When Jenn Kacmar and Rose Planer met at an engagement party, they had no idea their friendship would become the anchor that carried them through midlife chaos. With a decade between them, different careers, and wildly different life stages, their bond became a lifeline—especially during the isolating early days of the pandemic. In this heartfelt and humorous episode, they share how they supported each other through burnout, motherhood, and identity shifts—and how they turned all of it into art. If you've ever felt alone in your midlife unraveling, this conversation will remind you that the right friendship can change everything.

Guest Bio 

Fifteen years ago, Jenn Kacmar was balancing working as an ob/gyn at the county health department, parenting two elementary-aged boys, and surviving the culture shock of life in a small Southern town after a decade living in New England. More than ten years younger, Rose Planer was newly engaged and preparing to move to her soon-to-be husband’s hometown where she would hold a few different jobs, including palliative care coordinator and trauma therapist, before starting her own family.

In many ways, we owe our friendship to women a generation ahead of us who brought us together at, of all things, an engagement party. While we couldn’t predict the depths our friendship would reach, we both felt the “zing” of recognizing a kindred spirit at that initial meeting. Over the years, we have supported each other, learned from each other, bickered with each other. We “bubbled” together during Covid. And, yes, we have even survived traveling together! But one of the best things to come out of our friendship was creative collaboration. 

Writing a novel together propelled our friendship to a new level. This life-changing experience offered a tremendous opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other. Working together to frame a story, to bring it and its characters to life, was both challenging and exhilarating. Having a teammate to share in the process proved invaluable—when one of us had an off day, the other picked up the slack and vice versa. We bring complementary strengths to our partnership and believe we have both become better writers from working together. More importantly, however, we feel compelled to share the secret power this friendship revealed: the power of connection and creative collaboration to extinguish the mid-life "Ick."

Turning 40 and making art out of the mess

What if your midlife transformation didn’t happen alone—but in lockstep with your best friend? In this episode, we meet Jenn Kacmar and Rose Planer, who navigated the complexities of motherhood, identity, and burnout during the pandemic—and found a lifeline in each other. Their friendship began at an engagement party and blossomed into a life-saving connection that not only saw them through the icky, isolating parts of midlife, but also gave birth to something beautiful: a novel they co-wrote during lockdown. These women didn’t just survive; they created.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How Jenn and Rose’s unlikely friendship began across a 12-year age gap—and why it became their greatest midlife survival tool
• Jenn’s journey from high-achieving OB-GYN to burnout and reinvention
• Rose’s pivot from aspiring journalist to therapist after the loss of her sister
• The crushing loneliness of motherhood during COVID—and how they turned it into creative fuel
• Honest reflections on alcohol as a culturally “acceptable” coping mechanism for overwhelmed moms
• The transformative power of collaboration, and how their friendship turned into a creative partnership
• Why their novel Snowflakes in the South became both a lifeline and a legacy

One last thing…

Jenn and Rose are proof that friendship can be a transformative force—not just a comfort, but a catalyst. Their story is a reminder that we don’t always have to navigate the messy middle alone. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is find a friend, make some art, and redefine what fulfillment looks like in this season of life. 

If this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to rate, follow, and leave a review for The Big Four Oh. It helps new listeners find the show—and might just connect them with the lifeline they didn’t know they needed.

Guest Resources

Get their book: Snowflakes in the South by Jenn Kacmar and Rose Planer

Connect with Rose and Jenn on Facebook 

Connect with Rose and Jenn on Instagram

Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.thebigfouroh.com/ick

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The Big Four Oh Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications