S1 Episode 4: Unconditional Love is for Children, Not Partners

Episode Summary

Unconditional love is for children—not partners. This idea, albeit somewhat unconventional, is important for a romantic relationship. There is no such thing as a healthy relationship without boundaries and conditions. 

With children, unconditional love is a must.  You made them so you owe them your love (no matter how much they violate your boundaries)!  With a romantic partner, you made a choice. You can offer unconditional support and absolutely accept them, but you don’t have to give them your unconditional love no matter the behavior. 

Here’s the truth: Love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. There’s a distinct line between sticking with your partner through hardship versus sticking with them despite how they treat you.  Remember, only you get to decide the treatment you accept! 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships.  In this episode the ladies discuss staying friends with your ex. 

Show Notes

Unconditional love is for children—not partners. This idea, albeit somewhat controversial, is important for a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships have boundaries and conditions. Common boundaries include different forms of disrespect, cheating, and abusive behavior. 

Unconditional love is given despite repeated violation of boundaries, which is why it’s not suitable for romantic relationships. With children, it’s different. You love them even when they misbehave because that is your job. With your partner, you made a choice. You have the choice to be in a loving relationship with them or not.

Love can be freely given in small moments without expectation. But if your partner wants you to love them unconditionally, it could be a red flag. You can offer unconditional support and absolutely accept them, but you don’t have to give them your love no matter what. You can like them as a person (and perhaps even from a distance), but you don’t need to love without condition. 

Here’s the truth: Love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. There’s a distinct line between sticking with your partner through hardship versus sticking with them despite how they treat you. Whereas with your kids, you will have moments where you love them but don’t like them very much. 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: Being friends with your ex. This can create seeds of doubt and cast shadows in new relationships. It can also lead to comparison and competition between the current partner and the ex. You can care about someone and value them without being in communication, especially if the cost of staying in touch is high.

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