Regina has never lacked friends. Look at her Facebook friends list! HA! And while she does have a few friends that she considers her BFFs, she questions whether she really has been a good friend and ponders what friendship really means.

I’m a Sagittarius. And I always say that my friends love to be with me because I’m a Sagittarius. We Sagittarius’s are fun-loving extroverts who are adventurers and the life of the party! Woohoo!

From a young age, I was never lacking for friends. I always had a group of people around me and I loved to socialize. I was fun and loud in large gatherings and it seemed like I was well-liked.

When I started singing professionally, I became part of this strange social world where you are thrust together with a new group of people for a month or two, you create art very intensely, you party hard, and then you leave. It was easy to make friends while you were there, you really had no choice – you might have to make out with some of these people on stage, better get to know them! There would be this sense that you were really connecting with these people. And then, 90% of the time, you would never see them again.

But in a way, the love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of relationship that the opera world fosters fit very well in my life because for some reason, I have never been the type of person who hangs on to friendships long term. I’m not quite sure why.

As I think on my lasting friendships, I truly only have a handful. And what is interesting, is that these few people are not people that I talk to on a regular basis. As a matter of fact, I will go for months or even years between talking to these people. But yet, every time we do connect, it feels like no time has passed, we pick up exactly where we left off, we share belly laughs just as easily as we share our intimate struggles and my time with them fills me with so much joy.

My true friends…when I talk to them, they make me feel like I am the most important person in the room. I know they genuinely care about me, what I am saying, what I am going through, what I am feeling. And I feel exactly the same way. I relish in hearing about their lives and experiences and feelings and I would do anything that I could to support them and make them happy.

Because the one thing about me is that I am fiercely loyal. I would do anything for those dear friends of mine, whether they asked me or not without any hesitation or expectation of reciprocation.

And perhaps that is why it hurts so much when I lose friends.

Some friendships are meant to last the test of time and some aren’t. And there’s no rhyme or reason to it. And it doesn’t mean that the friendships that don’t last were not genuine.

Aren’t we lucky that even if a friendship doesn’t last, we can still look back at it and realize that we were blessed to have it, even for a short time?

Being in a lasting friendship is like being in a lasting marriage…you have to work at it.

True there are some friendships that you have to work less at. But as in most things in life, in order to grow in a relationship, you have to make an effort.

For some reason, I naturally expected that the friends that I held dear would not only feel the exactly same way about me, but they would also treat me exactly as I would treat them. The problem is that, I’m not sure I ever expressed that to them.

And maybe I took more than I gave.

But one thing that I have learned is that one of the best ways to show someone that you care is to simply show up. Without expectation, with needing reciprocation. Just show up.

That means that when you are invited, if at all possible be there. When you see they are succeeding, reach out and tell them that you are happy for them. When you see they are hurting, reach out to them and do something for them that shows your support – not just a thoughts and prayers moment but something more tangible than that. Show up in little ways and in big ways on a regular basis.

Another important thing is to stop keeping score. It doesn’t matter who called last. If they haven’t called, then you need to call them. Don’t hold a grudge because they didn’t call and it’s their turn. A friendship should not be a competition. It is a give and take and sometimes you have to give a little more than you take.

The next thing is to deal with conflict. If something comes up in the relationship, don’t let it fester and bubble until it becomes an irreconcilable difference. If someone’s feelings are hurt, address it and if you are the reason someone’s feelings were hurt, listen and apologize. But don’t let the conflict sit unresolved. That will be the end of the friendship. Being willing to be uncomfortable and to work through a problem rather than bail is the sign of a strong friendship.

And finally, keep reaching out. Keep inviting them to dinner. Keep sending them texts or calling them or writing on their Facebook wall. Even if they aren’t reaching out to you as much, if you want them in your life, you need to show them. Not in a stalk-y way! But in a way that says, your presence in my life matters.

So this is why, I no longer wait for invitations. If I see someone I would like to connect with, I ask them out for coffee or dinner or something. And when someone reaches out to me saying, we should get together, instead of responding with a “Great! Let’s do it!” I respond by asking, “when are you available next week?” and I get something in the calendar. Whenever any friend, close one or not, wants to meet with me, I now make an effort to follow through. And it has enhanced my life in ways I never expected.

A quote from the 19th century poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”

So have you been a good friend lately?

The post Episode 013 – I’m Not Sure That I am a Great Friend appeared first on Regina Zona.

We are in moment. We are in a movement. In this era of #MeToo, we are all facing our own experiences with scrutiny and Regina has realized that in not reporting misconduct that she witnessed first hand, she has been complicit. This is her story.

So this is a hard one because I feel incredibly bad about my complicity. And at this point I haven’t been able to reconcile it. Maybe putting it out there will be the first step.

Several years ago at one of the Universities I taught at, I had a colleague who was an incredibly charismatic man. He was jovial, friendly, thoughtful and he was obsessed with teaching. He truly cared about shaping the artistic lives of his students. Teaching was what fueled him and in a way, that was inspiring.

His method of mentorship teetered between fatherly guidance and supportive best friend. Although he might not admit, he was desperate to be liked. Even when he was giving “tough love”, he needed to be needed and his personal and undivided attention to the students fed that. Most of his students craved the same thing. They were young and impressionable, just trying to find themselves. They were young artists who were asked on a daily basis to tap into their own vulnerability to grow. And when this gregarious man was there to support them, they felt like they mattered.

He was always a physically affectionate man. He gave big bear hugs to everyone, me included. The students seemed to love the attention when he would stop them in the hall to give them their daily hug. When they were feeling down, they could always count on “papa bear” to hold them close and make them feel safe.

However, I started to notice that there were often “groupies” around his office – female students mostly who would wait for the moment he opened his door so they he would smile upon them, give them an encouraging word and give them an affectionate hug. And then I noticed that some of those hugs looked rather intimate, perhaps lasting longer than was appropriate, perhaps too tight.

Then some of the young women who were not his private students would mention to me that they were a little uncomfortable by his unsolicited hugs. One said that she avoided going past his door because she didn’t want a hug from him. And they told me that some ladies would accept them hugs slightly unwillingly because they just wanted to please him. I was disappointed to hear this but all I could say was to just try to avoid him.

Then I started to hear other things – sometimes from the students and sometimes even from him. The level of inappropriateness went from bad to worse.

I never thought that he would actually enter into any kind of physical relationship with a student. That wasn’t his motivation. I think he truly believed that he was helping the students, that he was supporting them and teaching them. And the way he thought he had to do that was by creating intimacy. And I also knew that he was doing that so that he would feel loved and respected. And maybe that is how I justified not reporting him.

But now I look back at all these instances and I feel sick to my stomach. I feel sick that he would take advantage of his position and create an unsafe environment for these students. But mostly I feel sick over the fact that I did nothing, absolutely nothing to stop it. And in that way, I also abused the students because I enabled him to continue. I didn’t protect them and for that I am ashamed.

I have been complicit.

I know that that is the same as my initial confession but in trying to come up with wisdom or what I have learned about the situation, the only thing that I can come up with is the fact that I WAS complicit and there really is no excuse for it.

We are now in a moment. In a MOVEMENT. Reading the stories of these incredibly brave women (and men) who have publicly come forward with their MeToo experiences is so empowering and so disheartening at the same time. What these people have endured and largely in silence for so long is beyond imagination. The courage that it takes to stand up and be heard is beyond admirable.

I of course have had my own MeToo moments but I was so conditioned to accept these misconducts as the norm, part of the business, men just being stupid, that I dismissed them and filed them away as something that I couldn’t do anything about. And in any case, I didn’t feel threatened or unsafe. I just felt annoyed and occasionally angry that these men in positions of power felt they had the right to treat women that way. I accepted it. That’s the way the world is.

But now, women are standing up and calling bullshit on accepting this abusive world anymore. And we all are a part of it in some way or another.

And these stories do not just shine a huge spotlight on the women and the perpetrators but also on the enablers.

If I am being honest, I have witnessed injustices and abuse and consciously chose not to get involved. Because I was fearful of confrontation or I didn’t have the time to follow through or I just didn’t want to get involved.

And now I am faced with the fact that I did not protect young innocent people from being abused by a fellow teacher when I knew it was happening, I knew it was wrong and I could have helped.

And maybe admitting this all in this podcast is my attempt to try to forgive myself, a way to move past my guilt.

But the biggest thing is that I have to take this watershed moment as an opportunity. I have to stand up. I have to speak out. I have to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can’t be afraid to get involved. And I know that it is much easier to say than do, but all I know is, this is the moment that I have to choose to DO better.

I have actually two quotes this week. One quotes is a comment on the sin of complicity and the other is a quote that can hopefully move us forward to doing better.

The first is by Abraham Lincoln:

“To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.”

And the second is a mantra that popped up on the interwebs that spoke to me:

“I am committed to being a better person today than I was yesterday. Better thoughts…Better decisions…Better Actions.”

That’s all we can do, right?

The post Episode 012 – I Have Been Complicit appeared first on Regina Zona.

Of all of the insecurities that Regina has admitted to in these podcasts, one thing she is absolutely sure of is that she is an excellent teacher. And what that really means is that she knows her self-worth. And because she is confident in her self-worth, she has been able to capitalize on it to the fullest.

So if you have been listening to this podcast, you know that I have several insecurities. Here I am admitting that I am an extremely flawed human being!

But the one thing that I am not at all insecure about is my teaching ability. I am an excellent teacher.

I very unexpectedly started teaching voice the summer after I graduated from high school. And my studio grew each summer when I came home from college. I was even teaching voice while I was in college, and by the time I graduated with my degree I had a studio that fluctuated between 20 and 25 students which then eventually grew to about 30 students.

And soon after I left college, I became the most in demand voice teacher in my area. I had a thriving studio, I was called to do masterclasses and workshops on singing in local schools, I taught at a community music school and I was even recruited to apply for a teaching position at one of the local universities even though at that time I only had a Bachelors degree and a Performance Certificate. I maintained a thriving private studio in Buffalo, NY for over 12 years. And then I moved to Connecticut and was an adjunct professor at a University. Eventually I made the decision to go back to school to get my doctorate and before I was finished with my degree I got my first tenure track position in a University. I was there for two years and then was hired to run the opera program at a different university where I stayed for four years. I was working my way up in academia but ultimately decided to leave to move back to NY, pursue my singing again and teach privately.

