Take the initiative to learn from all the resources that are out there. Recognize the importance of doing so for the benefit of adopted youth. - Meggin (Nam) Holtz

If you're interested in supporting adopted youth in your family or community, then we have inspiration for you in today's episode! You may be trying to provide a loving and understanding environment, but still seeing your child struggle with feelings of not belonging. If you're feeling like your efforts to connect with an adopted youth in your life are falling short, then you are not alone! It's common to feel frustrated and discouraged when you see your child grappling with identity issues despite your best efforts to support them.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Discover how adoption shapes identity exploration in youth.

• Explore the transformative power of artistic expression for adoptees.

• Uncover the complexities of searching for biological relatives as an adoptee, especially as a teen or young adult.

• Learn the importance of support and community for adopted youth.

My special guest is Meggin (Nam) Holtz

Joining us today is the remarkable Meggin (Nam) Holtz, an intercountry, interracial adoptee and adoption therapist. As a Korean adoptee who was raised in the US, Nam has been at the forefront of adoption advocacy, awareness, and support for over a decade. With a Master's in Social Work, she brings a wealth of expertise, working in a private practice with adopted individuals and their families, while also engaging in macro work towards adoption reform and education. Nam's award-winning documentary, Found in Korea, serves as a powerful catalyst for discussions about adoption among youth and young adults, showcasing her commitment to empowering adoptees and fostering understanding.

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📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

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The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Watch Nam's documentary film Found in Korea on Vimeo to gain insight into the experiences of intercountry, interracial adoptees who are searching for their birth parents: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/foundinkorea 

• Connect with Meggin (Nam) Holtz on Instagram at @foundinkoreafilm and on Facebook at Found in Korea

• Visit the website adoptioninformed.com to learn more about Nam's therapy practice and find her contact information for potential therapy sessions.

• Check out the Adoptee Mentoring Society that Nam mentioned, run by Angela Tucker: https://www.adopteementorship.org/

• Here are Pact's youth groups: https://pactadopt.org/youth-clubs/

• Find support groups and more events for all ages and all types of people touched by adoption at Beth's Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

• Explore the unravelingadoption.com website for resources, coaching groups, and individual coaching services for adoptive parents.

• Consider supporting the Unraveling Adoption podcast by visiting patreon.com/unravelingadoption to contribute to the show's maintenance and development.

Artistic Expression for Adoptees Artistic expression can serve as a vital cathartic outlet for adoptees' feelings of confusion or alienation. Activities like dance or music not only provide a form of non-verbal communication but also can help adoptees feel connected and accepted.

Identity and Adoption The concept of identity is complex for adoptees, being shaped by both their biological heritage and the family that raises them. Adopted youths often grapple with issues regarding self-identity, as they navigate the intersection of different cultures, races, and environments. Providing a supportive environment that appreciates these unique experiences can foster a stronger sense of self and understanding for adoptees.

Challenges of Biological Search It's common for adoptees to seek their biological roots to answer questions about identity and heritage. However, this journey can often be fraught with emotional turmoil and disappointment. Support and guidance during this process can prevent feelings of isolation and help the adoptees deal with complex emotions constructively.

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Other Resources: 

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

• Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

www.UnravelingAdoption.com

Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION

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Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:00:00 - Introducing the Guests Beth welcomes Joey as co-host, and introduces the guest, Meggin (Nam) Holtz, an intercountry, interracial adoptee, and adoption therapist. They discuss their personal experiences with adoption. 00:03:19 - The Power of Dance and Music Nam shares her experience as a professional dancer and the importance of dance and music in her life as a form of nonverbal communication and emotional regulation. Joey also shares his experience as a musician and how music has been a lifeline for him. 00:11:13 - The Journey to Making a Documentary Nam discusses her decision to make a documentary about her birth search and reunion in Korea. She shares the emotional process of deciding to search for her birth family and the challenges of documenting her journey on film. 00:13:46 - Navigating Korea Alone Beth inquires about Nam's experience of traveling to Korea by herself, not knowing the language, and managing the camera while documenting her emotional journey. They touch upon the challenges and emotional turmoil Nam faced during her trip. 00:09:29 - Identity and Alienation Joey shares his experience of feeling alienated and struggling with his identity as a minority in a predominantly white school and how it impacted his self-perception. Nam also reflects on her own challenges with identity and feeling alienated growing up in a white household. 00:14:02 - Emotional Challenges and Directing Nam shares the emotional challenges and behind-the-scenes work of directing her documentary. She discusses the struggle of maintaining composure on camera and the non-stop work during filming, highlighting the intense experience of creating the film. 00:16:11 - Visiting Country of Origin Nam encourages people to visit their country of origin, emphasizing the value of experiencing the space and its resonance without the pressure of fulfilling certain expectations. She reflects on her own powerful moment in the water on the island where she was born. 00:17:48 - Purpose of the Film Beth and Nam discuss the impact and purpose of the film, Found in Korea, for young adoptees and families. Nam shares her intention to create a positive and hopeful representation of searching for one's origins, emphasizing the importance of representation and early intervention in addressing adoption-related questions and losses. 00:23:36 - Learning and Growth Nam reflects on her family's openness to learning and acknowledges the changes and growth in her understanding of adoption over time. She discusses the evolving perspectives and terminology in the adoption community, highlighting the shifting nature of knowledge and awareness in this area. 00:27:40 - Teen Mentorship and Group Outings Nam and Joe discuss their experiences in teen mentorship and the impact of group outings for adoptee teens. They highlight the challenges of online adoption groups and the need for in-person connections. 00:28:55 - Barriers to Online Adoption Groups Joe expresses his preference for in-person meetings and the difficulty of building relationships online. Nam highlights the need for responsible leadership in in-person support groups for youth and mentions various online adoptee groups and meetups. 00:33:31 - Adoptees Not a Monolith The conversation delves into the diversity within the adoptee community, emphasizing the importance of recognizing different experiences, such as transracial adoption and age at adoption. They stress the need for understanding and acknowledging these differences. 00:36:53 - Challenges Faced by Youth Joe shares his perspective on societal expectations and the challenges faced by the younger generation. Nam acknowledges the need for adults to listen more and acknowledges the unique experiences and perspectives of today's youth. 00:39:12 - Taking Initiative to Learn and Speak Up Nam urges adoptive parents and community members to take the initiative to educate themselves about adoption experiences. They emphasize the importance of speaking up against the dominant narrative of adoption as purely positive and recognizing the complexities and losses involved. 00:42:23 - Reconnecting with Joe Beth expresses her excitement about having Joe back on the podcast and looks forward to more appearances in the future. 00:42:36 - Unraveling Adoption Beth shares information about the website, coaching groups, and resources available for adoptive parents. 00:42:50 - Support for Adoptive Parents Nam emphasizes the availability of free resources and coaching for adoptive parents, encouraging them to seek support. 00:43:06 - Conclusion and Call to Action Beth, Nam, and Joe express their gratitude for the conversation and encourage listeners to stay safe. Beth also mentions the Patreon account for those interested in supporting the podcast.

I think that it's definitely a complicated thing, no matter how great the conditions are. But it definitely did something for me to have contact with my biological part of the adoptee experience. - Ben Coolman

If the adoptee in your life is feeling overwhelmed by conflicting loyalties and uncertainty about where they belong, we want them to know they are not alone! Despite their efforts to maintain relationships with both sets of parents, they may find themself feeling torn between two worlds and struggling to find their own identity. This is a common experience for many kids and young adult adoptees who grew up in open adoptions, but there are ways to navigate this journey and find one’s authentic self.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Gain insight into unique open adoption experiences.

• Navigate the challenges for adoptees of maintaining relationships with multiple parents.

• Discover the need for support tailored for young male adoptees.

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📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

===============

My special guest is Ben Coolman

Ben Coolman, a 23-year-old philosophy grad student at Boston College, joins Beth on this episode. Ben's unique experience as a same-race domestic adoptee in an open adoption from birth brings a fresh perspective to understanding the dynamics of open adoption. Growing up with other siblings (not biologically related) in open adoptions, Ben offers valuable insights on navigating relationships with multiple sets of parents and the impact of openness on his life. His candid approach and personal journey provide a relatable and insightful take on the complexities of open adoption, making this episode a must-listen for adoptive parents, young adult adoptees navigating similar experiences, and community members who want to understand adoption's complexities better.

Here's how to find Ben:

• Follow Ben on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bencoolman1/

• Connect with Ben on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ben.coolman.10

• Reach out to Ben via email: [email protected]

Other Resources:

• Male adoptee support groups (Community Calendar filtered for Male Adoptees only): https://airtable.com/app2ZqjhAS6xbLNBt/shroqjNUz502b5FJE

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

Navigating the ComplexitiesNavigating an open adoption's complex dynamic demands strength and an intuitive understanding of human emotions. Ben discussed how managing relationships with four parents can occasionally be challenging, especially the pressure to spend equal time with each parent. He also emphasized the importance of personal growth, self-security, and following intuition when managing the demanding task of evenly divided attention and care.

===============

Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com

Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION

===============

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:00:00 - Introduction and Background Beth introduces the podcast and her guest, Ben Coolman, a 23-year-old adoptee in an open adoption. Ben shares his origin story, highlighting how his biological parents selected his adoptive parents before his birth. 00:03:55 - Childhood Perceptions Ben reflects on his childhood perceptions of adoption, including his naive belief that everyone gets adopted. He also discusses his experiences with visits from his biological parents and their influence on his understanding of adoption. 00:08:18 - Contrasting Relationships Ben explores the differences between his biological and adoptive parents, highlighting their unique sensibilities and the distinct ways he bonds with each of them. He also touches on his evolving understanding of the adoption experience as he matures into adulthood. 00:10:01 - Navigating Relationships Ben discusses the challenges of managing multiple parental relationships as a young adult. He shares his experience of balancing holiday visits between his biological and adoptive families, highlighting the complexities of maintaining these connections. 00:13:47 - Personal Reflections Ben reflects on his personality traits, noting his fluctuation between being assertive and considering others' needs. He also shares his attempts to integrate and balance his relationships by finding a sense of belonging between his adoptive family in Providence, Boston, and New York. 00:14:08 - Building in the Woods with Biological Father Ben sets aside a month every summer to build in the woods with his biological father, sacrificing time with friends. He shares about their construction projects and the intense experience of working together for a month. 00:16:20 - Advantages of Open Adoption Ben reflects on the positive aspects of growing up in an open adoption, including exposure to diverse experiences and the interest his biological parents have in him. He emphasizes the unique nature of his own open adoption experience. 00:18:13 - Disadvantages of Open Adoption Ben discusses the complexities of open adoption, including the internal struggle of feeling pulled between his biological and adoptive parents. He shares how the contrasting backgrounds and careers of his parents have influenced his perspective. 00:23:16 - Impact of Open Adoption on Identity Ben delves into how open adoption has helped him make sense of his story, providing insight into his background and the reasons behind his adoption. He explores the concept of the adoption constellation and its influence on his journey to self-coherence. 00:24:53 - Nature vs. Nurture Ben reflects on the interplay between nature and nurture in shaping his identity, acknowledging the impact of both sets of parents on his development. He discusses how his career path aligns with his adoptive parents' backgrounds while being influenced by his biological parents' sensibilities. 00:27:46 - Connecting with Young Men The host expresses the need for more young men to connect with her son Joey and highlights his son's deep thinking. Ben offers to interact with people on social media and shares his contact information.

I think for my mother, she didn't always really see me quite as a person of equal value. - Janell Strube

A biracial adoptee, Janell Strube, shares her powerful journey of navigating racial identity and the impact of racism behind closed doors. Did she ever find the acceptance and understanding she sought?

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Realize the complexities of biracial identity.

• Begin to understand the impact of racism on identity formation.

• Navigate the unique challenges of biracial identity.

• Learn how to create a supportive environment for biracial or transracial adopted people.

• Break the cycle of intergenerational trauma through awareness and action.

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My special guest is Janell Strube

Janell Strube is an accomplished domestic interracial adoptee, memoirist, novelist, and poet. With her unique perspective as an biracial adoptee and an adoptive parent, she navigates the complexities of race and adoption with depth and insight. Having been adopted at just four days old through a church adoption and growing up in a predominantly white community, she faced challenges and prejudices that shaped her understanding of her biracial identity. Her writings and poetry offer a powerful glimpse into her journey, providing valuable insights for parents of biracial children seeking guidance and understanding.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Check out Janell Strube's memoir, novels, and poetry to gain further insight into her adoptee experiences:  janellstrube.com

• Find Janell on Instagram: @janellstrube

• Subscribe to Janell's Substack: https://janellstrube.substack.com/

• Attend adoption-related events, screenings, and gatherings in your local area to connect with others in the adoption community: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

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📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

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Exploring impact of racism on biracial identity Racism can play a significant role in the development of a biracial identity, particularly when it manifests within the familial setting, as encountered by Janell. This can lead to confusion, insecurity, and emotional distress, potentially disrupting a child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The way in which a family navigates and counteracts racism can heavily influence a child's perception of their racial identity and their ability to fully embrace their dual heritage.

Learning strategies to navigate challenges Navigating the challenges of biracial identity formation involves actively embracing and valuing the child's distinct cultural backgrounds. Acknowledging and addressing inherent prejudice, providing positive role models from both of the child's racial backgrounds, and listening to and validating the child's experiences are strategies that can cultivate a supportive environment. As in Janell's experience, writing can also be used as a tool for healing and making sense of one's racial identity.

