Though he knows he came to the understanding late in life, Paul Zolman realized at age 35 that he was responsible for his own actions. He had residual anger from being abused as a child and he blamed his father even though the man had been dead for 7 years already. His initial approach to solving his problems came from a negative perspective, “I don’t want to be angry” instead of focusing on what he did want.  He says double negatives only work in math, not in relationships. He found that focusing on the negative only amplified the problem and his anger ultimately caused the demise of his first marriage.

Guest Bio 

The author of love is God. In His wisdom, He placed us in a variety of circumstances that require us to find our way back to His pure love. So, what qualifies Paul Zolman to speak about love? His childhood experience is the opposite of love. From an austere beginning, and the distaste it formed inside him, he searched for and eventually created a method that transformed his life from anger to loving everyone. Growing up in a family of abuse, physical touch became his preferred love style, only because of the regularity. He could almost count on it. It was consistent. He came to think that was the way to express love. But deep inside, he knew that was a twisted belief. He wanted a better life for himself, which is why he created a paradigm shift that works. Learn what helped Paul Zolman move from a childhood boot camp of abuse to being a person who loves everyone and can find good about anyone in any circumstance. This is truly the role of love.

Turning 40 and Taking Responsibility for My Actions

In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Paul Zolman, who shares his midlife journey from anger to love. Paul grew up in a household filled with anger and abuse, which led to him carrying that anger into his own adult life. It wasn't until he reached the age of 35 that he realized he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming his father for his social awkwardness and anger issues. Paul tells the story of reporting himself for child abuse and attending anger management classes, which led to him developing a dice with the five love languages to shift his focus from anger to love. Through this transformation, Paul was able to improve his relationships, communicate better with his children, and find forgiveness for his parents. This episode is a powerful exploration of personal growth and the power of choosing love over anger. 

Highlights from the episode:

• Paul's realization at age 35 that he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming his father.
• The negative approach Paul initially took to try to overcome his anger, and how he shifted to a more positive and loving mindset.
• Paul's experiences with destination dating and how he eventually found love through a connection made by his sister.
• The impact of Paul's anger on his first marriage and the importance of communication and love in relationships.
• The creation of the dice with the five love languages and how it helped Paul shift his focus from anger to love.

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Guest Resources

The Role of Love, bundle package (book, journal & cube) for only $29.99

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The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

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The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications