In this freeform talk, I discuss growing up under severely manipulative, fearmongering, emotionally abusive Christianity, as well as having a narcissist, borderline personality disorder parent, and the results as such that are manifesting themselves in my adult life presently.

Upon relistening, certain parts of this sound as if I'm having an attitude of, "Poor me, I've been handed a raw deal in life, won't somebody come along and save me so I don't have to do anything myself." That isn't what I intend to communicate nor what I believe about myself or my situation--my choices and mistakes that have gotten me in my current position are my own, which I take responsibility for and am working to overcome. I am merely trying to put on display the literal present-day workings of my mind and the negative thoughts I wrestle with in trying to address and navigate my mental plane. This was recorded on a particularly "low" day for me, though I hope others will resonate and find it cathartic.

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Tags: mental health, narcissism, narcissist, narcissist parent, evangelicalism, christianity, evangelical, fear of hell, deconstructing, ex christian, former christian, therapy, licensed professional counselor, licensed professional therapist, licensed clinical social worker, EMDR, borderline, BPD, borderline personality disorder, severe depression, suicidal ideation, suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, hell, god, jesus, christ, feeling hopeless, hope