Unseen Battles

How do you respond to unfair feedback? Recently, during team performance reviews, someone on my team received feedback that I strongly believed to be unfair. I argued vehemently and at the risk of coming across as aggressive, something that is frowned upon. Unfortunately, I wasn’t successful in making my case. Having heard Luaskya’s story since then, I wish I had met her before I had gone into that discussion, and could have adopted some of her tact.

Luaskya’s situation was tougher. The negative feedback was about her, and it was harsh. However, instead of becoming aggressive or defensive, Luaskya asked clarifying questions that made the manager rethink the feedback. I was thoroughly impressed by Luaskya’s composure and presence of mind. Next time I find myself in a similar situation, I will try to use questions rather than statements to make my point.

At some point in your career, you will be at the receiving end of feedback that you disagree with. If you want to be able to stand up to the feedback with grace and tact, do not miss this episode.

Luaskya Nonon is the Founder and CEO of Equity Principle Consulting, a diversity, equity, and inclusion consulting firm. She is also the Deputy General Counsel and DEI Task Force chair for an IT company in Durham North Carolina. She obtained a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology with a minor in Spanish from New York University. She then attended law school at the University of North Carolina School of Law. Even though she’s spent half her life in the South, she still considers herself a New Yorker.

You can connect with Luaskya on LinkedIn. Also, learn more about Luaskya’s consulting practice, Equity Principle Consulting, which helps leaders dismantle the status quo to create inclusive and equitable corporate cultures. You can learn more about Equity Principle Consulting on its website, on LinkedIn, and follow it on Twitter.

When I started my career, I assumed that my manager will take care of me when I am ready for a promotion. I then learned that I could be waiting forever for that to happen. I had to be proactive and initiate the conversation. So I did. I had what I considered a difficult and awkward conversation with my manager at the beginning of the year about getting promoted. He did not seem to have any major objections. Relieved that I had done my part, I did not bring it up again. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I did not get promoted that year. It made me realize that I had to get very comfortable with this difficult and awkward conversation because it wasn’t a one-time thing. This was an ongoing conversation that I had to initiate to make sure my manager knew that this was important to me.

Over the years, I have gotten a lot more comfortable with this conversation. What I still have not gotten comfortable with is how subjective the promotion process is. Excelling at your job is the minimum criteria to get promoted. There are these implicit criteria that you have to figure out on your own - it could be getting support from a powerhouse in the organization, or even being considered at flight risk.

So I found Laraine’s journey to getting promoted to a top-level job in her company to be reassuring (it is not just me!) and inspiring. I loved Laraine’s advice of accepting that bias will create roadblocks for women, especially for women of color, and I can still get what I want by working around them.

Laraine has spent her career working on hard to solve problems — from helping millions of Americans save billions of dollars for a more dignified retirement to helping companies prevent bias, discrimination, and harassment. She focuses on the employee experience and uses a strategic mix of behavioral science, big data, and practical implementation to drive change. Laraine is a Talent & Culture Strategist, the President of a women’s leadership non-profit, and the founder of a talent incubator. In 2018, she was named a “Woman of Influence” in Silicon Valley.

You can connect with Laraine on LinkedIn. Also, check out Laraine’s career boost workbook for a self-guided path to create career opportunities on Amazon.

Stepping out of the shadows and taking the center stage takes courage. And I will admit that there are times I have failed to summon the courage to do so, even though I knew that is what I needed to do to be an effective leader. This fear has gotten in the way of many things including being more active in sharing my thoughts and opinions on social media. Talking to Nyna helped me realize that my discomfort is being caused by being overly focused on how I would be perceived. Instead, whether it is posting on social media, or voicing my opinion at work, I need to focus on what I am trying to achieve - helping others by sharing my experiences, and ensuring all points of view are being considered before making a decision.

It is hard to summarize what Nyna Caputi does because she does so much! She is a coach, a trainer, a consultant, and a community builder among many other things. She is the founder of The Expat Woman, a community of over 13,000 women professionals. Nyna works with ambitious women, businesses, and teams who want to go from being invisible to standing out from the crowd.  She helps them build their leadership skills and create impact and influence by building a strong personal brand and showcasing their expertise and services.  You can learn more about Nyna and her consulting services on her website. You can also connect with her on LinkedIn.

When I was in my twenties, I had joined a tennis league. I used to drive 45 min from my office on a Monday night to play the weekly matches. On Wednesdays, I spent another hour taking tennis lessons to improve my game. When I think about it, I marvel at my ability to leave work behind and commit to doing something in my evenings. Now when I make plans on a weeknight, I find myself feeling guilty and wanting to get back to my desk as soon as possible to get a little more work done and be a little more prepared for tomorrow. No matter how much fun I am having, this low hum of anxiety plays in the background. Over time I have realized that anxiety is a bit like leaked makeup in your purse - it is going to leave a mark on everything, your health, relationships, sleep, and work.

