We start this episode with some interesting documentary suggestions and more discussions about curcumin, the wonder supplement. But more importantly, we welcome another special guest this week. In Episode #37, we talked to Doug’s nephew Mitchell Drew. This week we welcome Mitchell’s mother, and Doug’s sister, Laurie Drew.

Listeners will know that Doug has recently started the healing process with his family. Laurie is a big part of that and she explains how it all went down. An open line of communication is the key to a healthy and loving family relationship, and now that the line has been opened, the healing can begin.

Laurie also gives us good insight into how Doug and his siblings grew up and how each dealt with their own challenges. We also discuss how this disease can take a toll on friends and family, especially back when much less was known about mental illness. Now it’s about awareness and education. The more people know about it, the better equipped they become to interact with sufferers in non-damaging ways.

We start this episode with a short improvised jam we call “Rambunctious”. The word popped into Doug’s head while recording, so we decided to add a weird vocal track repeating the word, just for fun. Interestingly, in this episode we welcome back special guest Nurit Adler, our favorite psychotherapist and clinical social worker, and discuss Attention Deficit Disorder. You know, that thing the doctors say your “rambunctious” child has.

What Nurit is bringing to our attention is the problem of undiagnosed childhood A.D.D., which ultimately emerges as adult A.D.D., but only after having done other psychological damage along the way. When it’s undiagnosed, it can lead to other mental issues, such as depression and anxiety, not to mention the toll it takes on one’s self worth and confidence. Diagnosing early is key, but it’s never too late to explore the possibility that it might be lurking inside. Nurit talks about how to look for patterns of behavior that point to A.D.D.

The idea of all this is to bring awareness to the issue so that ultimately more people will be diagnosed early. Early detection can save someone from a long life of suffering.

For our 50th episode, we start off with a clip of us singing the King’s X song “We Are Finding Who We Are”. In a way, it’s very relevant to what our show is all about. We look to the unknown future, with pain we have yet to experience, but know is coming. Those challenges can be overcome with the help of others. No mountain is too big to climb if you do it together.

This is evident in the mere fact that we are on our 50th episode. It’s a milestone that took us nearly a year and half, with many ups and downs, including a 5 month hiatus. But we keep coming back to record another episode. Why? Because we’ve heard from some of our listeners that our show has made them feel like they’re not alone, that somehow we have provided just a little bit of comfort to a suffering mind. That gives us purpose, which is validating to both of us, but especially to Doug, who can turn his lifelong battle into something positive for other sufferers.

This is a journey for both of us… an exploration of our fears, wants, and needs. We don’t have the answers, but we’re discovering them along the way. We are finding who we are.

Forever is a mountain we’ve yet to climb

The volume of emotion erupting in our souls

It’s Halloween, which brings us to our special episode on FEAR. What scares us, and why? We talk about the horror movies that scared us growing up, and why we enjoy them. What is it about a good horror movie that gets our hearts racing? Why do we enjoy being scared? There’s science behind that and we talk about some of the theories.

Besides scary movies, we also discuss other fears of ours, including heights, speed, public speaking, insects, and more. Through the study of fear, scientists can now identify what areas in the brain are responsible, hopefully leading to more accurate and successful treatments of anxiety.

We all have fears. Sometimes they might seem irrational, but we know what scares us. Some fears are debilitating, and some can be fun. Our brains decide that for us, but with more research, we can hope to one day be able to reliably control the volume knob of our anxieties.

In this episode, we discuss dreams and dreaming. What are dreams? Can they give us insights into our subconscious? Doug’s recent nightmare ultimately had a cathartic effect for him, bringing him closer to family. It was immediately followed by a very positive dream where his mother was a focal point. Each dream had a profound effect on his mood, but are these dreams just thoughts being processed randomly by the sleeping brain with no set intention?

We also touch on lucid dreaming and binaural beats. Being able to control your dreams is an often sought after experience, and some binaural recordings are meant to help your brain reach that state. But can this be dangerous? Anecdotal evidence shows that some of these recordings can trigger intense nightmares in some people, which can lead to psychological trauma. One has to wonder if “brainwave entrainment” is worth it.

Lastly, we discuss recurring dreams and Ed talks about one recurring dream he had as a child and what it might mean.

