We’re breaking protocol in this episode of Wandering Monster! No dice rolling, no random pages. We just show up with animals, how they’re awful in the monster manual and how we’d improve upon them. We got every animal in the zoo. We got crabs, we got cows, we got lions, we got gorillas, we got ostriches. That’s it, that’s every animal. You’re welcome.

On episode 34 of the Wandering Monster Podcast, we talk about Night Hags, and some other miscellaneous hag things! We go into their abilities, stat blocks, and how you might implement them in gameplay. We go a little bit into covens and hag items, but not much! We then find ourselves in Volo’s Guide to Monsters, looking at Catoblepas, the weird camel monstrosity that corrupts swamps and hits for 64 necrotic damage! Tristan has a wacky cult monster that can moonwalk through time, and Dylan has an enemy that progressively gets weaker as you beat it up over several encounters - except that it’s going backwards in time, so from your perspective it’s getting stronger.

The low level typical stone turning monster, the cockatrice shows up on this episode! We talk about interesting uses for them, they're difficulty in combat, and all that other good stuff. Salamanders are in Volo's guide to monsters, and they're basically non humanoid lizards with weapons and chicken mounts. And a strict militant theocracy. Dylan has a possessing smell monster, and Tristan has literal invisible bugbears!

Episode 32! Who’s our first monster? It’s Old Man Jenkins! Just kidding, it’s a spooky ghost, who have nasty powers to possess and shave 25 years on average off your lifespan if you have poor wisdom saves! Then we talk about Quicklings, the CR 1 monster that could solo a second level party, so just like the Flash, it needs to not try very hard in order to be balanced. Tristan brings a psychic snake monster that dons a trench coat, and Dylan has the perfect rogue.

In this episode, we talk about Marid, the chaotic neutral fish genie that has a huge amount of powerful magic, and tricky escapes. We talk about all of the genies a bit, including wishes, and how they’re way, way, too into slaves. Then we switch to the Cave Fisher in Volos’ Guide to Monsters, the unassuming underdark monster that gives you a lot of useful parts after defeating it, such as alcoholic blood, thin and strong strands, and tough bug chitin. Tristan shares Weasel Snake lawful good spell dispenser, and Dylan shares his good aligned treasure protectors and seekers, 2 .lawful or good agents seeking to thwart the other.

Episode 30 means we bring back our buddy Justin! We talk about the loathsome Troglodytes and the funky and flexible Sea Spawn. Troglodytes make great random monsters at early levels, and Sea Spawn are a monster that you can throw into a weird ocean campaign that you can adapt in a dozen ways. Turtle shells? Shark heads? Poison stingers? We then talk about mounts we brought! Justin has a hippo that randomly shrinks or grows, taking its rider along with it. Dylan has a tree frog that can spice up positioning on the battlefield. Tristan has a very weak half buzzard half jackel that you can put orcs or skeletons on!

In this historic episode 29, we open up Volo's Guide to Monsters and start pulling monsters from there as well! Our first monster is the Hippogryph, and we also review Griffons while we're at it. Second we get the Shoosuva, a demon to use with gnolls, and we throw in the Maw Demon while we're there too. Tristan has a snake with a head on both ends that controls the battlefield, and Dylan has an elusive courier that the party needs to capture.

We talk a little bit about the wizard familiar creature the humonculus, a cute little gargoyle made out of ash and clay. Then we spend way too much time talking about Gith, the strange alien race that lives in the Astral sea and acts as either space pirates or psychic monks. Dylan as a floating humongous jellyfish that acts as an obstacle to over come, and Tristan has barracudas and other fish that can swim in moon light.

We talk about the very scary, but very slow flesh jelly monster, the Gibbering Mouther! This guy is pretty easy to kite and kill, but the permanent death it threatens and it's nasty bite makes it very deadly when things go wrong. Blights are up next, the plant monsters that come from vampire trees! There are a few types, and they're actually pretty good to use! Tristan has a type of warrior that keeps coming back like a Lich, and Dylan has elementals in swords and a crazy music box fae spirit.

It turns out Water Weirds are really cool creatures with a ton of interesting applications and they have basically zero lore in the book! We go over some of the cool ways to use them, and some interesting twists. We then go on to Stirges, the bat mosquito that has 2 hitpoints but hits like a truck. We're not a fan, as we basically view these as hit point taxes on the party. Dylan has a bug race that structures it's hierarchy based on the number or arms a bug has, and Tristan has an Owl that reanimates a bunch of woodland critters as zombies.