Right, so the Cheeto-dusted Commander-in-Chief Donald Trump has declared there is a deal with Iran.

A peace deal. A great deal. The best deal there ever was, obviously. All while, supposedly, he was about to attack Kharg Island, because nothing says calm diplomatic breakthrough quite like threatening to seize the other country’s oil hub before teatime. Pistol Pete Hegseth must be sobbing in a corner over it.

But is this really a deal, or did he just TACO again?

And does it even matter, because we have been here before, haven’t we? Trump says the deal is close. Trump says the documents are nearly ready. Trump says everyone is happy. Trump says the markets are cheering. Trump says the Strait will open once the paper is signed. Trump says a lot of things.

But this time, we are meant to believe it was done enough to stave off another bombing run. Done enough to send oil and markets moving. Done enough for him to sit in the Oval Office and pontificate like the war had just been wrapped up by the sheer force of his own orange magnificence.

The trouble is, there is a gaping great black hole at the centre of Trump’s Iran deal.

And it is not a small technicality either. It is not some minor diplomatic omission, it is actually kind of big. It is the one thing he rather needs if he is going to claim you have an Iran deal.

Though you would not know there was a problem from the way Trump was talking.