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Here's Janell's Tree poem:

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Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:17 - Early Childhood and Adoption Janell shares that she was adopted when she was four days old through a church adoption. Her birth mother, who was white, made the decision to relinquish her. Janell also reveals that she was introduced as a "mulatto child" during her childhood. 00:03:32 - Discovering Her Biracial Identity Janell explains that she learned she was adopted and biracial when she was three years old. She recalls the emotions she felt upon finding out and how her parents handled the revelation. She also discusses her perception of herself as both black and white. 00:05:59 - Community and Racism Janell discusses her experience growing up in a predominantly white community. She shares that she faced racism from some members of her community and struggled with the lack of support or protection from her parents. She also reflects on her parents' pride in adopting a mulatto child. 00:09:26 - Lack of Context and Value Janell talks about the lack of context her parents provided regarding her adoption and how it affected her sense of identity. She also mentions that her mother didn't always see her as a person of equal value, which has been an ongoing source of pain. 00:13:41 - Experiencing Racism in Closed Doors The guest shares her personal experience of racism within her own family, including her birth grandmother's refusal to be called grandmother and her birth mother's family's rejection of her because she is biracial. 00:14:31 - The Impact of Racist Comments Racist comments have a deep and lasting impact on children who are adopted into families that ignore or perpetuate racism. The guest describes these comments as cuts on the soul, causing long-term emotional and psychological harm. 00:15:19 - Lack of Cultural and Racial Mirrors The guest discusses the lack of cultural and racial mirrors in her early life, with white people dominating her surroundings and no role models to look up to. It was only later, in high school, that she found a black friend who became her cultural mirror. 00:16:41 - Uncomfortable Interracial Experience The guest's mother felt embarrassed when they attended a Jesse Jackson event where they were the only white people. It was a moment that made her mother uncomfortable and gave her a glimpse of what it feels like to be the racial minority. 00:20:12 - Writing as a Coping Mechanism The guest turned to writing as a coping mechanism, using it as a way to express her feelings and experiences that couldn't be openly discussed or shared. Writing became a tool for self-expression and a way to release the pain she felt. 00:27:33 - Being a Bridge The guest discusses the importance of being a bridge between two worlds and finding inner strength to navigate challenges and find purpose. 00:28:10 - Fostering Children The guest shares her experience growing up as an adopted child and how it inspired her to become a foster parent. She highlights the need for better treatment and support for children in foster care. 00:29:28 - Adopting her Son The guest talks about adopting her son after his mother passed away and how she made a daily commitment to him. She acknowledges the struggles he faces but expresses pride in his resilience and ability to find joy in life. 00:31:32 - Mother-Son Bond The guest shares a precious memory of visiting her son in Florida and wearing matching hats. She describes their close bond and her admiration for his big heart. 00:33:07 - Advice for Parents of Biracial Children Janell provides advice for parents of biracial children, emphasizing the importance of examining prejudices, modeling non-racist behavior, and valuing all cultures. She also encourages parents to listen to and advocate for their children's experiences. 00:41:41 - Connecting with Family Janell discusses how she connects with both sides of her family and sees herself as a part of them, whether for good or bad. She expresses that writing her memoir is helping her process her experiences and put them into perspective. 00:42:30 - Complex Lives Janell reflects on the complexity of her own life and the lives of those involved in her adoption. She discusses the importance of understanding the struggles and pain of her adoptive mother and birth mother, and how it shapes her perspective. 00:43:45 - Generational Trauma The conversation shifts to the concept of intergenerational trauma and how it is passed down through genes. Janell believes in the truth of epigenetics and how the trauma of her ancestors is present within her. She emphasizes the importance of mitigating pain for future generations. 00:45:01 - Unconditional Love and Acceptance Janell highlights the importance of unconditional love and acceptance within her family, especially as an adoptive parent herself. She acknowledges the need to let children find their own path and not see them as mirrors of ourselves. 00:47:19 - Validating Adoptees' Stories Janell expresses gratitude for being able to share her story and emphasizes the importance of adoptive parents listening to adoptees without trying to minimize or invalidate their experiences. She hopes that her story will help others understand the complexities of adoption.

While I'm away this Thanksgiving week, I wanted to make the recording of our recent Adoptee Remembrance Day vigil available to you all. The live Zoom event was on October 30, 2023. Hear powerful personal stories, emotional poetry, and calls for greater awareness of adoptee suicide, murder, and deportation.

TO WATCH THE VIDEO OF THE EVENT, click here: https://youtu.be/uun76F2JQpE

TO ACCESS THE WRITTEN PROGRAM FOR THE EVENT, click here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vAkPZW1duk8UlOFhWIfS0ki5xJldn88CtRVJiq9jYwg/edit?usp=sharing

===============

📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

===============

SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES:

• 988 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org/

• "Adoptees are Dying, But Adoption Agencies Continue to Neglect Our Cries" - Essay by ARD creator Pamela Karanova: https://therealadopteamoxie.substack.com/p/adoptees-are-dying-but-adoption-agencies

• Adoption and Suicide Prevention: Adult Adoptees Speak Out - Video from AFFCNY: https://www.affcny.network/posts/rebroadcast-adoption-and-suicide-prevention-adult-adoptees-speak-out-agape-monthly-educational-trainings-33532586

• Ask Us Anything About Suicidality - Video from Beth Syverson and Frank King, with Joey Nakao: https://youtu.be/5SrnyyT9Jh4

• Chronic Suicidality with Frank King - Unraveling Adoption podcast episode: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/25558560

• Psych Hospitals & Suicidal Ideation - Unraveling Adoption podcast episode with Joey Nakao: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/25558716

• Toward Preventing Adoption-Related Suicide- essay by Mirah Riben: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/toward-preventing-adoptio_b_8127882?fbclid=IwAR37CB0IuVD8rRy-ACkUiHhvH9o-Qo2-RotQ1UfkXLN0LDt8LSCU5OHy6X4

OTHER RESOURCES FROM OUR PRESENTERS:

• Rent Rebecca Autumn Sansom's documentary Reckoning with the Primal Wound: https://reckoningwiththeprimalwound.vhx.tv/buy/reckoning-with-the-primal-wound-2  

• Unraveling Adoption is organizing a panel discussion called "Sacred Plant Medicine for Healing the Adoption Constellation: How psychedelic journeys can heal trauma" on December 3. Free tickets and more information here: https://healingadoptiontrauma.eventbrite.com

• Healing the Adoption Constellation Database - find all kinds of practitioners who work with adoptees, birth parents, and/or adoptive parents: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

I'm so grateful to be in community with you all as we delve deeply into these difficult topics around adoption trauma, suicidality, murder, deportation, and the deep pain that most adoptees feel. Please reach out to me or someone you trust if you are feeling dysregulated after hearing or watching this recording. It's important but heavy material to process!

Other resources:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

• Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

===============

Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

www.UnravelingAdoption.com

Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:00:02 - Introduction Beth introduces the episode and explains that it will be a recording of the Adoptee Remembrance Day service from October 30, 2023. She encourages listeners to watch the video for a more immersive experience. 00:01:26 - Purpose of Adoptee Remembrance Day Beth explains that Adoptee Remembrance Day was created to raise awareness of crimes against adoptees, honor the lives of those lost, and bring attention to adoptee suicide and the issue of international adoptees living without citizenship. 00:04:31 - Self-care and Support Beth emphasizes the importance of self-care during the emotional event and encourages listeners to reach out for support if needed. She also provides the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline number. 00:05:01 - Grounding Exercise Beth guides listeners through a grounding exercise to connect with their hearts, the present participants, and the adoption community. 00:05:25 - Adoptee Remembrance Day 2020 Adoptee Moses Farrow shares a touching video he made 3 years ago, the first Adoptee Remembrance Day. 00:09:35 - "Out of the Adoption Fog" Emily Alber shares her poem and artwork 00:10:42 - "A Very Important Day" Christine Warmus Murphy reads a poem about her adopted brother who died by suicide. 00:13:42 - Excerpt from Side by Side: Out of a Korean Orphanage and Into the World Glenn Morey's film project provides many stories of Korean adoptees. This one is a young woman who attempted suicide. 00:17:13 - "Landon" Janell Strube reads a poem she wrote about Landon Maloberti, a young boy who was murdered by his adoptive parents. 00:19:23 - "My Other Loss" Liz DeBetta reads her poem and shares her artwork 00:23:08 - Honoring her daughter Jane Birth mother Lorraine Dusky reflects about her relinquished daughter's difficult life that ended in suicide. 00:27:37 - "Ungrateful" Ande Scott reads her poem 00:29:30 - Reckoning with the Primal Wound Filmmaker Rebecca Autumn Sansom introduces the trailer to her adoption documentary 00:31:58 - "Why I Write Poetry" Poet Michael Grenfell shares his work 00:33:32 - "What Will Become of My Mother Birth mother Mimi Janes reads a poem by Beth Brown 00:38:08 - "Dying to Know" from For the Records Chance Ibáñez, Joel Ibáñez, and Beth Syverson perform a song from Rich Uhrlaub's new adoption musical 00:43:55 - "Be Grateful You Weren't Adopted" Peter Capomolla Moore shares his poem 00:47:26 - Honoring her son Ray Birth mother Laura Engel shares the story of her reunion with her son who later died by suicide 00:53:35 - Opportunity to donate to Adoptees Connect; with "Worth It" Attendees are urged to donate to Pamela Karanova's nonprofit organization at AdopteesConnect.org while Joseph Nakao's music video is played 00:56:42 - Excerpt from "Being Adopted" Collective art project by Nicole Rademacher, with background music by Joseph Nakao 00:59:54 - "Integration" Liz DeBetta reads a second poem she wrote 01:03:57 - Silence and Lighting Our Path Forward After a moment of silence, the attendees observed a moment of silence, then lifted our candles up to the camera. Emily Alber's artwork was displayed during this section 01:04:59 - Gratitude and Dismissal A reminder to be gentle with ourselves and to care for the adoptees in our lives. If anyone is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reach out to the suicidal crisis lifeline (988) or the adoption community. Every individual is valuable, and we need you all here. Gratitude is expressed for the adoptees and birth parents who participated in the event. Attendees are encouraged to pour themselves into supporting adoptees with compassion and effective advocacy. Mental health support is available through the Adoption Constellation database. (UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing) In honor of Beth's son's intention, participants are invited to unmute themselves and say "stay safe." Emphasizing the importance of mental health, they encourage everyone to take care of themselves and seek support when needed.

Reserve your FREE ticket to the Sacred Plant Medicine for Healing the Adoption Constellation webinar featuring Mee Ok as one of the panelists, December 3 at 1pm PST: https://healingadoptiontrauma.eventbrite.com

When you're in the margins and outside of the dominant narrative, you're very aware of what is just taken for granted. - Mee Ok Icaro

A transformative journey unfolds as Mee Ok, a Korean transnational adoptee, embraces the healing power of Ayahuasca, finding dramatic physical healing, challenging her beliefs, and finding spiritual growth amidst the risks and rewards of this sacred plant medicine.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Discover the transformative power of Ayahuasca on one's healing journey.

• Explore cultural assimilation in the context of sacred plant medicines.

• Learn about how sacred plant medicines (psychedelics) can treat and cure autoimmune diseases.

• Understand the profound connection between the mind and body, and how it impacts physical ailments.

• Explore the responsible and ethical use of sacred plant medicines for personal growth and healing.

===============

📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

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My special guest is Mee Ok Icaro

Mee Ok Icaro is a noted writer, poet, teacher, book doula, and sacred medicine support practitioner. Born in Korea and adopted by a white evangelical couple in the US, her personal journey has been shaped by the complexities of transracial and transcultural adoption. Mee Ok was one of the case studies in Dr. Gabor Maté's recent book, The Myth of Normal, where she shared her experiences of overcoming scleroderma through the use of sacred plant medicines. Her story was also featured in an episode of Netflix's series [Un]Well, shedding light on her healing journey. Mee Ok's expertise and insights have led her to participate in Dr. Maté's panel for his Wisdom of Trauma Summit, where she shared her profound knowledge on the responsible use of sacred plant medicines. Her upcoming involvement in Unraveling Adoption's Sacred Plant Medicine for Healing the Adoption Constellation panel promises to offer valuable perspectives on how adoption, trauma, and physical pain can be transformed by sacred plant medicines.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Find out more about the upcoming Sacred Plant Medicine for Healing the Adoption Constellation panel on December 3, 2023: https://healingadoptiontrauma.eventbrite.com

• Read Dr. Gabor Maté's book The Myth of Normal to delve into the cultural separation of the mind-body connection: https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Illness-Healing-Culture/dp/0593083881

• Watch the episode of Netflix's series [Un]Well featuring Mee Ok Ikoro, and learn more about her journey with healing through plant medicine: https://mee-ok.com/netflix-unwell/

• Contact Mee Ok for a free 20-minute consultation for writing coaching or sacred medicine support practitioner for your own healing journey: HealingCompassionate.space

• Watch an endorsement video by Dr. Gabor Maté of Mee Ok's coaching work: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Lxr4hmNBeunxCw_rHjdy6hZVnZWxbXul/view

• Find an adorable photo of Mee Ok from when she was a Girl Scout: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1u2k0BJJq1dUzdavAVmIvMa3AynlKUowb/view?usp=sharing

• Review previous podcast guest Glenn Morey's Korean adoptee project Side By Side: https://sidebysideproject.com/

• Read Mee Ok's article in Michael Pollan's Medium anthology: https://medium.com/s/trips-worth-telling/ayahuasca-let-me-walk-again-43e429fcf522

• Look into Soltara, the Costa Rica organization that holds ayahuasca ceremony retreats, and use the code MEEOK for a discount: https://tinyurl.com/meeok

• Hear the Unraveling Adoption episode that Beth and Joey did about psychedelics here: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/25558749

• Request a free consultation from Mee Ok at HoldingCompassionate.space

Transformative Power of Ayahuasca Ayahuasca, a plant medicine native to the Amazon, is renowned for its transformative potential. This sacred plant allows individuals to tap into deeper levels of consciousness, confront unresolved trauma, and initiate profound spiritual and personal growth. However, engaging with Ayahuasca requires due diligence, caution, and support from reputable indigenous healers to ensure a safe and efficacious journey.