So I felt fortunate to come across Heather Rider, an anxiety coach. When Heather described to me what high functioning anxiety is (a form of anxiety that afflicts high achievers as they struggle to consistently meet their own high standards), I instantly recognized the symptoms in myself. Her story inspired me to question what I had accepted as “normal” and to work towards turning off this constant voice in my head asking me to do more.

Heather Rider is an anxiety coach and Imposter Syndrome educator who personally overcame high-functioning anxiety and Imposter Syndrome while working in a demanding Tech job. She works with clients from all over the world who want to take a nontraditional, holistic approach to healing anxiety. She regularly writes and presents on the issues of perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome, high-functioning anxiety and other anxiety related topics.

You can learn more about Heather and her coaching practice, and sign up for your free transformation call on her website. You can also follow Heather on social media - LinkedIn, Facebook and Pinterest. I would highly recommend watching the videos on her YouTube channel. One of my favorites is Top Three Reasons You Ruminate. Heather’s story of ruminating about conversations with her mother-in-law really resonated with me. It has made me more aware of such conversations I have in my head!

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.

In Silicon Valley, a lot has been said about not tolerating “brilliant jerks” - people who are high performers, but are also bullies, rude, disrespectful and unprofessional.  Companies tout valuing culture over results.  But in spite of that, I have had the misfortune of working closely with at least three people who were bullies and created a toxic culture in their teams.  After talking to my friends and coworkers, I have realized I am not an exception. Many people have had similar experiences at their workplace and it made them miserable.  Some decided to leave rather than put up with the kind of stress that came with being in such a situation. While working through challenges is an important part of professional growth, working with bullies is where I draw the line. 

When Erin talked about her experience of being pushed to the edge by a difficult, bordering abusive leader, it struck a chord with me.  Do not miss this episode where Erin shares her unseen battle, and offers her learnings of how to deal with a toxic leader. 

Erin Norton is the Director, Technology Planning & Programs for Customer Service Technology at eBay. She is also Chief of Staff for this organization. After teaching public high school for a few years, she transitioned into technology and has never looked back! She has worked for several companies in a wide variety of roles spanning product, legal, operations. She now leads a team of over 70 individuals spanning vendor management, program and technical project management, employee engagement, comms and content management. She is a mother and wife and enjoys travel, outdoor activities and spending time with her family.  

You can also connect with Erin on LinkedIn.

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.

In 2009, when there was a financial meltdown in progress, I was working as a consultant. My year long project with a client had ended with a successful product launch, and I was back on the “bench”. While any other time, I would have looked forward to enjoying a (paid) break, I knew that given the economic downturn, the company will not be able to afford to keep me on the payroll for long. I was on a work visa. So without a job, my days in the country would be numbered. Thankfully, the same client I had just just rolled off of had a new project start, and they asked for me. I don’t think they realized it, but they probably saved my job. Even this close brush with the prospect of losing my job shook me to the core.

So I can only imagine what Shilpa felt when, while being eight months pregnant, she found out that her position was being eliminated. However, instead of letting this setback define her, Shilpa set out on a determined path to prove to herself that she was deserving of a better role and ended up with multiple job offers. Don’t miss this inspiring story of grit and confidence!

Shilpa Vir is a seasoned Product Management leader and  Entrepreneur, currently serving as Senior Product Manager at Google. She is also a very successful career coach, and has helped many people achieve their professional goals. A vocal advocate of women in STEM, Shilpa leads the Women in Product (WIP) South Bay chapter, serves on the GHC Product Management committee for AnitaB.org and is involved in several diversity initiatives at Google. She is also a frequent speaker at industry events where she shares her insights such as how to maximize your chances of a promotion.

You can learn more about Shilpa, or set up a consulting session with her on her website - shilpavir.com. You can also connect with Shilpa on LinkedIn, Instagram or Twitter.

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.

Until a few years ago, I had thought of retirement in traditional terms. My plan was to dedicate four decades to my career and to creating wealth so that I can enjoy the last few years of my life in retirement - pursuing hobbies, traveling etc.  But over time, it has become clear to me that I don’t want to wait another two decades to enjoy the fruits of my labor.  I want the freedom to live where I want, travel when I want and spend my time the way I want to. And, I want to start living this life in the next five years. The key to this door might be passive income.  

Given this goal, I found Eve’s story to be especially inspiring.  Eve started creating content  to support her main business, but eventually it became a source of passive income for her.  This passive income gave her the freedom to deal with a personal loss without having to worry about money.  In this episode, Eve talks about her story of how she got started, and shares tips on how we can too.

Eve Porcello is the co-founder of Moon Highway, a curriculum development and classroom training company based in Northern California. She has created courses for LinkedIn Learning and egghead.io and is the co-author of Learning GraphQL and Learning React from O’Reilly.  

You can connect with Eve Porcello on LinkedIn.  Also checkout training offered by Eve’s company, Moon Highway.  Also learn about the GraphQL  workshops offered by Eve here.  

 Eve had suggested a course to learn about building and monetizing products during the interview.  Checkout 30X500 Academy if you are interested. 

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.

