This last week I have spent some time talking to you about the Pain Cycle and Peace Cycle in Terry Hargrave's Restoration Therapy model. I love the Pain and Peace Cycle because it has transformed my life. It's transformed me as an individual, as well as my marriage, my relationships, vocation and more. But how do you practice the Pain and Peace Cycle in your own life? To do so I recommended 4 steps to practice. As you begin to use these steps and work through the cycles you create a safe emotional connection which also fosters a real strong sense of "usness" in the relationship. And it is out of this place that couple's can really solve problems. Without a safe connection, problem solving is difficult, if not impossible in a relationship.

In today's episode I want to tie all four episodes together by talking about the concept of differentiation, and giving some examples from different perspectives of what it looks like. In this episode I share the concept of differentiation from some literary writings of Rainer Maria Rilke and Kahlil Gibran. I also look at how renowned sex and marriage therapist David Schnarch defines it. As well as looking at the concept from well known therapist and Rabbi Edwin Friedman.

In this episode I explore:

• the concept of differentiation
• Bohemian-Austrian Rainer Maria Rilke's thoughts on differentiation in relationships/marriage
• Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran's thoughts on differentiation in marriage
• Sex and marriage therapist David Schnarch's thoughts on differentiation in committed relationships
• boundaries and differentiation in the work of Henry Cloud and John Townsend's book Boundaries
• Paul's words in Galatians 6:2-5
• Therapist and Rabbi Edwin Friedman's thoughts on differentiation and leadership.

Resources Mentioned in this PodcastRestoration Therapy

Terry Hargrave

Marriage Strong

Sharon Hargrave

Rainer Maria Rilke

Kahlil Gibran David Schnarch

Henry Cloud

John Townsend

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Edwin Friedman

Galatians 6:2-5

A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch