Unstoppable Athlete - Mental Resilience for Teen Athletes

Fresh off what may be her final Nationals as a youth volleyball coach, Sara reflects with Michelle on the lessons that mattered most—not the wins and losses, but the growth, resilience, and relationships built along the way. They discuss how controlling attitude and energy as coaches shaped their athletes’ experience, why fun and team culture matter more than the scoreboard, and how sport continues to teach life skills that extend far beyond the court. From overcoming adversity and embracing growth to finding your people and developing a lifelong love of sport, this episode is a heartfelt reflection on what success really looks like when the season comes to an end. 

Top 3 Takeaways

1. As coaches we have to control our attitude and energy while holding the vision of what the team and the players can be
2. Life skills from sport! Find your people and do hard things
3. Lifelong love of sport is the real goal. While school is 3-6yr of playing, Michelle has had over 20+ years of adult sport

BONUS - its all about the relationships

In this episode, Sara and Michelle explore the tender and tricky stage of adolescence, when teen girls naturally begin pulling away from their mothers while forming their own identities. Through the lens of coaching 12- to 16-year-old athletes, they discuss why girls need strong adult women outside their family, how sport provides healthy role models and peer examples, and why parents need to guide—not “lawnmow”—their kids through discomfort. For parents, this conversation is a reassuring reminder that the push-pull of the teen years is normal, and that teams, coaches, captains, and trusted adults can help girls build independence, confidence, communication skills, and resilience. 

Top 3 Takeaways

1. Pulling away is developmentally appropriate, as a mom we can hold space to allow this process 
2. Healthy role models, like your athletes female coach, team mom and older team mates can be very valuable
3. Supporting our children through the challenging times when things may not be going their way, acknowledging the emotion but allowing them to find their own ways through

In this episode, Sara and Michelle unpack a provincial silver medal weekend that became a powerful lesson in team culture, resilience, and competitive maturity. Sara reflects on a group of athletes who had the team “rolling” together—competing hard, recovering quickly from mistakes, encouraging each other, and staying composed under pressure. The heart of the episode is a bench player’s reminder to her coach: “We want to win, and if us sitting on the bench is how that happens, don’t feel bad.” For parents, this is a valuable reframe around playing time, showing how athletes can understand roles, buy into a team plan, and still contribute through energy, readiness, and support. 
Top 3 Takeaways

1. Three steps of reflection for provincials
   1. Who do I choose to be out there?
   2. What does my best look like today?
   3. How do I bounce back?
2. Players want to win - even if it means sitting on the bench (in high stakes games)
3. Execution (physical) vs mental errors

In this episode, Sara and Michelle start with a conversation about travel, discomfort, and the value of being open to unplanned experiences, using Sara’s upcoming trip to Vietnam with her daughter as a metaphor for growth. That reflection leads naturally into a bigger conversation about coachability: the willingness to stay open, adaptable, and teachable even when things feel uncomfortable. They explain that coachable athletes are the ones who listen fully, respond without defensiveness, try new techniques even when it feels awkward, and show they are eager to improve. Through tryout stories, team examples, and practical advice, they show that coachability is not something you either have or do not have—it is a skill that can be learned, and it matters not just in volleyball, but in school, work, and life.

Top 3 Takeaways

1. Coachability is a skill you can learn
2. Take it personally. You are valued and your coach is willing to invest in you.
3. Confidence comes from being willing to be uncomfortable.

This conversation unpacks the tension between confidence and performance in youth sports, highlighting how many athletes wait for success to feel confident, when in reality confidence must come first to enable strong play. Through reflections on volleyball and hockey experiences, the coaches explore how mindset, team culture, and coaching decisions (especially around playing time and competition) shape both individual development and team outcomes. They also surface a deeper truth: sport is a microcosm of life—where confidence, resilience, and self-belief are learned through experience, reinforced by environment, and tested under pressure.

Top 3 Takeaways

1. It depends. Experience as a role player or playing all the time. Team belonging matters.
2. Embrace what we are good at and accept the compliment.
3. Parent perspectives on playing time. For every player at the bottom worried about not playing, how is it for the players at the top. If my kid plays will it hurt the team? And is this a year as a parent I can help them learn to manage the disappointment in not always playing to develop for when they get their turn to shine?

In this episode, Sara and Michelle unpack one of the toughest parts of youth girls volleyball: balancing playing time, confidence, fairness, and team success. Drawing on real tournament experiences, they explore why coaching decisions are rarely simple, how athletes earn roles through practice, and why coming off the bench can feel so emotionally difficult for girls. The conversation also highlights the value of consistency, adaptability, and team-first thinking, reminding both parents and players that growth does not always look flashy. This is a thoughtful, honest episode for volleyball families trying to better understand the dynamics behind court time, confidence, and what it really means to support player development.

