Two Drunks With a Mic

When I first got out of the program back in 2011, I found myself about 20-25 pounds heavier than I had ever been in my life. After several years of neglecting my nutrition, eating three good meals a day did exactly what it was expected to do: it got me healthy. But the thing is that despite eating really well, I hadn’t been doing a whole lot of physical activity during the year I’d been there. I wouldn't say I was obese by any stretch. But I was definitely a little on the pudgy side. I was over 40 and knew I probably needed to get into some kind of better condition.

Welcome to episode 18 of Two Drunks WIth a Mic, the podcast where we share our past so that others might have a future. As always, if you haven’t already, please subscribe and share. And if you could find a few spare moments to give an honest review of our show wherever you listen to it, please do.

So there I was. A little pudgy, over 40, basically sedentary for the previous several years, and coming to the realization that I needed to make some positive changes. But the thing was, I had never been much of a gym guy, Yeah I had done some lifting in the past, but the thought of having to deal with treadmills and puffed up, self important meatheads didn’t appeal to me in the least.

So what did I do instead? I signed up for a footrace across the Sahara desert. How hard could it be. Besides, it sounded cool. I went and asked my sister, Heather, if she wanted to do it with me and she said yes even faster than I had signed up. Okay cool. Afterall, she was a veteran adventure racer and had raced all over the world. I figured I was in good hands. And as it turns out, I was. But it took me a while to listen.

Shortly after signing up, reality set it. Since my time in the Army years ago, I hadn’t done any type of running. But I was fast then, so no big deal. I figured running was just like riding a bike. You kind of never forget how. Anyway, I got ahold of a couple of books, got somewhat motivated and signed up for a 50 kilometer race in the backcountry of Santa Barbara. I was going to do the hundred miler, but even to me that seemed a little excessive. I had a few weeks to train. Did a little of the run walk thing on the concrete track near my house but nothing more.

Race day comes, I show up, sign in, toe the line, and start with the rest of the pretty large group of runners. I don’t know, maybe 60 or 70 people. I knew nothing about trail running. At least not at this level. I had the wrong shoes and pulled up lame with in the first couple of miles. It felt like I was being stabbed in the side of the knee with an ice pick. Lucky for me, someone was able to help me out by taping me up. I spent the next 15 or so hours hobbling up and down mountains until finally, out of sheer stubbornness, I crossed the finish line under my own power. I was dead last. But here’s the thing. I was one of only 11 people to even finish. Everyone else had dropped citing the dangerously high temperatures as the reason. It cost me dearly. I was absolutely destroyed. It was at that exact moment that it dawned on me that 250 kilometers across the Sahara was probably going to be a little tougher than I thought.

I spent the next year or so in and out of injury, ran another very hard race that caused another significant injury, and if I’m honest, I was getting a little discouraged. It was becoming clear to me that I didn’t have the knowledge to safely bring about the physical change I was going to need if I ever wanted to finish the Sahara race. My misguided, inexperienced approach was only causing more harm than good.

Sadly, this is how many approach recovery. Maybe something happens that gives them a good scare and boom, just like that they swear to leave it all behind.

Hey everyone, welcome to episode 16.5  of Two Drunks With a Mic; the podcast where we share our past so that others might have a future. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to our podcast and share with everyone you know. We rely on you, our listeners, to help us get the word out about the show so we can get it in front of people that may be helped by it. And you just never know where, or even who, those folks might be.

This week we had it planned that Luke, Randy, and I were gonna get together and record an episode. We were able to get Luke some new equipment to help with the sound quality on his end and were excited to put it to use. Well, as it often does, life has a way of taking its own path and we weren’t able to make that happen.

So in an effort to get out an episode, I started writing something to record. I got to the end, read it over, and decided not to record it. Not that it wasn’t valuable, or even pretty good. The reason I didn’t was because the subject matter, I felt, deserved much more attention than I was able to give it in the short period of time I had taken to write it. I didn’t want to put out a half-baked set of insights on a topic that is as important as the one I had written about.

