Try This At Home

When we are challenged with high expectations and when we are inclined to establish high goals for ourselves, it’s possible that we strive for perfection. Even though perfection doesn’t exist, striving for it can push us to go further and reach higher but not always.

Occasionally, striving for perfection indicates that we’ve adopted unrelenting standards; a potentially unhealthy adaptation of internal expectations. Leslyn runs through a list of conditions that may indicate the condition.

Their conversation offers stories and examples of how misplaced expectations can become disruptive unless we become acutely aware of them in our day to day life.

They offer suggestions about mitigating the effects of perfectionism and clarifying healthy internal expectations.

An expectation is a belief that is centered on the future and may or may not be realistic. We’re told over and over again to lower our expectations or to release them all together but many of them are subconscious.

Leslie and Leslyn share stories that demonstrate how embedded expectations are in our day to day activities and talk about how to notice them and then what to do with them when they interfere with the quality of our lives. They make the point that not all expectations are problematic and some of us may indeed benefit from keeping them in place.

A big part of this discussion focuses on becoming aware of and communicating expectations in a way that allows your relationships to flourish instead of flounder.

SHOW NOTES:

From the moment we develop awareness, rules guide us. We learn about standards, values, and expectations before we learn to talk. These elements become the list of ‘should’s in our life.

These should’s establish the base from which our life is guided and some of them are quite central to ‘who’ we are. The problem with should’s is that many of them fail to make sense outside of the environment in which they were originally established but we continue to hold on to them.

By the time we are adults in our own homes, raising children, working jobs, and trying to maintain our relationships – the list of ‘should’s’ is longer than the day is long. We are striving to meet demands and expectations which have piled up through the years, without questioning their validity for this period of our lives, this day, or this hour.

Of course, we all have responsibilities and obligations that are important to us and we want to accomplish them. However, instead of commanding yourself to do something because you SHOULD…. First examine where it is coming from.

Are you taking down the curtains and washing them because it is important to YOU? Or is it something your mother did because she lived on a dirt road and the windows were open all spring?

Are you making a casserole for your sick neighbor after work today because that’s what the other gals who are at-home moms did? Or because you want to help your friend?

Are you saying no to lunch with a friend because you ‘should’ stay home and get the laundry done?

What is YOUR motivation? What feels authentic to YOUR life? Which of these ‘should’s’ fit with YOUR values, goals, and motivation?

Leslie and Leslyn dissect the idea of shoulds and get you thinking about your day to day life with a free resource you can print to help clarify your motivation.

Look around! It’s everywhere -- “never give up” “don’t quit” “just keep going” “just keep swimming” “persist” . These messages are obviously meant to energize and inspire us when the going gets tough in order that we might keep working towards reaching our goals. There is another side of that argument however.

Nobody talks seriously about the other side of the coin, and that’s when you should give up, or quit. Sometimes, no matter how much persistence or grit or motivation you have, there are instances in when quitting is the better idea. Quitting doesn’t always mean that you’ve failed. Sometimes you give up on one dream because another one comes along. But sometimes quitting is the smart thing to do. It may mean that you stop the bleeding, protect your resources, and redirect precious energy.

Leslie and Leslyn share information about a concept called “escalation of commitment” and it basically just means throwing good money (or time, etc.) after bad. Leslie’s husband is a lead researcher in this arena and she’s learned a lot through osmosis. Their conversation touches on a number of scenarios we all experience from waiting for a bus to running a business.

They challenge listeners to examine the areas in their lives where this so called ‘bleeding’ occurs and reevaluate the time and resource that might be better employed elsewhere.

SHOW NOTES:

Toxic people pop up at unexpected times and in unexpected places. They are manipulative, judgemental unapologetic, don’t accept personal responsibility and rarely ask about you. They are inconsistent and may ask you to pick them over other long-standing relationships.

When you spend time in the company of toxic people you may be affected by their drama, dread being around them or feel exhausted when they leave. They don’t accept your boundaries or respect your values, causing you to check out and disengage from the relationship.

Leslie and Leslyn share thoughts and tips on how to handle those people who may be toxic and how to create distance. They share how you can love people but set boundaries so that the hurt is kept at bay and the toxicity doesn’t continue to contaminate you.

We end the episode with a tip sheet that outlines each of the recommendations we make that you can print and keep in a handy place.