Certainly it goes without saying that the more I taught, the better I got at it. But I never had a pedagogy class to teach me how to teach.

What I did always possess was a great ear. I could hear in the voices of my students, even as a young teacher, what they needed. I could hear when the voice was not placed properly, or when there was a lack of support or when there was tension somewhere.

They say that the best way to learn is to teach and I am the living proof of that. I learned more about my singing by teaching young singers than I ever did from my first voice teachers.

And now I am a better teacher than I have ever been. I mean, I would hope so, next month I will have been teaching voice for 30 years! I better know what I am doing by now! I’m also a better singer than I ever was and that certainly informs my teaching. And when I am taking lessons myself, I am an even better teacher.

What makes me a good teacher?

Well, as I mentioned before, I have a really great ear and can easily diagnose what my students need.

I am an excellent communicator and can come up with several different ways to explain concepts so if the student doesn’t understand what I want the first time, I can find a different way to reach them.

I understand the voice and how it works under pressure because of my performing career.

I create a warm and safe environment for my students to grow in, where they can be their most vulnerable without harshness and judgement.

I’ve got a fun personality (most of the time) that allows my students to have fun in the process of learning.

Where did I gain this attributes and skills?

Well, I have to say that a lot of it came naturally. And much of it came through experience of just doing it and seeing what works and what doesn’t. But the role of teacher was a role I slipped into very naturally without much thought or preparation. And even when I wasn’t good (like those first several years when I was teaching singers who I went to school with), I still had something to say that made some kind of difference.

You see, I didn’t choose teaching. Teaching chose me. I chose opera. But opera lasted for a moment and teaching will most likely last a lifetime.

So I guess it’s a good thing I’m good at it, right?!

Maybe some of you are listening to this and saying to yourself, “geez, BRAG much?” And certainly you have the right to think that, but I am telling you, I know my worth, I know my talent and I know that I am an excellent teacher.

Do I know everything there is to know about teaching and the voice and the art of singing? Absolutely not. But I am a life-long learner and I am always looking for ways and opportunities to expand my knowledge.

Am I the best teacher for everyone? No. I have had a handful of students leave me over the years for another teacher because I could not help them with specific issues or they needed a different experience.

Know your worth and don’t ever stop working toward getting what you deserve.

At this point it may be hard for you to believe, but I actually don’t go around exclaiming my superior teaching ability to the world! I hardly ever tell people that I am an excellent teacher and I certainly NEVER tell anyone that I deserve to be known.

People who feel the need to shout from the rooftops how excellent they are usually are the people who actually don’t have the skills and talent to back it up. They are the people that have to talk a big game to cover up the insecurities they have about their own situation or abilities – to give the illusion that they are more successful than they actually are.

When I am confronted with these people, I usually don’t engage and I certainly don’t try to one-up them to show them that I am better than they are. I let them talk and then try as hard as I can to change the subject!

The fact of the matter is that I am secure in the fact that I am a good teacher. I don’t need to tell anyone. My work speaks for itself, in my students.

And now you may be thinking, “Then why the hell did you just spend 10 minutes self-aggrandizing?”

Good question! I did it to make a point. As I said earlier, if you have been listening to these podcasts, you know that I have lots of insecurities – about my ability to follow through with things, about my weight, about singing, about my age – but the one thing I am not insecure about is my teaching ability. And the lesson here is that it is vitally important that you recognize your strengths, nurture them and use them to achieve your goals.

The question is what has my awareness of my self-worth done for me?

Well, it has inspired me to strive to be a better teacher. I went back to school to get my doctorate so that I could teach at the highest academic level. I continue to take voice lessons and attend professional development workshops for voice teachers to get new ideas on how to better serve my students.

It has improved my financial situation because I charge for my lessons what I am worth and I don’t apologize for it. I have also changed my payment policies so that I get paid by semester rather than week by week and I don’t apologize for it. I now have financial security for the first time in my 30 year private teaching career.

It has given me the confidence and power to be selective in who I accept in my studio and not settle for accepting anyone into my studio just for the money.

It has afforded me the opportunity to give back to the artistic community by supporting arts organizations in meaningful ways, like being elected President of the Board of Directors because they recognize that I have something to offer them in experience, knowledge and authority in the art form.

It also gives me the confidence and comfort in knowing that what I am doing is making a difference.

Being honest with yourself is of the utmost importance. I am just as honest about my insecurities as I am about my strengths. And even though I still think that I deserve more recognition for my strengths, that doesn’t mean it will never happen. It means that I have to keep working, keep growing and keep putting myself out there. It means that I can never settle for less that I deserve. It means that I need to continue share my talents and knowledge with those who want it.

And finally it means that I don’t apologize for knowing my worth because my worth is one of the greatest contributions I can give to the world.