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

• Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

www.UnravelingAdoption.com

Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:28 - Mee Ok's Adoption Story Mee Ok shares her experience of being adopted from Korea by a white evangelical couple in the US. She talks about her upbringing and the challenges she faced, including childhood sexual abuse by her adoptive father. She also mentions her search for her birth family. 00:05:29 - Finding Birth Mother through Ayahuasca Mee Ok shares her journey with Ayahuasca and how it helped her find her birth mother. She describes the process of fasting and being alone in the woods while working with the plant as well as the incredible coincidence of receiving an email from her adoption agency informing her that her birth mother had returned to their offices on the same day she started her fast. 00:11:41 - Healing and Understanding Mee Ok discusses her healing journey through plant medicine, trauma work, and connecting with her birth family. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the intentional misplacements and eradication of records in adoption 00:14:41 - The Market for Adoption in Korea The guest explains that the market for adoption in Korea was created due to complex social issues and economic devastation. The flow of money has made it difficult to stop the adoption market. 00:16:06 - Cultural Context of Korea Mee Ok discusses the cultural context of Korea, highlighting its Christianization and the presence of U.S. military bases. She also reflects on her experience as a Korean adoptee growing up in a diverse community, then a homogeneous one. 00:18:02 - Transracial Adoption and Assimilation The guest shares her experience with transracial adoption and how her parents followed the convention of assimilation. She talks about her mother's efforts to introduce Korean culture, but her own desire to be seen as an American kid. 00:19:26 - Illness and the Search for Healing The guest recounts her journey of falling ill with scleroderma and seeking various treatments, including Western medicine and alternative therapies. She explains how she discovered Ayahuasca as a potential healing tool. 00:24:47 - Ayahuasca at Home Due to her physical limitations, Mee Ok initially had to bring Ayahuasca into her own space and drink it at home. She shares her experience of using Ayahuasca as a therapeutic tool for healing while bedridden. 00:28:22 - The Healing Power of Communication Mee Ok discusses how advancements in communication technology have allowed her to overcome the challenges she faced due to her disability. She mentions that she is now able to walk and no longer needs a wheelchair. 00:28:54 - Lack of Coverage for Alternative Healing Mee Ok expresses frustration with the modern healthcare system's lack of coverage for alternative healing methods, such as Ayahuasca, which is the only effective medicine has found in her own healing journey. She highlights the narcissism and self-interest of Western medicine and the financial interests involved. 00:30:27 - The Mind-Body Connection The guest explores the connection between physical and emotional pain, particularly in relation to autoimmune diseases like scleroderma. She shares her belief that healing should be holistic and not limited to psychotherapy or physicality alone. 00:31:51 - Ayahuasca and Healing in the Jungle The guest describes her experiences with Ayahuasca ceremonies in the jungle and the profound healing she has experienced. She mentions the Shipibo tradition and their expertise in working with Ayahuasca and other medicinal plants. 00:34:37 - Ayahuasca as Sacred Medicine The guest explains her perspective on Westerners becoming guides or practitioners in the Ayahuasca tradition. She believes it should remain with the native people who have preserved it for thousands of years and sees the role of Westerners as supporters rather than leaders. 00:42:30 - Finding a Legitimate Ayahuasca Healer It's important to vet Ayahuasca healers before booking a retreat, as there are many illegitimate practitioners. Due to its illegal status, finding trustworthy healers can be challenging, and personal connections are often necessary. 00:43:04 - The Darker Elements of Ayahuasca Ayahuasca experiences can have negative aspects, including energetic attacks. It's crucial to work with reputable healers and be protected during the process. Soltara is recommended by the guest as a reputable retreat center. 00:43:30 - Restoring the Soul through Ayahuasca Ayahuasca healers often help restore one's soul, especially for those who feel disconnected. Mee Ok, who was previously an atheist, had a profound experience with Ayahuasca that transformed her perspective. 00:44:22 - Importance of Support and Integration Ayahuasca journeys can leave individuals feeling isolated. Having allies and support during the integration process is crucial. The host shares her own experience of finding an integration circle for her son. 00:46:38 - Ayahuasca as Serious Medicine Ayahuasca should be approached with the same seriousness as Western medicine. It's not something to be taken lightly, and thorough research and finding the right practitioners are essential for a safe and transformative experience.

"Being commodified, treated as an object, as a thing that can be returned or exchanged, deeply affects us. I am not a thing." - Moses Farrow

Did you know that adoptees are at least four times as likely to attempt suicide as their non-adopted peers? In this episode, Moses Farrow will shed light on the truth behind high suicide rates among adopted people, and will provide resources to help prevent adoptee suicide.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Gain a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by adoptees and how to provide meaningful support throughout their journey.

• Uncover the alarming realities of high suicide rates among adoptees and discover strategies to prevent this tragedy.

• Explore a wide range of mental health resources specifically tailored to meet the unique needs of adoptees.

• Develop critical thinking skills to examine and question the adoption industry, promoting transparency and ethical practices for the benefit of all involved.

My special guest is Moses Farrow

Moses Farrow is an esteemed guest on Unraveling Adoption, bringing a wealth of expertise and personal insights to the discussion. As an intercountry, interracial adopted person from South Korea, Moses resides at the complex intersection of adoption, race, disability, mental health, and activism. With over two decades of experience in the mental health field, Moses has dedicated his work to serving adopted individuals and other at-risk populations. His passion for advocating a complete paradigm shift in the adoption industry is rooted in his tragic personal experiences, having lost three adopted siblings to suicide. Drawing from his extensive background and firsthand knowledge, Moses offers a unique perspective on the challenges faced by adopted people and the importance of prioritizing mental health support. We are privileged to have Moses join us on this episode as we explore the pressing issue of adoptee suicide and discuss strategies for prevention and support.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Explore Moses' website: https://www.transformadoption.com/

• Follow Moses Farrow on social media to stay updated on his work in the mental health field.

• Consider seeking therapy or counseling for yourself or your adopted family member if you are struggling with mental health or adoption-related issues. Find a list of practitioners that care for those touched by adoption here: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

• If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, reach out for help immediately. If you're in the U.S. call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

• Here are other Unraveling Adoption episodes and workshops related to adoptee suicide, suicidality, and suicide prevention:

  • Psych Hospitals & Suicidal Ideation (with Joey): https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/25558716

  • Chronic Suicidality with Frank King: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/25558560

  • Ask Us Anything: Suicide Edition: https://youtu.be/5SrnyyT9Jh4

  • Virtual Candlelight Vigil for Adoptee Remembrance Day 2023: https://youtu.be/uun76F2JQpE

Understanding Adoptee Challenges In this insightful conversation, Moses Farrow shares his personal experiences as an adoptee, bringing attention to the significant difficulties often faced by individuals in the same situation. He discusses the feeling of being a "square peg in a round hole," highlighting the common struggle of adoptees navigating their cultural identity and fitting into their adoptive families. Moses' shared insights underscore the importance of providing support, understanding, and validation for the unique challenges adoptees face.

Tailored Mental Health Resources The discussion underscores the need for comprehensive mental health support for adoptees, taking into account the specific traumas and challenges they face. Moses highlights the prevalence of adoption trauma, urging for it to be understood as a normal response to traumatic experiences rather than pathologized as a mental disorder. He advocates for integrated mental health resources that consider the adoptee's whole experience, providing essential validation and facilitating healing and well-being.

