I’ve wasted an insane amount of energy over the years trying to make friendships “work”. When I hadn’t found my community yet, and I was hoping I’d find my people. Trying different people on, seeing if I could make them work as my people. Here’s the thing. You won’t have to “try” when it’s for you. Yes, you might need to step outside your comfort zone at the start, and ask that person that you think is your vibe if they’d be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee. But after that initial discomfort to get the ball rolling, if it’s right, the ball will gain it’s own momentum. 

I have spent much of my life talking down to myself when I don’t know things. Grading myself on the toughest of curves, and feeling that not knowing is a sign of my inadequacies. I wrote a poem last week, that dives into this topic, but offers a different perspective to view unknowing through.

The underbelly of a snake has wide, straight, horizontal scales that bi-sect across its body. The underbelly scales look like a ladder, going from the tip of its tail to its head. However, to gain momentum, the snake creates “s” shapes with its body - contracting parts and expanding other parts - it’s this serpentine movement that propels it forward. The snake is a good example of the illusion of the ladder. The illusion that progression in our lives should be a straight line, from one rung of the ladder to the next. Don’t fret if you feel you’re going side to side, that might be the very movement you need to get to where you’re trying to go. 

When you give your spark to someone else’s dream. Your spark moves out of your body where the energy to feed it lives. It moves into theirs, and their energy now needs to feed both. This isn’t good for anyone involved. The most powerful your spark will ever be is when it’s housed in your body, fueling your dreams. 

Thoughts are like water. Some evaporate as soon as they arrive. Like dreams. Other thoughts are like fog, you only get a hint of them but you can’t see through to a clear picture. They can obscure your thinking of other things. Others are like a drip, repeating constantly and causing damage in the process. Others stagnate, and like stagnant water become an unhealthy incubator. Others flow like a river, a natural rhythm and progression.

After a recent trip to see my family (who I love), I realized, I felt exactly like I had jetlag from flying across the globe. My insides were off-kilter. I was a bit disoriented from my body and from time. It occurred to me, that being around family, instead of jetlag across time zones, we can experience jetlag across our own lifespan. Not knowing what space and time we’re currently in - and switching between them. 

It’s amazing how a tree can have an entirely hollowed-out section in its trunk, and still be thriving. I bet our higher selves think the same thing when they look at us humans. 

I have been carrying around the weight of believing people want to see me fail for as long as I can remember. This belief has made me feel guilty, or that I don’t deserve success. What if, instead, I believed everyone wanted to see me succeed? Let me tell you how this perspective shift changed my inner landscape.

A lesson from the universe that I wasn’t expecting, delivered by a wild bird that keeps visiting and pecking at my office window. 

Finding a way to have frequency/repetition for practicing a new habit is incredibly important for creating lasting behavior change.  If it only happens once a month, the change you’re trying to create is hard to remember and almost impossible to keep top of mind. In a relationship, find ways for the new pattern to take up more space - an out-weighed amount of space - so it can be practiced and become the auto-response.