I got inspired by several quotes by Australian golf champion and entrepreneur Greg Norman. I found one great quote from him but then found a page with several of his quotes and they were all great and applicable! So here are some of my favorites:

“Know your strengths and take advantage of them.”

“If you are serious about improving your play, be brutally honest with yourself.”

“You only get out of it what you put into it. If you are a sheep in this world, you’re not going to get much out of it.”

“I am a winner. I just didn’t win today.”

That is a man who knows his self-worth!

The post Episode 011 – I am an Excellent Teacher…and Everyone Should Know It appeared first on Regina Zona.

In order to try to gain a following for a project she was working on, Regina did what the kids were doing and created a web series. It didn’t go as well as she had hoped it would.

When I was trying to restart my singing career, I started coming up with an idea for a solo performance to create my own performance opportunity.

I decided was that I wanted this project to be something very different than is what is typical for a classical singer. I didn’t want this to be just a themed recital where I stood at a piano singing songs and arias and maybe telling a story here and there. And I also didn’t want to do a cabaret which is less formal than a recital but still the same idea, sitting or standing in front of a piano, telling stories and singing songs.

If I was going to do this, I wanted it to be something bigger, something that could convince more than just my family and friends to attend. So I started brainstorming and came up with this cool concept that followed my journey as a singer that started with singing the Queen of the Night and ended with me finding my authenticity an as artist and woman.

I knew that I had to do something to create a following. And that’s when I decided that I needed to use social media to create my empire. So I decided to start a web series.

We called it “Regina Unfurled.”

My plan was to post an episode each week and then on every other day of the week, I would do social media blitzes to try to gain interest.

Here’s the problem….or shall I say problemS.

First: I had no money to do this project.

Secondly, I had no idea how to create compelling videos. I didn’t know the first thing about sound production, proper lighting, the best equipment. Not to mention, I didn’t know anything about wide shots and close up shots. I didn’t know anything about story boarding or acting for the camera. I naively thought that we could just turn the camera on, shoot a scene once or twice and it would be good to go.

Thirdly, I have no idea how to act for the camera and since I didn’t have a director, I had no one to guide me. So I just did what I would do if I were on stage. But I also discovered that as good an actress as I am in opera and song, creating funny characters for video was a whole other thing. I became a caricature and was over the top – granted these characters were over the top – but in watching the videos, it looks like really bad community theatre.

Finally, even though I had people helping me out in this process, because no one was getting paid and they all volunteered because of their relationship with me, with a few exceptions, no one was invested in the project as much as I was.

So in the end I had these little episodes of mediocrity – some fairly amusing, others just ridiculous. But they were not anywhere near the level of professionalism I have always demanded from myself.

But I put them out there.

Am I glad I did it? Well, yes, I guess so. It certainly gave me something to do when I had nothing else to focus on. But would I do it again? Not likely.

Never settle for mediocrity!

This project was doomed from the start. I highly overestimated my knowledge of technology, my acting ability and my dependency on the kindness of my friends.

But I let all that go because I thought that my innate talent and intelligence would be enough to overcome those short comings.

In the end, all I did was make a fool of myself and it’s out there for the whole world to see. And yes, it’s still out there if you really want to see it!

And I saw the mediocrity from the beginning. When I saw the takes of the first episode we shot, I knew it was not good. I looked awkward, my scene partner looked awkward because he also didn’t have a director to guide him, the video and sound were so poor.

But I had committed. I watched the takes and a voice inside said, “Wow, these aren’t very good.” But I buried that voice as deep as I could because I had committed. My actors and team had already invested their time and asking them to reshoot seemed impossible. And besides I wouldn’t know how to really make them better in a reshoot anyway. I made up excuses why it would be OK for these first videos to be less than professional. Not many people were going to see these first videos anyway. We were just getting started. The learning curve was bound to get smaller, right?

So I put them out there. And while some of my friends thought some of them were funny, the response overall was tepid. And I thought, well, it takes time for these things to catch on, it will get better.

This was nowhere near my standard of work. I am extremely critical of my work as a performer and as a matter of fact, sometimes that has gotten in the way of me truly surrendering to the moment in my performing because my standards for myself are so high. I know exactly the level of performance I am capable of and when I am in control, I demand that level at every turn as a singer and operatic and classical performer.

But this time I let my standards down and it was not representative of me and my work and therefore, I was never going to achieve the goal I set out to achieve which was to develop a following, because why would anyone want to follow mediocrity?

So in the end, I created this thing that was far less than my best. What do I do with that? I accept it for what it was – a lesson. A lesson that nothing is worth doing if you aren’t going to do it right. If you don’t have the total preparation, the knowledge, the money, the skill set, the equipment, the support…find something else to do or some other venue to do it in where you can be your absolute best. THAT is what will connect with others and that is what will fulfill your creative spirit.

This one comes from Robin Sharma who is a Canadian writer and motivational speaker. He wrote a book series called The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. This quote is a bit more universal than what I’ve spoken about here but it is a really great thought to meditate on.

“Push yourself to do more and to experience more. Harness your energy to start expanding your dreams. Yes, expand your dreams. Don’t accept a life of mediocrity when you hold such infinite potential within the fortress of your mind. Dare to tap into your greatness.”