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:22 - Adoptee Suicide Beth discusses the topic of adoptee suicide and shares her personal connection to it through her son Joey. Moses, who has lost three adopted siblings to suicide, emphasizes the need for better support and understanding of adopted individuals to prevent more suicides. 00:03:19 - Moses' Origin Story Moses shares his adoption story, being adopted from South Korea at the age of two. He reflects on his Korean identity and having cerebral palsy, which he believes was caused by a difficult birth experience. 00:06:21 - Childhood Dreams Moses discusses his childhood dreams and aspirations, including wanting to be an astronaut, a movie director, and a musician. He reflects on how his interests and goals evolved over time. 00:08:15 - Mental Health and Therapy Moses talks about growing up in a large adoptive family and navigating complex relationships. He reveals that he is a survivor of child abuse and highlights the lack of mental health support during his childhood, focusing more on physical health issues. 00:17:36 - Adoption as Commodification The guest shares a story from South Korea about how he feels that adoption commodifies human beings. The term "rehomed" is discussed, highlighting the disrespectful connotation it carries. The guest expresses frustration with the language used in pet adoption and human adoption. 00:18:47 - Feeling Like a Square Peg in a Round Hole The experience of being adopted is compared to feeling like a square peg in a round hole. The guest discusses not feeling like they fit in or belong anywhere, describing the struggle of not feeling Korean enough or American enough. 00:19:18 - Adopted People and Suicide Adopted individuals are four times more likely to attempt suicide. The guest acknowledges the attention given to anxiety, depression, and suicide in recent years, particularly among teens. They discuss the importance of understanding suicide within its own context and the need to destigmatize and normalize conversations about it. 00:20:41 - Normalizing Mental Health and Suicide The guest highlights the increased attention given to mental health and suicide in society, similar to the normalization of the COVID-19 pandemic. They emphasize the importance of open conversations and building support networks to validate and acknowledge individuals' struggles. 00:24:07 - Suicide Prevention as an Ongoing Journey Suicide prevention and mental wholeness cannot be viewed as achieving a goal or reaching a finish line. It is an ongoing journey and practice of self-reflection, curiosity, and intention. 00:34:57 - The Coercion in Adoption The conversation delves into the issue of voluntary adoption and questions whether individuals and institutions can truly make the decision without being influenced by the culture of coercion surrounding them. 00:35:29 - Preventing Adoption Trauma The focus shifts to the high rate of suicide attempts among adopted individuals and the need for support. The conversation emphasizes the importance of checking on adopted people regularly and providing mental health support. 00:36:02 - Updating Research on Adoption The lack of updated research on the mental health of adopted individuals is discussed, along with the need to recognize adoption trauma as a public health crisis. Mental health support and reconnecting with their pre-adoption lives are seen as crucial in addressing this issue. 00:37:23 - Overcoming Adoption Stereotypes Adopted individuals often face societal pressure to be grateful and not speak out about their experiences. The conversation emphasizes the need to recognize and validate adoptees' experiences, elevating their voices and understanding the lifelong impact of adoption. 00:41:04 - Creating Safe Spaces The importance of creating safe spaces for adoptees to share their experiences is highlighted. Sharing personal stories humanizes adoptees and challenges the commodification and dehumanization perpetuated by the adoption industry. The conversation emphasizes the need for a comprehensive approach to addressing adoption trauma.

Register at HeatherRossCoaching.com or at https://HappyEnough.eventbrite.com

Do you have a child or loved one struggling with addiction or mental health issues? Are you dreading the holidays?

Happy Enough Holidays is an interactive workshop hosted by Heather Ross and Beth Syverson Tuesday, November 14th 4:30 – 6:00 pm PST / 7:30 – 9:00 pm EST $20 for 90-minute interactive workshop

• A Supportive Immersive Experience: Curate your holiday experience with other parents who face similar challenges and understand you during this live workshop. Custom exercises tailored to your needs and situation to help you create a clear vision for supporting yourself and your child through the holidays
• Reimagine Your Holidays: Rewrite the rules and set your own standards for the holidays. Uncover newfound clarity, embrace realistic expectations, and let your holiday season be a uniquely crafted experience that’s entirely your own
• Unlock Your Inner Strength and Resilience: Resilience isn’t a fixed trait It’s a muscle that can be strengthened. Together we will unlock the power within you to face holiday uncertainty head-on.
• Two Inspiring Coaches: Heather Ross and Beth Syverson are your seasoned guides through this journey. They bring years of expertise and a wealth of knowledge in helping families navigate addiction

Register at HeatherRossCoaching.com or at https://HappyEnough.eventbrite.com

"Supporting a birth mother doesn't mean just offering empty words, but actively showing her what support looks like and helping her make informed decisions." - Abby Hasberry

Have you ever experienced a life-changing twist that completely altered your life view? Abby Hasberry's story of being raised in a transracial adoptive family takes an unexpected turn at age 16, revealing the complexities and challenges faced by both transracial adoptees and birth parents.

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📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

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In this episode, you will be able to:

• Gain a deeper understanding of the unique challenges faced by transracial adoptees, helping you provide better support and empathy as an adoptive parent, ally, or professional in the adoption field.

• Discover the often overlooked experiences of birth parents in adoption, allowing you to have a more comprehensive perspective and offer more compassionate support.

• Learn about some of the problematic practices in the adoption industry, empowering you to advocate for positive change and ensure ethical adoption processes.

• Explore the importance of therapy in addressing racialized trauma in transracial adoptees, equipping you with valuable insights and tools to help them heal and thrive.

• Dive into the inner work and forgiveness journey in adoption, enabling you to approach adoption from a place of empathy, understanding, and healing.

My special guest is Dr. Abby Hasberry

Dr. Abby Hasberry is our esteemed guest on this episode of Unraveling Adoption. With a background as a domestic transracial adoptee and birth parent, Abby brings a unique perspective to our discussion. Having worked as an educator and principal before transitioning to a career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, Abby is well-versed in supporting adoptees and birth parents on their healing journey. Her therapeutic approach incorporates brainspotting, narrative therapy, and parts work to address the trauma experienced by individuals in the adoption process.

Resources:

• Explore Dr. Abby Hasberry's website to learn more about her therapy practice and the services she offers for adoptees and birth parents: https://dearabbyllc.org/

• Find many more of Abby’s offerings on her Linktree: https://linktr.ee/d.e.a.r.abby

Supporting Birth Parents in Adoption - Birth parents, particularly those coerced into giving up their children for adoption, bear significant emotional trauma that often worsens over time. It is crucial to provide these parents with the necessary support, including comprehensive counseling and space to grieve. Abby Hasberry stresses that these parents also need acknowledgment for the immense loss they suffer, something that the adoption system often neglects.

Advocating for Ethical Adoption Practices - Abby shares that the adoption industry often exploits vulnerable pregnant women, prioritizing the provision of infants to adoptive parents over family preservation. She calls attention to the need for transformative change in the adoption system, advocating for more ethical and responsible practices. This includes offering expectant mothers unbiased support, helping them thoroughly understand their options and the long-term effects of their decisions.

