up to a million dollars adjusted for inflation. Here's the question. Imagine God came down in his referee outfit and blew the whistle and said, everybody out of the pool, new rules. I want the wives now to be heads of the homes and I want
them in to submit to their wives. Got the scenario? Husbands, if God did that, would you be comfortable with it if the only thing your wife knew about loving Christ-like headship was what she has learned from you. If that's all she knew about biblical headship was what she saw in you, would you be okay if God came down and blew the whistle? Change of rules. That's a heavy question that guys ought to probably think about two times a day at least. So while the husbands ponder that question, let me talk to the wives about humility in their role. Ladies, I can imagine that it must be hard to cheerfully yield to your husband's headship in the home especially if he isn't being a very good head. In some cases the problem isn't so much with the husband's headship as it is with the wife's desire to push her own agenda. The temptation is to want to step in and take the reins and make something happen. That is the most common mistake a wife makes. The mistake is trying to force the husband to lead or jumping into the
driver's seat when he doesn't lead or trying to force your husband to acquiesce to your wishes. Notice in Ephesians 5 22 the qualifier on your call to submission. It says to submit as to the Lord. Remember your job is to relate to your husband as the church relates to Christ. That's your picture. This will be easier if your husband is relating to you as Christ relates to the church. But What if he doesn't? Are you free from your responsibility if your husband is a jerk?
The short answer is no. Proper submission requires a humble reliance on God even when your husband is shirking his duties. This is not about being a doormat. That's the pushback I get. Well, you're just telling me to be a doormat. No, we're not saying be a doormat. It's called trusting God. You have been called by God to place yourself under the headship of your husband. He doesn't make any commentaries about how good a head that husband's going to be. Being under the headship of your husband is the equivalence of being under the headship of Christ. Now being under the husband's headship does not give him carte blanche. He cannot ask you to commit personal sin. It is proper to refuse such a request. In cases where you are being exposed to some type of abuse, it may be necessary under guidance from church leaders to separate from your husband for a time. But at no time should you seek to yank the headship responsibility from your husband. If your husband is being a lousy picture of Christ, you don't improve the situation
by being a lousy picture of the church. Wise will come to me and he'll say, well he's about to make a really boneheaded decision and we're gonna lose our house. I say, well, we'll come talk to him. But if he really wants to make that decision, lose the house. You know, let him live in a Volvo for a while. God will use that to teach him. I know that's painful. That's hard. That's scary. He's gonna fritter away all of our retirement. Yeah, that's scary. That's wrong. That's sinful. But it's not your position to force the situation to try to not make that happen. Again, get counsel. Bring people. Hopefully he'll have years to hear, but if he ends up being a stubborn fool, your solution to a stubborn fool is not to then go around him and circumvent your responsibility in the area of submission.
A third way to not mess up the mystery is to work on your role rather than fuss about how your spouse is doing. So now we're back into everybody. There is more than enough personal role responsibility to keep a husband and wife busy without adding the burden of trying to improve the other's roles in marriage. When we try to get the other person to live out their role in the mystery, it invariably leads to no one living out their role. And that's so common is he's not being a good head. I'm going to work on him. She's not being submissive. I'm going to work on her. The result is that nobody ends up living out their role.
All you can do is work on your responsibility. I'm not saying that there isn't a time and a place for admonition and exhortation in the marriage. There is. If it's a healthy marriage, there will be those kinds of conversations going on, and you're foolish if you do not have ears to hear from your spouse on things that you could do better.
But couples quickly fall into the trap of trying to force change upon their spouse. This leads to a vicious cycle of criticalness and thanklessness that leaves both parties feeling defeated and hopeless. Conversely, striving to fulfill our role in this mystery, regardless of how the other person is doing, leads to greater joy because it's pleasing in God's eyes. What's more important to you? To hear God say, well done, now good and faithful servant, or to hear your spouse say, yay. I personally am living to hear God say, well done.
In Jeremiah 2.13, we learn about a great sin that is common to all men, which is looking for life in broken cisterns rather than God. In marriage, spouses make very tempting cisterns to each other. It is very common to look to our spouse to supply for our soul only that which God was meant to do. Rather than being givers of God's grace to each other, we start trying to take grace from each other. This will never work and it only leads to greater frustration. As the frustration mounts, we try even harder to get the spouse to produce the grace we long for. It is a vicious cycle that is hard to get couples to recognize when they are in it and it's really hard to get them to break it. It's just so tempting. If he would only, if she would just, and back and forth they go and they're looking for the longing of their soul and their spouse, wrong place to look. My son Chris used this illustration that I think helps make the point. A husband and wife are like a full moon in each other's life and God is like the Sun. When
they are walking in the Spirit, they reflect the light of the Sun on each other and it's a wonderful thing. When your spouse isn't reflecting the Sun's light, you are still not without hope because you still have the Sun's light.
