UsLonelyFolk

You led the project, solved the problem and helped get the work over the line. Then, in your performance review, you say: “I just helped out.”

Why do we become so careful when it’s time to describe our own contribution?

In this episode, Kamo looks at the difference between humility and leaving out the evidence. He explores why good work does not always speak for itself, how to give colleagues proper credit while being clear about your own role, and why “just be more confident” can miss the real risks some people face at work.

A practical place to start: say what you were responsible for, what you did, what result you can support, and who contributed alongside you.

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Connect with Kamo:
https://za.linkedin.com/in/kamohelo-makwela-741390175

Studies discussed:

Owens, Johnson & Mitchell (2013), “Expressed Humility in Organizations”
https://doi.org/10.1287/orsc.1120.0795

Exley & Kessler (2022), “The Gender Gap in Self-Promotion”
https://doi.org/10.1093/qje/qjac003

VanEpps, Hart & Schweitzer (2024), “Dual-Promotion: Bragging Better by Promoting Peers”
https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000431

Rudman (1998), “Self-Promotion as a Risk Factor for Women”
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.3.629

Have you ever spent a whole week working around the thing you want to become great at, without doing much of the thing itself?

Building Us.Lonely.Folk has taught me skills in marketing, editing, websites and operations. They matter. But I’ve had to ask whether all that work is helping me become better at coaching and teaching communication—or taking my best attention away from it.

In this episode, I explore why breadth is often necessary, what it costs to keep switching roles, and how to protect depth while you’re still responsible for many things. I also use Michael Jordan and LeBron James to think through two different shapes of excellence.

The question I’m left with: Which part of your work deserves enough sustained attention for you to become exceptional at it?

EXPLORE ULF
Website and UsLonelyFolk Weekly newsletter: https://www.uslonelyfolk.com/
Communication coaching: https://www.uslonelyfolk.com/coaching
Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://za.linkedin.com/in/kamohelo-makwela-741390175

RESEARCH MENTIONED
Benjamin F. Jones, “The Burden of Knowledge and the ‘Death of the Renaissance Man’” (2009):
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-937X.2008.00531.x

Sophie Leroy, “Why Is It So Hard to Do My Work? The Challenge of Attention Residue When Switching Between Work Tasks” (2009):
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2009.04.002

K. Anders Ericsson, Ralf T. Krampe and Clemens Tesch-Römer, “The Role of Deliberate Practice in the Acquisition of Expert Performance” (1993):
https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.100.3.363

#Leadership #Communication #ProfessionalDevelopment

Most managers are handed a false choice: be liked, or be respected.

Chase approval too hard and you may avoid the difficult conversation, soften the necessary feedback or let standards slip. Chase respect without care and you can become distant, feared or impossible to approach.

In Episode 13, Kamo explores what good management actually asks of us: not popularity, not intimidation, but the ability to build trust while holding people accountable.

The strongest managers are not trying to win the room. They are trying to lead it well.

🎧 Episode 13 of the Us.Lonely.Folk Podcast

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We are constantly encouraged to improve.

Optimise the morning. Track the habits. Refine the routine. Make the body, calendar, work and life more efficient.

There is nothing wrong with improvement. The problem begins when optimisation becomes the lens through which we judge whether a life is worth living.

At that point, it can become avoidance: a way of endlessly preparing, refining and controlling instead of making the difficult decision, doing the vulnerable thing or being properly present in the life you already have.

This audio essay explores the line between discipline and self-erasure—and asks what happens when we optimise the life out of our lives.

🎧 Audio Essay 01 from Us.Lonely.Folk

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Stay connected
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For coaching or organisational partnerships:
[email protected]

#Leadership #Communication #PersonalDevelopment

What happens when a leader keeps making bad decisions?

In this episode of The Lone Leader: It's On Us, we begin with a few thoughts on the latest sports and entertainment headlines before diving into one of history's greatest stories: The Odyssey.

Rather than looking at Odysseus as a hero, we examine him as a leader.

How do repeated decisions—driven by pride, impulse, or poor judgment—slowly erode the trust of the people following you? And what happens when a leader continues to violate principles that were never meant to be ignored?

