Twelve Stripes Deep

"Faith is what gets you started. Hope is whatkeeps you going. Love is what brings you to the end.”

 — Mother Angelica

"I was in an intimate prayer group with four other Catholic women a few years ago. In one of our book studies, my eyes were opened to a concept that was simple, but riveting, 'Consoling the Heart of Jesus.' In this book, Fr. Michael Gaitley describes a deep longing within Jesus Himself: 'Behold this Heart which loves so much yet is so little loved. Is there anyone who will console this Heart? Is there anyone who will be my friend?' St. Therese of Lisieux adds to this in her encounter of the humanity of the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus. 'She sees a man who has feelings, a man who is hurt when people are cold, ungrateful, and afraid of Him.' She enlightens us further to a desire to console His heart, which feels so neglected..."

Katie, who has gone through several rounds of IVF and now sees the process more clearly, is a founder of Shilofivf.com. This website and ministry serves women who are seeking healing from IVF, or are just curious about their experience of it and/or the Catholic Church's teaching, following their IVF procedure. They are also seek to help women who are considering IVF and children who have been conceived through IVF.

Dr. Whittaker is a board certified OBGYN and a fellowship trained surgeon who specializes in the Creighton Model FertilityCare System and NaProTechnology, which works cooperatively with a woman's body to treat the underlying cause of gynecologic issues and infertility, such as endometriosis and PCOS. 

She explained what the differences are between an OBGYN without fellowship training and a surgeon, like her, who has the expertise to adequately treat endometriosis surgically, as well as other nuances about restorative reproductive medicine. We also spoke extensively about crisis infertility as Dr. Whittaker explained her perspective on the emotional impact of infertility in her patients and mindsets they exhibit that makes big differences in their ability to cope.

"Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.”

—    Mother Angelica

"I was eleven surgeries deep at this point, spanning over a period of eight years. I was having two to three operations every two years. The pain was obviously returning and it would not have been right to continue to put Bella and my family through this roller coaster ride of recoveries andunpredictable pain just to keep my hope of bearing a child alive. I imagine this must sound crazy to many who are aware of the amount of physical pain I endured over the years. Yes, I agree that the natural response would be to “please remove this prickly death monster organ, and do it yesterday.” But mywomb didn’t feel like just an organ, and it wasn’t, even as prickly as it was. It is the body part that God provides every woman with to physically nurture and protect the miracle of every single human life. It is priceless. And in as much as I feared the cyclic pain, I had become strangely comfortablewith it––preferring to experience that and the closeness it brought me with Jesus over parting with it, along with the aspiration of pregnancy. But at this point, clinging to that would have been selfish considering my long-term healthand all the other people who would continue to be affected. "

"If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

— Saint John of the Cross

"Late last year, I was in the middle of presenting a CreightonModel Introductory Session in my home office to a newly engaged couple when I suddenly felt a steep rise in temperature. My skin was damp and clammy at first, then it began to release larger drops of moisture, typically referred to as sweat. I went from sitting comfortably inside of my air-conditioned home to sweating and questioning the functionality of the AC in a matter of seconds. It was so unexpectedly jarring that I lost my place in the presentationand asked the couple “Did it just get really hot in here?” thinking something might be wrong with the AC..."

"...I could blame God for allowing my fertility to slowly take itsfinal bow before using it to create a new life. I could fuss at Him for not ripping the band aid off by telling me sooner. I could curse Him for giving me this dreaded uterus and ovaries in the first place. But how can I not be grateful for the woman He is shaping me into? How can I not be grateful that it brought us our adopted daughter? How can I not be grateful for awakening desires I had no idea were buried deep within my heart? It may be a different process for someone else, but the delicate delivery of this bad news over time was exactly what this girl needed. It is comforting to me to witness how intentional and tailor-made God’s plans are. None of us are forgotten or slip through the cracks..."

I got to chat with Dr. Sarah Bartel, Catholic moral theologian and sex and marriage coach, all about intimacy, infertility, sex, when to say no, marriage, and IVF. One of the biggest struggles infertile couples experience but is not often talked about, is what it does to their sexual intimacy. Why does this happen? How can we identify it? How can we get through it?

Sarah talks about how keeping the unitive and procreative purposes together helps us to "grow in grace and glory." She then illustrated some very cool similarities between intimacy and the Mass! This is one you don't want to miss.

Find Sara at CanaFeast.com and listen to her podcast, "My Delight."

“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” 

— Saint Theresa of Calcutta

"Chris and I promised forever to each other on another warm New Orleans day that should’ve been cold. Our wedding also took place on the only January day that it didn’t rain in our hometown in 2013, which I thought was pretty cool. I always feared that I’d be riddled with anxiety on that special day in anticipation of so many big changes happening all at once.

My I do’s meant fully committing myself until death, merging finances, moving in with a boy, sharing a fridge, a bathroom, and a bed, and having sex for the first time. And then many more times after that... "

“Next to my vocation, the greatest gift I have is the pain I carry every day, because it forces me to cling to Jesus.” 

— Mother Angelica

"Three trips to the emergency room for morphine, two to urgent care for Toradol injections, eleven surgeries, monthly narcotics, nausea, vomiting, countless hours writhing in bedsheets, the tub, and/or the bathroom floor, dramatic diet changes, planning life around a period, and sometimes dailyanti-inflammatories—for many women, the emotional pain of infertility is only one side of the coin...

...The pain has molded itself into a sort of cyclic monster I have learned to fear because even the strongest medicines available for personal use cannot control it. It isn’t discomfort that just comes every once in a while. It is a freight train running at full speed and plowing into my body twelvetimes a year whether I’m ready for it or not. When you are at the mercy of such a ruthless beast of a disease, there is only one place to turn: Calvary..."

Fr. Paul West, spiritual father for Springs in the Desert, joined me to talk about infertility and how isolating it can feel in the Catholic Church. He has been married since 2009 and became a priest in 2020, and he and his wife have experienced both primary and secondary infertility, so he knows firsthand how difficult it can be.

He took me through a fascinating journey through Genesis to explain how the call "to be fruitful and multiply" is often misinterpreted and why the first conception didn't happen for Adam and Eve until AFTER the fall [mind blown]. I hope you enjoy this very special episode!

Find Fr. Paul here:

You Tube Building Athos in Our Hearts Instagram Building Athos

“What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.” 

― Saint Augustine

This is an episode about how difficult it is to be Catholic and struggle with infertility.