But I also didn’t want to leave you all hanging, either. We are shooting to get that episode recorded next week and hopefully have it out on Friday. The topic is hopefully going to be the great deception of self reliance…

Now maybe you’re understanding why I didn’t want to tackle it by myself in a 10 or 15 minute episode.Way, way too deep

But wanting this to be a little more than just a quick check in to let you all know we are still here and kind of what is going on, I want to give you something to consider.

So before I go, and in light of what we hope to discuss next week, I want to leave you all with a question that I hope you might consider thinking about over the next week or so. It may be a challenge for some. I know it was for me for quite some time.

Obviously I don’t know where everyone stands with the idea of God, or what your particular foundation is on which you’ve planted your recovery, but my question is this:  Is what you are relying on to sustain you in your recovery strong enough to comfort you when you find yourself alone in the dark? Is it capable of bringing you back from the greatest depths of despair when all else has abandoned you?

And one last thought. We know that we have a large section of our listeners that aren’t in recovery because they are not addicts. But to these folks I would offer the same challenge when it simply comes down to your life.

At the end of it all, is the foundation on which you’ve built your life strong enough to withstand eternity.

Until next time,

God bless

“Last week I shared about my friend's untimely, tragic death. Thank you all for the outpouring of love you sent my way. Our community and his family will be getting together to celebrate his life. For anyone that thinks you can come into the program, clean up for a while and go hit it again and again, let this be a wake-up. Martin had been doing that for so long none of us sensed the urgency this time. He's now at his final meeting. Grab this program with all the gusto you can muster. You deserve it and you're worth it.”

Welcome to episode 15 of Two Drunks With a Mic. The podcast where we share our past so that others might have a future. We want to thank everyone that has come alongside us in support of our mission of simply being addicts helping addicts. Our show can be found wherever podcast are found and we are happy to announce that this now includes iHeartRadio. We do ask that you subscribe and share. Also reviewing the show on your prefered outlet and even on our FaceBook page is a big help.

In episode 14, Randy, Luke, and I discussed some of the struggles that we faced in early recovery and how we moved past them, as well as the importance of balance within our personal programs. There was a couple times during our conversation at which we referenced one or two insights found on page 30 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We didn’t camp out on them then, but I want to expand on them today.  

You see, the short statement of the passing of a young man I read at the beginning of this episode is a true story… and a very recent one. He was not a part of my life, but he was a part of someone’s; and that person posted this plea as a warning. I changed the name out of respect, but the name could’ve easily been mine or that of anyone else you have heard from on this show. It could be you, your neighbors or anyone else in your life.

And that, I believe, is the point of the warnings found starting on page 30 of the Big Book. So I want to do something a little different today. I’m going to present chapter 3 of the Big Book in its entirety. It isn’t long. Maybe you’re not a problem drinker or aren’t sure if you are? Doesn’t matter. For the sake of this exercise, go into it with an open mind and maybe try to replace any mention of alcohol with something you struggle with. Maybe reflect on some of the lengths you go, or have gone, to have things your way. Reflect on the hopelessness you might encounter. I’m not suggesting that you dwell on it though. Ain’t no future in that.

I’ll be reading from the third edition of the Big Book. There are obviously newer editions, but this is just how I roll. Some of the statistics have changed over the years, but the general truth of the chapter has not.

Just like with most everything else, there are things within the Big Book that I don’t totally agree with. I certainly don’t hold it up as some type of scared text. But if you do, I respect your position. If you happen to think that the whole book is a load of garbage, I even respect your position.

But let me say this,  when it comes to the illustrations I am going to read, they nailed how I was. Randy, Luke, and Gary have all recounted their similar experiences with the insanity described.

If you read this everyday, or if it’s your first time hearing it, take it for what it’s worth. I throw some links in the show notes for some resources if you have questions.

Starting on page 30, chapter 3, More About Alcoholism.

http://www.aa.org/

Sometime ago I had a conversation with a friend in which they told me that they chose to walk away from a pretty incredible opportunity. One that had the potential to provide a bright financial future with what sounded like plenty of opportunities for career advancement. A dream job. They just walked away.

Welcome to episode 13 of Two Drunks With a Mic. The podcast where we share our past so that others might have a future. You can find and subscribe to our show on all major podcast outlets. Your subscription, sharing, and feedback is greatly appreciated. Reviewing the show on your prefered outlet is also a much appreciated way to support our cause.