Through the lens of Zeus' laws, leadership, accountability, and consequence, this episode explores how trust is rarely lost in a single moment. It's lost one decision at a time.

Because leadership isn't only measured by where you end up.

It's also measured by how many people still trust you enough to follow you there.

—

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🎙️ New episode of The Lone Leader: It's On Us is now live on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

This week, we explore a question that's been sitting with me for a while:

What are you running from?

Sometimes we spend so much time waiting to feel ready that we never accept the responsibility already in front of us.

Through the stories of Moses, Beyers Naudé, and a personal experience from my own life, this episode explores how leadership often begins long before titles, promotions, or recognition.

It begins the moment we stop running from what life is asking us to carry.

Because maybe confidence doesn't come before responsibility.

Maybe responsibility is what develops confidence.

🎧 Available now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7CrK1DYCXBSXYsNPUv8Wis?si=oNJyA3-5QniH1Q3f6IfSJQ

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/uslonelyfolk/id1896686749

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#TheLoneLeader #Leadership #Responsibility #Communication #Growth #PersonalDevelopment

Episode 9 – Leadership Is Not Only About Winning

Description:

Winning is exciting. It's measurable. People celebrate it.

But leadership has always been about something deeper.

In this episode, we explore why the greatest leaders aren't remembered simply because they won—they're remembered because of who they became, how they treated people, and what they left behind. Sometimes leadership means making unpopular decisions, taking losses for the sake of your principles, and choosing long-term character over short-term success.

If your definition of leadership begins and ends with results, you may be building a legacy that's far more fragile than you realise.

Resources & Frameworks

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The Lone Leader is a podcast about leadership, communication, culture, and the difficult decisions that shape us. Because leadership is often lonely... but it's on us to become the leaders we needed.

Why are so many men struggling?

Not from a victim perspective.
Not from a political perspective.
Not from a blame perspective.

From a leadership perspective.

In this episode of The Lone Leader: It's On Us, we explore six areas shaping men's mental health today: friendship, purpose, depression, physical health, vulnerability, and meaningful connection.

Drawing on research from the World Health Organization, the South African Federation for Mental Health, SADAG, and other leading sources, this conversation looks beyond headlines and asks a difficult question:

What responsibility do we have for our own wellbeing?

Because while we can't control everything happening around us, we can take responsibility for what is happening within us.

And sometimes the first act of leadership is deciding you're not going to fight alone.

—

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Everybody wants greatness. The championships. The promotions. The recognition. The results.

But when you study people like Kobe Bryant, a different picture begins to emerge. Greatness seems less about extraordinary moments and more about ordinary disciplines repeated consistently over time.

In this episode of The Lone Leader: It's On Us, we explore the patterns behind the Mamba Mentality: repetition, discipline, saying no to distractions, choosing a direction, and learning to love the craft itself, not just the destination.

Because the people we admire most weren't simply born different. They showed up again and again, long after the excitement disappeared.

This conversation isn't about becoming obsessed or living like a machine. It's about asking an important question:

What is your version of the Mamba Mentality?

What are you willing to pursue consistently, even when nobody is watching? Where have you started coasting? And who are you becoming through the process of pursuing excellence?

Because maybe the greatest reward isn't the achievement itself.

Maybe the real win is who you become along the way.

—

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Can someone be legally right... and still be morally wrong?

In this episode of The Lone Leader: It's On Us, we explore the complicated legacy of Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird and Go Set a Watchman, unpacking the tension between law, morality, justice, and the systems we inherit.

Many of us grew up seeing Atticus Finch as the gold standard of moral leadership. But what happens when we encounter a version of our heroes that challenges the image we've built of them? What does that teach us about leadership, conscience, and our own blind spots?

This episode explores how thoughtful, respected, and intelligent people can still become morally limited by the environments around them, and why leadership requires the humility to continually examine the systems we participate in.

Because sometimes the most dangerous thing isn't obvious evil.

Sometimes it's becoming too comfortable inside a system we've stopped questioning.

—

Explore more leadership & communication resources:

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