Wasn't I about to write something?

If I was, I forgot what it was already

Don't miss breakfast.

I wanted tater tots.

I know what you wanted.

That's a lot of tater tots.

I know.

…

…

…

Do you have any sauce?

Alright, Dillon Francis

Yea.

What's up.

Nothin.

It's like a fucked up

Cheaper By The Dozen,

With more kids,

And mormons;

And doesn't make sense, in the beginning ;

Then you'll get it

What's this one?

It's

The Adventures of…

A FIRE grows astonishingly quickly at a campsite in the forest.

STOP IT.

We gotta put it out somehow.

You're making it WORSE.

You started it.

But you're making it WORSE.

Fine. Fix it yourself, then.

[CC leaves DJ as the fire grows rapidly.]

Wait. CC!

[CC continues walking away calmly.]

CC!

LATER

[DJ Enters the driver's seat of his van, as CC sits texting, aloof, on her phone. He shuts the door, motionlessl staring forward, face blackened with ash. CC looks up from her phone, her eyes obscured from behind her dark sunglasses.]

[beat]

…Did you put it out?

…Yes.

[She nods and goes back to her phone. DJ reaches for his sunglasses, covering his ash-swept eyes, starts the van, and drives slowly forward.]

Lol. what's this shit?

Idk. It's with Dillon Francis and some girl

What girl.

idk .

Is it funny?

It's on Netflix.

So binge watch it?

That's the plan.

WHAT. What if it's on Amazon Prime?!

Nothing's on Amazon Prime.

Animal House is.

What is

ANIMAL HOUSE CLIPS

Woah.

That's a lot.

That's so much.

ANYWAY

What.

What i it's on Hulu?

FUCK HULU

A HULU ORIGINAL SERIES

Whaaaaaat.

What is this

THe AdventuresOf…

PAUSE.

I gotta break this fast.

Yeah, that's enough.

What the fuck is this guy doing with his magic.

Let's start slow:

Smart Water, and probiotics,

Some nonsense plot;

Then, my scar lights up like Harry Potter's

“Ah, shit.

Not again.”

I wanna saw off my noggin

and watch Nick

And pop ten rocks,

If it's toxic enough

To get me off this rock, quick!

Eminem?!

Nah, it's Marshall;

You went off in the project

And forgot what the next remark was.

Fuck.

Uhhhhhm….

I lost it.

Fuck.

My heart stopped,

As I name-dropped a lot of stars,

Another cougher,

I just want the

deposit on a loft ,

Or an Oscar,

Either one works.

Fuck.

I forgot what the words were,

What hurts more?

TO be apart,

or forgotten?

The knot slipped?

Better not go tie another;

“My brother, my son,

But never my love,

Nor my father”,

the promise:

An obstacle

A box,

And she hasn't stopped since

The clock rocked her

walking on water,

and stop watches

Watch this:

Fuck:

I bet i forgot what the plot was,

It's hunger,

Better off a breakfast,

Than at the wrong brunch.

Fucking A. What was it.

Welcome to the land of bad habits,

And addicts,

White rabbits,

Cabbage patch kids, with no parents

Pageant winners and panty sniffers

It's not a tragedy, as Grabbitz said,

It happens as I planned,

Turns out the demon is your friend;

The only enemy you have is Dillon Francis.

Oh. That took a turn

WHATDOESHEDOWITHHISMAGIC.

look what he does with his magic.

Wow.

‘Don't waste my time'

It's playtime, I guess

Speak in rhymes,

And write whatever's in my head,

At the time,

The eye turns red, like fire:

Guess who I am.

…

DJ and CC have been best friends since 7th Grade.

I don't know how to write this scene,

Lol.

SHIA LABEOUFF

Uh oh. That's not right.

Don' google it.

I know, huh.

Uhh.

It's okay. I got this.

SHIA LaBeouf*

lol

Worst last name ever

Anyway

SHIA LABEOUF

JUST DO IT.

Ok.

The former child stars of the LATE 90's EARLY 2000's era

Lol, how do you write something like this

idk.

Here:

A STRANGE CULT has gathered, a large tabernacle-like choir chanting ceremoniously, cloaked beneath the long robes and thick plumes of smoke, hidden deep within the confines of a candlelit cavern, adorned with mystifying and mysterious objects.

Yeah, that does it.

Lol.

Don't put me around famous people, guys.

I'm not right.

Especially ones I like.

Kesha blew my mind like 4 years ago and it still keeps me up at night.

I'm telling you.

It's not right.

Just write.

The Chanting reaches it's peak and comes to a close, as a–

Wait.

What.

Economically speaking

Uh huh.

How much money is it going to take to get all of these people in a room together at one time.

A lot.

We can do cut takes.

No cut takes!

WHAT THE FUCK DRAKE. I TOLD YOU NO CUPCAKES.

I brought–cupcakes.

I TOLD EVERYONE THERE WOULD BE COOKIES.

I brought cupcakes.

COOKIES. NOT CUPCAKES.

YOU'RE INVITED

Ooh. what's this.

COME TO THE DARK SIDE

WE HAVE COOKIES.

DUMMMMMMB.

This is reckless.

Stop doing whippets.

No.

What? Why not.

Hoes Love Whippets.

CARRYING ON.

Josh–

I SAID, CARRYING ON.