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:26 - Abby's Adoption Story Abby shares that she was adopted in 1971 by white parents who wanted a big family. However, due to the National Black Social Workers (NABSW) statement on transracial adoption in 1972, her parents were unable to adopt another black child. Abby discusses the implications of this statement and the challenges she faced growing up as the only black child in her family . 00:03:02 - Racial Bias and Identity Beth and Abby discuss how racial bias is present in society and how it can impact transracial adoptees. Abby shares her experience of having a strong black identity and how it sometimes clashed with her mother's racial biases. They also touch on the importance of acknowledging and addressing racial biases. 00:05:34 - Growing Up in a Predominantly White Community Abby talks about her experience growing up in a predominantly white community, where she was often the only black person in her grade. She explains how this influenced her sense of identity and the challenges she faced as a black teenager, especially when she started embracing her black culture and dating black boys. 00:12:11 - Making the Decision to Place Abby discusses her decision to place her child for adoption and the lack of support she received from her parents. She also talks about feeling pressured to give up her plans for college and track. 00:13:49 - Coercion and Lack of Support Abby reflects on the lack of clear support she received from her parents during the decision-making process. She shares how they used her passion for track as a way to pressure her into choosing adoption without offering concrete solutions or assistance. 00:14:41 - Language and Identity Abby discusses the different terms she uses to describe her experience, such as "gave up for adoption" or "placed." She talks about the importance of using politically correct language, even if it doesn't fully align with her personal feelings. 00:15:00 - Being Black in a White Family Abby reflects on her experience of being a black child in a white family. She shares that while her parents didn't treat her differently, she often felt different. Education and achievement were valued in her family, but race didn't play a significant role in her upbringing. 00:15:28 - Race and the Adoption Decision Abby discusses the role race played in her decision to place her child for adoption. She initially wanted to find an educated family with black members, but later discovered that her child was adopted transracially by a white family. She expresses her disappointment and frustration with this realization. 00:24:17 - Issues in the Adoption Industry The adoption industry has made changes to shorten waiting periods and provide infants without considering family preservation. Some tactics include moving birth parents to states with more favorable adoption laws and offering financial compensation. These practices exploit vulnerable pregnant women and contribute to the business-like nature of adoption. 00:25:42 - Varying Adoption Laws and Compensation Each state has different rules regarding waiting periods and compensation for birth parents. Some states allow adoptive parents to pay for medical expenses and provide financial support. However, this can create a sense of obligation and guilt for birth parents if they change their minds. 00:27:31 - Unaddressed Birth Parent Grief Birth parents often experience ongoing grief that worsens over time. Society doesn't acknowledge their grief, leading to suppressed emotions. Seeing children of similar age can trigger feelings of loss and longing for their own child. 00:29:20 - Transition from Education to Therapy Abby transitioned from being a principal to becoming a therapist after receiving messages from black female transracial adoptees struggling with their racial identity. Recognizing the need for adoption-informed therapy options, she decided to pursue a career in therapy to address racialized trauma. 00:30:32 - Therapy vs. Coaching Therapy delves deeper into trauma, addressing the root causes and helping individuals heal. Coaching focuses on goal-setting and achieving desired outcomes. Abby pursued a Master's degree in Counseling and Development to gain the necessary skills for therapy. 00:36:23 - Abby's Healing Process Abby shares how she allowed herself three days to wallow and feel the pain after discovering her birth mother's secret. She then made a conscious decision to not let her birth mother's actions bring negative energy into her life anymore. 00:37:13 - Feeling Sorry for Her Birth Mother Abby expresses sympathy for her birth mother, recognizing that she hasn't done the necessary work to heal and process her own emotions. Abby also acknowledges the sadness of not being able to connect with her biological brother and nieces and nephews. 00:38:33 - Working with Adoptees and Birth Parents Abby primarily works with adoptees and birth parents, focusing on their unique experiences and needs. While she also works with clients not touched by adoption, her main focus is on adoptees, as she believes their voices need to be centered in the adoption narrative. 00:39:26 - The Challenges Faced by Birth Parents Abby discusses the challenges faced by birth parents, including the shame and lack of support they often encounter. She believes that as adoptee voices gain more attention and empathy, it can inadvertently contribute to more shame experienced by birth parents. 00:40:11 - Boundaries in Abby's Practice Abby explains that she does not typically work with adoptive parents or adoption agencies. She only works with adoptive parents if their perspective aligns with her own views on adoption. Abby sets clear boundaries in her practice to ensure she focuses on the adoptee and birth parent experience.

"You can't make this up. It's a beautiful journey of discovery and connection." - Rick Wertz

Adoptees searching for their birth family are often met with dead-ends and heartache, which can be overwhelming. But Brian and Rick's story will give you hope. They demonstrate the grace and determination required to HANG ON when riding the complex roller coaster ride of reunion.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Discover the complexities and emotional challenges of adoption, providing insight and understanding into the adoptee's and the birth parent's journey.

• Learn effective strategies for navigating reunion and building healthy relationships with birth family members, fostering connection and growth.

• Understand the importance of support groups for adoptees and birth parents, finding a community of understanding and empathy to navigate the unique aspects of reunion.

• Explore the concept of genetic mirroring and its impact on an adoptee's sense of identity.

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📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX

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My special guests are Brian Stanton and Rick Wertz

Brian Stanton is an adoptee who has a captivating story to share. As an actor, filmmaker, and playwright living in Los Angeles, he has used his creative talents to explore his own adoption journey. Brian's award-winning solo play, Blank, delves into the complexities of adoption, and he further documented his search for birth family members in his film, @Ghost Kingdom. Brian's reunion with his birth father, Rick Wertz, adds another layer to his story. Their reunion, filled with twists and turns, has provided them both with valuable insights into the complexities of adoption and the challenges of building relationships with birth families. Through their personal experiences and the support of various adoption communities, Brian and Rick have gained a deeper understanding of the emotional journey adoptees and NPEs face. Their story is sure to resonate with those seeking guidance and connection in their own reunion journeys.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Rent Brian Stanton's film @Ghost Kingdom on Vimeo: atghostkingdom.com/

• Look up support groups for adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents in your area or online through Unraveling Adoption's Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar

• Check out Adoptees Connect for in-person support groups around the world: AdopteesConnect.com

• Explore The Adopt Salon and Celia Center for adoption education and support: celiacenter.org/

• Discover resources for Christian fathers at Rick's ministry Faithful Fathering: faithfulfathering.org/

Building Relationships with Birth Families Reconnecting with birth families involves nurturing meaningful relationships over time, underlined by mutual respect and understanding. This journey, as explored in the conversation between Beth Syverson, Brian Stanton, and Rick Wertz, involves unexpected twists and turns that can either lead to confusion or closer familial bonds. The essence of such relationships stems from recognizing the importance of genetic connections and their impact on defining one's identity.

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Other Resources:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

• Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

www.UnravelingAdoption.com

===============

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:30 - Brian's Adoption Story Brian shares his adoption story, mentioning that he was adopted shortly after birth and always knew he was adopted. He talks about his adoptive family and how his adoptive mother eventually gave him his original birth certificate when he was 23. 00:05:28 - The Reunion Brian talks about his reunion with his birth mother, mentioning that it started off well but became overwhelming for him. He reflects on the push-pull dynamic and how he wishes he had more support and understanding at the time. He shares that their communication is now solely in his hands. 00:08:22 - The Importance of Support Beth and Brian emphasize the importance of support groups for adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents. They mention the availability of online and in-person support groups and encourage listeners to seek them out. Brian discusses his experience with support groups and specific organizations that have helped him post-reunion. 00:09:52 - Difficult Conception Story Brian shares that his conception story was difficult and talks about how he dealt with that information. 00:13:47 - Finding Family Connections Brian shares his experience of discovering his biological father, and he expresses gratitude for finding Rick, who is not a criminal, unlike what Brian had thought for years. They connected through Ancestry and a supportive aunt. 00:16:15 - A Positive Response Rick recalls receiving Brian's email and discovering the connection through names on his mother's side of the family, as well as the connection to Kansas City and their high school. 00:19:13 - Openness and Support Rick and his entire family have been open, loving, and supportive of Brian throughout their reunion. Brian expresses his gratitude for their acceptance and mentions the importance of having a spouse who is understanding and supportive as well. 00:21:22 - Another Twist in the Story Brian learns from his uncle that his biological father was likely the result of an affair his grandfather had with a married woman in Kansas City. Brian realized that Rick doesn't know this information and felt a duty to tell him, leading to a difficult conversation. 00:29:26 - Connecting with a Stranger Meeting a genetically related stranger can be jarring for adoptees, but genetic mirroring and shared mannerisms provide a sense of confidence and grounding. 00:31:04 - Support for Artistic Pursuits Brian's adoptive family eventually supported his artistic endeavors, but initially struggled to understand and guide him. Brian's adoptive mother eventually admitted her lack of knowledge in the arts and apologized for not being able to help him pursue his passion. 00:33:11 - The Impact on Family Rick's daughter felt a strong connection to Rick's biological mother and like her, pursued a career in musical theater. Discovering the truth about his biological mother was a disappointment for her, but the parallels between her artistic career and Brian's are striking. 00:35:42 - Underestimating Genetics The importance of genetics in shaping one's identity and health is often underestimated. Adoptees may lack crucial information about their genetic history, making medical appointments and discussions challenging. Genetic mirroring and understanding genetic traits are vital for adoptees. 00:41:20 - Getting to Know Each Other Brian remembers expressing his desire to get to know Rick without being a burden or interrupting his life. 00:42:11 - Ministry and Faith Rick shares that he is involved in ministry and believes that everyone is an adoptee in a spiritual sense. He talks about how his faith has helped him fill the gap in his own fathering and his ministry's goal to encourage and equip fathers to be faithful. 00:43:23 - Brian's Future Projects Brian mentions that he has ideas for future films but nothing has come together yet. He emphasizes that the story doesn't end with the reunion but continues as a journey. They both express their excitement for the ongoing journey of their relationship.

