In 2016, a book titled Never Split the Difference was published by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator.  Voss offers nine principles to use in negotiations. One of them is mirroring.  In a nutshell, mirroring means using the last one to three words the other person used, without agreeing or disagreeing, but using an inquisitive tone. The idea is that you sound like you are paying close attention to what the other person is saying. One view is that this type of negotiating tactic will make the other person feel at ease and keep them talking.

What would you think if you realized someone was applying mirroring to you? Would you feel that you trusted the person more? That you wanted to keep talking? Or – would you have a different view. You know that a tactic is being applied to you. You feel that someone is trying to manipulate you. You feel inclined to trust the other person less, not more. 

We can do better. Instead of trying to create the appearance that you are carefully listening to the other person how about a reality that you are doing exactly that?

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

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