Unlearning Suicide as Selfish: Flight, Not Fight

We’ve been taught to call suicide selfish — but what if that story is wrong and harmful? In this deeply personal episode, I share my own suicide attempt and the years that followed through the lens of nervous system science and parts work (IFS). We’ll explore how suicidal despair isn’t aggression or fight — it’s the furthest edge of the flight response: a last, desperate attempt to escape pain.

Together, we’ll unlearn shame and examine why blame after crisis isolates the very people who need connection most. I’ll walk through my B.L.A.M.E. Framework™ — how blame shows up and what it costs — and offer the C.A.R.E. Method™ as a compassionate alternative: curiosity, accountability, repair, and empowerment.

B.L.A.M.E.

• Blame — shifting all responsibility onto one person
• Leverage — guilt or threats (“how could you do this to us?”)
• Assume — deciding someone’s motives instead of asking
• Misalignment — mismatching words & reality (numb ≠ fine)
• Exhaust — draining safety until survival is all that’s left

C.A.R.E.

• Curiosity — asking “what’s happening under the surface?”
• Accountability — owning impact without collapsing into shame
• Repair — apologies, restoring safety, seeking support to show up better
• Empowerment — helping people feel surviving isn’t failure

If this conversation stirs something for you, please take it gently. Reach out for support if you need it (in the U.S., call or text 988). You’re not alone — and your healing doesn’t have to wait for someone else to repair what was broken.