NOTE: When this episode was recorded, Electra still had an active license to practice acupuncture. As of July 2024, all her licenses are in INACTIVE or LAPSED status. See website for more details.

In this episode, we're discussing Collaboration!

This is part 3 of 5. The next two episodes are more about Collaboration from the same conversation with my co-host. I'm not sure yet what the next topic will be because I've got several lined up. The Co-Host is Kiki and you can find her work here: Instagram: @heretic.homestead TikTok @heretichomestead And now YouTube @heretichomestead9896 !

Sections

• 0:00:00 Intro
• 0:01:13 Introduction Chat
• 0:09:18 Content Warnings
  • Content warnings for Parts 1 2 and 3 of the Collaboration episodes: To explain what it feels like to be in a non-collaborative relationship, I and my co-host describe distressing psychological experiences such as hypervigilant anxiety, ruminative and psychogenic insomnia, "barrage of rhetorical convincing," intrusive thoughts that involve interpersonal violence, homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, destruction of institutions; losing supportive relationships and becoming isolated
  • Content warnings for Part 1: I mention systemic support that protects police violence and racial bias, from the hypothetical point of view of a person who has experienced the violence. I mention parental neglect; I also obliquely mention how there is a very specific and not fully accurate set of conditions for people to be believed about experiencing intimate partner violence.
• 0:10:46 Grounding Prayer
• 0:11:54 Kiki's Intro
• 0:12:48 Review of Warm Empathy and Cold Empathy and why I link this with Collaboration
• 0:14:15 Starting to talk about Collaboration and how I define it
• 0:15:25 Interjection: "Over a sustained period of time"
• 0:15:54 Versus Consensus or Agreement which I am less interested in
• 0:21:43 Goal of Consensus presumes that Collaboration is present but it is a separate thing and may not be present. A "consensus" can be actually a unilaterally beneficial thing where one party gave up everything but both parties "agree" to the outcome.
• 0:23:41 When collaboration is working because there is a drive towards empathy underpinning it; it includes room to falter and repair and there are future opportunities for growth and needs to be met and to build trust and reduce distress
• 0:27:24 Why I Chose Collaboration as the Pair to Empathy and What it feels like to be in a non-collaborative relationship
• 0:29:59 Intrusive thoughts Interjection
• 0:31:45 Interjection about Suicidal Ideation - Nationwide Crisis Line is 9-8-8
• 0:35:15 The Invisibility Shield over the most distressing Non-Collaborative Relationship
• 0:37:59 What years of tiny, individually dismissed instances of having your needs-wants-desires-preferences not cared about adds up to crushing dehumanization aka be nice to your friends who just broke up or estranged from someone
• 0:41:09 The Barage of Rhetorical Convincing aka How to have 18+ justifications for existing, moving, breathing, speaking, and maybe wanting something sometime ever
• 0:42:53 Hypervigilant Anxiety which can lead to intrusive thoughts, obsessive and ruminative thinking, and compulsions
• 0:46:16 Vigilant anxiety during the day leads to rumination insomnia at night which can turn into anxiety about sleep loss which worsens anxiety and sleep dep makes you under-resourced
• 0:47:40 Outro, Credits, and Disclaimer

References mentioned in the show can be found in show-notes:

This is Under the Umbra: Using Empathy and Collaboration to Navigate a World of Shadows. In each episode, Electra and the co-hosts explore ways to think about and plan for difficult relationships with people and systems in a way that stays grounded in values and centers community. I invite you to try out focusing on Empathy and Collaboration as a realistic and compassionate model for interpersonal interactions. If you find yourself Under the Umbra, let's find our way back to the light.

Find the show's home at UnderTheUmbra.Info

Support the show via Patreon.com/UnderTheUmbraPodcast (link updated 6/1/2023)

This show is brought to you by Bridge to Becoming, LLC. This podcast was created, recorded, edited and produced by me, Electra, and brought to you by Bridge to Becoming LLC. The show is supported by "Responsive" Patrons: Ellery and KC, as well as several more on the Structured and Unscripted levels! Thank you so much for your support! Music is by SoulProdMusic on Pixabay and used with permission. Show art is by Lo Carter, 2023. Subtitle selected by Vera Alcorn!