In this episode, Stephanie interviews Rachel Isabela, a first-generation American, about her journey of healing and personal growth. Rachel shares her experiences growing up with an emotionally absent father and the impact it had on her self-worth. She discusses her tumultuous marriage and the moment she made the decision to leave for the sake of her son. Rachel emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and forgiveness in her healing process. She also explores the effects of 80s parenting and the lack of emphasis on children's emotional well-being. Rachel shares her approach to parenting and the changes she has made to prioritize communication and emotional awareness with her son.

Guest Bio 

Rachel is the top banana at Heal Sing Love where she helps fatherless daughters of physically or emotionally absent fathers create happier lives. Using her own experience as a fatherless daughter and her personal evolution towards healing, she teaches women to realize how powerful, loveable and worthy they actually are and always have been, no matter what they learned in childhood. She hosts two podcasts: Empowered Fatherless Daughters and GenX Ladies Say Anything.

Turning 40 and Forgiving an Emotionally Absent Father

In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie interviews Rachel Isabela, a first-generation American who shares her journey of healing and personal growth. Rachel discusses her childhood, marked by the emotional absence of her father, and how this led to seeking validation from others and engaging in emotionally promiscuous behavior. She shares her experience of a tumultuous marriage and the moment she made the decision to leave for the sake of her young son. Rachel delves into the importance of self-awareness and the process of forgiving her father and herself. She also explores the impact of growing up in the 80s and the lack of emphasis on children’s emotional well-being. Rachel also discusses her approach to parenting and the changes she has made to prioritize communication and emotional awareness with her son.

Highlights from the episode include:

- Rachel's realization at a young age that her father didn't like her and the impact it had on her self-worth

- The red flags she ignored in her marriage and the emotional and psychological abuse she endured

- How a diagnosis of gallstones led to her decision to leave her marriage and prioritize her son's well-being

- The importance of self-awareness in healing and personal growth

- Rachel's perspective on parenting style in the 80s and the lack of emphasis on children’s emotional well-being

Resources mentioned in the episode:

- "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay

- "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

- "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk

- "When The Body Says No" by Gabor Maté

What are emotionally absent parents?

Emotionally absent parents are those who may physically be present in a child's life, but are unable to provide the emotional support, validation, and connection that children need for healthy development. This absence can manifest in various ways, such as a lack of attention, affection, or engagement with the child's emotions and experiences. Children who grow up with emotionally absent parents often struggle with low self-esteem, a sense of unworthiness, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. They may seek validation and attention from others, leading to emotional promiscuity or seeking surrogate parental figures outside of the family. This can result in a range of challenges, including difficulties with setting boundaries, making healthy choices, and developing a strong sense of self. The impact of emotionally absent parents can also extend into adulthood, affecting romantic relationships, friendships, and overall emotional well-being.

In another episode, Annette Copeland talked about how her mother didn’t have the emotional skills to communicate her needs, which resulted in a home environment that was emotionally unstable and communicationally fraught. And, Elle Nagy’s mother once told her “women in our family don’t get depressed.” So Elle thought, oops, sorry, and carried on.

Guest Resources

Rachel’s Special Gift for Listeners: 5 Simple Steps to Start Healing Your Heart 

Connect with Rachel on Instagram

Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

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The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications