The Unlearning Room

Conflict doesn’t have to mean combat. In this episode of The Unlearning Room, we explore what happens when frustration turns into criticism — and how to shift from attack to authentic connection.

You’ll learn the difference between a complaint and a criticism, how to recognize your body’s response when shame or defensiveness shows up, and practical tools to pause, regulate, and repair — even when the conversation spirals.

We’ll also unpack what to do when self-reflection feels heavy or shame-filled, and why complaints are actually bids for connection.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I’m just trying to be heard,” this one’s for you.

Listen for:

• How to recognize when your nervous system hears “danger” instead of “disagreement”
• The six steps to redirect circular arguments
• What it means to reflect without collapsing into shame
• Reframing power, voice, and domination in communication

🪞 “Our interpretation of day-to-day experiences is influenced by the state of our nervous system.”

Find me on Instagram @theunlearningroompodcast
or visit cecilymay.com
.
New episodes drop weekly-ish on Thursdays.

#selfleadership #communication #family #relationships #conflictresolution #parenting #confidence #selfworth #compassion #growthmindset #healingjourney #unlearning #care

Unlearning Suicide as Selfish: Flight, Not Fight

We’ve been taught to call suicide selfish — but what if that story is wrong and harmful? In this deeply personal episode, I share my own suicide attempt and the years that followed through the lens of nervous system science and parts work (IFS). We’ll explore how suicidal despair isn’t aggression or fight — it’s the furthest edge of the flight response: a last, desperate attempt to escape pain.

Together, we’ll unlearn shame and examine why blame after crisis isolates the very people who need connection most. I’ll walk through my B.L.A.M.E. Framework™ — how blame shows up and what it costs — and offer the C.A.R.E. Method™ as a compassionate alternative: curiosity, accountability, repair, and empowerment.

B.L.A.M.E.

• Blame — shifting all responsibility onto one person
• Leverage — guilt or threats (“how could you do this to us?”)
• Assume — deciding someone’s motives instead of asking
• Misalignment — mismatching words & reality (numb ≠ fine)
• Exhaust — draining safety until survival is all that’s left

C.A.R.E.

• Curiosity — asking “what’s happening under the surface?”
• Accountability — owning impact without collapsing into shame
• Repair — apologies, restoring safety, seeking support to show up better
• Empowerment — helping people feel surviving isn’t failure

If this conversation stirs something for you, please take it gently. Reach out for support if you need it (in the U.S., call or text 988). You’re not alone — and your healing doesn’t have to wait for someone else to repair what was broken.

Blame feels powerful—it promises safety by pointing fingers. But beneath that noise is shame, fear, and disconnection. In this episode of The Unlearning Room, Mary-Cat (aka Cecily May) unpacks how blame masquerades as accountability—online, in our families, and in our closest relationships—and why it keeps us divided instead of connected.

You’ll hear:
 ✨ A personal story of growing up in a blame-saturated home.
 ✨ How shame and ego work together to fuel the blame reflex.
 ✨ The B.L.A.M.E. acronym for spotting blame patterns.
 ✨ What secure accountability really looks like (and why even 30% Self-energy matters).
✨ The C.A.R.E. Method™—four practical steps to move from blame’s false power to genuine connection.

Take a breath, settle in, and let’s unlearn the habit that divides—together.

🔗 Explore more: Visit www.theembodiedparentcoach.com 
to browse resources and tools—including frameworks like C.A.R.E. and B.L.A.M.E.—to deepen your own unlearning journey.

What if you’re not one “true self,” but a whole system of voices, impulses, and feelings?
 In this episode of The Unlearning Room, I explore Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the idea that multiplicity is the norm.

We’ll talk about:
 – Everyday “parts” and how they shape our choices and relationships
 – The difference between empathy (which can drain us) and compassion (which sustains us)
 – How IFS reframes attachment styles as parts strategies
 – Why re-parenting our inner system from an IFS perspective creates more space for presence and compassion

You’ll also hear personal stories from parenting, family wounds, and the teachings that helped me unlearn the myth of being singular.

✨ Unlearning takeaway: You’re not broken for being conflicted — you contain multitudes.

👉 New episodes drop weekly-ish, on Thursdays.
 Follow along on Instagram: @theunlearningroompodcast

More at: cecilymay.com

What happens when the career or calling you thought was “it”… no longer fits?

In this episode, I share my own pivots — from nearly two decades as a military spouse, to motherhood, to coaching, to retail, and now exploring corporate paths. Along the way, I’ve had to redefine what “success” really means.

We’ll talk about:
 • Why careers (like names) can become masks we hide behind.
 • How hustle culture and “shoulds” push us out of regulation.
 • The nervous system toll of chasing success at all costs.
 • Mantras and practices for loosening your grip on roles that no longer fit.

Success isn’t one ladder anymore — it’s a landscape. Pivoting isn’t failure; it’s listening.

🌱 Listen now on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube 

Who are you beyond the names you’ve been given? Beyond the labels, roles, or masks you’ve carried to keep others comfortable?

In this week’s episode of The Unlearning Room, I explore the many names I’ve worn — from Patricia Ann (for one hour at birth), to Mary Catherine (my legal name), to Cecily May (the name I created as a compass and container for my voice). I share the story of how names shaped my belonging, identity, and even sense of safety, and what it means to step into the version of myself that feels like home.

Together we’ll unpack:

• 🌹 The Shakespeare question: What’s in a name?
• 👶 The weight and history of names we didn’t choose.
• 💌 The affectionate names that root us in love — Mama, Mimi, Mary C.
• 🧠 Why our brains crave categories, and how names can become containers for identity.
• 🌍 The cultural and societal impact of names — from Ellis Island to modern research on names and bias.
• 🌿 Mantras for unlearning the roles that no longer fit.

This is a story about identity, belonging, and the freedom to unlearn who we thought we had to be.

✨ Mantras from this episode:
“Names are vessels, not verdicts.”
“Safety sometimes needs a shield; authenticity sometimes needs a return.”

🎧 Listen & Watch:

🍎 Apple Podcasts
🎧 Spotify
📺 YouTube

Follow along:
 📸 Instagram: @theunlearningroompodcast

🌐 Website: cecilymay.com

In this episode of The Unlearning Room, we’re talking about the messy, awkward, and beautifully human side of starting something new — and why comparison can rob us of the joy in it and growth from it.

I’ll share personal reflections on launching this podcast, why our human wiring makes comparison so tempting, and practical ways to anchor yourself when you feel pulled into measuring your worth against someone else’s highlight reel.

If you’ve ever held back because you didn’t feel “ready enough” or “good enough,” this one’s for you.

Listen to more episodes & stay connected: theembodiedparentcoach.com/the-unlearning-room-podcast

In this very first episode of The Unlearning Room, Cecily invites you into the heart of what this podcast is all about: slowing down, getting curious, and challenging the scripts we've been handed. From perfectionism to power dynamics, this isn't just about self-help-- it's about self-leadership.

You'll hear reflections on what it means to unlearn, why this process is both quiet and revolutionary, and how unlearning becomes a powerful path toward internal trust and relational health. 

Whether you're raising a child, healing your inner child, or simply craving more intention in your relationships-- welcome. You belong here.