‘Jupiter Ascending’ directed by the Wachowskis (‘Cloud Atlas’) should be called ‘Jupiter Descending’ into boredom.

This is a really annoying sci-fi adventure movie.

The most annoying thing in the film is Mila Kunis’s eyebrows, eyelashes and lipstick that stay perfectly plastered to her face, even when she’s immersed in water, kicked around by several really ugly creatures, and thrown out of space ships.

If that’s not annoying enough, there’s the plot.

Briefly, there’s this planet called Abrasax far, far, far away. Unfortunately not far away enough.

The rulers of this planet are three Royals…Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), Titus (Douglas Booth) and Balem(Eddie Redmayne, who should be ashamed of himself to do this film after playing Stephen Hawkings) anyway these intergalactic baddies have two things on their mind…staying young (they’re around 30,000 years old, give or take a few thousand( and making lots and lots of money. If you’re wondering how this fun threesome stay looking so young, it’s simple. They create planets, plant people on them, and when the population has grown enough, they harvest the occupants. Apparently, humans have some liquid inside of them, that can keep people looking like 20 forever. Seems that the Earth, which is now overpopulated is the next planet on the ‘harvest’ list. So whoever owns it, stands to make a bundle.

Only problem is, to the Abrasaxian’s shock and dismay, it turns out that a lowly human, names, Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is the rightful owner of Earth. If you’re wondering how that happened, seems she share the same DNA as the aliens mama. Yes folks, Jupiter is the reincarnation of an Abrasaxian queen and therefore. the legal heir to our planet. What to do…what to do? Well before Jupiter can finish cleaning one more toilet, several really ugly lizard like creatures descend upon her, with only one thing on their mind…and it isn’t to take her out to dinner. Lucky for our princess, she has a Lycantant on her side. For those of you, who haven’t run across one, it’s a crossbreed of a wolf and man. This Lycantant is played by Channing Tatum, who even with pointed ears, has Jupiter fawning all over him. Seems she’s very fond of dogs.

Okay, so the dog-wolf helps Jupiter excape from the bad guys and whisks her off to his planet. On Abrasax, Jupiter gets a marriage proposal, wears exquisite, sexy gowns, gets a new hairdo, and lastly shares meaningful stares with Channing..

This is a film that does not work…period. The plot is full of holes and the characters are extremely not interesting.

For that reason, I give ‘Jupiter Ascending’ which opens in theatres, Friday, February 6, 2015 1/2 dry bagel.

Love to know what you think if you do go see this.