Learning to speak up in meetings has been a journey for me, and it is one that is still ongoing. Early in my career, across multiple roles, companies, and managers, I got the same feedback - speak up more, trust yourself, come out of the shadows. But eventually, it wasn’t this feedback that gave me the courage to do so. It was the realization that by not speaking up in meetings, I was not doing my job. As a product manager, my role is to advocate for my customers. And by choosing to keep quite when I had something to say, I was not being effective in my role. So I overcame my hesitation by being well prepared for these meetings. As I have progressed in my career, the stakes have gotten higher but my calendar has gotten busier. Preparing for every meeting is not something I can afford anymore. I have to trust myself that if I have a point of view, I will find a way to communicate it. Sometimes it takes multiple attempts, but eventually I get there. Even today, in high stake conversations, when I find my courage running low, I try to focus on what my customers or my team will lose if I do not even try to advocate for what I think is the right thing to do.

I really connected with Poornima’s struggle with self doubt and fear as she was preparing for a pivotal meeting. Not only has Poornima found her voice in meetings, today she helps others who are struggling to do so.

Poornima Venkatakrishnan is an Engineering Leader at PayPal. With 16+ years of experience, she has delivered multiple Mobile and Web products, as well as built engineering teams ground up. Poornima’s leadership mantra is, understand the "why" before jumping to solutioning and always put people first - this includes customers and engineers on her teams. This has helped her build teams with the right balance of skills and mindset to deliver delightful customer experiences.

You can connect with Poornima on LinkedIn. Also checkout her blog on Medium where she shares her insights about leading with creativity.

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.

When it comes to planning a vacation, I am very thorough. In preparation for any trip, I spend hours going through blogs and other travel websites to find interesting things to do. I find recommended restaurants and make reservations in advance. I have a long, detailed checklist I use to pack. But my conversation with Ada Chen, the guest on this episode of Unseen Battles, made me realize that I have not brought the same rigor to something way more important—end of life planning. I don’t have a will. I have not done estate planning, even though I believe it is available through Employee Assistance Program at almost everywhere I have worked. I don’t think I even have beneficiaries listed in my 401k and other investment accounts. It has always felt morbid and uncomfortable thinking and talking about it.

But Ada’s experience of being a caregiver for her dad while working full time made me change my mind. I realized that by going through a few administrative steps to take care of these details, I will take the burden off of those I leave behind. In this touching and heartbreaking episode of Unseen Battles, Ada shares her story and offers practical advice on topics such as having crucial conversations at work as well as end of life planning.

Ada Chen is the CEO and Founder of Chuan Skincare, an affordable, handcrafted skincare line, made from all natural ingredients. Her mission in life and work is to make the world a better place through leadership, empathy and driving cultural change. She was inspired to start her business while she was caregiving for her late dad, who always preferred natural remedies and had a true entrepreneur's spirit. Prior to founding her business, Ada led product marketing for Atlassian's Confluence Server & Data Center products and built the marketing and sales functions out for early stage HR tech startups. Ada holds degrees in Finance and Economics from NYU’s Leonard N. Stern School of Business, and in her free time she shares marketing tips on her blog, The Cultivate Method, and co-hosts the Asian Sewist Collective Podcast.

You can read more about Ada’s journey as a caregiver, and her learnings on her personal blog posts on caregiving & parental loss: Parenting your parents: What to do when your parent is hospitalized (Part 1, Part 2) and Parenting your parents: What happens when your parent dies.

I am a customer of Ada’s all natural skincare products and would highly recommend them. You can learn more about the products on the website, Pinterest , TikTok and Instagram.

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.

In my senior year of high school, I came to the US as a cultural exchange student through a Rotary Club. As a part of this one year exchange program, I stayed with a family in Arizona and attended the local high school. Because I was an exchange student, I was offered a place in the Student Council at my school, a position that other students had to be elected for. But I declined the offer and chose to take a Physics class instead. I hid behind the excuse that I needed the science class credits for college (after three years of high school in India, I probably had enough science credits for a lifetime). But the truth was that I was scared that I would make a fool of myself. So instead of exploring this unique opportunity and living the American high school experience to its fullest, I chose to hide behind books. It was still a fantastic year full of many new experiences - I ate a taco for the first time, I sold Girl Scout cookies, and I spent six weeks traveling around the US by train. But I don’t have many memories from the school. And I still wish I had found the courage to say “yes”. I would have made many more friends and memories.

In this episode, Catherine reminisces about an experience from the earlier part of her career when she said no to an opportunity because of self doubt. This experience taught her an important lesson, and even today motivates her to override her self-doubt and say yes to opportunities.

Catherine Madden is a co-founder of UXDX, a global conference and community that helps tech team's shift from projects to product teams. Catherine has project managed events for over a decade and has a background in marketing working for a number of years in Australia’s Marketing body, the ADMA. Personally, she loves challenging and testing her limits both on a professional and personal level.

UXDX USA is taking place on June 16th - 17th 2021. The online conference will deliver live and on-demand content through case study talks, panels and workshops from global leaders. There is a special $10 discount for the listeners of Unseen Battles. Simply use PARUL10 at the checkout.

If you have any comments about the episode or would like to share your own story, you can share them here.