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In S2E43, we start off talking GTA 5 money grinds, warehouses, motorcycle club missions, selling “math,” Coca-Cola, Mary Jane, counterfeit cash, forged documents, nightclub work, bunker runs, and Robby trying to make enough fake money to keep himself entertained before GTA 6. From there, we get into Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight, Batgirl’s annoying hacking mechanic, bad internet, recording locations, Ian’s house plans, writing down ideas, conspiracy theory shows, The Simpsons predicting everything, Kamala possibly running again, insane grocery prices, Texas beef somehow still being expensive, raw dog-diet ideas, pig ears, chicken feet, frozen banana treats, and Ian’s trip to Felixstowe beach. We also talk about Ian’s recent back procedure, tailbone soreness, scar tissue, catheter injections, Robby’s heart attack and widow-maker blockage, how much better blood flow can change everything, brain power, Lucy, telekinesis, bloodbending from Avatar, why Ian needs to watch the cartoon, One Piece being way too many episodes, Dragon Ball Z Kai cutting out the fluff, and Robby debating whether to drive the Mustang to work. 

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In S2E42, we kick things off with Robby doom scrolling One Piece and GTA videos while Ian talks through house plans, office garage dreams, fire pits, fans for the kids’ rooms, and eventually getting AC installed. From there, Slinky’s cone-head chaos takes over, along with dog feeding routines, Roxy stealing leftovers, giant cow bones, Starlink problems, and Riverside turning Robby into full Megatron mid-conversation. We also get into how we categorize friendships, why some people are long-distance friends versus in-person friends, trying to animate podcast reels, Robby’s baseball game, broken bats, expensive parking, mosquito traps, Japan earthquakes, memories of the 2011 disaster relief trip to Minamisanriku, parking-lot etiquette when cars are backing out, Texas Walmart chaos, “People of Walmart” energy, Robby’s painted nails and flip-flop uniform, and finally discovering that his Peaky Blinders-looking hat is apparently an Irish flat cap. 

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In S2E41, we bring John back on and immediately get into retired “love me walls,” coins, shadow boxes, Robby definitely not smoking tobacco in Oregon, Jessie chewing rocks, and whether certain people looked like they grew up eating limestone. From there, we talk big-head headset problems, carbonated “water,” Robby getting caught at the bar when he was supposed to be recording with John and Ian, Riverside connection issues, Brooke having a boyfriend, John teaching his daughters real-world car skills, jump-starting cars, changing tires, oil changes, and why kids should know how to handle basic mechanical problems. We also get into old-man driving habits, having fewer friends after the military, hanging out at the bar just to see familiar people, tattoo ideas drawn by kids, architecture and video game art plans, extroverted versus introverted kids, Asher’s nonstop energy, Coraline as a comfort movie, turning podcast reels into animation, hating the sound of your own voice, customer-service personalities, blunt post-military workplace problems, shutting down John’s gym after burning himself out, mini-stroke warnings, slowing down after forty, and the dream of paying everything off before getting a chill job at AutoZone for car-part discounts.

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In S2E40, we start with Ian trying to have a sincere heterosexual-life-mate moment before Riverside immediately tries to ruin it with connection issues. From there, Ian talks about the London trip with the family, Asher walking all day without complaining, bumblebees checking out his toy bow and arrow, and the weird balance between letting kids burn off energy versus handing them an iPad. We also get into Slinky getting his nuts taken, Roxy needing approval after barking at everything, brutal Texas heat, and then fully derail into time travel, alternate realities, sacred timelines, whether one country could secretly control time travel, infinite universes, alien civilizations, whether they’d come in peace or murder-death-kill us, the size of the observable universe, black holes, gravity, time, and whether a black hole is really just mass or a tear through spacetime sucking in light. 

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In S2E39, Ian and Robby start off getting into forgotten water, forgotten phone cords, grocery runs, crock-pot spaghetti sauce dreams, and whether pasta cooked directly in sauce would be genius or absolute mush. From there, we talk Robby getting called into work early, the ongoing beard and mustache maintenance saga, Movember plans, shoehorn mustaches, Oscar and his twin brother looking like real-life Hagrids, and Robby accidentally creating a cursed Voldemort soundboard moment. We also get into beard dye, ginger beard energy, ONE Championship knockouts, lip cuts, elbows, mouth injuries, weird body facts, flatworms eating and crapping through the same hole, fish creating sand, old human remains, Spain’s World Cup conversation, soccer versus football versus fútbol, rugby being violent as hell, sumo, and Ian barely making it to the outro before the internet tried to kick him off again. 

