There has never been, nor will there ever be anyone who does you, like YOU do you.
No matter how hard you look, you will never find the perfect iteration of someone living and breathing and doing business exactly the way you want to. You’ll find tons of people you admire for this reason or that - but those people are humans. They’ll inevitably falter or step out of alignment at some point - and knowing this could save your life. I’ve had some seriously deep and impactful conversations since the release of Unruly Business - especially around the topic of setting your own example. I spoke heavily in those first two episodes about the power of surrounding yourself with people who are examples of a life you want to live. And how shedding off old influences that don’t serve you, and looking to elevate your sphere of influence can be incredibly motivating and inspiring. AND there’s another piece to it that we are going to talk about today.
Turn it up!
What do you do when you have a thing you want to pursue, but it feels like you’ll have to sacrifice something in order to get it? For example, you want more money but you’re already maxed out on clients - so you either settle for the money you have, or build something completely different, or decide to take on more than you know you can handle. Or maybe you hate your signature service but it’s what “keeps the lights on”. You’d rather be selling and serving in a totally different way but hardly anyone seems interested. So you’re stuck either sticking with what you know works and hating it or taking the leap and shifting towards this new, more aligned way of working...and risk having no clients. Or maybe you really want to pursue an educational facet of your business but you hate the idea of funnels and webinars and weird sales tactics so you either give in and mimic the other education based business models or you give up the education idea all together.
Take a minute to think about whatever scenario is true for you and fill it in here. Then I want you to noodle on why you think this way. Let it simmer for a second. Why do you think these are your only options? No judgement. Just curiosity and awareness. Some of the most common answers I get are: Because only the most successful in my industry can do it this way. They've been at it for years. Because anyone who’s ever tried this struggled and/or failed. Because I’ve never seen anyone do it this way. Because these are the only ways I've seen it done. ALL of these reasons are externally based. They’re based on what others have or have not done. Have or have not been able to do. HELLO - the education industry is BOOOOMING with the majority just selling you their way of doing things. And if it doesn’t work for you, you feel shame...or you feel broken...or like you did something to deserve that. Or maybe even that they’re liars! They’re selling snake oil, right? We are SO TRAINED to look outside ourselves for answers to perceived problems we have when really, it’s all here. If you’d sit still long enough - you’d probably know what to do. We could speculate all day on why that is. Why it’s easier to look outside ourselves than in, but I’m not really interested in all of that. It’s not the best use of our time.
What I’m most interested in is talking about the boundary you need to draw. The line in the sand between what others are showing you is possible and what you know is possible. Because when you set a boundary around what’s inspiration and what’s truth, you get your freedom back. You stop depending on everyone else around you to show you what’s possible and start deciding it for yourself. You also allow everyone else to be human again and stop holding them to such a high standard that no human can actually attain - yourself included. It’s just lighter.. It’s freer…
So, let’s talk about it! Just about 2 months ago, I was talking with one of my clients who is in the wedding industry. She’s super successful by her standards. Fully booked, most premiumly priced in her area, set boundaries that give her plenty of time to be with her kids and husband. But she went to meet up with a couple of industry friends and quickly had her “okayness” zapped from her. These ladies had double and triple the weddings my client had and instantly she felt FOMO. She felt like she was missing out. So, she came back to me and told me about the meeting. She then hooked that experience onto a previous conversation we’d had about her desire to make more money. She said something like, “I could be doing what they’re doing. I feel lazy. I want to make more money and the only way to do that is to take on more clients.”She grabbed onto the two ladies' experiences in front of her and decided that if she continued honoring her commitment to taking LESS clients, it meant she wouldn’t have the money she wanted. What started out as a nice dinner and catch up with friends, quickly turned into another episode of “What am I doing wrong?” in her mind. And we are all guilty of it! Just last week, my own mentor checked me on this. The external provides sooooo many juicy distractions that keep you from sinking into and honoring your truth. They keep the drama alive by ensuring you are always looking for flaws in your own pursuits. But at the end of the day everyone else’s experiences are just information. You decide if that information will inspire you, derail you, or just honestly be irrelevant to you. Whatever serves you best in that moment. Let’s get back to it. So, in this example with my client - at first she really allowed this experience to mean something about her and what she could or couldn’t have. But upon further investigation, she was able to see that booking more clients was just one of the MANY options she had to make more money. She wanted to make more money - that was the truth. But, having to sacrifice her boundaries was not and still is not a requirement.
*IF* she would’ve only allowed outside influences to tell her what’s possible, she would’ve severely limited those options. Instead, as we talked, she was able to reframe her perception of that experience and allowed it to just be a reminder that she wanted to make more money AND a freaking fun time with friends. *not everything* you experience has to mean something about your business. That’s just an important little footnote.
I want to give you some tangible things to take away today. FIRST and foremost, if you’re someone who is fueled by creativity and energy of others - there is nooooothing wrong with that. I am one of those people. It’s why most of my containers for partnership are group and mastermind style. I fully believe in the power of communal elevation. However, setting the boundary is your responsibility. There is no being, no opinion on this planet that gets to override your truth. No matter how much respect you have for them. No matter how much they’ve inspired you in the past. No matter how much good they’ve demonstrated. No human is your guidebook. You are your guidebook. Everything goes through the filter of your values and your truth before you take action. Second thing: If you haven’t already, I highly encourage you to indicate to yourself what your values are. Indicate what your truth is. Actually write it on paper so that you can refer back to it. Decide what you are and are not available for in your life and in your business. Let that act as your filter. And ultimately, check in with your body when considering new ideas or experiences you’ve had. My most true and honest litmus test for this is to evaluate a feeling or thought I have and to notice if it’s coming from a place of fear or love. Fear never has your best interest in mind. Fear is not an elevated feeling. Fear is not truth. Love is truth. Sinking back into that has never ever failed me. I have a feeling the same will be true for you.
And the third thing, if you are someone who finds it difficult to find space for your truth to come through. Consider partnering up with a mentor who is dedicated to holding space for you and you find your truth. Needing or even just desiring help is not something to feel shame about. I personally always have a mentor as I am an external processor. It’s crucial for me to have that kind of support. Don’t deny yourself something you know you need! Let’s talk this week if my style of mentorship feels like it may be what you need. Go to www.talktomak.com to schedule an Intro Call with me.
Above all remember, you write the rules. Let those you surround yourself with remind you of the power that comes when people unapologetically march to their own beat...and don’t forget to keep marching to yours regardless of what’s going on outside of you. Talk to you soon!