In this episode, Leslie and Leslyn inform us that a big part of time management is making sure that there is room in your schedule to have flexibility. It's important to use a planner to write things down – a paper planner has been indicated to be more effective overall. The main idea is to create a visual for your time allocation.

What kind of things go in a planner? Tasks and appointments are designated in your planner but not habits. The discussion illustrates variations of calendar strategies that work for different types of people.

The use of lists is also discussed as it pertains to managing time. Leslie and Leslyn offer suggestions to maximize your time with those pesky tasks that take very little overall time. Multitasking, the two-minute rule and the ‘toaster game’ are reviewed as options to make the time you have, work for you.

Time management doesn’t mean you have to live by an immovable schedule but creating a work flow that allows you to get things done.

In this episode of Try This at Home, Leslie and Leslyn talk about what self care is and also - what it isn’t. While we all may envision candlelight and a warm bubble bath, self care can also be a day spent doing dishes and running the vacuum cleaner.

We introduce you to Guy Winch - the psychologist who coined the term “emotional first aid” and talk about why people are so inept in the category of self-care.

We spend a bit of time talking about the discipline of self care and how we might fit it into our daily routines so that we don’t end up running on empty so much of the time.

Finally, we offer a downloadable list of self-care activities and talk about how to use the list to motivate you to take care of yourself.

In this first episode of Try This At Home, Leslie and Leslyn start the conversation by discussing the thoughts we think. They identify a few statistics that demonstrate the monstrosity of the topic but zero in on a few elements such as fearful and negative thoughts; mentioning some of the ideas presented by Rick Hanson in his book Hardwiring Happiness.

They also discuss the fascinating story of Martin Pistorius who developed Cryptococcal meningitis and lost his ability to move or talk. Martin’s experience forced him to find a way of coping with his thoughts which, is part of his story in the book Ghost Boy: My Escape from a Life Locked Inside My Own Body.

The conversation leads to a discussion about detachment, a coping mechanism that may be used constructively for those times when fear or negativity is prevalent and potentially disruptive in our daily life. Leslyn, a Professional Counselor in private practice shares her thoughts on this topic.

Leslie and Leslyn share experiences and stories that outline some helpful tips about coping with derogatory thoughts that you can try at home.

For more information on Leslie and Leslyn as well and more great ideas you can try at home, visit the website at TryThisAtHome.com and follow them on Twitter @trythisathome.

Leslie Sleesman is the founder and mastermind behind Limelife Planners, Inc., a company that designs and produces planners that organize your daily life. She is the mom of two boys and a girl as well as the proud wife of a university professor. Leslie considers herself a Christian woman who strives to balance the responsibilities of entrepreneurship and motherhood alongside being a loving partner and faith community member who never manages to do ALL of it, ALL the time but gets most of it done, most of the time.

She shares the story of meeting Leslyn for the first time and years later, serendipitously discovering that they shared a common friend who ultimately introduced them again; allowing for some great collaboration using their complementary expertise.

Leslyn Kantner is a mental health professional in private practice and the founder and curator of The Elevate Class. There, she is the lead coach for people who are seeking personal coaching for their personal growth journeys. She is also the author of the blog ThisIsLeslyn.com where she offers tips, inspiration, and encouragement for living your best life.

For more information on Leslie and Leslyn as well and more great ideas you can try at home, visit the website at TryThisAtHome.com and follow them on Twitter @trythisathome.

In this episode of Try This at Home, Leslie and Leslyn investigate the concept of time budgeting. Before you can manage your time effectively, one must know precisely where the hours they do have - are going. In their easy conversational style, they share thoughts about thinking of time as money and using it wisely. As an expert in the field of time management, Leslie offers some considerations based on research and they discuss some of the challenges with the way that people tend to think about time.

The discussion then moves to considering priorities as many of us tend to make the time for those things that we value. When we examine how the hours of our day are being utilized, the key is in being honest about what we do with our time. They identify some of the fallacies we all face and offer solutions.

The listeners are directed to work with a time-budget sheet for a period of 24 hours in an effort to discover areas of improvement. There is a worksheet available for download on the website trythisathome.com under Episode 2 - Time Budgeting so that you can Try This at Home.

For more information on Leslie and Leslyn as well and more great ideas you can try at home, visit the website at TryThisAtHome.com and follow them on Twitter @trythisathome.