Those that have been listening to the show for a while know that one theme that consistently comes up, as it relates to our experience, is the importance of surrender in the life of the recovering addict. Surrender to new ideas. Surrender to God. Surrender to the lack of comfort that comes when one is honest in their bid for successful recovery. Surrendering to the idea of extending forgiveness and being forgiven. Surrendering an old way of thinking and adopting a new.

After hearing all of our talk about surrender, it may seem a little strange that we put up an episode discussing the importance of selfishness in the life of the recovering addict . But the thing is, for as necessary as it is for the addict to surrender, recovery is also a selfish endeavor.

Over the course of my nearly nine years in recovery, I have been faced with various choices. Most of them have been easy enough to navigate and I can generally muddle my way through. But there have been more than a few that have required a more thoughtful approach. The types of which the outcome of a decision would have a significant impact on my life. Most of these have been ones that have involved relationships with people or groups of people. And truth be told, these are the ones that will get me against the ropes quicker than anything else.

When it comes to dealing with people, I have historically struggled with enforcing boundaries. I think a lot of my troubles stemmed from the fact that I really had no idea where my boundaries were. But regardless of this uncertainty, I was definitely a path-of-least-resistance type of guy. As long as my interactions with people didn’t interfere with my ultimate goal, namely being left alone to live my life as I pleased, I would generally let things slide. But only to a point. Past that point, and in my volatile way of thinking that point really could have been anywhere from moment to moment, I would retaliate with a measure of wrath that far exceeded any offense.

But more often than not, and only in an attempt to keep the peace in my life, I went to a lot of trouble to appease people. Not because I cared in the least for them, but rather it was in my way of thinking that the quicker I could get them off my back, the quicker I could get back to living my life.

More often than not when it came to simple favors, or God forbid an actual commitment request, they were shot down. Politely of course. I couldn’t stand the idea of confrontation because of the inconvenience it was to me. But if a quick brush off wasn’t an option, meaning if shutting someone down put me in danger of a more drawn out interaction, I would lie and agree to do whatever was asked of me and then either back out last minute or fail to show up without so much as a phone call.

I truly hated the very idea of doing anything for anyone. If it, or they, didn't fit into my life plan, or in someway posses the capacity to advance it, I’d allow it no place in my life.

It doesn’t take a superior intellect to figure out that this course of action was not ...

What happening everyone? Welcome to episode 11 of Two Drunks With a Mic. The podcast where we share our past so that others might have a future.

Just a couple of things before we jump into the show. First of all, we want to thank everyone for their continued support through this journey. It’s amazing to hear from people all over the world just what a positive impact our humble little podcast is having in their life.

Second, I want to ask everyone listening to let us hear from you. Go to our website at twodrunkswithamic.com, go to the contact page and drop us a line. Let us know what you like about the show, what you hate about the show, or maybe suggestions on ways we can improve. You can also subscribe to the show on the website as well as find it on Spotify, stitcher, tunein, google podcast, and itunes. We are hoping to be on I Heart Radio pretty soon and will keep you posted on that through our social media pages.

And as always, we ask that you share. Sharing has the greatest impact on our reach.

I want to say this before we get going here. In the making of this episode, we ran into some of the most bizarre problems. We didn’t have the best connection so the sound it kind of weird. I dropped my equipment on the floor while recording. My toddler was trying his best to tear the house down around me. Dogs were going off on both ends of the conversation and a friggin ice cream truck was blasting Christmas music just outside my house. And to top it all off, Skype decided to cut Randy off mid word creating an awkward gap in context. I almost trashed it. But I didn’t because what we did manage to get done needs to be heard. And this is real life and in real life things don’t always go as planned.  

So even before we even had our first episode up, we’ve wanted to get this guest on the show. Though I have never met him, I had heard enough about his story over the years to know that what he has to say, needs to be heard.

Though we don’t get his entire story in this segment, what he has to say is recovery gold. His journey has been one of years of bouncing in and out of jails, halfway houses, and programs. One of struggling to keep his family together, and facing his deepest fears.

So let’s jump into this conversation as we welcome Randy’s brother, Luke, to episode 11, paralyzed liar.