Top 3 Takeaways

1. Take a moment to reflect how far a player has come
2. Playing time is a dynamic thing, understanding this can go a long way to answer the question - what do I need to do to get on the court?
3. Do the best by most - as a team sport there are a lot of lessons that can be learned by expanding in your role even if its on the bench

The drive home after a game is one of the most powerful moments in your athlete’s week. Emotions are high. Identity feels fragile. And what you say — even casually — can either build resilience or quietly chip away at confidence. When parents criticize coaches, compare teammates, or overanalyze performance, girls often internalize it as pressure or inadequacy. But when we shift the conversation toward ownership, team celebration, and personal growth, the car ride becomes a confidence-building ritual. The goal isn’t to ignore mistakes. It’s to create a culture where athletes can celebrate others without feeling diminished, acknowledge their own strengths without shame, and take responsibility without spiraling.

Top 3 Takeaways

1. Focus on the good in others - service mindset
Build a mindset where someone else’s success expands the team and let them know!

2. Be a great role model
Learn to accept compliments.

3. Work with what we’ve got - own your role and excel
Appreciate the skills you have. 

Sara’s long time friend, and former teammate, Kim is the mom of Sadie and shares about the experience of allowing her daughter to figure it out through her challenges. 

Key learnings of doing your due diligence, but also to allow them to figure it out while continuing an ongoing conversation of what is in your childs control. The family moto of maintaining - PMA -positive mental attitude was essential. 

As a former college volleyball player herself, Kim also reminded Sadie she could control her attitude and her serve. Mom’s pride was evident as Kim shared that Sadies work ethic was the key for creating the opportunity to play beyond high school and that she was a “Swiss Army Knife”, able to fill any role the team needed.

Finally, parents can support their athletes by creating ongoing conversation and safety at home when athletes need to fall apart a little in order to put themselves back together and show up for their team as a leader. 

Sara has a chat with Sadie about a pretty bumpy first two years playing US college volleyball. When a coach turns “bad” how to do you stick it out or decide to change plans. 

Learning who you are without volleyball. And staying optimistic to move schools and bring your lessons from the challenge to your teammates as this new team struggles to find a few wins.

Sadie maintained grateful for the struggle as she knew she could keep a positive outlook and reinforced that she can handle hard things. Her mindset was the big deal as  focused on what she could control - her Attitude and Effort!

As a parent we can rush to protective mode, but can we get curious first?

Asking our athletes questions to help them self-reflect.

1. What is the coaching looking for from you? Skill or effort wise?
2. Are you clear where  you might not be meeting expectations?
3. Are there things the coach has communicated that you are working on? And if not can you approach the coach to ask?
4. Where did you show up in support of your teammate? 
5. What was the play that you did that allowed your teammate to be successful?

Michelle and Sara also discuss how coaches can have a bias? Sometimes positive and sometimes in ways that don’t support the athlete. When athletes take responsibility for their growth, it can help address these and help the coach become aware where they may be unintentionally missing in how to create a supportive environment that fits this athletes needs.

Confidence is a skill that comes from within. Having courage to try and make mistakes in order to learn while feeling support. What happens when a player is feeling that “the coach doesn’t like me!” Girls often look for the support externally first instead of internally and dwell on mistakes. Michelle recommends this book on confidence - The Confidence Code by Katty Kay 

Be willing to make mistakes and grow from there. It is okay to be a beginner! And not everyone is the best player on the team, every role is important. Be the best you that you can be. Understand that there is strategy that you not playing may not be about you at all, more about team flow or someone else having a great game.

Socializing that failure as the place you need to go if you want to improve. Staying safe and not making mistakes will not lead you to grow. Also “saying I’m no good” is an excuse to not be vulnerable, or to be willing to try and maybe get it wrong. Be a problem solved instead of attention seeker.

Top 3 Take Aways

1. Athletes - be solution focused! Approach your coach with curiosity and ask “What do I need to work on?” Watch game tape and find wins to celebrate but also something specific you can work on. If you don’t know - ASK!
2. Have self-compassion. Be kind and forgiving (like you would be with a friend). Having courage to develop confidence requires that you give yourself a chance. 
3. Use the tool of Self- reflection. Review game tape with a mission to find your successes and also pick one thing to work on from a positive light. Not "I wasn't good at that” but what was I missing to allow me to succeed?

Before believing that you aren’t good enough, ask is that true? (From Byron Katie https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/)

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Visit ⁠www.skool.com/unstoppable2026⁠ to join our community, watch the Parent Intro Video, join a workshop or have your athlete on our waitlist for upcoming Unstoppable Athlete Program offerings.