It was a long day of recording when we did this episode. But the reason is because we were having too much fun putting together a little song clip for the show’s intro. What song? Hint: see the title of this episode After 8 hours of fooling around on guitar and trying to make remote music recording work (latency is not your friend), we finally got to talking.

The good news is that spirits are still high and Doug is still on the positive side of things. Of course, he is still concerned about relapsing, and treads lightly to try to avoid known triggers. The even better news is that the healing process between Doug and his family has started! He had two very good talks with his brother and sister, and the newly opened lines of communication promise to be the bridge that reunites them fully. Hooray for family!

We also discuss the importance of refocusing one’s energies into the right channels. By changing negative patterns into actions that advance the good in one’s life, normalcy can slowly creep its way back. It takes work and is not easy, but it is a powerful tool in the arsenal of anyone with a mental illness.

This week, we first discuss how Doug’s mental state has improved and what he has been doing personally to make sure he can stay in a good place. This includes proper diet and supplements that help replenish the brain of important nutrients. His donated guitar has also helped bring music back into his life.

Yes, we return to the topic of music and music therapy as we each go on to list our top 10 favorite songs of all time. We go through each one and explain what it means to us, why it’s on our list, and how it makes us feel. With Doug’s great knowledge of musical artists and rock history, he even goes into some details about each artist, many of which had to deal with their own mental issues or dependencies.

We learn that many songs we discuss are rooted in past experiences, which is why we love to listen to them when times are good, but also why they can sometimes be hard to listen to when our mood is down.

This week we discuss Doug’s recent one-word Facebook post, “Goodbye”, and how that cry for help showed him just how much support he really has. The struggle for mental health is best fought with loved ones who can support the sufferer when they need it most. A single word to show that no one is alone in this struggle can save a life. Thank you to our listeners and our friends on Facebook for all the love, encouragement, and concern. It means everything.

Some outside factors came together all at once to form a nearly perfect storm of bad news that helped spiral Doug down the staircase to severe depression. Starting at 3 minutes and 24 seconds into the show, Doug gives some details about how close he really came to ending it all.

WARNING: Possible Trigger Alert! If anyone listening is particularly sensitive right now, please know that this discussion might contain possible triggers, so please be cautious and either save this episode for another time, or skip the section between 3:24 to about 7:30.

The good news is that Doug is currently feeling much better, partially due to the outpouring of support, which included the donation of a used acoustic guitar. This will help bring music back into his life, which is some of the best therapy a suffering musician can get.

This week we take a break from the heavy and serious topics and just have a lighthearted conversation. We recorded this podcast while connected to each other through video conferencing, so to us it felt more like we were both in one room just chatting. I think this made this show feel more conversational. Maybe in the future we’ll be able to record our videos as well and have a visual version of the show

We do discuss Doug’s DBS check up and how he’s feeling generally. He’s been up and down currently, so it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster for him. He was up during this show. We continue discussing the possibility of Doug doing voice acting work just to try to make ends meet. He has recorded his first sample for a demo reel we’re putting together, and we play it on the show. It’s a start!

This episode was recorded on September 10th, 2017, also known as the 15th Annual World Suicide Prevention Day. This year’s theme is “Take a minute, change a life.” We discuss what this means and just how being there to listen to someone who is crying for help can quite literally save their life.

Doug also discusses how his use of Adderall, and how the use of most mood drugs, can cause the body to deplete itself of key nutrients. Supplements such as CoQ10, magnesium, and some fatty acids like Omega-3’s, can greatly benefit anyone who is on mood stabilizers. Unfortunately, these tend to be a bit expensive, and becomes difficult for anyone who’s on disability to afford.

Speaking of income, to help Doug’s financial situation, we have started to work on building a voice acting portfolio for Doug to start helping himself. I have always believed in Doug’s talent, not only musically, but in his unique voice characterizations. He can do accents, read narrations, and has great comedic timing. His only problem is that his brain makes it very difficult for him to put together a cohesive plan to get things done. His lack of confidence in making decisions holds him back. After discussing it with him, we plan to work together to tackle this project in baby steps that I help define. One step at a time, we will get there, and he will succeed!