Why Does Josh Peck talk in all caps?

Typecasting.

AnYwAyS

So– is she– ‘The Forgotten One'

CULT, UNANIMOUSLY “The Forgotten One”

The shadowy figure removes his hood to reveal himself as DRAKE BELL

(gasp)

Yeah, she's one of us.

DUDE. You're not supposed to take your hood off!

It's hot under here:

SO!

Everything's on fire and I had to run around and get cupcakes!

–And that's where we left off:

JOSH PECK also removes his hood, revealing himself to the audience.

Woah. what episode of Drake and Josh is THIS

A new one.

No fucking way.

JOSH PECK

WHAT THE FUCK DRAKE. I TOLD YOU NO CUPCAKES.

I brought–cupcakes.

I TOLD EVERYONE THERE WOULD BE COOKIES.

I brought cupcakes.

COOKIES. NOT CUPCAKES.

(From The Crowd)

Aw, what–there's no cookies?

(Crowd disapproval; everyone deflates and begins taking off their hoods and cloaks, clamoring.)

THE DISNEY CHANNEL CIRCLE OF STARS Enter Dramatically through every possible entrance, much like the cas of a critically-acclaimed Broadway musical.

Which Broadway musical?

Uh. One where the cast enters through the aisle. Duh.

Ugh, these guys.

Who invited them?

I did.

For what?

That was the whole point.

After a large MUSIC/DANCE number.

Lol

Hold the phone

What

How are we gonna get ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS

CUT TAKES

NO CUT TAKES.

BRO.

HM.

IGOTIT,

SUPACREE wakes up at a mysterious RAVE.

Oh shit. Throw a party.

Celebrities loooooooove parties.

That's all they do.

…

…

…

Yeah–that too, but we don't like to think about that.

DISNEY.

I'll take it.

SOLD.

Wait, this is on Disney?

Or one of it's subsidiaries, none of which are

NICKELODEON.

We'll take it.

SOLD.

Wait.

What.

You Auctioned Off The Festival Project on The Black Market?

Yeah.

WHY?

I don't know. Something about cookies.

At the height of the chaos, SUPACREE strolls in.

Ah shit, cupcakes! I love these.

THE FORGOTTEN ONE.

Are these Vegan?

(gasps and whispers, whippets in the back)

Pause.

OKay. Deep thought process collison

Go on…

Either someone's a genius and set this whole thing up

That's making sense

Or Hollywood just fucks people up enough that

Whippets. I need more whippets.

For what?

Whippets.

Everyone's on drugs.

oh golly, everyone's fucked up.

Orrrr, orr–they're just having fun.

Should I be worried?

Nah.

…

…

…

Coincidences don't exist.

JOSH PECK

A COINCIDENCE THIS IS NOT.

How are you this deep in my consciousness.

Maybe I'm Not.

Oh yeah, I watched The Wackness.

Oh yeah, huh.

Fuck.

So wait. Everyone's just real hot–

Money's not a problem,

And everyone's on drugs.

Yeah.

Sign me up!

Okay, You're up.

Excuse me, I'm what?

You're on Go.

Uhhh—

Just…talk.

This is stalking.

Don't stop writing

OMG WHAT'S IN THE DUFFEL BAG .

What's in the pinata?

This is NOT THAT SHOW.

Of Course it is.

It's not.

THIS IS AAAAAAALL THAT

THIS iS AAAAALLL

THAAAAAAT.

yeah.

HOW MUCH IS THIS GONNA COST???

Can we please have a stereotypically jewish accountant for this project?

On it.

Rodger.

What's up, guys.

Uh.

These are good.

…

…

…

Can you see us?

Yeah.

All of us.

I think so. Especially Amanda Bynes. Hey,

AMAND BYNES

—she KNOWS who I AM.

Duh.

WOO.

[takes a whippet]

Wow.

How are you not freaking out?!

I have cupcakes.

Fiar.

Besides, it's just a dream.

What?

I'm dreaming. None of this is real.

Uh–it's not a dream.

Maybe multiple dreams.

Ew.

Don't be gross.

I can be gross. It's my dream.

You don't understand.

No, you don't understand. Because you're in my dream;

But i”m dreaming. I'll probably just wake up in a couple of minutes when I'm finished with this cupcake…and really want cupcakes.

How did you even get here?!

What reality do you think this is?

It's not reality.

IT iS–REALITY.

THIS IS REAL.

FLASHBACK: HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA 2010

Woah, hold the phone.

Yes, I'll hold.

Nothing really matters anymore,

No more words, now

Try to lay down

Try to phaseout my

Drastic, disasterful thoughts

With croissants

And the words to a song,

Or a new work of art in

The Festival Project

I'm not God, yet;

I'm only his daughter

A doctor,

I work at the smokeshop

Look, go back to Hollywood–

Now you're a subject.

Went to Fame School,

But just started fame college

I'll need that doctorate to call

Drake and Josh up

–Honestly, don't come back.

I filled up half a chapter

(Don't want your autograph)

I wrote a paragraph after,

10 songs, and wanted a cocktail

For watching you

Buy your own canister

Jesus Almighty

And Kevin McCallister

Candidly answer a

Call from the darkness:

“Heaven Help Hollywood,

Please, Heaven Help Us. “

[The Festival Project]

The Legenf of…

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.