(1994 - 2024) Curtis L, the local cream cheese mogul and chive aficionado who ran the Creamy Company for years, passed away last night in a pool of his own making in front of dozens of students and undead creatures. Known for absolutely bulldozing a block of houses downtown then rebuilding them brick by brick to look exactly the same, L. will be remembered as that guy who triked daily down the street carrying massive amounts of cream cheese and chives (which are not a type of Mexican beer). His generosity with opening up his cream cheese factory to family tours and field trips will forever endear him to our community, despite him not being a numbers guy. L's  funeral will be held on Tuesday in a monastery in France where the Cistercian monks first fermented cream cheese using the blood of their coworker Pierre…or something like that (new episode THURSDAY !).