To quote the timeless words of America's 35th president, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, "There is nothing, I think, more unfortunate than to have soft, chubby, fat-looking children who go to watch their school play basketball every Saturday and regard that as their week's exercise."

Needless to say, if President Kennedy were alive today and stepped into a typical American fast-food establishment, he would be none too pleased with all the unfortunate, soft, chubby, fat-looking children he would be sure to see.

Perhaps he would think they are even more unfortunate than the ones he saw in his day. There are certainly a lot more of them now. (It's hard to miss them.) Plus, at least those back in 1962 got their exercise from watching friends play basketball in something of a social setting, whereas today's soft, chubby, fat-looking children get their exercise from watching strangers play video games on YouTube.

More recently, John F. Kennedy's nephew, Bobby Kennedy, Jr., has expressed similar concerns about America's soft, chubby, fat-looking children and the adults they grow into (pun intended). Back in August 2024, he noted, "One hundred and twenty years ago, when somebody was obese, they were sent to the circus."

More importantly, Bobby Kennedy, Jr. is the face of the Make America Healthy Again movement. He also appears to be the driving force behind President Donald Trump's efforts to remove a number of petroleum-based dyes from America's food and establish a MAHA commission tasked with fighting childhood chronic disease.

To date, one of the biggest moves by that commission has been the release of its "Make Our Children Healthy Again: Assessment," often referred to as the "MAHA report." The stated aim of the assessment is to examine the declining health of American children, along with the potential causes for this trend. A more detailed strategy for addressing the problem is said to be forthcoming.

Since its release, however, the MAHA report has been marred by allegations that it was written with the assistance of AI and that seven of the 522 sources cited in the report may have been fabricated. White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt has since blamed this on a formatting issue.

Whether the controversy was caused by an honest mistake involving buggy citation software, some 25-year-old staffer who decided to ChatGPT his way through it, or a leftover brainworm feeling a bit puckish, I don't know. However, although inexcusable, whatever led to the controversy is rather unfortunate given that the controversy takes attention away from several otherwise valid and important points made in the report regarding the health of Americans.

We're overexposed to dangerous chemicals. The isolated, sedentary, screen-based lives we're supposed to pretend are improvements over what we had even a decade or two ago are detrimental to both our physical and mental health. We're over-medicated, partly as a consequence of our supposedly new and improved way of life. And, oh yeah, much of our food is poison - or at least contributing to a chronic disease epidemic if you want to be a little less dramatic.

With regard to this last one, the report specifically points a finger at something called ultra-processed foods, which are focused on here.

Industrial Formulations: It's What's for Dinner

Practically everyone has heard the term "processed food" at some point. Most, if pressed, could probably make some reasonable guesses about what is and isn't a processed food, especially if presented with two clear options (e.g., a fresh grilled chicken breast and a chicken nugget). Most people even probably have some vague sense that the fresh grilled chicken breast is healthier than a chicken that has been transformed into a nugget.

However, unless you were MAHA before it was cool, or a researcher focused on the relationship between our diet and disease, there is a good chance you are less familiar with just how harmful ultra-processed foods may be - or what the dist...