We forget that. We forget that God is for us. He is there. He is the giver of the grace that our soul needs. We look to our sad looking little moon that's waning and no shine some more light give me some more light I'm dying here I need light and we forget that the source of the light is God himself. It is critical that husbands and wives understand that it's never their spouses that is the barrier to a joy-filled life. If you are in a situation where you're thinking I'm miserable my soul is miserable and it's because of that jerk across the table you are in probably very likely in the sin of looking to your spouse as that sister. Yes a troubled marriage can produce tears and disappointment but when it results in despair then that is an indication that the spouse has become a broken sister and that is sin. Notice in our Ephesians 5 passage how many times Paul says to the husband do this as Christ or or to the wife he says do this as to the church or as to the Lord. Verse 22, wives submit to your husband as
to the Lord. Verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. Verse 25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Verse 29, husbands are to nourish and cherish your wife as Christ does the church. Note that there are no other qualifications placed on these commands. It does not say husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church as long as she's being lovely. When did Christ die for his bride, the church? Did he die for the church when it was in its most beautiful form and happily submitting to his headship? We erroneously think these commands to husbands and wives are given under idealistic conditions. Why do we think wedding day bliss is the norm. Raymond Hull, a Canadian playwright said, all marriages are happy. It's the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble. Here is how sin has put its curse on marriage. God has said, husband, lay down your life for your wife. And to the wife he said, gladly submit to
your husband. But sin turns that around so the husband barks at the wife, woman submit and the wife yells back, drop dead. When you are tempted to think to yourself, how can I live another day with this bozo? I suggest you stare into a mirror as you say it and change the word I into he or she. When husband and wife understand the mystery they are called to reveal and thankfully fulfill their roles as unto the Lord in that mystery, they radiate the glory of God, they radiate the glory of God that has bestowed upon them and God ends up receiving more glory for himself. Our marriage should just be this one giant glory reflector. This is Trinitarian living at its finest. Christian marriage is unique. It reveals a great mystery to the world and we dare not stain it with husbands who do not act like Christ.
or wives who do not act like the Church. Let's pray. Father, we must confess that our pride often causes us to mar the picture of Christ and the Church our marriages are supposed to reveal. You have given us the tremendous privilege of demonstrating that love in our marriages, but we tend to make our marriages more about our own wants and desires. The result is that the world doesn't see anything fundamentally different between our marriage and theirs. Where we are doing well in our marriages encourages us and helps us to do even better. Where we are failing, bring repentance. We want our lives to be never to be a hindrance to anyone, seeing the beauty of the gospel.
Continue to shape us and mold us until we become good reflectors of your glory. We ask this now in the name of your Son. Amen. There is no getting around the fact that the Bible teaches togetherness as opposed to a partness. In relation to Christ, we are called His body and His bride, a metaphor we're familiar with. In relation to each other, we are called brothers and sisters. There's a whole bunch of times we're called that. All indicating that togetherness is the idea. There are at least 23 one another commands in the Bible. You can't do one another without another. Now I know that was really deep so I'm going to repeat it.
You can't do one another without another. I know the comment was something you've got to think about but ponder and you'll get it.
How we commune with one another in our new-gitter families and our church families says just about everything about who and what we worship. How we commune with one another says something about how beneficial all our Bible study has been. How we commune with God and with each other is the true test of Christianity sine qua non. Now in case your Latin is just a little bit rusty, sine qua non means indispensable or essential. It was originally a legal term that meant without which there is nothing. No relationship, no Christianity. If sin separates and it does, then forgiveness of sin brings together. Our time of communion reminds us of our oneness in Christ. It reminds us that Jesus' purpose for dying was to remove the gulf that existed between God and us. It reminds us that Jesus prayed that we would be one even as He and the Father are one. We need to be careful that we don't let communion become a ritualistic snack time.
We do it weekly because it is essential that we frequently examine our relationship with Christ and with each other, and because we love celebrating our life in Christ together. If we are out of fellowship with someone, communion time is meant to be a poke in the eye.
If we are walking in fellowship, it encourages us to appreciate the fact that we are part of a spiritual family that will be together for all of eternity. Think about that. Does it comfort you or concern you that you will spend all of eternity with these other people sitting around you? If it concerns you, then perhaps there is some work you need to do this week. All believers, married or not, make up the church the bride of Christ. Our head who is Christ has bestowed much glory upon us. How well we worship him determines how much glory we reflect as his bride back to him. The Bride of Christ is at its loveliest when we are functioning as a united body of believers living in communion with one another confessing repenting and fellowshipping with each other. So consider this week how well your marriage your family or you personally are adding to or subtracting from the beauty of of the Bride of Christ.
And for our benediction, I've chosen Hebrews 13, 20 through 21, which says, now may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead, our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us, that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.