Don’t settle for mediocrity!!!

The post Episode 010 – I am a Failed YouTube Star appeared first on Regina Zona.

Feng shui is REAL! Regina knows as it has helped her numerous times reach goals and achieve balance in her life! She’s a professional amateur on this subject and she explains how it has helped her and how it can help you.

Dictionary.com defines feng shui as the Chinese art or practice of creating harmonious surroundings that enhance the balance of yin and yang, as in arranging furniture or determining the siting of a house.

Wikipedia defines feng shui as a Chinese metaphysical and quasi-philosophical system that seeks to harmonize individuals with their surrounding environment. It is closely linked to Taoism. The term feng shui literally translates as “wind-water” in English.

I first learned about feng shui many years ago when I was dabbling in another career of a personal organizer for Mary Kay Cosmetics Directors and Consultants. I was writing a book on organization (which you can get on Amazon and Barnes and Noble!) and I had heard about feng shui a little bit and I thought it would be cute to include a chapter in my book on how to feng shui your office.

So I bought this book called “Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life” by feng shui consultant Karen Rausch. Her writing style was really natural, easy-going and funny and I was drawn in. I learned about the practice itself and then about the details on how to use it. And then I realized that the feng shui of my house was totally killing parts of my life!

Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic. I mean, nothing was actually dying. But I realized that there were certain things in my home that were completely inauspicious under the principles of feng shui and the areas of my life that these inauspicious things represented I was struggling with.

The minute I realized this I knew I had to call a professional. I found one, the fabulous Nancy, and she came over for a consult. She assessed the situation , asked what areas in our life needed a little help and suggested changes we could put in place to enhance those areas.

And the transformation was really incredible. We saw major changes almost immediately! And that’s all it took! We were hooked!

I know this sounds like an infomercial but it’s really not!

Feng shui ALWAYS works. Sometimes it doesn’t work the way you think it will work or want it to work, but it always works.

There are several different schools of feng shui but they are mainly divided into the Classical School and the Modern School. The classical school includes the compass method which uses numerical calculations based on the direction the home faces and sometimes takes the birthdate of the person who lives there into account. The Modern School, mainly practiced in the west, is a combination of Tibetan Buddhism, Taoism, Psychology and Traditional Feng Shui. This school is also referred to as Black Hat Sect. This is the school that Nancy practices and the school that I have learned about.

The way you determine where the areas in your home correspond to the areas in your life is through a tool called the bagua. The bagua is a map of sorts that is divided into 8 areas around the perimeter and a ninth are in the center. You often see it in an octagon shape although it can appear in a square or rectangle as well. Each of these nine areas in the bagua represent an area of one’s life.

So what you do with this bagua map is place it over a layout of your home lining up the front door entrance with the lower areas of the bagua. So as you look at your house from the street, your front door will be either in the skills and knowledge area if it is on the left side of the front of your house, the career area if it is in the center of the front of your house, or in helpful people if it is on the right side of your house.

Then seeing where your front door is according to the bagua map, you can figure out where all the other areas of your house are.

A couple things that you want to look for are:

Missing areas: if you have an irregularly shaped house that is not a perfect square or a perfect rectangle, you may find that there are areas in the bagua that you don’t have. That’s generally not a good thing but there are cures that can alleviate the effects.

Locations of bathrooms: bathrooms are not good things for feng shui because, think about it. You use them to flush down waste! There’s a drain in the toilet, a drain in the sink, a drain in the tub/shower and all these drains flush all the qi (energy) away from you. There are more auspicious places for bathrooms than others but having a bathroom in the wealth area, the love area and the health area are usually particularly bad. Unfortunately I have a bathroom in the wealth area of my home that I have feng shui’d the hell out of!

Not one house out there is perfect, but there are feng shui cures for any imperfections.

Feng shui is not a religion. It is about energy. It’s a practice like yoga that I use to enhance my life. And it is also not necessary to feng shui every area in your home. Focus on the areas that directly affect something in your life that you want to move forward with or enhance. And you can always visit those areas again if further enhancements need to be made.

But it works! I promise!

So here’s my inspiration for the week: I have read several books on feng shui that have really been helpful. The first one I already mentioned, Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life by Karen Rausch and Feng shui for Dummies by David Daniel Kennedy who was actually the teacher of my consultant, Nancy. But I found this great quote from Feng Shui Consultant, Shivani Adalja.

“When you implement feng shui, it smoothens your journey by removing obstacles from the road ahead. But remember, you still have to drive and reach your destination.”

And that’s true! You can’t just hang a crystal and magically everything will change. The energy created by the crystal will get the life force moving but you have to take that life-force and manifest it’s power!

The post Episode 009 – I am Obsessed with Feng Shui appeared first on Regina Zona.

In an attempt to create a performance opportunity for herself, Regina has been inspired to write a one-woman show. But the process revealed that what she thought was most interesting about her life was not actually what people were drawn to. In this episode, she reveals what she has learned about herself in this creative process.

