Sweating the Small Stuff Podcast

Trump Is Your Revenge


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Wondering what your life might have been

If you’d gotten into the pants of the homecoming queen

Raging cause you never made the Ivy League

Fell a little short on your SATs

Well I made it through high school paying for favors

And in college the Jewish kids wrote my papers

These days Cornell kisses my ring

And it turns out Columbia needs my bling

I am your revenge

Much better than a friend

Trump is your revenge

I’m all you have in the bitter end

Remember that girl, prettiest in your class

Now she’s my press secretary and I pinch her ass

Back then she wouldn’t give you the time of day

And one time she spread rumors that you were gay

These days I dictate the length of her skirt

Her heels aren’t high enough if they don’t hurt

They may never take a second look at you in the street

But every day is January 6, never admit defeat

Whether you’re a Gen Z incel or a lonely Boomer

Think about your ex when I’m banging Laura Loomer

I am your revenge

Who pays back one with ten

Trump is your revenge

Cause bitter hearts don’t mend

Well you lost your job on the assembly line

But I’ve got your tariffs and your chloroquine

That brown dude who took you one on one

These days ICE has him on the run

I am your revenge

On me your world depends

Trump is your revenge

The opposite of Zen

Well I have succeeded where you’ve merely tried

Got the upscale version of a mail order bride

American women usually saw right through me

So I searched Eastern Europe and one finally blew me

When you’re a broke motherfucker it’s hard to find some action

Listen to your king, love is just a transaction

I’ve had Capricorn, Leo, Sagitarius

Just call me your President Love Vicarious

I am your revenge

And to my will you’ll bend

Trump is your revenge

Just nod and say amen

Remember all the trouble you had reading books

When the nerdy kids gave you those funny looks

These days I’m shitcanning thousands of scientists

Spreading false love to hardcore Zionists

Too many jobs require the ability to read

But the Truth Social share button is all you’ll ever need

I am your revenge

A leader among men

Trump is your revenge

The reprisals never end

A liberated people doesn’t need a king

And so I banned Why the Caged Bird Sings

I’m like the Wizard of Oz, I’m living a lie

That’s why I banned The Catcher in the Rye

Yeah, it’s easy to hate what you really don’t know

That’s why I banned Jack Kerouac’s On the Road

I am your revenge

In time you’ll comprehend

Trump is your revenge

The ravages I send

Well your daddy was cruel and so was mine

When it comes to picking favorites love is not so blind

Hurt people hurt people, you know that’s true

He tried to live through me, now so can you

Well the people who love me don’t even know me

And when I think of them it’s all about what they owe me

Life is short and it’s only a game

You follow me because I tell you who to blame

I am your revenge

Just give the word, say when

Trump is your revenge

To hell we will descend



This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sweatingthesmallstuff.substack.com
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Sweating the Small Stuff PodcastBy Rich Herschlag