"I spend a lot of my life, and even through my art, just looking for belonging." - Nicole Rademacher

Join us as we delve into the world of art therapy and adoption with guest Nicole Rademacher. Discover how Nicole uses art to heal on her own journey as an adoptee, and explore her upcoming project, "We Are Not Our Cruxes," that aims to empower adoptees and former foster youth.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Discover the healing power of art therapy and how it can help adoptees do deeper work on their adoption trauma.

• Explore the complexities of transracial adoption and how it shapes an adoptee's identity through the lens of art

• Find out about "We Are Not Our Cruxes," Nicole's interactive, hybrid art project for the adoption constellation, starting on November 18, 2023 in Los Angeles and online.

My special guest is Nicole Rademacher:

Nicole Rademacher is an accomplished transcultural adoptee artist and art therapist based in Los Angeles. With a deep understanding of adoption trauma and personal experience as an adoptee, Nicole has dedicated her work to using art as a means of healing and self-exploration. Through her adventurous artistic creations and art therapy, she helps individuals tackle their nonverbal and often suppressed pain, offering them a safe space to express and process their emotions. Nicole's upcoming project, "We Are Not Our Cruxes," is a series of free, interactive, art-based healing events which is launching in November 2023 in the Los Angeles area and online. These events will provide participants with a unique opportunity to deepen their understanding of adoption while engaging in a transformative art therapy process. With her extensive expertise and compassionate approach, Nicole joins host Beth Syverson on Unraveling Adoption to share her insights and shed light on the power of art therapy in the journey towards healing.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Join Nicole Rademacher's adoption-related events: Attend the "We Are Not Our Cruxes" series of free, hybrid, interactive, art-based healing events in Los Angeles starting on November 18, 2023. Participate in person or online from anywhere. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/we-are-not-our-cruxes-session-one-tickets-712649603147

• Explore art therapy for adoption trauma: Consider using artistic modalities to heal from adoption trauma. Connect with Nicole Rademacher through her website, or sign up for a free 15-minute intro call: http://nicrrad.com

• Find Nicole's film project "Nesting" that we talked about in this episode: https://nicolerademacher.com/portfolio_page/nesting/

• Explore Nic's other art projects on her artist website: https://nicolerademacher.com/

• Find Nic on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/nicrrad

Explore the complexities and challenges of transracial adoption - Transracial adoption brings with it multifaceted challenges, as Nicole Rademacher, a biracial adoptee, elucidates. Adoptees often grapple with their racial identity and struggle to conform to expected societal norms and categorizations. Support from adoptive families in celebrating the adoptee's birth culture and maintaining a sense of identity is crucial, assuring adoptees that they're not confined by their racial backgrounds but can embrace all facets of their identity.

Experience the healing and empowering effects of art therapy - Using art as therapy provides adoptees with an empowering platform to express their emotions and experiences. Nicole Rademacher's upcoming project "We Are Not Our Cruxes" incorporates art-based healing events for adoptees and former foster youth to aid in their healing process. By acknowledging their resilience and emphasizing that their identity and experiences aren't solely shaped by trauma, art helps participants foster a positive perception of self, resulting in a sense of empowerment.

Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:29 - Early Childhood and Adoption Nicole shares her adoption story, explaining that she was born in 1978 and immediately placed in foster care. She was adopted into the Rademacher family in Milwaukee and grew up in North Carolina. Nicole reflects on her mixed-race identity and the challenges of fitting in visually with her white adoptive family. 00:05:04 - Transcultural Identity Beth asks Nicole about her identity as a transcultural adoptee. Nicole explains that she presents as white and often passes as such, but she also recognizes her biracial heritage. She discusses the complexities of racial identity and the challenges of fitting in with her adoptive family. 00:07:09 - Supportive Parenting Beth emphasizes the importance of adoptive parents supporting their child's cultural identity and interests. She encourages parents to listen to their adoptee's desires regarding exploring their birth culture and to be flexible and understanding. Nicole agrees and emphasizes the need for adoptive parents to be open-minded and supportive. 00:09:38 - Reunion and Family Dynamics Nicole shares that she reunited with her birth parents in 2004 and discovered that they had married each other, and she had two younger brothers. She reflects on the complex emotions that arose during reunion. 00:13:12 - The Complexity of Family Relationships The guest emphasizes that having a familial connection does not automatically guarantee a strong bond. She shares her personal experience of searching for belonging and finding it through her art and living abroad. 00:13:40 - Embracing Foreignness The guest talks about her experiences living in different countries as a foreigner and how it allowed her to explore her sense of belonging. She highlights the freedom that comes with not fitting into societal norms. 00:14:42 - Serendipitous Love Story The guest shares how she met her husband in Chile while doing research for her MFA. They were brought together by chance and their connection grew into a romantic relationship. 00:15:54 - From Architecture to Art The guest reveals her early aspirations of becoming an architect and her transition to art school. She explains how her interest in photography eventually led her to pursue a Master of Fine Arts (MFA) degree. 00:18:24 - Exploring Identity through Art The guest discusses her artistic process, which involves creating experimental videos and installations. She shares her journey of delving into the emotions surrounding her adoption and reunion through her art. 00:26:43 - The Embodiment of Singing Nicole and Beth discuss how singing is a unique form of artistic expression because the instrument is within the singer's body. Nic also mentions her collaboration with her birth father, a symphony percussionist. 00:27:53 - Growing Up in a Pragmatic Household Nicole reflects on her upbringing in a non-creative household and how she wishes she had grown up in a more artistic environment. She shares that her parents have always been supportive of her artistic pursuits. 00:28:57 - Overlapping Experiences of Belonging Nicole talks about the overlap between the experiences of adoptees and non-binary individuals in terms of not feeling a sense of belonging. She explains how she became involved in LGBTQ+ spaces through her connections in the art world. 00:29:42 - "We Are Not Our Cruxes" Project Nicole introduces her project, "We Are Not Our Cruxes," which aims to provide a space for adult adoptees and former foster care youth to share their struggles and create art as a form of healing. She explains the research component and invites people to participate. 00:35:27 - The Creative Corps Grant Nicole announces that the project will be offered for free thanks to her receipt of the Creative Corps Grant from the California Arts Council. She encourages people to attend the events, either in person or online, and shares the bit.ly link for more information.