A few years ago, one of my friends and musical collaborators called me up and said that the night before her boyfriend had this great idea about a show. It would be a show all about me and how I became a singer and sang the Queen of the Night and other general fabulousness. The show would be basically a recital/cabaret where I would basically tell my story in song with music that showed off what I did well. Both he and my friend were really jazzed about it.

And of course, when I first heard this, I thought, “Why would anybody be interested in my story?” (remember that crippling self-doubt thing from a few weeks back?)

But I let the idea ruminate for a bit and thought, well, why not? I need to create performing opportunities for myself and maybe this is where I need to go next.

The first thing I decided was that I wanted this project to be something very different than is what is typical for a classical singer. I didn’t want this to be just a themed recital where I stood at a piano singing songs and arias and maybe telling a story here and there. And I also didn’t want to do a cabaret which is less formal than a recital but still the same idea, sitting or standing in front of a piano, telling stories and singing songs.

So I started brainstorming ideas for this show. A show about me that wasn’t a recital but more of a play. I needed a concept. And after a while I came up with a really cool one!

So all I had to do what write it. But here in lies the problem. I’m not a writer. I have no idea how to write a play. I’ve never been interested in writing and I had absolutely no idea where to start.

So I took a writing class at the Dramatist’s Guild of America. The class was great and exactly what I needed because we went through very basic writing exercises like write a short episode about an event in your childhood in the first person present tense and then we would have 15 minutes to do it. Or write a rant – something that we are emotional about. Or write a scene inspired by an event in your life with two people but there is only one person one stage. We studied the solo performances of other artists like John Leguizamo, Moms Mabley, Ruth Draper, Eric Bogosian. And at the end of the 10 week course, we had a showcase where we performed 15 minutes of some of the work that we did in class.

That was absolutely terrifying. But I did it and people seemed to enjoy it.

So the exercises in the class led me to write a draft of the original show I was doing which were episodes and songs that told stories from my career and stories from my personal life that focused on how I became the woman I am today. I thought it was interesting but when I took it to my writing teacher, she told me that I actually had two shows there – a career show and a personal journey show. She said that the show about my career was fine but the compelling story was really the story about my life and that is what I should focus on.

So yet again, my first reaction is “is my life really that interesting?” If you’ve been listening to these podcasts you probably notice a theme here!

Once I actually got over my self-doubt about the interest of the subject material, the process has actually been really cathartic. This is not the show that I had intended to write and definitely not the show I wanted to write. I loved my crazy career stories. I thought they were the most interesting part of me. But my teacher told me that is not the part of my story that is relatable. It is the human story that people will connect to. And while it took a while to accept that, I surrendered to it and opened myself up to my story.

Sometimes the thing you think is most interesting about you is not actually the most interesting thing about you.

This was a really weird thing to learn. And it is probably something that not a lot of people actually do learn. We are in a “me, me, me” society where we are always trying to control our own narrative and social media is a huge part of that. We control what pictures and media goes out into the world. We post our thoughts and rants. We present ourselves in the world based on our own perception of us. And all of that is important! It’s important to present to the world what we want others to see especially if you are promoting your own brand.

But the one thing we don’t do on a regular basis is put ourselves out there so that we can get feedback on how we are putting ourselves out there. If we did, I have a feeling 95% of us would not post MOST of what we post on social media. And maybe there isn’t any need for feedback. We are who we are, we live our lives and most of the time we find comfort in knowing who we are and how we present ourselves.

When I surrendered to focusing on my personal story, the feedback I have gotten from my teacher and my colleagues has been more engaging than I could have ever expected. What they say to me is that while the details of my specific story are solely mine, the themes of those stories match up to what they have experienced. When they find that connection, they are more compelled by it.

And I have had to figure out why that was the case. I mean, I know that in some ways, we all experience the same things – love, loss, struggle, joy, challenges with relationships, the awkwardness of growing up – but the real thing here is the fact that I allowed myself to show my vulnerability.

This iteration of my show, explores who I truly am by what I have experienced in my life and I am putting it all out there. What I thought was interesting about me were all the crazy stories of this larger than life career that I chose. Because it’s theatre in its most fantastical form! But what I discovered was that while that career was/is a significant part of my life, it is really the façade. Fun to look at sometimes but not always relatable.

And when I accepted that maybe the most interesting part of me was actually my humanity, it changed the way I saw myself. And I think I’m better for it.

So here’s my inspiration for the week: This week’s quote is by researcher and motivational speaker, Brené Brown. She has written several books on how to live your life with courage and embrace your vulnerability like Rising Strong, Daring Greatly  and The Gifts of Imperfection.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

Brené Brown on Amazon

So don’t be afraid to be vulnerable! That’s the interesting part about you!

The post Episode 008 – I’m Writing a Show! appeared first on Regina Zona.

In the Opera World, artists are often forced to deal with people who lack integrity and are only in it for themselves. In this episode, Regina tells a difficult story about her interaction with one of these people and how she learned that it is vitally important to pay attention to all the red flags that popped up in every interaction with this person.

There are shitty people in power everywhere. And unfortunately sometimes those of us trying to navigate through the world of the performing arts are forced to work with these people.