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In S1E1, we officially kick off Two Assholes on a Mic with Ian and Robby introducing themselves, explaining how the podcast came together, and immediately proving there was never going to be a strict plan. We talk possible podcast names, the origin of “Kiegel,” British breakfast crimes, Schöfferhofer, Dragon’s Milk tasting like farts, Apple Crown versus Jim Beam Apple, and why most of this show is really just two friends drinking and talking shit. We also get into Ian’s military-kid background, Lakenheath, meeting Kirstie, the legendary “Karasty” Starbucks cup, Misawa memories, drifting in the bongo, Joy’s burger getting thrown into the yard, and Robby’s path from Kodiak to Nellis, Japan, Edwards, and Texas. The episode also touches on Robby meeting Erin, their family, Willow’s medical journey and passing, the fight to change Texas law, Whatnot LEGO streams, retirement, and why this podcast is meant to be a place for venting, laughing, telling stories, and seeing where the conversation goes. 

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In S2E38, we start with a creepy Skype story from Ian’s time in Korea before getting into Robby sleeping thirteen and a half hours, waking up sore but mentally refreshed, and somehow turning that into a theory about humans tossing and turning for survival. From there, we talk Fortnite mobile players being way too good, self-revives, Ian taking Kai and Asher metal detecting, finding absolutely nothing but nails and earthy “steaks,” and the difference between kids who love getting dirty and kids who want nothing to do with it. We also get into Misawa versus Edwards outdoor life, Robby’s increasingly powerful mustache, beard and mustache competitions, Slinky getting stickers stuck in his ear, miniature dachshunds, Neil Armstrong and the moon landing debate, conspiracy rabbit holes, animal control chasing neighborhood goats, whether goats could help Robby defeat the sticker weeds, and why the real problem is keeping them off the vehicles. 

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In S2E37, we accidentally start with the fastest outro-intro combo ever before getting straight into Robby waking up to emergency poop pains and both of us comparing unfortunate shit-yourself stories. From there, we get into payday beers, no-judgment rules, Ian bouncing back from a rough work week, and Robby realizing that working with Hannah may not be the issue as much as his own delayed hearing and processing in a loud bar. We also talk about people being confidently wrong, the weird contradiction of having a strong work ethic but being lazy at home, video game burnout, World of Warcraft achievements, digital gratification, Robby’s old four-wheeler, Ian disappearing mid-recording, and Robby carrying the end of the episode solo with dog updates, Whatnot plugs, no wasp attacks, and a surprisingly peaceful moment watching trees move in the wind. 

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In S2E36, we start off with Robby getting attacked by a wasp seconds into the episode before Ian talks through one of those chaotic adult-life days where everything seems to go wrong at once. From there, we shift into rainy-day nostalgia, kids running around outside, puddles, homemade sailboats, and missing those simple days when getting soaked in the rain was the whole point. We also get into Robby’s casino trip, losing money because the pool was closed, almost winning big, the weird disappointment of lottery payouts, Lisa Frank nails, Trapper Keepers, the Winstar casino, Dallas trip ideas, London show plans, Alaska flights, Space-A and “grey tail” travel, Roxy trying to “vurp” in Robby’s face, Slinky’s stickers, UK school breaks, and the very important seventh-grade mission of establishing dominance. 

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In S2E35, we bring on Christopher Smith, the man responsible for calling Ian a Bag O'Douche in his book, and catch up on retirement life, work-from-home setups, gaming headsets, getting older, getting fatter, getting skinnier, and Chris immediately talking shit about Ian having no AC in the UK. From there, we get into CPAP machines, dry-mouth dragon breathing, brutal electric bills, GLP-1s, portion control, running, whiskey collections, and an old deployment gym story involving Robby, pre-workout, and bathroom destruction that apparently sounded like a mortar attack. We also talk about the “she is autism” story, Ian’s Texas visit, retirement routines, regular bar spots, LEGO Batman, Star Wars: Rebuild the Galaxy, World of Warcraft, Path of Exile, Diablo, GTA, Phasmophobia, Ian’s endless house-buying process, whether he’ll stay in England, Misawa dreams, Florida plans, Halloween houses, weather, climate arguments, flat-earthers, and Chris wrapping it up by saying he misses the boys and wants to catch up more often. 

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