Avalon Church

UNCERTAIN: Mother’s Day | PART 7

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The perfect mom does not exist. But living a noble life of virtue and valor can happen as we move beyond comparison into the freedom and liberation that Jesus offers.

Series: UNCERTAIN: Discovering Who We are Through Difficult Times,
Speaker: Pastor Don Dodge,
Scripture: Proverbs 31:29, Ruth 3:11, John 8:36, Exodus 15, Judges 4-5, 2 Kings 22, Romans 16:7, Acts 18:26, Romans 16:1-2,
Video: https://www.facebook.com/avalonchurch/videos/2592412387664931/,
Sermon page: https://www.avalonchurch.org/sermons/uncertain-mothers-day-part-7/,
Sermon Notes: 2020-05-10_uncertain-part-7_sermon-notes.pdf,
Discussion Questions: 2020-05-10_uncertain-part-7_discussion-questions.pdf,
Notes:
INTRO
Happy Mother’s Day!

Today’s message is for moms,

but not just for moms.

It’s for all of us.

Some want to be a mom,

but have been unable.

Some this year,

…are grieving the loss of their mom,

…or a child.

It’s in times of Uncertainty,

In times of Difficulty,

…We often discover who we are,

…And are open to God showing us

who we are made to be.

My hope is that today will be part of your journey

To discover liberation… and freedom in Christ

…to be exactly who YOU

were made to be.
Eshet Chayil
The video we just saw ended with a verse:

There are many virtuous and capable women in all the world, but you surpass them all. --Proverbs 31:29 (NLT)

What a beautiful ode to a wife and mother.

Virtuous and capable.

May that be said of all of us!

Those 2 words come from a single Hebrew word

chayil = valor

It literally means a person of valor.

Say that with me.

It’s not Chy-Eel.

Use the back of the throat.

Chayil. (One syllable, CHayl)

Chayil.

Woman of valor = eshet chayil (E’shet CHayl)

Man of valor = gibor chayil

The whole chapter of Proverbs 31,

describing the… the perfect woman.

She’s trustworthy.

Good follows her everywhere.

She has her own business.

Yet, she wakes up early to take care of her family.

Then she stays up late

…investing wisely and working hard.

She cooks.

She helps the poor.

She makes clothes for her family,

…And extras to sell.

She doesn’t worry.

She is wise, yet kind with her advice.
She never seems to get tired.

Her husband is honored and successful.

And her kids have nothing but good things to say about her.

this picture of the perfect woman,

Looks very different from some tweets I saw this week.

One woman stated,

I never thought the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be 4th grade math.

Another,

Quarantine - School Day #2: At what point can I request a transfer for my 2nd grader?

Quarantine School Day #3: I moved a table into the living room. Now the kids have a great workspace to sit… and throw fruit snacks at each other.

And the last,

Sure. Paint the dog’s toenails. Cut your brother’s hair. Whatever. #My House Is A Zoo

Which one sounds more like your life?

Proverbs 31 or these tweets?
Trying to measure up to Proverbs 31
I’ve heard several messages aboutthe Proverbs 31 woman.

I’m sure these messages… all by men,

intended to inspire and encourage women,

Unfortunately, they usually didn’t.

Being compared to perfection

Can easily leave women feeling guilty and inadequate

For men, our bible heroes are wonderfully imperfect.

Moses sinned and wasn’t allowed into the Promised Land.

David committed adultery and murder.
 
Peter and the disciples,
…They betrayed Jesus.

These were deeply flawed men,

Yet, God used them mightily.

We can all relate to that.

So, when we come to this list describing the perfect woman,

It’s hard,

No, it’s impossible,
…to measure up.
 
Yet, I don’t think that is the intent of the Proverb,
…To be a “checklist” for women?

…Because this is not how the Jews read it

for the thousand or so years before Jesus was born?
And 2000 years since.
God
Proverbs 31 is actually a poem,

…Each line beginning with the next letter

of the Hebrew alphabet.

What’s interesting

is the poem wasn’t really written TO women.

There’s only one instruction in the entire poem.

It’s in verse 31,

…and it’s to men.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Why? Because she is an…

“Eshet Chayil” (E’shet CHayl)

A woman of valor

…Not because of how she measures up.

…And not because of some role she perfectly fulfills.
 
Proverbs 31 is not the job-description for a woman of God.

Being a woman of valor is not condensed to marriage,

or motherhood, or staying at home.

And how do we know that?

Because this isn’t the only place in the Hebrew Scriptures

Where we see the phrase “Eshet Chayil.” (E’shet CHayl)

In fact, this term was also used for Ruth in the Bible.

Ruth
And Ruth didn’t make clothes for her husband.
She wasn’t married.

In fact, she was a widow,

…The most marginalized of people in her culture.

Ruth’s children didn’t rise up and call her blessed.

She was childless.

She didn’t have her own business

…Or keep up her immaculate home.

She worked all day in the scorching sun,

Gleaning leftovers from other people’s fields.

She was the poorest of poor.

And guess what Boaz, a leader in the community,

Said about Ruth,

…Before she got married,

…Before she had a child,
…Before she was wealthy and influential.

All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character (eshet chayil) --Ruth 3:11 (NIV)

There’s that phrase,

“Eshet Chayil.” (E’shet CHayl)

Ruth is identified as a woman of valor,

Not because she checked off some to-do list,

…But because she lived her life

with incredible bravery, wisdom, strength, and faith.

Throughout Jewish culture,

This phrase is at its core,

…A blessing,

One that was never meant to be earned,

…but to be bestowed unconditionally.

It’s encouragement,

…Not about following a list of rules,

…But a character or spirit of how you live.

It’s like, “You go, girl!”

Imagine, men, how the women in our lives would feel

IF we encouraged them this way.

They get accepted into the school or program they applied to.

“Way to go woman of valor!”

They get an “A” on that test.

Nice job, Woman of Valor!

They announce their pregnant!

Congratulations, woman of valor!

Being a man or woman of valor is NOT about what you do,

…it’s about how you do it.

He finally gets to cleaning out the garage.

Thank you, Man of Valor!

She stumbles through the front door after a long day

Holding a take-out pizza for dinner,

…Pizza?! You truly are a woman of valor!

Imagine what a little poetry can do in a relationship!

 
Proverbs 31 is no more a list of how every woman should live
Any more than Ruth’s life is.

Think about the different women heroes in Scripture.

Old Testament

Ruth
Miriam (Exodus 15)
Deborah (Judges 4-5)
Huldah (2 Kings 22)
Esther
New Testament
Women of Resurrection (Gospels)
Junia (Romans 16:7)
Priscilla (Acts 18:26)
Phoebe (Romans 16:1-2)

Miriam - she was a prophet and worship leader

as the Israelites fled Egypt. (Ex.15)

Deborah, the judge and prophet who led Israel to victory

over the oppressive Canaanites. (Judges 4-5)

Huldah, the great prophet who was chosen by King Josiah in 2Kings 22 to read and interpret the Scriptures.

Josiah could have called Jeremiah, Zephaniah, Nahum, & Habakkuk, but he chose Huldah!

And let’s not forget Esther,

who saved the Jews in Babylon from genocide.

And in the New Testament,

Those women who were chosen before anyone else,

to see the resurrected Jesus.

And Junia - the female apostle that Paul considered

outstanding among the apostles. (Romans 16:7)

And Priscilla, who was a teacher of Scripture and theology

alongside with her husband. (Acts 18:26)

And Phoebe, who was a deacon at the Church in Cenchrae

and a benefactor of Paul’s ministry. (Rom.16:1-2)

Some were married.

Others not.

Some had children.

Other’s didn’t.

They were rich, poor,

teachers, and students,
Leaders and followers.

It’s not what they did.

It’s how they lived.
Application
Maybe you’re a stay-at-home mom or dad,
Be a stay-at-home mom or dad of valor.

Be strong.

Know that God is using you in the lives of your family.

If you’re a nurse,

Be a nurse of valor.

Be Jesus’ hands of healing and encouragement.

If you’re a CEO or a barista at Starbucks,

If you’re rich or poor,
Single or married

Live as a person of valor.

Be confident…

…You are valuable to God

Right where you are.

Maybe you have dreams that have gone unfulfilled.

Maybe you long for something else.

You, too, can live

As a Man or Woman of Valor.
Rae Lynn
You know, my wife Rae Lynn
Always had a dream of being a stay-at-home mom.

When Ali, our high school senior, was about 18 months old,

Rae Lynn ended her career and came home.

Unfortunately, within a month or two,

Rae Lynn’s mom became paralyzed and had to move in with us.

Overnight, Rae Lynn became her mom’s full-time care-giver.

A year or so later,

Her mom required more care than we could provide.

We were planting a church at the time,

And my salary suddenly became non-existent for a while.

Rae Lynn went back to work so we could survive.

Her sacrifice allowed me to remain a pastor.

She is a woman of valor.

She inspires me to be a man of valor.
Idea of Biblical womanhood
When you observe the godly men and women in Scripture,
And in our lives today,

There is no single model for womanhood or manhood.

No one-size-fits-all.

Jesus invites all men and woman to follow him.

To live lives of faith

…Pursuing Jesus and his kingdom

Without limits.

To invest our energy and creativity

towards helping bring God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.

…Loving God and loving others.

…blessing your family,

…helping the needy and marginalized,

…succeeding in your jobs

…and investing in your community and beyond.

Being a people of valor,

…And not worrying about measuring up

to what others think you should be.

I think it was Judy Garland who said,

“Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.”

You are free in Christ to live

exactly how he has gifted you to live.

He has given you passions to pursue.

And skills to use.

So, experiment.

Take risks.
Work hard.

Make mistakes and then

get up the next morning and try again.

And surround yourself

with people who will cheer you on.

And be a person who cheers others on.

When you see someone step out in faith

Or try something new,
Or take baby-steps towards a goal,

Cheer them on.

“You Go”…

Man of Valor

Woman of Valor!

Being a person of valor,

…is NOT what you DO or accomplish.

It’s the integrity and bravery you bring.

So, don’t compare yourself to anyone.

The perfect mother,

The perfect father,

The perfect business owner

And the perfect job,

The perfect Christian

Even the perfect pastor,

These only exist in the Land of Unicorns.

We all feel inadequate at times.

We all get overwhelmed and overtired.
We all screw up royally at times.

Valor is recognizing that we need Jesus,

Right now. Right here.

Valor is trusting that I am his,

And he is working in me,

…In the mundane, everyday activities of life.

Valor is living for an audience of One.

Jesus.

Knowing that Jesus delights in you.

 
No matter what you have done,
…or what you have become.

He offers grace.

He offers acceptance.
He offers valor.

So exhale,

…and relax the death-grip of comparison on your own soul.

Embrace the you Jesus created you to be.

Live in freedom and confidence in him.

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.--John 8:36 (NIV)

I want to close with a prayer by reading a prayer.

Read along with me.

Oh God, let me not live by comparison,

But trust that you made me with purpose.

Grow me into the person you designed me to be,

…A person experiencing freedom and liberation.

I want to live as a person of valor.

…and cheer on others to be people of valor.

I can do that because you, God, are enough.

Whoever has you in their life has everything.

In you I can live confidently and bravely.

Amen

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Avalon ChurchBy Pastor Don Dodge
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