When I returned to singing after focusing on my academic career, I knew that the only way I could make my back into the operatic world was to get an agent. I needed someone who could sell me to companies as a mature singer in her prime singing new repertoire ready to hit the opera world by storm. I sang for several agents and I always got great feedback but no one was willing to sign on the dotted line. One agent told me flat out that he loved me and believed in me and thought that I was absolutely at the top of my game but that he was too gun shy to sign me because the companies he works with told him they won’t hire singers over 30.

So I did as many auditions as I could on my own and didn’t really get anywhere although, my singing was getting better and better and I finally figured out exactly how to market myself. So it got to the point where I was thinking that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. And then I saw an audition notice for a new agency that was opening up. The only reason that I paid attention to it was because a former colleague that I had sung with years back was actually one of the founding members of the agency. So I reached out to them and they granted me an audition.

What started out as an incredibly exciting and promising experience quickly turned into a nightmare. And 30 days or so later, the realtionship was over. And so was my operatic career.

This is what I know for sure: When a red flag pops up in your head, pay attention and don’t try to justify it!

Every single time I had interactions with the man, a red flag would pop up and every single time I would find a justification to ignore it. Then the universe saw that a bullet was coming and it got me out of the way.

Because truth be told, had this not blown up the way it did, I probably would have tried to stay in that relationship. I would have tried to accommodate his idiosyncrasies to keep the peace because I needed him to sell me, I needed him to work for me.  But what I know now is that had I stayed in it, it probably would have been worse.

The thing is these red flags pop up for a reason. Thinking back in my life, ANYTIME a little whisper of a red flag popped up, it turned out that something wrong was brewing. EVERY TIME. And there is this thing in all of us that tries to ignore it, make excuses for it, justify it, because of the promise the situation offers.

The truth is, I didn’t believe in myself enough to walk away and realize that I was way better without him than with him. And as devastating as it was the way it went down, it was the best thing that could have happened because it saved me from months or even years of misery.

So here’s my inspiration for the week: Again from Queen Oprah, she has said everything that I needs to be said.

“The only time I’ve ever made mistakes is when I didn’t listen…your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers…. It’s subtle, those whispers. And if you don’t pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It’s like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do…. You don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick upside your head. You don’t pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That’s the pattern I’ve seen in my life. Whispers are always messages, and if you don’t hear the message, the message turns into a problem. And if you don’t handle the problem, the problem turns into a crisis. And if you don’t handle the crisis, disaster. Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?”

So chew on that!

The post Episode 007 – I Let an Agent Derail My Career appeared first on Regina Zona.

In this ME, ME, ME society, we have seemed to forget that connecting with people, really connecting is vitally important. That starts with engaging conversation. Actually listening to someone and allowing them to speak about themselves and then responding in kind, is one of the most rewarding experiences. In this episode, Regina rants about those people who hog up all the oxygen in the room and shares how you can be a better conversationalist.

Yes, obviously I like to talk about myself. And doing a podcast allows me to talk about myself without being interrupted! But this is a public service announcement. When you are having a conversation with me, while I am truly interested in hearing all about you, I like to be a part of that conversation too!

Conversation is defined as “an informal exchange of ideas by spoken words.” The important word there is EXCHANGE.

Exchange is defined as “an act of giving one thing and receiving another.”

I give you something to talk about and you give me something to talk about. It’s not about you hogging up all the oxygen!

The fact of the matter is EVERYONE wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be validated. And when you don’t ENGAGE other people in an equal conversation, they don’t feel seen. And in the future, they will have no reason to continue that relationship because it is perceived as completely one-sided.

And ENGAGEMENT is the key here. Having a conversation is not just letting the other person talk about themselves and then you talk about yourself. You don’t get anything from that. To engage someone is to allow them to dig deeper into what they are saying and that means that you ask them questions. And you not only ask them questions to keep them talking but so that you can learn something – something about them or the situation or anything.

But then you need to realize that engagement goes both ways and once your partner has engaged you to speak, you then need to engage them to speak. Perhaps by asking a question that pertains to what you were saying about yourself, encouraging them to weigh in, or by asking a question that changes the subject to encourage them to speak about something else.

Engagement in this way not only makes the other person feel that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say but it also results in a VASTLY more interesting conversation. You actually have the opportunity to CONNECT with another human being in some way. You are listening and sharing and respecting the other person. It is vitally important!

Engaging in conversation where both parties are equally contributing is one of the most satisfying experiences you can have because it creates a human connection where both people feel valued.

So here are some of the rules of great conversation:

Remember that everyone likes to talk about themselves sometimes. If you are at the dinner table with someone and you look down and your plate is full of food and their plate is empty, you’ve been talking too much! Shut up! Ask your companion a thoughtful and open question that gives them the chance to speak about themselves. It will be the most interesting part of the meal!

So here’s my inspiration for the week: This is a quote from Queen Oprah that is really more than just about conversation on a macro level but definitely applies to it on a micro level.

“Everybody just wants to be heard. Validate them. ‘I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.’”

So pay attention! And Engage!

The post Episode 006 – I Like to Talk About Myself, TOO appeared first on Regina Zona.

Who doesn’t love a new project! The dreaming, the planning, the gathering of resources. Regina has started a lot of projects and most of those projects have gone by the wayside. She explains what she has learned by being a serial un-finisher.

I’ve always been able to dream up interesting projects for myself and others. And I’ve thought up some good ones! And some of them even passed the planning phase and moved into actual implementation. And some of them I had a modicum of success with.

And most of them turned out to be ideas that went nowhere.

There were hobbies like jewelry-making and knitting.

There were possible career changes like my time as a Mary Kay® Consultant and personal organizer.

Then there were projects related to my singing and teaching careers like coordinating a young artist workshop and creating a web series to promote my performing.

One of the main reason I like to start projects, is because my left brain loves the planning of them. And when I get to a project that allows me to collaborate with other people, that inspires me even more. Sometimes the completion of the project is not the point. But each unfinished project has served a purpose in my life.

Starting projects and not finishing them taught me more than finishing the projects I have finished.

Every project I started had a purpose at the time. Maybe I was looking for a way to make money. Or I was looking to put myself out there and creating a creative venue. Or maybe I was bored. But the one thing I know is that when a project pops into my head and I start to organize it and plan and make it happen, it stimulates my brain in a way that gets me excited. When I am being creative, that is when I am most happy.

But something else that I have learned is that FREEDOM comes in the FOLLOW THROUGH. When you make one choice and follow it through, you finally feel that you are free to move forward. What this knowledge has done for me is allow me to really make choices that bank on my strengths and my passions. I no longer start projects that have nothing to do with my goals and values. And I have also focused on just a few projects than on every project.

The big lesson here is that there is always something to learn from anything you do. And that is the biggest wish I have for everyone, is that you find a way to grow. Here is a quote from the fabulous late opera singer, Beverly Sills.

“You may be disappointed if you fail but you are doomed if you don’t try.”

So go out and start a new project! Or keep working on current project! Or finish and old project! Just do something!

The post Episode 005 – I Like to Start Projects…and Never Complete Them appeared first on Regina Zona.

After decades of having no discipline at all with money and very little control of her income, Regina finally decided to get her money sh$t together. With a little help from Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, she is on her way to being debt free.

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I have a love/hate relationship with money. I love having it. I hate when I don’t have it.

I got my first credit card in the first week of college and that lead to another and another and another until I couldn’t pay my bills anymore. I had to have my father co-sign a consolidation loan when I was a junior in college so I could get out of debt.

But after a while, I got more credit cards and spent more and more and more and I was maxed out again. Eventually I was forced to go into consumer credit counseling….TWICE.

My addiction to credit cards and my debt situation was made worse by the fact that I never had a steady income. As a private voice teacher, I would only get paid when my students showed up and I lived from lesson fee to lesson fee. For the longest time, I couldn’t afford health insurance and certainly didn’t have funds for retirement or any kind of savings. And even when I did finally get a full time position at a university where I was paid a salary and had great benefits, my spending habits didn’t change and therefore, I still lived paycheck to paycheck.

And then something switched on in my brain. I decided I had to get my sh$t together. I bought Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover and started to make a plan to follow the steps.

And I did! And it has changed everything!

Getting your money sh$t together is exactly like getting your weight under control. It won’t happen if you are not mentally ready for it. And honestly, there is nothing that I did to get ready for it. Simply put, a light went on in my brain that said, “It’s time to do something about this.” And I haven’t looked back.

First of all, I had to find out where my money went and create a workable budget. I looked back one month and wrote down all the expenses I had. I put those expenses in categories and included everyone of them in my budget so I didn’t feel that I was depriving myself although I trimmed down the amounts. Then I created a spreadsheet including all my creditors – names, total amount owed, minimum payments and due dates.  I added the minimum payments to my budget.

Second of all, I had to find a way to make more money. I raised my rates for lessons and I changed the way I got paid – in bulk each semester instead of week to week.

Thirdly, I opened a saving account where every penny I earn is deposited and I set up automatic transfers into my checking account every two weeks so I was “paying myself” a steady amount twice a month.

Then I started a “get out of debt” plan. I used the snowball method to pay off credit cards. I listed all my cards from smallest balance to highest balance. I paid the minimum payment on all of the cards except for the smallest balance card. I paid the minimum payment on that card PLUS any extra money I had left over from my budget, until that card was paid off. Once that card was paid off, I took the minimum payment and extra money I used to pay it and added it to the minimum payment of the next card until that was paid off. And it continued down the line until the cards were paid off. I also opened new credit cards with 0% interest and transferred all balances that were still on high interest cards. I have paid off 8 cards in a year and a half and within a year, I will be nearly debt free.

Finally, I became obsessed with my credit score. I joined creditkarma.com and learned what factors raise and lower my score. My score raised over 70 points in a about a year.

Naturally this is a quote from Dave Ramsey.

“You’ve got to tell your money what to do or it will leave.”

Dave Ramsey on Amazon

or click on the image to the right to purchase the book. It’ll change your life! 🙂

The post Episode 004 – I Finally Got My Money Sh$t Together appeared first on Regina Zona.